Undergraduate / Career in medicine; Duke Pratt School of Engineering Sup [3]

Please critique this essay. Thank You

As a little girl, I promised myself that I would not take the same route that my father had. When I grew up, I would become an astronaut, a lawyer, or a teacher - just not an engineer. As time passed, I became intrigued with the idea of pursuing a career in medicine. Admiring my mother's care and patience as a therapist, I grew fond of the hospital experiences she shared with me. Even though I was set on going to medical school, I did not know how I would get there. Majoring in biology sounded enticing, but the subject just didn't provide enough excitement.

Then, one day, my physics teacher urged me to consider a program that encourages women to pursue a career in orthopedic surgery and biomedical engineering. I signed up for the Perry Outreach Program and was fortunate to be selected from a large pool of applicants. The day I arrived at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania, I began my work in a laboratory. For my first task, I was given only a frame, some pins, and a broken tibia with which I was to construct an external fixator that would hold the fractured tibia and reduce movement. Initially, I was less than inspired by the task merely because it focused mainly on engineering. However, as I progressed, my eyes were opened: biomedical engineering did not simply involve interactions with machines and robots, it required interactions with the human body. I was instantly engrossed in the work, taken by the mixture of problem-solving and medical sciences.

My experiences in the program stuck with me, prompting my further pursuit of the subject. As I searched for the ideal college that could enlighten me on this topic of interest, I came across the Pratt School of Engineering. When I made the trip down South, I uncovered convincing details about Durham, North Carolina, and Duke itself. Situated in the research triangle, Duke is capable of providing me with innumerable research opportunities, as well as, internships. Along with the various opportunities, the advanced technology at Duke University, such as the Duke immersive Virtual Environment, provides a more intellectually stimulating environment.

Now, instead of seeing my father's work as bland and ordinary, I am thankful for his influence, especially through the honing of my analytical skills. I hope to sharpen my abilities at the Pratt School of Engineering and ultimately apply them in the medical field.

Undergraduate / Zeal for biology ; NYU Supplement; Academic interests? [3]

I stumble out of my Latin course and run towards my next period class. Strategically thinking of the fastest route, I shove against students as I make myself way through the overflowing halls. The walls start to close in on me as my heart pounds uncontrollably. I reach for the door knob and enter room H-4. This is all a mistake! The room is empty- no desks, no students, no teacher. Only the chalkboard remains in the front with an intricate illustration of a eukaryote cell displayed on it. I turn back around slowly opening the door. My friend pops up behind me and insists we go to lunch so we can claim the "good" seats. Baffled, I ask her if we had Biology 2AP already. She nods her head steadily and adds that we had lab as well.

My head whips up as sweat pours onto my pillow. Normal people would have cheerful dreams about skipping biology, but of course I would nightmares. Questions whiz through my head, as I try to ponder about my passion for biology. Normally when I struggle with a course, I lose interest. But biology is different. The more I struggle, the more I am motivated to improve. If I can't grasp the context in a chapter, I make sure to read it twice and ask questions in class. I realize that I have a zeal for biology that I have never had for any other subjects. I position my head softly back onto the pillow, assured that I know where my future's path.

Undergraduate / A lighthouse faintly visible in the distance: NYU Supp! What intrigues you ? [3]

Please tell me if this relates to the topic. I don't know if I successfully hint at Acadia's significance to me. Thank You

When I imagine my favorite place, I don't think of the busy streets of my town that I am so used to. Instead, I picture the well-known image that can be found on a Maine postcard: not of a savory red lobster, but of a lighthouse faintly visible in the distance located high on top of the solid rocks that are smashed relentlessly by the frigid Atlantic Ocean waves. Here, on top of these rigid cliffs, I am a ruler looking down at the chaos that I cannot pacify. I turn around, my back facing the ocean. I gaze up at the mountains, my ears still attentive to the crashing waves. The range continues on to an extent, which I cannot see. Here, I know I do not have to encounter the various smells, sounds, and sights of the city. I can just relax and enjoy the superlative scenery at Acadia National Park.

I have always been intrigued by nature. Its forces capable of destroying anything, yet its beauty capable of enlivening anybody. Having explored many National Parks all throughout the West, it was a change to visit a park on the East Coast. Like all other parks, Acadia National Park is a place where I can release all my emotions into nature. Filled with mountains on one side and covered by the Atlantic Ocean on the other, this is a place where I can find serenity. On a trail up to the peak, I sit on a rock alone dazing of into my thought. While I take in the soothing sounds, I can be free.

Undergraduate / I wanted them to be moved; UPenn Supp- Ben Franklin! [4]

Prompt :Ben Franklin once said, 'All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move.'
Which are you?

After scraping my first idea, I wrote an essay that emphasized my extracurricular activity and leadership role.

I hear the well-known yell from the other side of the courts, as I feel the last sip of Gatorade slide down my dry throat. "Hustle back onto the court ladies." I force myself up, hauling my weary legs. The summer sun has soaked up all my energy and I continue to pant as my coach orders me to stand in the alley. A line of anxious tennis girls forms behind me as we await our next strenuous exercise.

Suicides... tennis style. We all release a heavy groan simultaneously before our coach lays down the rules; each girl sprints to the net, shuffles along the net to the other alley, and back-paddles to the baseline. I can imagine the starting gunfire, when the beep of the watch signals my start. I propel my legs and pump my arms, ignoring the ache in my legs. "Move, come on, faster!" I lunge for the net transitioning to a sideway shuffle. "Bend your knees, bend you knees!" I'm shuffling but at this point I'm almost immovable. "Lift your feet, move!" My feet drag across as I back-paddle to the finish. Another girl dashes off toward the net, as I claw my fingers into the fence to hold myself up.

After all the girls complete the drill and my breathing slows down, coach calls us into a circle to briskly brush over our upcoming practices and matches. When she gives me the floor, I spit out a few ideas for our team-bonding events and remind the girls to attend Captain's Practice the following night. The girls become antsy when they see their parents' cars roll into view, so I lead the team with our tennis cheer to close out practice.

The next night, I am eager to run Captain's Practice. Pleased with the attendance, I see the determination that was once locked away in these girls. As a Captain, I aimed to satisfy their hunger for tennis and ultimately help them improve. I planned to inspire the immovable through my experience and make them move. I certainly did not want them to be discouraged by tennis as I once was and I did not want them to give up as a result of failure.

Understanding the discomfort that I once felt as a beginner, I start by instructing a basic swing and follow through. With simple repetition of strokes, I witness the girls gradually improving. I encourage them to keep practicing, even if that means smashing tennis balls against their garage doors.

Though it took me sometime to realize the potential that I had in tennis, I always had a coach who pushed me to do better. She made me move... literally. After realizing my potential, I wanted to improve even more and compete. More importantly, I wanted the discouraged players to look optimistically at there mistakes, and think they can only get better. I wanted them to be moved.

Please tell me whether this idea works with the question and if I answer it clearly. Also please help me out with the ending. I understand it makes no sense.

I will also help you with yours. Thanks

Undergraduate / It is the fountain I envision myself studying ; Columbia Supp/ Why? [3]

In my deluded haze, cars zoom past my buff brown eyes. Looking left, I notice that my moms face is a mirror of my own. An immense foreign territory unfolds before our chasing eyes. Somewhere near, my dad is off scanning for the library, intent on beating us. A swift passerby informs us that we are not far from our destination, but in the city, one wrong turn can make all the difference. The chase is exhilarating. Step after step my feet glide over the ragged stones, fumbling for the right path. Two footfalls later and my ears discern a rushing noise. Is that it? Sure enough, a few more paces and the fountains enclosed by glistening green grass that is habitually seen throughout photos of Columbia University is unveiled. Upon further inspection my dad can be seen gathered there talking to a tour guide, and knowing him, he's inquiring about the schools prestigious biomedical engineering program.

Rather than a singular idea that spurs my heart to flock to Columbia University, it consists of several little details. It is the fountain that I envision myself under, studying for my finals. It is the core program that allows me to study a wide range of subjects outside of my major; Latin, English and psychology all in collaboration. It is not only the opportunity to research in labs like the Synthetic Biology Laboratory, but to acquire fundamental knowledge through my studies there. These aspects together form the sole place in which I desire to pursue my future.

Is the idea there. Should I be more specific and explain?

Thank you

Undergraduate / Purple/environmental club/Professor Vadim Backman ; Unique qualities of Northwestern [3]

What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

Purple has always been prominent throughout my life. Flags, banners, and faces of those around me immersed in the color. Being a student at Cherry Hill High School West is more than being one in a crowd of many. It's being a lion, and partaking in activities like environmental club, and community service to show my pride. In our culture, amongst peers we call it Lion's Pride. When it came time to sit down and discuss my future with a guidance counselor, I told him that I desired a place like here. I detailed my experiences, and talked about what I wished to enjoy, in both activities and scenery. I wanted a place to relax, where on late nights I could walk a few steps and look upon a pond, a lake, or some body of water to appease me. Subsequent to hearing my requisition, the counselor recommended Northwestern. I was intrigued by the scenic picturesque campus that his words painted, and enthralled by programs that he spelled out.

Situated alongside Lake Michigan, the McCormick School of Engineering delights all things in me. However, the work of Professor Vadim Backman in engineering and medicine stays particularly close to my heart.

When informed that my closest friend had a family history plagued with cancer and heart diseases, I had been concerned about her future. I was always frightened that she would live in fear. Already scared several times by inaccurate screenings, she was convinced that the technology for detection of cancer was lagging behind. However, I this was untrue. Backman and his team currently are trying to develop screening tools that are more effective in detecting major types of cancer. Through computer analysis, Backman so far he has researched pancreatic and colon cancer cells, hoping to create a simple way to detect them. With more research in this area of study, a large population of the world and especially my friend can be troubled less, knowing that with easy detection there is early detection.

It can be said that multiple unique aspects draw me to the McCormick School of Engineering. Northwestern offers a sense of belonging to me through its the ubiquitous spirit, but also provides me with the power to partake in something that I wish to change; my friends future.