Writing Feedback / 'minimum obligations' [TOEFL] Who enjoyed/enjoy life better? Older or Young? [6]

With a rapid advancement in technology and medical science, a growing number of people nowadays are seeking for ways to pursue better quality lifestyle. In relation to this phenomenon, the question has been arisen whether older people enjoy their life more than young people. In my opinion, I fervently believe that young people are more capable of enjoying their life than elders mainly due to their better physical condition and less responsilities to take.

First of all, most people are generally in their best shape when they are young. It is obvious that unlike young people, senior citizens have comparably weak physical condition that hinders them from enjoying activities that require one with healthy body. For example, my grandfater used to hike up the mountain in his adolescence, but now he is unable to do so as he had been experiencing with failure in his health. As this example illustrate, young people are more likely to enjoy their life than elders by taking advantage of their good physical health.

Furthemore, teenagers have less obligations to be taken into their consideration that often hamper one from enjoying his/her life. As people grow older, they start taking more responsibilities in their life such as supporting not only themselve but their family financially. In this sense, they have lack of time to spend for themselves after taking care of all the duties that are essential. Take my mother for example, she is a full time worker working for fourty hours a week. So she normally comes back home at about five o'clock. However, she still have to keep herself busy cooking meals and helping my homeworks even after hectic hours she spent at her workplace. Like this, young people can spend more time for themselves by taking less responsibilities.

In conclusion, although some might aruge that older people enjoy their life more than young people, it seems to me that there are more opportunities for young people to enjoy their life in relation to their optimal physical condition and minimum obligations.

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Please give advice on my essay.
I've only got a month to prepare this test, and i really need high score in order to apply for university of my favor.

My main problem is that I don't know when exactly to use the article such as "a/an the". Even though i know basic rule of grammar, i find it diffcult to use them in correct ways because of their diverse usage.

Also, you might have noticed that most of my sentences start with something like "there are, she/he can, it is etc...". It is one of my weaknesses that I have shortcoming in using diverse grammar structures.

Lastly, i can't think of any ideas to write for my conclusion. Do you just restate what you have mentioned thoroughout your essay in your conclusion? Anyway there are too many things that I have to work on, and I need your advice to improve my essay.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] The number of cars will increase in the future [6]

Cars have been perceived as one of the greatest human inventions for its convinence and far traveling distances. In relation to this phenomenon, the question has been arisen as to whether the number of cars will increase in the future or not. In my opinion, I agree that there will be more cars in the future in consequence of increase in population and the emergence of fuel and cost efficent cars.

To begin with, growing world population can cause high demands for cars. With advancements in human technology and medical science, world population has been rapidly growing in connection with increase in average human life span. Since the relationship between number of cars and human population are correlated, increase in the number of cars are unavoidable. One study has found that the number of cars in U.S. has almost tripled after the World War 2, time when increase in population started in America. Judging from this trend, it is safe to conclude that more people will purchase or drive their own vehicles in the future.

Furthemore, more and more people will be able to purchase cars that are both cost and fuel efficent. It is general knowledge that cars are run by patrol. However, since there are only limited amount of patrol remaining on the earth, scientists and engineers are now trying to come up with alternative cars that can be driven by renewable energies such as electronically chargable. For example, the current U.S. president, Barack Obama, has recently proposed an idea of replacing high polluting automobiles with new fuel and cost efficent automobiles in the country. If this proposal brings to effect, it is expected that increasing number of people would be willing to purchase cars for its benefits both financially and environmentally.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that there will be more car consumption in the future because trend of increasing population and for further development in cars.

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Please someone give advice on my grammar:)
Also, do you say increase in "a number of cars" or "the number of cars"?
and is it "an increase in~" or just "increase in~"
This article "a/an, the" is driving me crazy lol!!

I'm sorta stuck in a(the?) second paragraph.
For example, if you say "fuel efficent cars", does that also imply to you that
it would be cost efficent as well since they are renewable energies(?) or whatever.

And for those who give advice, you guys are my true mentors and heroes.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Serious movies or entertaining movies? Which is better? [9]

Topic:It is better to watch serious movies that are designed to make you think than to watch movies that are primarily designed to amuse or entertain

Going to the movies has been one of people's favorite pastime activities. In relation to this phenomenon, the question has been arisen as to whether it is better to watch serious movies that are designed to make you think than to watch movies that are primarily designed to amuse or entertain. In my opinion, I believe that watching enjoyable movies are more preferable choice for its ability to relieve one's stress and put people closer.

First of all, people can alleviate the level of stress they get from their daily lives by watching fun movies. In today's fast-paced society, more and more people get stressed out and fed up with high workloads as well as growing responsibilities to take. Entertaining movies such as comedies can act as remedy for those under pressure amid hectic lifestyle. For example, one study has found that there is tendency of people watching more comedy movies when the economies are bad which implies that people prefer watching comedies in order to deal with hardships. Thus, watching fun movies is a great way for one to restore joy to his/her life.

Secondly, comedy movies play a crucial role in keeping a tight relationship between people. Unlike those serious movies based on political and social issues, movies such as comedy mostly come up with more ordinary stories that people can have in common with. For this reason, when friends or couples go to movies, they select comedy movies with a view to have chemistry with each other. For instance, when I first had a date with my girlfriend Su-ji, we went to the cinema to watch a movie. At the time, we watched the movie called "Yesman" which was classified as comedy but also romantic movie. After watching the movie, our relationship became tighten because we got to know more about each other. In this sense, people can have build a close relationship with others by watching comedies.

In conclusion, although some people may find serious movies to be their favorite, I strongly believe that movies that are entertaining and amusing are the best for its capability to relieve one from his/her stressful situation and make people become closer with one another.

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I don't think i'm on right track with my second reasoning.
Can someone please give more plausible idea for this topic?
And also please someone help me with my grammar, i'm always in trouble with grammar.:)

Writing Feedback / Is Obama's stimulus package working? [15]

After Barack Obama was elected as U.S. president, he propsed $787 bilion stimulus package to encourage people for more spending which in turn, create more jobs and rescue America from the current economy crisis.

Unlike his high hope, unemployment rate is now skyrocketing which marked 9.6 percent in June from 9.4 percent in May. That would mark a 26 year high. This is also much higher than initial projection of Obama administration of 8 percent unemployment rate followed by stimulus package.

This rising rate comes as a result of recession-weary companies continue to cut workers. This is linked to shutdown at General Motors Corp and fallout from the troubled auto industry. Many believe that it could rise as high as 10.7 percent by the second quarter of next year before it starts to make a slow descent.

In addtion to this high unemployment rate, the country's deficit is the highest ever in history even more than the time during Bush administration.

Obama is repeatedly saying that this stimulus pacakage will eventually creat more jobs and employ more workers in those construction industry. But when he said "creating more jobs", does that accounts for people who also lost their jobs in the same timeframe. Let's say 1000 jobs have been created followed by stimulus package, but within that time, 2000 people lost their jobs. In that case, do you see that as more jobs created?

Even if he did create jobs by employing more construction workers needed for building new infrastructure in important industiral regions, aren't they just temporary workers who will soon be dismissed once their jobs are done?

Those are just my opinions based on news articles I read on daily basis.I enjoy reading newspapers and I try to keep track of every political and economic issues around the globe, especially U.S. since their decisions have huge impacts on other nations. I want to hear what you guys think on this issue and give me some feedback on my writing as well:)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Big company vs Small company [6]

Topic: It is better to work in a large company or a small company

Finding a right job is one of the most important decisions that people face in their lives because their jobs can determine their financial status, lifestyle and socialization with others. In relation to this phenomenon, the question has been arisen as to whether it is better to work in a large company or a small company. In my opinion, I strongly believe that working in a big company is beneficial for one because of its stability and skills that workers can learn from.

First of all, people can be secured with their jobs by working in a large cooperation. This is because most of the big companies are established with strong foundation that makes them less volatile than those of small companies when the nation's economy is gloomy. Not only that but, big companies may have gone through more experiences and know how to handle difficult situations more efficiently and coherently than small companies. For example, my brother, Charlie is computer designer who has been working in Apple for the last five years. However, he initially applied for a job in a small computer software company which he later changed his mind in consideration of job stability. In fact, that small software company he first applied for had gone into bankruptcy last year when global economy crisis occurred followed by U.S. mortgage crisis. This example illustrates that a big company can offer you a stable job.

Secondly, a large cooperation gives one the opportunities to pursue important business skills. It is common knowledge that most big companies have a variety of unique and progressive business techniques that enable them to outstand among others. Thus, people can be taught of those techniques by working in a big company. For instance, one of my best friends, James used to work at Mcdonald as a human resource manager. When he deiced to switch his job, his work experience in Mcdonald played a crucial role in writing his resume that he soon got hired by the company that he applied for. Like this, the person can benefit from a big company with their long practiced business techniques and knowledge.

In conclusion, although some people may prefer working in a small company for its family-like work environment and a faster promotion, I believe that working in a big company is a better choice not only because it provides job security, but also helps in expanding one's career.

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Thanks for people who give advice in advance.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Observing or studying animals teaches us a lot about human nature [4]

Where do human originally come from? How do we breathe and what make it possible for human to be in the position of top species among any other creatures on earth? These are the typical types of questions that we often ask to ourselves. To find out the answers, some people suggest that observing or studying animals teaches us more about human nature. In my opinion, I also believe that human nature can be further studied and comprehended by studying and observing animals.

To begin with, human's psychological reactions in certain events sometimes resemble that of animals. As one can expects, many psychologists have proven that strong cohesion between mother and her child play a crucial role in forming the child's personality. For instance, let's say there is monkey A and monkey B. For monkey A, he was raised up by artificial mother made of wires that he was given no such love or care from his mother. On the other hand, monkey B was raised up by his real mother under full of love. Few months later, scientists tracked down on those monkeys and found some interesting trends that monkey A had become more aggressive and impolite towards other creatures, while monkey B was just like any other monkeys. Like this, most serial killers rather had misfortune childhood or faced with ignorance from their parents than normal life, which lead to their misbehavior.

Furthermore, people can also study about physical aspects of human by studying animals. Through scientific researches on animals, we are able to learn about ways to sustain our health, immune systems to diseases and protection from cancers. For example, there was once an experiment conducted by Seoul National University on mouse to find out ways to sustain their health. After attempting various methods, they concluded that mouse can maintain their health to a great extent by drinking water regularly, getting less stress and working out consistently. The fact that this could also apply to human demonstrate how useful animals are for human in improving their lifestyle.

In conclusion, through observing and studying certain behavior of animals, human can gather some useful information psychologically and physically. All in all, close relationship between human and animals are highly recommended.

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Thanks in advance for advice^^
My exam is three days to go and I'm kind of worried about my writing.
So your generous advice is needed since I cannot do it on my own.
Anyway, hope you enjoy my essay:)

Writing Feedback / workaholic; Spending money on taking vacation, travelling is better than saving [4]

It is often said that money plays a crucial role for people in achieving prosperous life and that is the primary reason why people in these days are striving so hard to range themselves with high salary. Some might disagree with this statement by saying that life is only temporary, so we should enjoy the moment rather than being captured by the lure of money that turn one into workaholic. This being the case, is it better to spend money on taking a vacation or travelling than saving for future? In my opinion, I believe that people should save money for their future for the following reasons.

To begin with, saving money can prepare the person for well-balanced future by making them financially stabilized. This is because no one can predict their own future, so it is advisable for one to be set for unforeseen future. For example, when my dad was hiking up a mountain last year, he accidently stepped his foot onto the ground which had a huge hole, causing him serious leg injury. However, thanks to the insurance benefits for paying regular fees on monthly base, the loss caused by the surgery was amply covered by the insurance. Had it not been for the insurance company, our family could have ended up having severe financial difficulties.

Furthermore, saving money allows the person to buy high quality products. It is obvious that the more expensive the products are the higher quality they have. On the other hand, people with only small budget can only afford to purchase products that have low quality. Take my case as an example, during my high school years, many of my friends had mp3 players to listen to the music whereas, I could only listen to music through my old CD player because I was in a hole, spent too much money on traveling to other countries with friends in that year. So I was often left out when my friends had a conversation on their newly bought mp3 and its special features. This implies that saving money can help one to socialize with others by having products with high cost and value.

In conclusion, some people might suggest that spending money on traveling is better choice as it helps them be recharged with fresh energy and broaden their perspectives towards other countries. However, I personally believe that advantages of saving money far outweigh that of spending since an individual is able to be prepared for his future and buy products that give him self-satisfaction.

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Only one day to go before taking this exam.
I'm so nervous since result from this exam is directly related to my future university. So I'm asking for help

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Being creative rather than planning. [16]

Topic: Being creative, rather than planning carefully, often results in the best solution to a problem

In rapidly changing modern society, people have become more suceptible to a variety of problems and that of solutions than the past, which then raise intriguing question: what is the best way to solve a problem. Some may argue that creative person often come up with more plausible solution, while others disagree with the statement by saying that careful planning can bring better solution to a problem. In my opinion, I believe that solutions suggested by careful planner seems more reasonable than that by creative one.

To begin with, no individuals can exactly predict what problems they will face in their future, so planning is important to prepare themselves for those problems. Although people can learn from mistakes they made in their past,they are unlikely to come up with a solution for unforseen future based on their creativity and even so, the solution may bring unfavorable result. Take my case as an example, druing summer vacation, I and my friends promptly decided to have a special trip to Europe to explore new languages and cultures. However, most of us were in a hole for school loan to pay and rent for apartment. As we were so eager to put our decision in practice, one of us suggested to buy a number of lotteries which can provide us with enough money for our trip provided that we win the first prize. On the contrary to our high expectations, we ended up spending more money in addition to our huge debts to pay. This implies that planning is the best way to make more ideal solutions by looking at the problems more thoroughly.

In addition, only selective number of people have talent in thinking creatively but not everyone. Different people have different talents and not everyone share talents that the others have while some do share. To be more specific, Bill Gates, the former chairman of Microsoft, made a huge change in today's computur technology by inventing this innovative software that no one could think of. Furthermore, Jimmy, one of my best high school peers, had a dream of becoming the world famous Korean pop singer. Thinking he had an exceptional talent in singing, he had participated in Korean Idol, which auditions each candidates and select one with the best singing talent. Unlike his strong will to become a singer, judges discouraged him by saying that he can be better off by studying hard than singing since he had no ability in singing. Like this, well planning can prepare person for successful future by making them well aware of every possibilities along with the problem.

In conclusion, although some people might argue that planning is waste of time and people should think as they go, it seems to me that advantages of planning carefully far out than being creative for since one cannot predict his own future and creative is given to only few people.

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This is actual topic I had for my TOEFL test on last Saturday,
and this is what I wrote for that topic with slight difference.
Since it was the topic, I have not prepared for, it took me a while to
come up with ideas and I ended up just writing without proper planning(Ironically I contradicted myself by claiming that planning is important in my essay lol).

I guess my argument is off the topic, and I couldn't think of any supporting sentences for my second paragraph.
As you can see, my sentencing is very simple and plain with only basic vocabularlies
Anyway, I have one more test in August 8 and that will be my final
So please help me out..

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Global events [7]

Topic:It is important to know about events happening around the world even if it is unlikely that they affect your daily life.

Although people from different countries are essentially separated by regional boundaries, they have been able to keep in touch with each other with the advent of internet and other means of technology. This being the case, is it important to know about events happening around the world even if it is unlikely that they affect your daily life? From my perspective, being aware of global events is critical because we can better prepare for possible disasters and it can stimulate growth and development in individual nations.

To begin with, there are certain events that are first originated from one country but will eventually have negative impacts on other countries as well in global scale. This is because, problems such as global warming and U.S. economic crisis are not only detrimental for country that first generate but also to surrounding nations in a long run. Thus, people should pay attention to problems in other countries and collective actions are needed to solve those problems swiftly and coherently. For example, U.S. economy downturn which initiated from 2008, caused by following house mortgage crisis, have influenced many other countries that have developed fundamental commerce relationship with U.S. Since this problem wasn't only matter of U.S. economy, each summit from several influential nations was gathered together in London to come up with reasonable solutions to cope with the massive economic slump. This implies that by taking quick and joined action, we can avoid an international crisis.

Furthermore, policies established from other countries can become a good model to solve our own problem. It is obvious that as the society is developing to a great extent and changing rapidly, people are facing with brand-new problems such as internet hacking, polluted environment and outbreak of disease. To solve these problems, we should take other countries that had experienced the same problems and came up with solutions into our consideration. According to Pittsburgh, a city in the United States, made public transportation free in the down town area in the late 20th century. This resulted in increasing number of people taking buses and subways instead of driving their own vehicles. Consequently, this lead to reduction in level of gas release, causing less air pollution. Even though, the free public transportation seems unreasonable to city like Seoul, we can look at exemplary solutions from other countries to solve our own problems.

In conclusion, the more information we obtain from other countries, the better our society can become. We can prepare for the disasters as well as take hints from another country's case and apply the good policies to our society. It is important to be open-minded and be aware of what's going around us, so that we can develop our country.

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What do you call that summit held in London in the beginning of this year?
I couldn't think of any other global scale problem, but the current world economic crisis. Do you think the example is relevent to my first argument?

If not, what kind of arguments can you suggest me for this topic?
Also, in the topic, it said "events that are unlikely to affect my daily life" but I mentioned how those problems can affect my life eventually. Is that mean I'm off the topic?

Thanks for reading it^^