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Posts by Luthfia Dewi
Name: Luthfia Dewi
Joined: Oct 11, 2015
Last Post: Dec 10, 2015
Threads: 7
Posts: 11  
From: Indonesia
School: Brawijaya University

Displayed posts: 18
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Luthfia Dewi   
Oct 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Do You Feel Lonely When You Live In An Apartment? [5]

Hello aniani, I'm Luthfia. Actually, I like your idea, it is simple but acceptable.
First of all, I suggest that any connector between background and thesis statement. For instance: Thus, this essay...
Second, it is better if you corporate the first sentence and second sentence. So, I suggest " in the society of condominium, whereas... "

Firstly, sometimes number of inhabitants wereare . Since in this case you describe in general.
Luthfia Dewi   
Oct 25, 2015
Writing Feedback / Discuss both of perspectives about do talents come from parents or not? [4]

WRITING IELTS TASK 2.
It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

This is my sample. Please give me some suggestions. Thank you :)

Almost every people around the world interests to music and/ or sport since it is enjoyable activity to do in leisure time. Numerous people think that some of them have special capability from infant, while the others believe that talents can be learned by child until they become expert. Both of perspectives will be discussed with the reasonable explanation and I personally will give my opinion about them.

First and foremost, part of people believe that talents, in this case sport and music, is part of gene from their parents. One of parents or both of them will derives their ability to their child. It is proved by Gita Gutawa, one of woman singer from Indonesia, who has talent in music from his father, Erwin Gutawa. Furthermore, it is also occur on sport. For instance, Susi Susanti, woman badminton player from Indonesia, who has excellent athlete daughter. From child, most of them desire to staffs which are able to improve their talents.

However, to possess certain talents, most people believe that they obligate to learn them and make them to become habbits. As people say, to be an excellent sport or musician, they just more practise, it means it depend on the frequent they aplicate what they want to do. For example, several athletes have schedule to create their activities regularly. In consequent, their capacity to become impressive on their talents.

To sum up, parents is one of factor influence human's talents, however, implement of these activities continually also build the talents gradually. In my view, both of gene and frequency are the items that support each other.
Luthfia Dewi   
Oct 31, 2015
Writing Feedback / People are able to communicate easier than in the past decade since internet has been developed [3]

IELTS Task 2

The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialize.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements?


Some people realize that they significantly. It is noticeably seen that there is a dilemma on internet usage. Instead of it helps to keep contact to another, it makes several people are isolated from environment. From these statements, I personally agree and I will describe the reasons in the following paragraphs.

First and foremost, it might be true that internet is able to make time efficiently since internet relate a person to unlimited person wherever they are instead of long distance. As usual, they face the screen for several hours as they interact to unlimited people, making them less contact eyes to surrounding people, even say "hello". It is caused by they should check internet regularly, say every two minutes. For instance, as people know that several social medias developed fast and it provides feature such as photos or video in order to inform their news life.

Furthermore, internet is able to make communication easier, however nowadays internet has entertainment programs, such as game online and business online, making people stay online over hours that needed. Most games online consist of several level which give addict effect for gamers while business online should be stay to service their customer. Besides, online games encourage people to duel with the others. Consequently, they more concern on their activities on internet. In public internet business as an example, which open 24 hours and most their consumer are gamers.

To sum up, actually internet is a useful for human life, particularly for make the relatives connection to close. However, it is possible to keep someone isolate from environment since seldom to greet and meet the others. Therefore, some people should be wise to utilize internet.
Luthfia Dewi   
Nov 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS technological development brought more benefits changes to the life of ordinary people [3]

Hai Wulan, I'm Luthfia. May be, we are classmate in the TEST course. Isn't it?
Your topic is fascinate, therefore I try to give suggestions:
1. Actually the question doesn't ask the drawback, so it is better if your thesis statement explain the more side effects of technological recently for the future since it influence contain of your essay.

2. In this era, technology becomes hot issues in the worldwide.
:)
Luthfia Dewi   
Nov 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / Technology is one of substantials to spend the human life better. [2]

IELTS TASK 2
Earlier technological development brought more benefits changes to the life of ordinary people than the recent technological development will.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Most people around the world depend on technology actually. It is predicted that technology will develops significantly in a decade later. Several people believe that development of technology recently is more useful for helping human life nowadays than in the future. I tend to agree with that statement and this essay will explain the reasonable reasons.

The first, technology will be expected to be developed more that expectation due to the complexity of human needed. As people know, the human needs make some factories to find out new strategies, as usual new form of technologies, to fulfill human's requirements. As a result, they prefer the new one than the previous technology. The development of phones for example, which most of phones provides more attractive applications, such as video call, making human utilize them frequently than sending message. Besides, the new applications less cost as they just need a network.

Furthermore, the development of knowledge extremely climb which help the human's life work easily. The sense of willingness of human is a factor that influence development of technology. Most people are able to upgrade the technology throughout inventory of new science, making their function and appearance perfect. For instance, the invention of medical tools, called MRI, which is capable of detecting the abnormality of brain damage. This tool is used recently, as in three past decades brain damage is detected by simple technology, as common people say CT scan.

To sum up, technology is one of substantial to carry out the human's life be better. The function of technology in these days is more benefit if they use it in their life nowadays since technology recently is might less function in the future.
Luthfia Dewi   
Nov 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : The Presence of Pupils Which School in Secondary School in Different Three Years [3]

Hai @daveandrei. I'm Luthfia. Nice to meet you :)
I try to give suggestions :
1. ... four different school types, such as specialist schools, grammar schools, voluntary-controlled schools, and community schools ...
In this paragraph, "such as" is able to use to give example max 3. . So, such as specialist schools, grammar schools, and voluntary-controlled schools. , and community schools

2. In the second paragraph, it is better if you comparing the voluntary-controlled school with grammar school, since both of them have the same drop rate either in 2005 or 2009.

:)
Luthfia Dewi   
Nov 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / BECAUSE ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER [2]

Hai Mary. I'm Luthfia. May I give you some suggestions?
1. In the first paragraph, it be better if you give introduction both of perspectives since the question is discuss about both of views.
2. Besides, in the introductory paragraph you should give your thesis statement.
Here my example:
Currently, there are some issues toward the environment should be noticed by the individual, because several problems of the environmental impacts have rapidly appeared in the society. As a contributor of the impacts, each individual should take some actions to reduce the environmental problems. It would not become too big for individuals instead of doing nothing for their own environment. Others believe that environmental problem is too considerable for individuals. Therefore, this essay will discuss both of these views and I will give my opinion.

3. The most important thing is individuals should take some actions together to solve the environmental problem. There is no correlation this sentence in second paragraph with your idea.

4. Since the type of question is discuss about something, the second paragraph be better if you explain the other side of topic.

:)
Luthfia Dewi   
Nov 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 Reading for developing imaginations and languages skills than TV. [3]

Hi @LonaRandan, I'm Luthfia.
May I give you some suggestions?
1. Your words are less than 250 words
2. First , television is a tool to make people more easily easier to understand certain issue.
3. Furthermore , I believe reading is an activity ...

It starts when people are confuse what they read and try to understand it .

Thus, it makes breath-taking (what the meaning of?) result with new imagination ...

:)
Luthfia Dewi   
Nov 18, 2015
Writing Feedback / The internet cannot replace the position of museum role; IELTS TASK 2 [2]

IELTS TASK 2
In the past, some cultural and historical objects were stolen in the museum. But now, people can use the internet to see them freely. Some people think we do not need museum in the future. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

The vital role of museum are collecting and preserving cultural and historical objects which displaying them when exhibition occur. However, several years ago the existence of these objects are not safety since part of people stole them. Recently, internet has developed dramatically. Most people think museum is not necessity anymore since they are able to utilize internet to see them whenever they want. I totally disagree with that statement and the explanation reason will be explained in the following paragraphs.

The first, museum as a facility for collecting the concrete of evidence objects which have essential and unique history. The cultural and historical objects have ability to portray to the people the memorable event around the world. By them, numerous people accomplish their imagination the sequences of traditional culture or essential history. On the other hand, people cannot obtain the atmosphere of museum through internet even though the internet provides information deeply. For instance, in the museum there are curators who will explain the history of cultural and historical items by fascinating and interesting way to build visitors imagination.

Furthermore, generally, museums provide cultural and historical exhibition which occur in the certain day by create exquisite events and educational circumstance to attract visitors. For instance, in the school-vacation time, numerous museum make a lot of pleasure affairs for students and they also change the theme of museum with the suitable academic atmosphere. It makes interest for individuals to attend the museum. However, people are not capable of obtaining these circumstance from the internet which it just just provides the audience from screen. It means the internet is not able to give some feedback for visitors to understanding well.

To sum up, the internet cannot replace the position of museum role eventhough the people are capable of seeing the ancient object freely. I tend to argue in case of museum is unused in the future.
Luthfia Dewi   
Nov 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Some people are brave to start a personal business rather than being an employee [3]

Hi Akbar. I'm Luthfia. I'm very glad to read your essay. Let me give you some suggestions:
1. It is better if you add a connector in the beginning of body paragraph 1. For instance, to begin with, look at negative effect etc.
2. You may replace on of "can" with (be) able to or (be) capable of since you utilize can many times
3. Owners must be full responsible responsibility
4. They can receive more and more numerous profits
Luthfia Dewi   
Dec 3, 2015
Writing Feedback / The ownership of cars should be limited to one per family in order to reduce traffic and pollution [2]

WRITING TASK 2
The ownership of cars should be restricted to one per family in order to reduce traffic congestion and pollution.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


It might be true that private automobile owner reflect wealth status of individual. A number of private automobile has soared since a decade ago, yet it has produced traffic congestion and some pollution. Based on that issues, I totally agree if the number of own car per house is limited and I will discuss the reasonable reason in the following paragraphs.

The first, the overwhelming number of private automobile is not synergy with the large of roads. It becomes the primary factor of traffic jam since the roads being overcrowded, which contributing most of people spend their time in the road. The capital city of Indonesia, for instance, has occurred increase of traffic congestion annually due to individual car possess. In consequence, traffic jam is able to make late either for students or workers. Indeed, it takes up amount of their energy. Therefore, it is vital to strict the number of car in a house (a car per house) in order to reduce the traffic congestion.

Look at to the other consequence, the high number of car private contributes the amount of pollutions, particularly air pollution. As people know that gas emission from fuel are contain numerous gasses which is dominated by carbon dioxide. Breathing carbon dioxide up is eminent in case human's organ damage. Moreover, pollution is capable of accelerating the human's aging, making people seem like older than the actual age. So, limitation of car owner is the one of ways to make a fall the amount pollution.

To sum up, people are able to save their time effectively in the road if there is no traffic jam anymore, also they can enhance longevity of life. I absolutely agree if the government create the rules about restriction of number of car per home.
Luthfia Dewi   
Dec 3, 2015
Writing Feedback / TASK 1. Internal and external communication influence on the selling products or services [2]

Hi Rahmat Fadli. I'm Luthfia. May I give you some suggestions?

... skills which people needed in their job are presented by the table.

... at least there are five(I think six items) items include in [...] 38 percent in 2006 to 47 percent in 2007(is there any 2007?). While, making speeches or presentations experienced the lowest (an increase) factor by 4 %, giving instruction and persuading co-workers showed the same figure at increasedincreasing by 5% over the timeframetime frame. Analyzing problem together with the employee just portrayed the modest levelmodestly levelat 6%.

... breakdown in 35% and rose at 41% in 20072006.
... people had the second effects, at by 5%went up by 5%. Moreover,showing interest to the consumer was less influential with just 3 percent36% in 1997 and 39% in 2006, while selling a product was the one indicator which dipped by 3%.
Luthfia Dewi   
Dec 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / The number of private vehicles has been increased annually since everyone depend on them every day [2]

TASK 2
More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over reliance on cars can cause, and suggests at least one possible solution.

The number of private automobile has been increased annually since they depend on it as their movement way. However, utilizing of private automobile creates sort of issues. In the following paragraphs I will discuss about these issues and the way out to overcome.

To begin with, uncountable automobile in the road is the dominant factor which contribute traffic congestion. It is supported by the large of road is not synergy with the number of private cars. Usually it has experienced in the metropolis area such as the in capital city of Indonesia, Jakarta. Indeed, private car possess cause some pollution, particularly air pollution. It noticeable for numerous inhabitants to concern on existence of pollution as it contains harmful gasses, like carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide. As people know these gasses are able to make disorder cell life cycle in human body. For instance, accelerating of aging in human is caused by undetermined of longevity of cell life.

Look at these problems, the government has main role to reduce the number of private cars by restrict cars owners one car per family. Hence, most of people can manage their travel to not rely on automobiles. Moreover, they are capable of using public transportation to go to workplace or school. Instead, the government has improved the quality of public transportation in order to the society becomes enjoyable to travel.

To sum up, it is essential for citizens to reduce their dependence of private automobile. The should attempt to utilize their car wisely and back to public transportation to prevent traffic jam and reduce the pollution.
Luthfia Dewi   
Dec 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK2 : Is it right that use of natural power is better than use the fossil fuels ? [2]

Some people argue that the coal, oil, and gas which is functioned for existence of cities and transport is cheaper and easier than using the natural power of the wind, waves and sun as an alternative energy sources. As long as the natural resources isare potentially available, I strongly believe that alternative energy of using natural power needs much money and difficult operational, but the governments will keep to process the fossil fuels as the sources of renewable energy. (you should state your opinion whether agree or disagree)

It is better if you replace "primary" with "predominant"
Luthfia Dewi   
Dec 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: In many countries, traditional dress and costumes are considered effective ways... [2]

In many countries, traditional dress and costumes are considered effective ways of maintaining links with the past. How effective can traditional costumes be, in this sense? What other ways exist to help citizens connect with a country's past?

Numerous states around the world would agree in case keep on traditional dress and costumes as a way to connect these time with the past. It might be true since traditional outfit and costume being utility to remind the history. Besides, keeping of traditional music exist also relate this generation with before. Both of these issues will be depicted in the following paragraphs.

The first, the traditional outfit and costumes are eminent for society in case of preserve the culture which each of them has diversity of history. Most inhabitans ought to keen their history of their outfits, such as utilizing them for ritual or traditional events. Indeed, several parts of traditional outfit and costumes have certain value that depend on their belief it has to carry on. For instance, the costume of traditional ceremony in Bali, the participant has an obligation to dress white color up as an holy symbol.

Furthermore, it is remarkably understanding the other way to keep the country's past handed down between generation, that is traditional music. Like in varieties population, tarditional music illustrates the story of life of ancient group of people, such as how they socialize in. Moreover, the traditional music has capability reminding the people about the assimilation of two or more cultures. For example, the traditonal music from Central Java, named Gendhing, which mixturing between the Hindu's traditional music intonation and Islam's messages.

To sum up, recognizing the original culture through either traditional dress and costumes or music traditional music are substantial to connect this era with the past since the culture symbolize the charactheristic of the society.
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