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Posts by Muhammadyusuf [Suspended]
Name: Amir
Joined: Sep 10, 2015		 Last Post: Sep 15, 2015
Threads: 7
Posts: 13  
From: Indonesia
School: English Studio

Displayed posts: 20
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Muhammadyusuf   
Sep 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / The bar chart compares the percentage of Bulgarians categorized three sorts of education backgrounds [3]

The bar chart compares the percentage of Bulgarians categorized three sorts of education backgrounds which planned to leave Bulgaria between 2002 and 2008. Overall, it can be seen that the figure of people with secondary education which wanted to stay and visit abroad was higher than another education degree.

Based on the graph, standing at 65 per cent, secondary education presented as the highest percentage of the Bulgarians in 2002. Then, it was a gradual decrease by 4 per cent in next four-year period. At the end of the year, this rate, again went down to 59%. Above all, even though the secondary education decreased gradually, it still became higher percentage than another educational level.

Next, two of the categories rose steadily in 2006, by higher education to a fifth per cent and primary and lower education to 19%. Moreover, over the following period, while primary and lower education grew significantly, higher education witnessed a dramatic drop at least one in ten per cent over the following period.



  • TASK 1
Muhammadyusuf   
Sep 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - The Chart of Emigration Intentions in Bulgaria [2]

inhabitants who do not have any planning to go abroad is the highest percentage among all.

Be carefull !! this essay has time frame during 2001 to 2006. It means that you have to use simple past.
This is my review : inhabitans who did not have planning to go to abroad were the highest percentage among all reasons.
Muhammadyusuf   
Sep 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / Bulgarians showed not much intention to travel or stay abroad during 2001-2006 [3]

TASK 1 : Emigration intentions, Bulgarians aged 15-60, 2001-2006

The bar chart compares the percentage of Bulgarians pretentions carrying out-migration from Bulgaria aged 15-60 between 2001 and 2006. Overall, it is immediately apparent that no intention to travel or stay abroad showed an extremely high percentage, while the lowest was presented by other reason.

At the first glance, the society of Bulgaria was more unlikely to spend visiting abroad for a wide range of reasons since the most significant percentage was presented by the reason to stay abroad and to have no intention to travel. This figure accounted for 70 percent in 2011 and the following a half decade raised slightly to 73 percent. Generally the proportion of people reason who had aim to visit abroad saw at least 10%. Interestingly, a data showed the similar percentage of living in abroad permanently at 8% over the whole period.



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Muhammadyusuf   
Sep 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / books and experience essay - reflections on the importance of knowledge sources [4]

Let me try ..
Review : Pay attention for spelling and koma ; use verb correctly

Books have a prominent role in communicating knowledge to human for years and years. Beside, getting experience is as crucial as a reading book in such a way that improving people's awareness. Personally, I prefer studying practically to get information from books.

At first glance, in the past centuries, whereas there had not been the appearance of books or letters, people were aware of the surroundings through what they saw and heard. Even though the information then was not accurace at all, that is the precursor of getting information and humans evolving contribution. As time has gone by, experience is always a precious way to get knowledge as well as information collected to create books. Authors generally use their practical achieve or awareness in order to write their books, ] then spread their thoughts and reactions of many life aspects to the reader.

That would turn out the lack of real life awareness linked to a plenty of disadvantages without real training. Patients have no idea put their trust in less experienced doctors.

#Yusuf
Muhammadyusuf   
Sep 11, 2015
Graduate / Abstract - Social Enterprise Influence on Human Security through Social Capital building [3]

Current Global Security context is critical, multi-faceted and multi-dimension . Globalization contributes to positive and negative externalities and problems which are interrelated politically, militarily , economically, socially, culturally as well as environmentally. The problems also carry out threats ranging from poverty threats, crimes, natural & man-made disasters, financial crises, international terrorism and increasingly intrastate conflicts which give risk to human life.

Since a non-traditional security threat cannot be solely solved in isolation and conventional ways, a non conventional hybrid concept to solve the global security problems deserves important attention.

The author is interested not only in the transformation of global security problems, but also in the problem of the non-conventional solution of which the most actors fail in formulating most effective, efficient yet sustainable concept to deal with the complex security problems.

Therefore the goal of the study is to explore how Social Enterprise could influence human security through the Social Capital building. The study is narrowed down, focused, and limited, particularly for Social Enterprise at community level, which potentially emerges not to give an alternative but a complementary solution to the multi-dimensionality of human security, by creating Social Capital as Robert Putnam and Coleman believes it enables and fosters many important social goods. Social Capital is also empirically studied as one of the important components of security factors.

Through the direct field exploratory research and survey around several chosen case studies of ASEAN Social Enterprises, interview with more than 20 people , and 120 respondents relate to the research study. A uthor uncovers a phenomenon that Social Enterprise promoted strong social capital which impact on human security development. The social enterprise development could significantly promote social capital and impact the development of human security and reduces many social problems if supported by the environment such as government policy, provided with incentives and regulation that support the growth of social entrepreneurs. Further research is suggested for the study on how Thai Social Enterprise Office in Thailand, India Social Enteprise, U.K & U.S Social Enterprise promoted the growth of Social Enteprise through policy and regulation.
Muhammadyusuf   
Sep 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / These days, in this technology era, it is easier than before to maintain a healthy lifestyle [4]

Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others,however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be.

Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

These days, advance era, has made all necessaries easier to be done due to a wide range of discoveries which help way of human's life. While a half society reveals that the great progress of modern world brings a problem affecting to the quality of people's health due to using a chemical substance in the development of agricultural plant and mixing a chemical substance to the various diets. I utterly argue that modern world experiences a considerably amount of benefit which provide access to the society for ensuring what the best ones to keep the healthy life, such as conducting a little exercise and paying attention diet pattern.

With regard to severe effect of modernization, some believe it is acceptable for several excuses. Firstly, they reckon that as the result of agriculture, vegetable are the most important for the human's life becoming a crucial matter since the chemical substance has been the part of the farming like the use of pesticides. By doing so, it will damage the level of quality health of the society. Furthermore, various dishes, processed by passing a large number of methods have been mixed with a plenty of other substances in order to occur a novel chemical reaction. As a result, if it consumes regularly. It will have impacted to body health.

However, the merit of modern world opens a chance to know better way regarding to live far from illness. First, exercise is one of the core ways to keep body's health, many gym places which is available now provide all sorts of modern facilities that can help to develop health rate. In addition, bustle sometimes brings people who unawareness by their health in particular eating pattern. Use of catering service becomes one of alternative advancements to deal with this problem. Finally, it is clear that modern era has been lead changes in healt life of human being.

To sum up, although some people argue the effect of modernization has been decked out health, I would argue there are sufficient evidence to demonstrate that modern era shows an easy to obtain better health access.
Muhammadyusuf   
Sep 12, 2015
Writing Feedback / Who should be responsible for the health of our children? IELTS TASK 2 [3]

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree this statement?

Youngsters are considerably prominent asset determining future destiny. These days, a number of youngsters presents a severe modus vivendi that brings to insalubrious condition. This matter turns a charge of parents and educational institutions for finding solutions. Although both them obviously have an obligation to keep youngsters's health by giving a basic comprehension about wellness. I utterly believe that the peddlers hawking various cuisines possess a more responsibility to face this case.

At first glance, the obligation of parents and schools to oversee young ages' health is one of indispensable responsibility. As seen since the primary environment gained by teenagers is family particularly their parents. On the other hand, schools as the second circumstance which are used by juveniles conduct a large number of activities. Both them are fitted together and own a crucial role to inform about priceless health, such as how to select an appropriate dish; keep circumstance so as to be salutary in order that the teenagers will understand the way of healthy life. As a result, parents and schools own prominent part for dealing with wellness problems .

Moreover, as food sellers, street hawkers providing all sorts of diets take a charge in watching out the wellness of youngster; most peddlers offer a wide range of products by various forms, tastes and colors. Result of health research released reveals that an amount of food sold in developing country have been contained admixtures of a chemical substance such as textile pigmentation in which the biggest consumers also are youngster. As the result, the immune system of children will decrease gradually, if they consume it regularly without restriction. As seen, the street hawkers have more responsibility in keeping the condition of youngsters.

To sum up, it is clear that while the parents and educational institutions possess obligation to prevent the children obtaining diseases. The street pedlers have more responsibility to face health problem occurring among children. The hawkers should provide foods containing a high nutritions in order to bring the quality of children better.
Muhammadyusuf   
Sep 13, 2015
Writing Feedback / Friendship bond by school tradition [2]

Let me try brother.

It is hard to admit that school life was the best moment in my life (you must put comma in here) yet it made what I am today. I remember that my friends were always beside me whenever I faced problems. Apart from studies, school is all about friendship that I cherished so much. Until one night, the brotherhood thethey had been build for years was put into test. The incident I went through for me to see how loyal I was to my friends.

After we finished celebrating Karl birthday, I knew that all my other mischievous friends especially Hafiz the head prefect of the school planned to practice the tradition that had been performed since ages ago but I did not intended intend to join them. I felt it was wrong to do such a thing to anyone because it would cause excruciating pain atin the pubic region (put comma) which would last for days-or worst, for weeks. . To be honest, iI found it really grossing practices (put comma) but i enjoyed watching the suffer that the victim been through.
Muhammadyusuf   
Sep 13, 2015
Writing Feedback / The proportion of Britanian's audiences who watch TV and listen Radio per day [2]

TASK 1 : The graph below shows radio and television audiences throughout the day in 1992.

As per the data, the proportion of britanian's audiences who watch TV and listen Radio in a day aged over 4-years old during the last three-month year in 1992. Overall, both them increased considerably once in 24 hours and showed a downward trend over time. As seen, while the percentage of radio's listeners showed a consider growth in the morning, increasing sharply occurred in the night for TV's viewers.

At first glance, standing solely 7 per cent in the early morning, TV had a number of onlookers exceeding the proportion of radio listeners. Interestingly, the similar patterns were shown both them in the first 5-hours time. Afterwards, a large gap, then, occurred prior to entering midday in which a quarter per cent of the Britanians were more likely to listen radio and only at least one in ten percent which were spent watching TV.

Turning to viewers of TV, between 11.00 am and 9.00 pm, the proportion of viewers rose sharply and peaked at 45%. In contrast, a drop gradually witnessed by radio listeners. Moreover, the percentage of Britanians worked back in normal condition over the time.



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Muhammadyusuf   
Sep 13, 2015
Writing Feedback / Characterist and physical description [3]

pr

Let me try .

Ideal beauty has changed through the years and it's still different all around the worldworldwide . Meanwhile (put koma in here ) we are bombarded by the media with images of slim, long-legged, blue-eyed- simply perfect women or blond-haired, deep blue-eyed men with perfect body. They don't have any defect.

That's how we perceive the ideal beauty in Europe, but things are very different in other countries and cultures. So is there such a thing as ideal beauty?

As I was searching for material to use I found some interesting experiments. One of them was the experiment by Esther Honig. She used photo of herself without make-up and sent it to photoshop artists from more thanover 28 countries. She had one simple request: Make me beautiful. After thatAfterwards, she received 28 completely different pictures of herself.

Similar experiment was made with picture of overweight woman (put koma) but with same results, but people still makesmake moves to change their appearance.

People gets tattoos, piercings they grow fat or go on diet. And everything has the same objective. They want to feel beautiful and to be beautiful.

People getsget tattoos, piercings they grow fat or go on a diet. And everything has the same objective. They want to feel beautiful and to be beautiful.

It takes a quick glance for someone to make the first impression, which is based on facial expressions, body type, gesture and last but not least on your dress. Even you now have made the first impression about my monologue and I can't change it even if I want. I had just a few seconds to make a good first impression and itst'sit's impossible to change it. So quick note for ourselves should be to give our best shot every time.

We should try to be ourselves, stay positive, put on our winning smile, we should be open and confidence is the key to success.
Now I would like to talk about bad and good qualities.. Here are some bad qualities: messiness, arrogance, shyness and laziness. On the other side (put koma) here are some good qualities: confidenceconfident , honest, independence and patience. LotA lot of bad qualities can be sometimes good, because every boss like their workaholic employee.

Now I would like to describe my mum, who for me is the ideal of beauty. She is the typical blue-eyed and blond-haired woman, but she is definitely not the supermodel type. She's the definition of nature beauty. When she enters the room you can see her confidence, mature and easygoing, but the way she is walking (put koma) she sayssaid that you should better not mess up with her. When I and my brother were small she lived on her own with us and that's what I love about her, because she's the most caring and independent woman in the world. Sometimes she can be really bossy but I don't care. Every mother is bossy about her kids, that's how it works. My mum always knowknows what to do and what to say. And even if we sometimes argue I love her.
Muhammadyusuf   
Sep 13, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - In the modern world very difficult to have a healthy lifestyle [3]

due to many inventions have been brought by researches nowadays and work hour takes most of our time,

Let me try bro..

- due to + n
- due to the fact that + SV

due to the fact that many inventions have been brought by researches nowadays and work hour takes most of our time,
Muhammadyusuf   
Sep 13, 2015
Writing Feedback / The environmentally devastated planet will not revive without our thoughtful actions. [2]

Let me try.

It is true that the environment has gone through drastic changes due to the undue exploitation of nature. In this essay, I will discuss several reasons for these changes and address solutions as well .

In my opinion, there are two distinct factors that contribute toinfluencing the environmental degradation.

this is a well-writen.
you have some small mistakes.
i think you should make this more simple

yet, you have to pay attention "BUT", --> use KOMA before BUT --> SV, but SV
Muhammadyusuf   
Sep 14, 2015
Writing Feedback / Good job requires great communication skills - The Survey [5]

The table describes the proportion of people asked to answer two sorts of survey question about communication skills in world job between 1991 and 2006. Overall, in the first year, the correspondents tended to pick out external communication skill as the predominant factor in supporting an occupation. Again, it still became indispensable determinant for working over the 9 - year period.

Regarding to data, the proportion of people who selected external communication skill as the essential point in a job increased slightly by approximately 5 percent in three of several items. Meanwhile, the other figure, selling a product or service, presented a minimal drop, from 24% to 21% over during 1991 to 2006.

In terms of internal communication, all of figures experienced a growth in over the time frame. At first year, listening carefully to collegues was the highest figure at 38 percent and rose to 47 percent in 2006. In contrast, as the lowest proportion, 7% of making speeches or presentations increased to 11% over the following period.



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Muhammadyusuf   
Sep 14, 2015
Writing Feedback / These days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology [5]

Let me try..

The arguments are that people can easily make money in business, science and technology areas and also the robotic time, which has an impact on people force them to be computerized.

These arguments will illustrate the point of view, which will show some reasons of the lessen interests of people on art in the following paragraphs.
Muhammadyusuf   
Sep 14, 2015
Writing Feedback / The number of spoken words and vocabulary size among children aged 1-4 and 1-3 years old [4]

The line graph compares the number of spoken words and vocabulary size aged 1-4 and 1-3 years old categorized based on the intensity level of talking with families. Overall, it is clear that there is a positive correlation between both of them. While the words spoken of children increase. At the same time, the vocabularies' capacity for children also shows a growth.

Initially, the number of words spoken to toddler from higher-talking family is better than the others. Standing at 10 million and the other at least 7 million, they increase significantly over the 4 - year period and shows a gap which is pretty large. From 10 to 45 million, 5 to 38 million, and 3 to 12 million.

Turning to develop vocabularies, whilst the toddlers attain the age of 1 year and 4 months, there is a dramatic fluctuation in the different vocabulary size in each figure over the period. These figures present that the role of families to develop the number of vocabularies to toddlers is extremely useful.
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