Undergraduate / I barely knew Alejandro; Common App, Significant event [4]

Any specific feedback (whether material or grammar-wise) would be really helpful! Thanks everyone

My eyes were immediately drawn to him as soon as I entered the classroom. His loosely fitted t-shirt with strange and incomprehensible graphics draped over him. His hair was strewn partially across his dark face, creating a completely mysterious persona. His thick, Hispanic accent cut through the commotion as he bragged to the other boys about his brand new Pokemon cards. I watched him carefully while I introduced myself to the class as the teacher's assistant, "You can call me Miss Maddie". All of the other curious eyes looked up at me and cheered for me while I added the most important fact to my introduction, my favorite color-purple, of course! As I looked at him, his cool attitude was plainly reflected in his stiff posture, as he stared blankly towards the wall behind me. I sighed and mentally noted him as one of the trouble makers that I would watch out for in the coming two months.

Through the first few weeks at the English Second Language camp, my fellow teacher's assistants worked with him much more frequently than I did. Our lesser degree of interaction only increased my distaste for him, simply because all I understood of him was his enigmatic appearance.

One day during reading time, he asked if he could read me a book about spiders. Sitting with him, it was my first time truly speaking with him, and I felt awkward and reluctant. As we read together, I noticed his struggles with the phonetics of some words, and the furrow in his eyebrows, and the unbelievable concentration he held. It was enough for me to realize that he needed more encouragement, and I gave him a gentle smile.

Soon after, he showed me his passion for airplanes and spiders. I even discovered his courtesy as he patiently held the door for me before rushing off to recess time. He became one of the most improved speakers of my class; his ability skyrocketed as he read the most advanced books to me during story time. He had a potential that I had completely disregarded before.

As I look back on the first few days when I barely knew Alejandro, I recognize the judgment that I held against him. I had seen him only through his exterior shell, and had completely neglected the wondrous boy within him. As a Chinese girl who stood as a minority in my suburban, white community, I should have immediately understood the difficulty of being compared to those around me. Instead, I had abandoned my own values of acceptance and had naively fallen prey to superficial judgments. While I had expected to spend my summer aiding my students in an immersion of American culture and language, I had become enriched by a lesson I had never expected and one I'll never forget. Alejandro showed me an amazing perspective: simple judgment towards an individual is unreliable; the only way to understand others is through true communication and connection. As my job came to an end that summer, I left the classroom remembering a motivated, intelligent and happy boy.

Undergraduate / Impeccable academics, breath taking view; Northwestern Sup- Why Northwestern? [3]

Hi Guys!

Any input (whether material or grammar wise) is really appreciated, it's due very very soon. Thanks everyone!!

What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

NORTHWESTERN STATEMENT

Northwestern strikes my attention as a school of impeccable academics, with a breath taking campus right on the shoreline of Lake Michigan, and a campus culture of infinite activities that would keep me well engaged throughout my undergraduate career. Northwestern University offers countless activities that grasp my attention. I would be thrilled to join Northwestern's chapter of Autism Speaks, an organization that I have volunteered for with my close friend for countless years. I know that attending NU will give me the opportunity to work with peers that are just as dedicated as I am to helping our society. The opportunities are endless for me to be an operative citizen to my community.

After browsing through the immense amount of research opportunities available to undergraduate Northwestern students, I know that NU will offer me so many ways to discover what I'm passionate about. It is advantageous for me to attend a school where exploration and pursuit for knowledge is encouraged and nurtured. I value research while I continue my journey of self-exploration towards discovering my major and passion.

Because I am entering college with an undeclared major, I know that the Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences can prepare me thoroughly through a liberal arts curriculum. I am excited to focus on a variety of topics, and to learn about the world through so many perspectives. I hope to take advantage of the intricate guide and care of the Weinberg College, to discover what I am capable of, and how I can shape my qualities to fulfill my potential. Maybe, somewhere along my journey at the Weinberg College, I will even discover an interest that I've never had the chance to be exposed to before. I know that at Northwestern, my resources will definitely give me the opportunity to find out more about myself.

Experiences like this, along with the valuable education from one of the top colleges in the United States, are what I look forward to in completing a journey that will ignite my passion, and my future.

Undergraduate / Saving lives of people; Johns Hopkins Supplement/ Why choose? [2]

Thanks for all the help! Anything is appreciated

1. Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)

I have decided to enter Johns Hopkins with an undeclared major.
Beginning at a young age, my mind has been set on saving the world as a doctor. Every time my mother brought me to work at the Boston Children's Hospital, I would be in awe of the dynamic, fast-paced and magical world before my eyes. I wanted to be a magician of saving lives by providing the world with vital medical aide.

However, in my senior year of high school, I have been taking a variety of courses in all different fields. Psychology intrigues me; I would love to learn more about how and why we do the things we do. The class allows me to reflect on society and more regarding the power of the brain. I have rediscovered my love for math (which was lost somewhere in the quest of learning Algebra 2). Its logic makes everything so clear to me; the connections that can be made with a multitude of concepts fascinate me.

Because I have been so interested in such a variety of subjects, there must be realms that I have not had the opportunity to learn of yet. I hope that a liberal arts education at Johns Hopkins will lead me to the discovery of an unseen passion so that I will be an operative citizen of our society. By choosing one major, I would be doing myself an injustice by ignoring the undiscovered sides to myself.

Undergraduate / The child within me; Johns Hopkins Supp/ Tell us something about you [3]

2. Tell us something about yourself or your interests that we wouldn't learn by looking at the rest of your application materials. (While you should still pay attention to sentence structure and grammar, your response is meant as a way for us to get to know you, rather than a formal essay.)

I look up from my maniacal writing sample for English class - How is it already 11pm? I instantly tense up when I begin to think that I still have three more homework assignments to get through. I take a few minutes off, and head straight to my drawer, and unscrew the bright pink bottle. I dip the wand, and blow out the bubbles and delightfully watch them float across my room. Yes, I blow bubbles to de-stress myself. While it may seem random, even strange, to mostly everyone, it reminds me of my childhood. It represents a carefree time, when simple things were the most amazing things. It's also useful indicator of the child that's still left inside me. I am most definitely not finished growing; there is still so much of the world that I have not experienced. The child within me allows me to remain open minded and ready to explore as I venture into the college world.

Thanks for any advice!!

Undergraduate / Smiles and laughter; Boston College/ How I Will Bring Service to Others in my Future [3]

I would love any advice to strengthen my essay!! Please and thank you

1. St. Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Society of Jesus, encouraged his followers to live their lives in the service of others. How do you plan to serve others in your future endeavors?

Smiles and laughter. A sure sign that one's heart has been completely warmed. That person is content, even ecstatic. Whether it is a silly joke, a kind act or a triumphant victory, this feeling of happiness is irreplaceable. Through my high school activities, from playing cello for senior citizens in their assisted living homes, to making lunches for hospital patients at my local hospital, painting murals for the famer's market and teaching English-second language children over the summer, I know that I will most definitely continue to do anything in my future for the special feelings that others receive.

I want to expand my desire to make a difference in the lives of others. I hope to bring the determination to my college environment and represent the voice of my peers in the student government. To me, being a part of a community means respecting it as a dedicated member. The improvement in the lives of my peers is important to me because I want to ensure that we have the necessary tools and notions towards being operative citizens of the future. This way, we can build a community of constant growth and care.

Outside of the world with my peers, I would like to bring my efforts into the medical field. If I were to become physician, I would value the opportunity to bring direct care to my patients. These efforts are valuable to me because to me, it is remarkable what a difference one person's actions can be on the lives of others. I want to be a promoter in bringing comfort and happiness to other's lives with the benefits of modern technology. I hope to bring forth good spirits and kindhearted advice to those that I care for.

What I value is reaching my fullest potential in making a mark on the betterment of society. I want to be the catalyst. I want more smiles and laughter.

Undergraduate / Strong engineering program ; Carnegie Mellon Strong engineering program [3]

Why have you chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular school/major/field?
Thanks everyone!

When I look towards my future, I see a strong passion for pursuing a major in engineering. Throughout high school, I've always been passionate about math and the physical sciences. The ability to combine two fascinating, yet complex (to me) subjects drew my attention to studying engineering. I want to provide society with any necessities or wants it sees fit as we progress through the 21st century. I want to be the innovator.

The Carnegie Institute of Technology caught my attention as I looked through schools. Carnegie Mellon's strong engineering program is reinforced with a plethora of undergraduate research opportunities, something that I have rarely found in undergraduate colleges. The experience gained through this type of opportunity would give light to a real-world experience. It is especially important to me, as I am still researching the many spheres of engineering in attempting to understand how I want to shape my career. The Meeting of the Minds research symposium is an event I would relish upon. The chance to recognize the findings of my fellow classmates, and maybe even the opportunity to present a project of my own would be an experience I could not find anywhere else. The fact that the university is motivated to foster every idea that blooms gives me the desire and excitement to be part of such a community. The dedication placed on mentoring students through all the insights that come together to become an effective engineer is so valuable to me. I know that at the Carnegie Institute of Technology, my abilities, comprehension, and proficiency in the language of engineering will only prosper.

In the far future, an ambition I've had for a long time is becoming a physician. I want the opportunity to work directly in providing care to others, and providing them with the necessary care to live out and maintain healthy lives. I hope that I will be able to use the resources provided by majoring in engineering to have a well-rounded outlook on the medical world. The multitude of realms that Carnegie engineers become masters in, including human and social aspects, will prepare me as a member of the medical world.

While I have no future plans to major or minor in the arts, CMU's distinguished reputation for education in the arts is remarkable. My musical background over the past nine years and my growing passion for the cello increase my interest in CMU. I know that at CMU, I will have promising years to come where I will be able to continue and grow my skills. I will definitely use the unique environment of CMU to take music classes and explore my artistic side.

I hope to become a member of such a vibrant community that is at Carnegie Mellon. I know that my skills and interests will only grow; especially when I am in an environment with those who are just as curious about the world we live in as I am.

Undergraduate / Family convinced me my limits; Tufts Sup, How did your environment influence you [5]

THANKS!

There is a Quaker saying: ''Let your life speak.'' Describe the environment in which you were raised-your family, home, neighborhood, or community-and how it influenced the person you are today. (200-250 words)

I was begging my dad, "Can I please, please, please with a cherry on top get the new Spongebob DVD?" After desperately asking for a solid ten minutes, I was given a challenge. "If you can ask a salesperson where to find it, we'll get it". I pleaded for my dad to do ask for me, but my dad was persistent; if I really wanted to get that DVD, I needed to ask for assistance. At this point, I was a tiny and shy seven years old, and asking an adult I'd never met before for help felt somewhat like the end of the world. I finally gave in to my dad, reluctantly, and went to complete the daunting task. Contrary to what I had believed, my world did not turn upside down, I was still alive and well. Even though it was such a terrifying task in the moment, I now hold confidence and look forward to speaking with those I have just met, as well as in public.

I am thankful for a family that has pushed my limits; they've given me encouragement whenever I felt fear or resentment towards doing. They've showed me that I can be independent, and that I can challenge myself to discovering my abilities.