Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Tourist's arrival in Nepal in March 2008 [2]

hallo,, this is my essay. i need your help to improve my writing...

The pie chart and table below given information on tourist arrivals in Nepal in March 2008

The pie chart illustrates the percentage of tourists coming from other countries to Nepal in March 2008, while the table gives information regarding an increase in its numbers from March 2007. Overall, it can be seen that Europeans and Asians were the most popular tourists visiting Nepal over a year.

First of all, there was a considerable number of tourist's arrival in Nepal consisting of Asia and Europe at 38 % and 37% respectively in 2008. In contrast, the people from Australia only saw at four per cent, the smallest percentage of tourists over a year. Then, for North and South America and other regions, they remained in rate less than a quarter of tourists traveling to Nepal.

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Writing Feedback / The two methods of collecting water for irrigation purposes [3]

The diagram illustrates the different method used for collecting water for irrigation. Overall, it can be seen that the both Swing Basket and Bucket have diverse features to run water for irrigation farmland.

The first method is swing basket that consists of ropes used to attract the basket from well with 1up to 2 metres, then there are robe and bucket made of bamboo or leather. Firstly, the basket is filled with water which is helped by two people, and then it is poured to an irrigation channel to farmer lands.

Although this process is unlike swing basket, roping bucket is more difficult than usually we did. In this the method, we can see that there are some tools used to take water in the hole such as; a bucket, rollers, ropes, exactly at least two people to make it easier. Furthermore, cow starts to walk up to the hill, the bucket fall down approximately 50 meters deep. That bucket is filled with water, and then buffalo brings the water to the place farmland.

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Writing Feedback / The diagrams demonstrate the design of turbine and ideal areas to produce electricity [NEW]

The diagrams demonstrate the design of turbine and ideal areas located in the different places to produce electricity. Overall, it can be seen that the optimum location of the turbine which can produce more electricity is in the high location, while the low areas tend to generate less electricity.

The turbine consists of steel tower, generator, wind sensor and blades (fiberglass or wood). The process stars when the wind blows to the blades and spins them so the wind sensor can detect speed and direction of the wind. In the next step, the generator which is connected with blades produce electricity with output 1.5 megawatts. In addition, computer accepts information from sensor the show direction and angel of the blades.

When the turbine is located in the low level areas which are not spoiled, it produces less electricity. Compared to this, in the domestic places, the turbine can generate 100 kilowatts of electricity. Interestingly, the turbine placed in the high areas produces more electricity because it obtains maximum wind strength.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Level of education of Bulgarians planning to leave Bulgaria [2]

The chart illustrates the percentage of education level in Bulgarians who want to live in new country in 2002, 2006 and 2008. Overall, it can be seen that among three aspects (higher education, secondary education, and primary and lower education), the secondary education was the most popular for people to leave Bulgaria, while the other levels saw low figure over six years.

In 2002, the number of people with higher education level stood at 65%, which was the highest category every year. This percentage was far higher than secondary education level and primary education, where they began at approximately 18%. Two years later, both of this categories increased slightly by one per cent, however there was a slight decline to 61 percent in secondary level in 2006.

2008 saw a significant decrease in higher education level, it reached at 9 %, which was the lowest level of people. Interestingly, there was a dramatic increase in figure of people with elementary education to 32% over six years. This grade was the second popular after secondary education which remained stable for following years.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : Sholud the media spend more time for reporting ordinary people lives [3]

hallo, i need your help to check my essay..

The media pay much attention to the lives and relationship of celebrities such as actors, singer or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Media advance effects significantly through human life horizon. For this reason, the majority of people contend that the media tend to give information with regard to the famous celebrities who are utterly attractive for society because plenty of artists are become as reference in to people's lifestyle. Although this is a great deal importance for media, I strongly believe that media also should report to much how living of ordinary people who have impressive experience in their life.

Nowadays, it is important that the media should publish information regarding artist's life and how experience they have because this can give satisfaction when people are curious with their figure. Taking MNCTV (one of media in Indonesia) as an example, the media recently release some of programmes concerning hot news, journey, and struggle of living celebrities. As a result, the people can take lesson from living other people especially from well-known celebrities. All in all, there is no doubt that reporting celebrities by media have influenced people's lives in many ways in their activities.

Conversely, I would argue that reporting ordinary people also render a different motivation through their journey, how they begin their career in the future. Obviously people obtain many experiences in their live when they struggle to get the success. For a pragmatic instance, Muhammad Kalend Osean, is founder of English village in Kediri, east Java. He dedicates himself over tens of year to teach society speaking English so this place becomes popular among students. Consequently, the people can take lesson about history of ordinary people who can make impressive experience. To conclude the media should pay attention and spend more time to report attractive history about local people, because can be taken as education of it and as essential part of intellectual development in the future.

As the solid statement above that although media should report some celebrities to citizens, I definitely agree that role of media in showing some histories with regard to attractive experience of ordinary people is the important in developing and knowledge of someone. When someone want to learn about educational life, it could be better for him to see a bright-future live up.

Writing Feedback / CCTV and Body Scanners to improve humans safety and keep them from frauds [3]

Some people believe that technological tools such as body scanners and CCTV have significantly enhance our safety and security, while others feel that gave resulted in loss of privacy

Do the benefits of these items outweigh their disadvantages?

As the world is changing, technology plays an important role for people lives. Even some people say that they cannot live without using technology. Humans think technological tools can improve their safety and keep them from frauds, for example body scanners and close circuit television (CCTV). However, other people believe that his tools will disturb them, even they lose personal right.

Development of technology can result negative effect for human beings. Mankind will feel less convenient because they always are monitored in every activity. This is not fair in right of a person. For example, many companies provide CCTV in every side of room. This aims to control work activities among their employees. As a result, the employees must be careful and reduce their creativity in working. In conclusion, this technological tool has disadvantage particularly for workers in some factories.

Conversely, I strongly believe that technology devices such as CCTV and also body scanners have more benefits for humans. Take Japan and Singapore as an example, both countries have CCTV in every side of street and public places. This has been done to reduce criminal rate in these counties. In addition, we can look at the Airport; there are some places which have body scanners before entering to Airport. The passengers will be inspected by functionary of airport whether they bring danger tools or something which can be harmful for people's safety.

To sum up, while some people say that technological devices have horrible effect for human beings, I completely believe that many societies feel advantages of technology, in particular at the public places where it is needed CCTV to reduce crime rites in cities.

Writing Feedback / Can an ideal job can be acquired with accomplishing study in university? IELTS [3]

Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to star work after school and gain experience in the world of work.

How far do you agree or disagree with the above views?

Plenty of people think that ideal job can be acquired with accomplishing study in university because they are ready to work in some places which they want to. However, other people say that students should work after graduating schools because they can obtain many experiences in the field of work. I strongly believe that getting job after finishing study in school has many benefits outweigh students who decide to work after university.

Nowadays, some people think that working after graduating in university is a mistake; even they say that this has negative effects for the people. Firstly, there is much unemployment in every major of university. Take Indonesia as an example, all universities in Indonesia have graduated more than thousands of students annually and some of them feel difficult to look for some jobs because they have to compete with other people who are fresh graduate. As a result, there is no doubt that many students do not know what they will do after graduating from university.

On the other hand, I believe that getting job after school has potential effect to development of students. Firstly, students can prepare themselves too much before entering to university because young generation can realize what should be love for subject in the future. It is definitely important for scholars to commit in one area of study. Research of Middlebury College say that a lot of their students say when they take a seat at university as freshman; they have a greater sense of purpose in their study. As a result, they student can understand how extend knowledge they have and what their destination of life in the future is. Secondly, youngsters can collect amount of money to continue their study because the cost of education is very expensive.

To sum up, although some people say that it is better to complete study in university for getting job, I believe that students have to seek some jobs after school to get some experience before they continue their study in university as this has many benefits for the students in part of ways.

Writing Feedback / IS EATING NO MEAT AND FISH REALLY SO BENEFICIAL? [4]

Some people choose to eat no meat or fish.
They believe that this is not only better for their own health but also benefits the world as a whole. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.

Health has become a potential aspect for people's lives. For this reason, people tend to prevent consuming meat and fish because maintaining a healthy lifestyle is a must. Interestingly, this renders positive effects to all people in around the world as well. While it is utterly acceptable, since people determine not to eat meat and fish so as to remove blood tension and balance ecosystem, I am totally convinced that an excellent healthy life is influenced by a balance diet among these sources for human's body growth.

Some people consider health factors in consuming cattle and fish because this diet affects blood tension to people who suffer from chronic diseases such as cancer and obesity. Therefore, they prefer consuming dish from vegetables and fruits, such as salad, carrot and spinach. For instance, Chinese are of certain habit to eat vegetables every time and assume that meat is not needed for human's lives. By doing so, they are protected from diseases in their lives. As such, this presently has caused a prominent trend in human's healthy body.

On the other hand, people who neglect meat can keep balance of ecosystem, since this way is believed to reduce negative impacts of the environment. What over fishing for food causes many fish species in sea experiences a dramatic decline. If people remove eating fish food, this can assist to prevent the population of fish. In addition to this, the strike movement to the policy of government in criminal action that against environmental issue such as cruel animal slaughtering is the chief condition which must be solved sooner.

My own personal point of view for this case, the excellent healthy life should be gained by balance diet. Beside of consuming vegetables, other sources of vitamins and protein could be merely extracted from meat and fish. For example, salmon fish produce a certain type of oil nutrients which benefit the growth of children. Likewise, amino acid found in red meat is believed to improve human's brain development.

The aforementioned evidence reveal that it is undeniable vegetarian can reduce considerable harm from meals of livestock, even this utterly render positive effect to the environment. To the certain point, I would agree with some statements of this motion, but meat and fish also contain crucial aspect to our body such as oils and amino acid for body development. I strongly believe that if we enable to consume healthy balanced dish among vegetables, and meat and fish, it would create our body become perfect health in human's lives.

Writing Feedback / The government should take control of education and healthcare - IELTS TASK [2]

All education and healthcare should be founded by the government and free for everyone.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

Education and healthcare are extremely important for social well-being. For this reason, the government has a responsibility to provide health insurance and all aspects of education. These aspects should be funded by government and free cost for all people. By general view, I would argue that these are a mandatory aspect of government to render equal opportunities for school and are entitled to gain free medical care. Therefore, this essay will discuss how the government pay attention from both of these motions.

In this modern era, the government undoubtedly plays the key of the development of county for all sides. Education is one of the investments. People should acquire the same chance to continue their study for improvement of education quality. Take Finland as an example, this country provide free education for the students who want to study in England. Some universities offer free postgraduate course when they want to continue their study in certain universities. As a result, the students can improve their knowledge base on their subjects. All in all, there is no doubt that education is completely needed for every citizen of country.

Additionally, medical care takes an important role in development country as well. Firstly, the medical insurance is believed that it can contribute well the workforce and lessen the chance of spread of unnecessary diseases. Secondly, the medical service needs high level of cost and utterly expensive for part of people so that they have a difficulty to afford it to maintain their health. As such, this can increase morbidity rate of human in certain country that not providing the medical insurance.

The aforementioned evidence examines that the government should take control of education and healthcare. The people have to obtain the same opportunities and free cost from both of aspects. I am totally believed that it is innovative program to improve quality of people for bright-future live up.

Writing Feedback / Increasing crime rate can be solved by a government role. [2]

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

In the contemporary era, the crime statistic increase significantly every year. There are plenty of reasons why criminal actions have always happened in around the world, one of them is economic factors. As such, this crime activity should be tackled by government or individual to reduce criminalization in people's live.

Firstly, an influential factor of increasing criminal actions is a financial problem. For this reason, many of people choose the wrong way to meet the demand. For example, in some place in developing country such as India and Pakistan, the crime cases have risen significantly because they live in poverty. And addition, loss of family value also causes the increasing of this case. People assume that it happens as busy parents have no more time to control of their children.

Because of this reason, it is essential to solve the matters in some ways. Firstly, government should take control of the condition with reducing poverty of people such as rendering charity and providing work field. Secondly, people should be taught to accept the consequences of their actions. It can be done with sending criminals to prison for certain crime as a deterrent effect. And addition, some studies suggest that community service may be immediately suitable form of punishment for minor offenses.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that there are some factors of criminal reasons such as economic crisis and less attention of family. Although this case experience significant growth each year, I totally believe that it can be solved by government role. As such, it is needed to encourage the decision of government to reduce poor people in certain places of country, sending criminal to prison as a punishment, and community service also have the important role to tackle this matter.

Writing Feedback / Natural resource from Earth will run out soon - seeking for other solutions [2]

As Earth runs out of natural resources, we have started to look to space for solutions. However, some people argue that this is the wrong thing do, and instead we should look for alternative solutions here of earth.

To what extent do you agree with them? What alternative might there be to exploiting space for natural resources.

Generally, it is inevitable that natural resource from Earth will run out soon. As such, the people think that it is needed replacement of natural resource such as space to solve this problem. However, others argue that human will face insurmountable challenges in the future like economic problem. For this reason, I strongly believe that this is a wrong way to be a solution, and we have to seek the alternative aspect to tackle it.

Undoubtedly, fossil fuels have become an essential item to produce energy to help human in industries, changing temperature and driving cars. Some scientists contend that natural resources such as gases, coal, and oil can be changed with asteroid from the space. It dues to asteroids have the similar contain with fossil fuels in the Earth. With using asteroids, it can turn on machine or electricity tools.

At the first glance, taking asteroid from the space, this brings some drawbacks. Firstly, the cost of travel to space is very expensive, so that it is difficult for a part of countries in the world to reach it. Secondly, there is no doubt that it will disturb economic growth since we cannot expose our natural resource of fossil fuels. Consequently, looking for space as a solution should be equated about.

To solve these problems, it is needed an alternative energy like wind turbine or solar panel. These can be suitable replacements to generate electricity. Perhaps what the alternative energy conducted can improve quality of people's lives. Furthermore, this renewable energy is the best choice to help industries to produce a great power for human lives.

The aforementioned evidence shows that although some scientists argue that the space can be a solution like asteroids to generate some energy, it is believe that this is the wrong way as it has negative impacts. Furthermore, it can be handled with conducting wind turbine as the best solution.

Writing Feedback / Summary from TED's video. Writing flows and grammar. [2]

hello guys ! please help me to correct this paragraph to improve my writing.
I tried to make a summary from TED's video.
An important skill that should be owned by people is self-confident. How to build our self-confident totally in our lives? Firstly, repetition is a way to train the self-confident showing an ability to accomplish tasks. When they do practice regularly with the same task, it will incorporate their belief for completing their responsibilities. Secondly, a huge persistence will affect people's mind to brave performing an equal activities with having self-affirmation. For instance, Muhammad Ali, a well-known person of fighting-sport, could fully believe himself that he was the greatest person in this planet. He built a positive behaviour without cogitating what the others said about him. As a result, the notion of self-assured is an immense ability for helping humans in order to achieve the better future-live.