Posts by hypersis

hypersis

Oct 13, 2015

Writing Feedback / I agree that young people prefer not spending time to help their communities. [3]

Do you agree or disagree? Young people nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities.

In today's world, individuals with different cultural backgrounds and personality traits are doing various activities in different sectors of society. It is no surprise, if you find a handful of people at young age want to rush to the aid of their communities. However, generally speaking, I agree that young people prefer not spending time to help their communities.

Today cities are more congested than ever before. Young adults are overwhelmed by works and various occupations and they do not have enough time to facilitate the progress of communities. Life in city is tantamount to crowded subway system, noisy streets and intolerable traffic jams. People most of the times should run to get to their works on time. Inevitably, they would arrive at home exhausted. Even if they want to pursue their hobbies like helping a community, there is no energy left for them to engage in such activities. Most of the people in London, for instance, should get up at 6:00 AM every morning and take a taxi or drive their cars to arrive at a company which might be 60 kilometers away from their home, and this story happens again when they return home at 6:00 PM in the evening. Apparently, they want to spend the rest of the day with their families and they have no time to volunteer in assisting communities.

Furthermore, today, with the advent of technology, many duties and jobs are more specialized. It would be difficult to find someone who is not graduated in a particular major or does not obtain a special craft or profession. Communities, either religious, political, scientific or social, need to be managed by professionals and adept administrators. Therefore, what they mainly need is not the help of young people, but the help of devoted people, though middle-aged or old, who entirely spend their time and energy to develop communities. For instance, if a young 20-years-old biochemistry student who is busy with university assignments and researches on Carbon Nanotubes, wants to involve himself in a political community, would not be able to bring much help to the community. It would be more justifiable, if that political community ask for the help of an old person who has enough knowledge of politics and can serve the community by assigning enough time.

All things considered, communities are more in need of individuals who have enough time and energy and have the specialties to help the communities. In this age, due to the congestion of cities and emergence of technology, finding young individuals who are qualified to help such communities is becoming more scares and expecting all the young people to collaborate on communities' activities is not logical.

hypersis

Oct 15, 2015

Graduate / How to write to show you are passionate about what you do [2]

At this stage ~~of my life~~It is redundancy, because you are writing about yourself in the next sentence, I am ready for the challenge of

approved nanoparticle ~~out there~~again redundancy with their limitations
~~This will enable me to my ultimate research goal, which is to help cancer patients by developing clinically useful formulations.~~
Developing clinically useful formulations enables me to help cancer patients and reaching to my ultimate goal.

hypersis

Oct 15, 2015

Graduate / Economics Ph.D. SOP - need advice for expunging redundant information [7]

In order to analyze data properly, I took several mathematics courses such as real analysis (measure theory), advanced statistical inference, (measure-theoretic) probability theory as well as stochastic calculus during my Master's degree.

Math related courses like real analysis (measure theroy),...,and stochastic calculus helped me in data analysis during masters.

hypersis

Oct 15, 2015

Writing Feedback / Seizing opportunities in life is usually tantamount to risk taking [2]

agree/ disagree? Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already know how to do well.

Dear editor,
I particularly wanna know whether my third paragraph clearly supports my claim or not? This is an opinion-led essay

Life is full of challenges and offers successful people many new opportunities. While many people are sluggish and indolent, attentive people are waiting for any opportunity to grab it and become successful. Seizing opportunities in life is usually tantamount to risk taking. Therefore, I agree that those who want to become successful in life, should have the courage to take risks and be ready to leave their comfort zones.

One definition of success is the state of satisfaction, as satisfaction happens when people achieve their goals in life. Achieving goals takes lots of efforts and energy. Any diligent and energetic individual who is passionate enough can follow his dreams and becomes successful. However, sometimes peoples' goals seem beyond reach and makes them to sacrifice an inferior goal to reach a superior one. That is one definition of taking risks. Immigration, for instance, in search of better studying opportunities or business development is along with leaving one's family and native land. Immigration is a risk and it might not lead to success in studies or business, but it is worth the effort.

Marriage is another form of taking risk. Those who succeed in marriage take the risk of commitment and they promise to spend the rest of their lives with only one person, their spouse. However, if they would be reluctant to take such huge risk and rather stay single, they will never experience the joy and benefits that comes with a successful marriage. In other word, many people, while they are single, knows how to full their free times with their families, going outside with their friends and pursuing their careers. Nonetheless, they might have unique control over their lonely lives, but they will definitely suffer from loneliness. If they will not be able to take the risks, they might die in solitude. Therefore, taking risks has a paramount effect in someone's success. In particular, when it comes to relationship and marriage.

All things considered, successful people are not timorous people who afraid of taking risks in their lives, either taking risks involves taking new opportunities, like immigration, or having commitment in a long-life relationship.

hypersis

Oct 15, 2015

Writing Feedback / Should troublesome students be keeped together or educated separately ? [3]

One reason ~~for my disagreement~~ is that we ~~may~~might~~make them feel confused, lack of confidence and even feel like being ostracized~~ lead to their confusion, lack of self confident, and even ostracism.

hypersis

Oct 16, 2015

Writing Feedback / GRE Analitical Writing. Issue task: "Reliance on technology to solve problems". [7]

Hey, I suggest that u take a look on GRE kaplan 2011- 2012, writing section. It provides u with valuable sources of information about the writing tips

hypersis

Oct 16, 2015

Writing Feedback / 'I'm Algerian Computer Engineering student' Essay on myself for business communication skills course [2]

By the end of this term I will finish my first year as computer engineer student and in five years I will have the necessary requirements to get my dream job in a large successful company as Google.

My major is computer engineering and currently, I am an freshman student. I hope to achieve the necessary requirements that will lead me to be hired in a big and successful company, like Google.

hypersis

Oct 21, 2015

Writing Feedback / The scientists should be responsible but also appreciated by the prominence of their discoveries [3]

Do you agree or disagree: Scientists should be responsible for negative impacts of their discoveries

In this age, with the advent of technology, many new discoveries have been made and new advancements in different scientific fields have emerged. However, like many social, political and cultural matters, science has its own benefits and drawbacks. Thus, scientists should be appreciated by the prominence of their discoveries; and on the other hand, should be responsible for the negative repercussions of their inventions and scientific researches. My perspective toward this issue is that scientists should be particularly cognizant of the potentially harmful implications of their discoveries, as they might lead to many problems including: detrimental diseases and mass destructive weapons

Many unknown diseases have become widely spread out, because of the ignorance of a scientist doing research on a dangerous fields. To illustrate, there is always a possibility that an unknown and primitive virus can infect a laboratory mouse. This virus can be transmitted easily to human through the contact between mouse and human skin. Certainly, the virus can kill a dozen people with one shot, and therefore, the scientist is responsible for murder and should be held responsible.Specifically, biologists who are conducting researches on the field of biology might find a novel way to produce, for example, a specific enzyme to catalyze a metabolites process. However, if this enzyme is injected to human veins, might cause several tremendous side effects. Therefore, the biologists should take responsibility, warn the public of those side effects and find ways to prevent or reduce the severe influences of such discoveries.

Human lives are always in danger of mass destructive weapons, many of which have been invented by irresponsible physicists. All complex weapons, missiles and guns are once had peaceful purposes, but later they have brought many destruction and damages to human life on earth. For instance, at first nuclear atoms and enriched Uranium have been exploited for peaceful goals, but later they have been used for other perilous intentions, including invention of atomic bombs. Atomic bombs were used in World War II and resulted in many destruction in Japan. However, if an individual who has discovered nuclear atoms thought about the devastating consequences of his invention, he could take some effective steps to prevent this discovery to become a huge killer weapon.

All things considered, scientists should be aware and responsible of the different implications that they discoveries bring to people's lives. Such implications could be as harmful as unknown viruses or be as destructive as mass weapons.

hypersis

Oct 21, 2015

Writing Feedback / The scientists should be responsible but also appreciated by the prominence of their discoveries [3]

Louisa, I don't know how to thank u :) Your points on my essay was really invaluable and I became aware of mistakes I made, many of which I didn't notice before :) -

hypersis

Oct 22, 2015

Writing Feedback / The capacity to accept criticism from others, though harsh vituperation, has a great role in a team [5]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: In a team, those who do not accept others 'criticisms cannot succeed. Use examples and details to support your idea.

~~Dear editor, that's a TOEFL essay and I would like to know whether my reasons are reasonable enough to address the prompt clearly or not? Is there redundancy in my essay?~~

Team working is one of the most successful features of workplaces. There are many attributes that can contribute to the success of team working and its members. The capacity to accept criticism from others, though harsh vituperation, has a prominent role in a team.However, I believe the ability to cooperate with others effectively and managing tasks efficiently are more important that the ability to tolerate opposing views.

Cooperation means the capability to work with other team participants in an effective way. A student who is cooperative can establish a better connection with her classmates in a science team. She can ask for the help of science team members and in return solve the problems of others. An employee who is cooperative and works in a business team can communicate with the rest of the team members more extensively. In addition, being collaborative even can bring other advantages to the employee, like getting a promotion.

The second factor that plays an important role in grand achievements in a team, is the ability to manage tasks. Someone who has time management and can prioritize things, can perform manifold tasks effortlessly. A team of cyclists, for example, who wants to schedule an event for the next sports race, should be able to exploit and manage the potential resources in order to hold a memorable event for the professional cyclists and audience who attend the race. The cyclists might negotiate or even dispute over choosing the proper date and site for the event. They might rebuke each other and put up a fight, as if some member of the team cannot bear criticism. However, if they have a good manager in the team, finally they can come to a conclusion over choosing an exact date and place.

All things considered, cooperation and management are the two most important attributes that a team member should possess, otherwise there would be no team at all! The tolerance to accept criticism from others is a valuable personality traits, but definitely not the most important trait to lead a team to success.

hypersis

Oct 24, 2015

Writing Feedback / The capacity to accept criticism from others, though harsh vituperation, has a great role in a team [5]

Thank u very much, dear Louisa :) --- Your comments are really really helpful :) :) :)

hypersis

Oct 27, 2015

Scholarship / Motivational letter for DAAD Scholarship, Ukraine - right investment for my future life and career. [4]

I didn't read the whole letter, but I recommend to not to start your SOP with a memory of your childhood- It's not very groundbreaking!!

Currently, I am a ~~final-year~~senior student ~~of the bachelor program~~ at the Institute of Applied System Analysis at the Kyiv Polytechnic ~~Institute~~ . Through this letter, I would like to express my intention to apply to the master program "Business Informatics" because I am highly interested in data mining, analytical systems and its connection with the business environment and have a strong willingness to study this field.

Since I am highly interested in data mining, analytical systems and its connection with the business environment, I am very eager/ motivated/ interested to apply to the master program "Business Informatics"

hypersis

Oct 27, 2015

Writing Feedback / People should read or watch news presented by people whose views are different from your own? [2]

Do you agree or disagree with the statement that people should read or watch news presented by people whose views are different from your own?

Dear editor,
This is a TOEFL essay and I would like to know whether the grammar is correct or not. Moreover, I don't know the supporting details of topic sentences are convincing or not? Thank you :)

News agencies broadcast many different news from a variety of resources. News can be about many different subjects and provide information about various events that are happening all over the world. Although people naturally tend to listen and watch those news that are similar to their own ideas, but I believe that sometimes people should watch news that are presented by those who have an opposite or different views than themselves.

Watching different news will give the people the ability to distinct the difference between wrong and right. When people listen to opposing views, their cognitive ability and critical thinking will be improved. Consequently, they can analyze the causes of some worldwide issues like poverty and war more precisely. In addition, people who are exposed to a variety of news are more inclined to resolve their personal problems and family issues. They can evaluate a problem from different angles and find the weaknesses expeditiously.

When people try to listen to opposing views and contemplate thoroughly on the ideas that are different than their own, they might realize that maybe their own ideas are not true and thus become more flexible to change them. Therefore, it might be probable that people become more inclined to change their false ideas and embrace new ones. For instance, when the United States went through a huge economic recession, some news agencies attributed the cause of this recession to the corruption of Wall Street big companies. On the other hand, some people thought the reason of the huge number of bankrupted companies was because of incompetent managers. Nevertheless, when people listened to a TV debate show of a reliable news agency, BBC, they realized that they have made a big mistake and judged too soon. As a result, their ideas have been changed.

Listening to diverse news enhances peoples' tolerance. People will be more eager to hear feedbacks and even will be more tolerant to accept criticism. When people watch a hot debate around a particular news in TV, they can learn from the high tolerance of two opponents that are arguing with each other. As a result, when people have a dispute with their friends or colleagues, they might act more sensibly and be more susceptible to accept criticism.

All things considered, I believe that listening and watching different news will provide people with the opportunity to be more critical, more flexible and more tolerant.

hypersis

Dec 31, 2015

Undergraduate / My background has shaped me to become the person I am today. Common App Essay [2]

Growing up in Brooklyn, I was surrounded by a culturally
[...] apartment would not be good enough.

I think there is many unnecessary words in this paragraph and you can omit half of it. Moreover, living in a crowded apartment would be difficult, but is it really distinct your unique abilities from others and convince the committee that u are a good fit for their program?!!

hypersis

Jan 1, 2016

Graduate / SoP of VT for doctoral program at VT - my ambitions of working as a Polymer Engineering (PE) [9]

statement which includes the following:
Why do you want to undertake graduate work?
Why do you qualify to pursue a graduate degree at Virginia Tech?
What do you expect to derive from your program of study?
If you have a concentration or area of interest in mind, briefly outline your interests in this area.
What do you expect to contribute as a student and subsequently as a member of the profession?
If you have not previously indicated in your application the names of faculty members you are interested in working

Would you please help me with grammar, word choice and conciseness. Thanks in advance

Experiencing 68 °C heat in M campus of UT seemed a logical reason for my peers to never apply there. However, the campus seemed a perfect place to me for other reason: fulfilling my ambitions of working as a Polymer Engineering (PE) apprentice in one of the largest chemical industrial zone in x to figure out a number of important unsolved problems about polymers.

Although it took me a while to adopt to the harsh conditions of M, I aced the highest mark in most of the courses and ranked 2nd among about 50 students. My outstanding performance and diligent attitude towards my studies has drawn one of the tier 1 professors' attention in UT, Prof. N, and he became my advisor. While many undergraduate students took PE project for course credits, I had an intense aspiration to strengthen my laboratory skills before graduate studies. I developed my passion for research on structure-property relationships of polymer nanocomposites. For instance, I investigated the effect of Organoclay on the rheological and thermal behaviors of polycarbonate (PC) and optimized the melt flow of PC/Organoclay nanocomposites.

Considered as an exceptionally talented student, I have received an offer by our department to continue my graduate studies as an M.Sc. student, without taking national university entrance exam. One of the major challenges during my research on foaming of PLA/Organoclay bio-nanocomposites was to prevent prefoaming of with Chemical Foaming Agent during mixing. Our laboratory extruder was not equipped with scCO2 injector and I was the first Prof. N's student who conducted this research. I explored several options during 3 months to overcome this challenge, but all of them failed. However, instead of setting a new deadline, I tried to ignite my curiosity and thinking for a novel way. Finally, adding Epoxidized Soybean Oil as a bio-sourced plasticizer was a novel exploratory approach which not only prevented the prefoaming of materials, but also opened up new directions for me and led to a patentable research.

The three years I spent in prof. N lab were crucial in shaping my career. I joined the R&D center of ITT where my experiences of familiarity with PLA hone my ability to integrate the same engineering techniques into our blends of commercial Starch masterbatch with Polypropylene: The low impact strength of our masterbaches was a major downside of them being used in packaging applications which has been overcome by adding ESO. I strived to continue to pursue my career as a polymer engineer for a plastic company where I was engineering automotive plastics materials made of PVC in vehicle's exterior parts. Understanding the key principals of my courses like "plastic engineering" gave me a very strong grounding to troubleshoot extrusion problems in processing of PVC Compounds.

My recent researches on various polymers proved to me that my academic participation in an industry-related project has a positive effect on my career. In particular, I believe industrial problems will be addressed more effectively in an interdisciplinary environment. Therefore, playing a leading role in the development of innovative materials for nano-enabled applications made me more determined to pursue the interdisciplinary graduate program of Macromolecular Science and Engineering program (MSE) at (VT). Moreover, the scholarly orientation of MSE is broadly compatible with my own. I am particularly interested in the possibility of working with Dr. x, Dr. y, Dr. z, Dr. f or Dr. g who make MSE my top choice.

After completing my PhD studies, I am highly motivated to initiate and expand sustainable polymer research network with the large community of interdisciplinary Iranian expertise through the aid of the Office of International Research, Education, and Development (OIRED) at VT and environmental practitioners in companies of x. I believe, my goal-oriented approach toward research and solution-seeking orientation in the development, processing and preparation of nanocomposites, with preferred emphasis on biopolymer technology makes MSE program at VT a perfect fit for me.

hypersis

Jan 1, 2016

Graduate / SoP of VT for doctoral program at VT - my ambitions of working as a Polymer Engineering (PE) [9]

Dear Louisa, I don't know how to thank you for your insightful ideas on my essays :)
Writing this SoP took me 3 weeks, however it needs more edition as you said. here is my corrections according to your suggestion (it exceeded the 2 pages limit, though):

Experiencing 68 °C heat in M campus of UT seemed a logical reason for my peers to never apply there. However, the campus seemed a perfect place to me for other reason: fulfilling my ambitions of working as a Polymer Engineering (PE) apprentice in one of the largest chemical industrial zone in x to figure out a number of important unsolved problems about polymers.

Although it took me a while to adopt to the harsh conditions of M, I aced the highest mark in most of the courses and ranked 2nd among about 50 students. My outstanding performance and diligent attitude towards my studies has drawn one of the tier 1 professors' attention in UT, prof. N., so that I could cooperate with him to strengthen my laboratory skills before attending graduate school. I developed my passion for research on structure-property relationships of polymers by optimizing the melt flow of Polycarbonate (PC)/Organoclay nanocomposite.

Considered as an exceptionally talented student, I have received an offer by our department to continue my graduate studies as an M.Sc. student, without taking national university entrance exam.(I need a conjunction here)One of the major challenges I encountered was to prevent prefoaming of poly (lactic acid)/Organoclay during mixing with chemical foaming agents (CFA). Regarding that our laboratory extruder was not equipped with scCO2 injector, I had to use CFA. I explored a number of factors contributed to the decomposition of CFA, but all of them failed. However, instead of setting a new deadline, I tried to ignite my curiosity and thinking for a new material design.

Finally, adding Epoxidized Soybean Oil (ESO) as a bio-sourced plasticizer was a novel exploratory approach which not only prevented the prefoaming of my samples, but also opened up new research directions for me. ESO, in combination with Organoclay resulted in a considerable enhancement in toughness of nanocomposite samples. Based on such results, I awarded a scholarship for development of biobased packaging materials from Iran Small Industries and Industrial Organization which is also led to a patentable research.

Being able to tackle the research hurdles through creativity and problem solving, I also volunteered to mentor two undergraduate students project on chemical crosslinking of PLA/ESO blend. Although, undergraduate projects are not funded, I managed the team to take several thermal, rheological and mechanical tests before the deadline.

The three years of enjoyable researches in prof. N laboratory put me in a very strong position in the R&D center of ITT where my experiences of familiarity with PLA hone my ability to integrate the same engineering techniques into our blends of commercial Starch masterbatch with Polypropylene: The low impact strength of our masterbaches was a major downside of them being used in packaging applications which has been overcome by adding ESO.

Having such experiences, now I strongly believe my academic participation in an industry-related project has a positive effect on my career. Therefore, as a student playing a leading role in the development of innovative materials for nano-enabled applications makes me more determined to pursue Macromolecular Science and Engineering program (MSE) at (VT). In particular, I believe industrial problems will be addressed more effectively by participating in the interdisciplinary program of MSE. In addition, the scholarly orientation of MSE is broadly compatible with my own. I am particularly interested in the possibility of working with Dr. , Dr. , Dr. , Dr. or Dr. who make MSE my top choice.

After completing my PhD studies at VT, I am highly motivated to initiate and expand a sustainable polymer research network with the large community of interdisciplinary x expertise at VT and practitioners in x plastics companies. I believe, my goal-oriented approach toward research and solution-seeking orientation in the development, processing and preparation of nanocomposites, with preferred emphasis on biopolymer technology makes MSE program at VT a perfect fit for me.

hypersis

Jan 1, 2016

Graduate / SoP of VT for doctoral program at VT - my ambitions of working as a Polymer Engineering (PE) [9]

following my last post, the answer to this question : What do you expect to contribute as a student and subsequently as a member of the profession?" " lies in these sentences: (should I directly address the answer?)

Therefore, as a student playing a leading role in the development of innovative materials for nano-enabled applications makes me more determined to pursue Macromolecular Science and Engineering program (MSE) at (VT).

fter completing my PhD studies at VT, I am highly motivated to initiate and expand a sustainable polymer research network with the large community of interdisciplinary x expertise at VT and practitioners in x plastics companies.

hypersis

Jan 2, 2016

Graduate / SoP of VT for doctoral program at VT - my ambitions of working as a Polymer Engineering (PE) [9]

Dear Louisa, many thanks for your time and your thoughtful comments, I really appreciate it :) Here is what I think :

Although it took me a while to adopt to the harsh conditions of M, I aced the highest mark in most of the courses and ranked 2nd among about 50 students. Here, I wanted to point out that my grades at the 1st two semesters were low and then after the third semester raised. I thought that pointing out to my class rank would be eye catching! in this case, I don't know whether I should delete this line or not?!

My outstanding performance and diligent attitude towards my studies has drawn one of the tier 1 professors' attention in UT, prof. N., so that I could cooperate with him >> Prof. N is my adviser , but I couldn't find another appropriate word instead of cooperate

(I need a conjunction here)One of the major challenges I encountered was to prevent prefoaming of poly (lactic acid)/Organoclay during mixing with chemical foaming agents (CFA). Regarding that our laboratory extruder was not equipped with scCO2 injector, I had to use CFA. I explored a number of factors contributed to the decomposition of CFA, but all of them failed. However, instead of setting a new deadline, I tried to ignite my curiosity and thinking for a new material design.

Finally, adding Epoxidized Soybean Oil (ESO) as a bio-sourced plasticizer was a novel exploratory approach which not only prevented the prefoaming of my samples, but also opened up new research directions for me. ESO, in combination with Organoclay resulted in a considerable enhancement in toughness of nanocomposite samples. Based on such results, I awarded a scholarship for development of biobased packaging materials from Iran Small Industries and Industrial Organization which is also led to a patentable research.Being able to tackle the research hurdles through creativity and problem solving, I also volunteered to mentor two undergraduate students project on chemical crosslinking of PLA/ESO blend. Although, undergraduate projects are not funded, I managed the team to take several thermal, rheological and mechanical tests before the deadline.

Here, I explained one of the problems during my experiments on PLA/Organoclay foaming and how I could handle it >>> I brought this example to point out to my problem-solving, meeting the deadlines, team management by mentoring two undergad students and my scholarship.

In the next paragraph I tried to highlight my ability to use the results of my previous graduate research on PLA/ESO in ITT company.

The VT essay should be double-spaced and 1-2 pages, but my essay has nearly 70 extra words extends it to 3 pages! According to my explanations, I would like to know which paragraph can be omitted and seems to have the least impression on committee reviewers

hypersis

Jan 3, 2016

Graduate / SoP of VT for doctoral program at VT - my ambitions of working as a Polymer Engineering (PE) [9]

wow! You are great, Louisa :) :) :) Thanks a lot for your help, you are very kind :) :) :) -- This last draft is just perfect - Thanks again

hypersis

Jan 8, 2016

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - doctors or inventors are more important? Inventors also have a big role in human live. [2]

Technology ~~has developed~~is developing rapidly these days because ~~plenty of~~many scientists work enthusiastically in order to ~~find new inventions~~invent new thingsor u can say make new inventions . Some people think that inventors are not ~~more essential than~~as important as physicians for human life, but ...

hypersis

Jan 8, 2016

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Task: See a movie in a cinema with other people or in an appartment? Better, cheaper at home. [2]

~~Kinds of~~many~~types~~genres of movies are ~~provided~~ made for people ~~to see~~ , such as romantics, drama, action, etc.
~~Part~~ some of them are fond of ~~going to the~~ movie theater; however, ~~part~~ some of them prefer ...
In my opinion, I think ~~seeing~~ watching a movie in ...
Hence, I do agree with a the statement that (...) a cinema with others than ~~see~~ watching a movie at home.[/quote]

hypersis

Jan 8, 2016

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - What is the proper dress code at work? [2]

First impression is essential in at workplace.
... worn by employees since it ~~gives rise to~~ boosts company's public image.
... differentiate well-educated people from others ~~people~~
... people wearing wrinkled or ill fitting clothing ~~could~~ send the message of carelessness ~~that they just threw (...) as well as less ambitiousand this eventually leads to associating them less dedicated as an employee.~~ and this will eventually represent them as irresponsible employees

hypersis

Jan 8, 2016

Graduate / Choosing between two Polymer Engineering (PE) departments - academic statement of MSU [13]

Your Personal Statement should concisely describe how your background and life experiences - including social, economic, cultural, familial, educational, or other opportunities or challenges - motivated your decision to pursue a graduate degree

Personal Statement
Choosing between two Polymer Engineering (PE) departments of the same university seemed an easy decision for a high-school graduate: One is located in Tehran and the other is located in M., a remote city with a desert climate. Experiencing 68 °C heat in M. campus of (UT) seemed a logical reason for my peers to never apply there. However, the campus seemed a perfect place to me for other reason: fulfilling my ambitions of working as a PE apprentice in one of the largest chemical industrial zone in Iran to figure out a number of unsolved problems about the structure of everyday polymers.

It took me nearly one year to adopt to the harsh conditions in M. city, but finally I aced the highest mark in many courses and ranked 2nd among about 40 engineering students. My initial interest in research dates back to the final year of PE program, when I took several workshop and laboratory courses which involved preparation of literature reviews about structure and properties of polymer nanocomposites and conducting some tests on rheological and mechanical behaviors of rubber nanocomposites. These courses also provide me with the opportunity to improve my communication skills. One incident illustrates this point. There was a staff member in an adjoining laboratory who was a rather uncooperative person and had many problems with students in the past. I had to interact with this staff person in order to get the laboratory project done. I was able to find a common interest with this staff person, which was mountain climbing, and build a rapport based on this mutual interest. The staff person even gave me the laboratory key, so that I could conduct more dynamic mechanical analysis (DMA) tests in the laboratory.

As my master thesis project, I developed a theoretical and experimental approach toward the preparation and characterization of bio-based nanocomposite foams. My extensive knowledge of polymer nano-systems and their morphological and rheological characterization proved to be very useful in understanding the principles that underlie bubble-growth phenomena in foam cells. This research was especially exciting due to the unique mechanical properties have been obtained by introducing a new material design based on bio-based plasticizer. It was the time that I realized my passion for research was motivated by the constant challenge of learning the structure-property relationships bionanocomposites.

Moreover, graduate school has allowed me to begin developing my leadership skills which I feel will be central to my future career. I volunteered to mentor two undergraduate students project on chemical crosslinking of PLA/ESO blends during my masters' thesis. Due to the limited funds for undergraduate projects, I assigned each student distinct role: one student was responsible for gathering relevant journal articles, another with coordinating several thermal, rheological and mechanical tests schedules. In this case, we were not only able to provide more resources of funding from PE department, but also meet the deadline.

I am highly motivated to join the Composite Materials and Structures Center at (MSU). I believe having access to the state of the art facilities of this center such as ARES Rheometer or FIB-SEM increases the efficiency of my research. In addition, I found many research activities of this center in complete accordance with my capabilities and interests. Among many valuable projects of faculty members, projects studying polymers strengthened by fibers or other materials, projects improving material properties by manipulating atomic structure at the nanometer scale, projects involving properties and/or processing of polymeric materials and projects for understanding the behavior of fluid flow fields seem quite eye-catching to me, since they completely overlap with my interests in Material Science and Engineering (MSE) program. I am so much enthusiastic about this field of study; therefore, I decided to spend the rest of my life working on it. Moreover, I am optimistic to promote a deeper understanding of the principles of bio-nanocomposite fabrication and processing, with special emphasis on their packaging performance properties.

After completing my PhD studies, as an Iranian alumnus at MSU, I will promote the community-diversity of MSU by initiating and expanding upon a sustainable polymer research network with the large community of interdisciplinary Iranian expertise at MSU and practitioners of plastic packaging companies in developing countries. I believe, my goal-oriented approach toward research and solution-seeking orientation in the development, processing and preparation of nanocomposites, with preferred emphasis on biopolymer technology makes MSE program at MSU a perfect fit for me.

hypersis

Jan 8, 2016

Graduate / SoP of VT for doctoral program at VT - my ambitions of working as a Polymer Engineering (PE) [9]

Dear Louisa, I have another statement which is the same as VT statement, but I divided it to two parts ( as what MSU university wants: personal and academic) -( for other universities I just need to change the research areas of faculties or names )- I tried to use examples of my career and academic experiences in both statements , but I'm not sure if it will work out for personal statement?!! would you please provide me with your feedback on this one?

hypersis

Jan 9, 2016

Graduate / Choosing between two Polymer Engineering (PE) departments - academic statement of MSU [13]

Dear Louisa, thank you so much for your time and consideration :)
I want to apply for MSE program at MSU which has two statements, and it was really difficult for me to make a clear boundary between these two statements :( :

1- personal statement( I found the below questions in the guideline of the prompt of personal statement for many other programs of MSU. However, except the prompt these questions wasn't directly stated for the the MSE program website, but I suppose the same questions applies for MSE program as well, so I tried to answer them in my essay) :

Your Personal Statement should concisely describe how your background and life experiences - including social, economic, cultural, familial, educational, or other opportunities or challenges - motivated your decision to pursue a graduate degree.

When preparing your Personal Statement, please address the following questions:
1. If applicable, please describe any barriers or obstacles that you have overcome in pursuit of your educational or personal goals. Examples might include economic, social or health challenges, being the first in your family to attend college, family obligations, etc.

2. How have you demonstrated your leadership skills, or your potential as a leader? For example, you might share specific examples of how you made contributions as an officer in a student organization or how you assumed a leadership role within a team or during a professional internship. You could also discuss your potential for leadership in graduate school and afterwards by sharing your career goals

3. How well do your personal goals for education and research fit with the interests of our faculty and the research activities within our department? Briefly describe research areas or questions that you find interesting and identify any specific faculty, labs or research projects at MSU that are of particular interest to you.

4. discussing your capacity to make a distinctive professional or scholarly contribution in your field.
5. How have you contributed to a diverse educational community, or how will you do so as a graduate student? How have you promoted understanding among persons of different backgrounds and ideas, or how will you do so as a graduate student? Examples might include service activities, leadership roles, study abroad, language study, etc

6. If applicable, please describe aspects of your personal background that will enhance the diversity of MSU's graduate student body.

2- academic statement
( I really tried two separate the contents of my personal statement with academic statement, but I don't know how much I was successful ! , As you see, some of the questions of personal statement like motivation for graduate studies overlap with academic statement and even I refereed to my personal statement at the end of my academic statement)

Please provide a concise academic statement of your plans for graduate study, your career goals, and how MSU's graduate program will help you meet your career and educational objectives.

1. Briefly describe key experiences that led you to graduate studies. Examples might include research experiences, internships, coursework or extracurricular activities.
2. Share specific, relevant examples of how these experiences helped you develop skills for success as a graduate student. For instance, you might demonstrate ways that you have synthesized knowledge from the classroom, developed research skills, communicated effectively, acted as a leader, or gained skills and responsibility over time.

3. Explain how your goals for graduate study relate to your longer-term career plans, including the pursuit of additional degrees or certifications if applicable.

Here is my academic statement:

Two main themes have emerged in my academic life that I believe make me well-suited to continue to pursue graduate studies: an aspiration for research and a passion for applied research jobs.

Achieving the know-how of PVC pilot plant production during summer internship was my first practical experience through which I applied polymerization methods I learned in Polymer Engineering (PE) program. During my second career, understanding the key principals of my courses like "Plastic Engineering" gave me a very strong grounding to troubleshoot extrusion problems in processing of PVC Compounds in vehicle's exterior parts.

As a top-ranked student, my outstanding performance and diligent attitude towards my studies drew the attention of one of the tier 1 professors in UT, Prof. N. I took the opportunity to cooperate with him in order to strengthen my laboratory skills prior to graduate school. I developed my passion for research on structure-property relationships of polymers by optimizing the melt flow of polycarbonate/Organoclay nanocomposites during this time.

Considered as an exceptionally talented student, I had an offer from our department to continue my graduate studies as an M.Sc. student, without taking the qualifying national university entrance exam. In my next research, one of the major challenges I encountered in the laboratory setting of Prof. N. was the prevention of the prefoaming of polylactic acid (PLA)/Organoclay during mixing with chemical foaming agents (CFA). Our laboratory extruder was not equipped with scCO2 injector, so I had to use CFA. I explored a number of factors that contributed to the decomposition of CFA, but all of them failed. However, instead of setting a new deadline, I tried to ignite my curiosity and thinking for a new material design.

Finally, adding Epoxidized Soybean Oil (ESO) as a bio-sourced plasticizer prevented the prefoaming of my samples and also opened up new research directions for me. ESO, in combination with Organoclay resulted in a considerable enhancement in toughness of nanocomposite samples. Based on these results, I awarded a scholarship for development of bio-based packaging materials from ISIOP which is also led to a patentable research.

The three years of enjoyable researches in prof. N's laboratory put me in a very strong position in the R&D center of Isfahan Technology Town, where my experiences of familiarity with PLA hone my ability to integrate the same engineering techniques into our blends of commercial Starch masterbatch with polypropylene: The low impact strength of our masterbaches was a major downside of them being used in packaging applications which has been overcome by adding ESO.

Having such experiences, I strongly believe my academic participation in an industry-related project has a positive effect on my career. Therefore, as a student playing a leading role in the development of innovative materials for nano-enabled applications with special emphasis in packaging and automotive applications makes me more determined to pursue (MSE) program at (MSU). I believe industrial problems will be addressed more effectively by participating in the multidisciplinary environment of Composite Materials and Structures Center at MSU. In addition, as I stated in my personal statement, the scholarly orientation of MSE program is broadly compatible with my own, which makes MSU my top choice. Given my strong academic background and my serious intention for research, now I am confident enough to claim that I can fully be engaged in MSE program at MSU where I can embrace the challenges and opportunities it will bring to me.

hypersis

Jan 10, 2016

Graduate / Choosing between two Polymer Engineering (PE) departments - academic statement of MSU [13]

Dear Louisa, many thanks for your answer and I'm sorry, I should included the questions in my first post. I checked the MSU website again and now I'm sure I should answer the questions in the prompt which applies to all engineering programs at MSU(Am I allowed to post a link here ?? egr.msu.edu/academics/graduate/academic-personal-statements-guidelines/#personal )

hypersis

Jan 10, 2016

Graduate / Choosing between two Polymer Engineering (PE) departments - academic statement of MSU [13]

Dear Louisa, I tried to cut many parts of the essay. I hope this draft would be in accordance to what you have recommended. Thanks for your time :)

Experiencing 68 °C heat in M. campus of (UT) seemed a logical reason for my peers to never apply there. However, the campus seemed a perfect place to me for other reason: fulfilling my ambitions of working as a PE apprentice in one of the largest chemical industrial zone in Iran to figure out a number of unsolved problems about the structure of everyday polymers.

...

hypersis

Jan 11, 2016

Graduate / Choosing between two Polymer Engineering (PE) departments - academic statement of MSU [13]

Hi Louisa,
Thanks for your useful instructions :) :)
I added a second paragraph to my essay to address the third Question of personal statement:

Experiencing 68 °C heat in Mahshahr campus of Amirkabir University of Technology (AUT) seemed a logical reason for my peers to never apply there. However, the campus seemed a perfect place to me for other reason: fulfilling my ambitions of working as a Polymer Engineering (PE) apprentice in one of the largest chemical industrial zone in Iran to figure out a number of important unsolved problems about polymers.

Matriculating at a campus 1900 km away from home and spending my internship in south port of Iran, provided me with the opportunity to establish rapport with students and interns of diverse ethnicity and cultural backgrounds. One incident illustrates this point. There was a staff member in an adjoining laboratory who was from a minority group from and had many problems with students in the past. I had to interact with this staff person and confront biases and preconceptions in order to get the laboratory project done. I was able to find a common interest with this staff person, which was mountain climbing, and build a rapport based on this mutual interest. The staff person even gave me the laboratory key, so that I could conduct more dynamic mechanical analysis (DMA) tests in the laboratory.

Interested in the subject of structure-property ...

...

After completing my PhD studies, I am highly motivated to promote the community of MSU by initiating and expanding upon a sustainable polymer research network with the large community of interdisciplinary Iranian expertise at MSU and practitioners of plastic packaging companies in developing countries. I believe, my goal-oriented approach toward research and solution-seeking orientation in the development, processing and preparation of nanocomposites, with preferred emphasis on biopolymer technology makes MSE program at MSU a perfect fit for me.

hypersis

Jan 11, 2016

Writing Feedback / A rule of the same percentage of male and female learners in a school shouldn't apply - it's harmful [6]

~~From~~By applying this policy, several ...
Unfairness (I think partiality is a better word choice ) should be first mentioned.
... the list which contains 50% of the best students in (...) have better abilities than ~~other people of the counterpart~~their counterparts.

In the first paragraph, it's better to mention your reason briefly for your disagreement -- this essay is very short and need more development or u can say : However, I do not agree with this opinion for the following reasons:

hypersis

Jan 12, 2016

Graduate / Choosing between two Polymer Engineering (PE) departments - academic statement of MSU [13]

Thanks a lot Louisa, I reformatted the essay. I hope this draft will work out :) -

Experiencing 68 °C heat in M. campus of (AUT) seemed a logical reason for my peers to never apply there. However, the campus seemed a perfect place to me for other reason: fulfilling my ambitions of working as a Polymer Engineering (PE) apprentice in one of the largest chemical industrial zone in Iran to figure out a number of important unsolved problems about polymers.

Interested in the subject of structure-property relationships of bio-/nano-Composites, I developed a theoretical and experimental approach toward the preparation and characterization of bio-based nanocomposite foams during my master thesis at AUT. My extensive knowledge of polymer nano-systems and their morphological and rheological characterization proved to be very useful in understanding the principles that underlie bubble-growth phenomena in foam cells.

Moreover, graduate school has allowed me to begin developing my leadership skills which I feel will be central to my future career. I volunteered to mentor two undergraduate students' project about chemical crosslinking of polylactic acid blends. Due to the limited funds for undergraduate projects, I assigned each student distinct role: one student was responsible for gathering relevant journal articles, another with coordinating several thermal and mechanical tests schedules. In this case, we were not only able to provide more resources of funding from PE department, but also meet the deadline.

I am highly motivated to join the CMS Center at (MSU) to have access to the state of the art facilities such as ARES Rheometer or FIB-SEM. I found many research activities of this center in complete accordance with my capabilities and interests in bio-/nano-composites. Among many valuable projects of faculty members, projects which invlove studying polymers strengthened by fibers or other materials, improving material properties by manipulating atomic structure, studying properties and/or processing of polymeric materials and understanding the behavior of fluid flow fields seem quite eye-catching to me, since they completely overlap with my interests in Material Science and Engineering (MSE) program. I am so much enthusiastic about this field of study; therefore, I decided to spend the rest of my life working on it. Moreover, I am optimistic to promote a deeper understanding of the principles of bio-nanocomposite fabrication and processing, with special emphasis on their packaging performance properties.

In my quest of serving as an Iranian polymer researcher, I believe ethnically-diverse universities such as MSU will offer me the opportunity to collaborate with students, faculty and staff of all diverse backgrounds and to enrich the research environment through exposure to new perspectives on Persian culture. Given the challenges confronted by matriculating at M. campus which was 1900 km away from home and spending my internship in south port of Iran, I have already prepared myself to establish rapport with students and interns of diverse ethnicity and cultural backgrounds. One incident illustrates this point. There was a staff member in an adjoining laboratory who was from a minority group from and had many problems with students in the past. I had to interact with this staff person and confront biases and preconceptions in order to get the laboratory project done. I was able to find a common interest with this staff person, which was mountain climbing, and build a rapport based on this mutual interest. The staff person even gave me the laboratory key, so that I could conduct more dynamic mechanical analysis (DMA) tests in the laboratory.

In essence, given my strong academic background and my serious intention for research in a multicultural environment, I believe the MSU will allow me to make a meaningful contribution to the field of MSE through the enhancement of advanced polymer properties and processing and serve the MSU people of all backgrounds in efforts to improve the diversity- community outcomes.

hypersis

Jan 13, 2016

Graduate / Choosing between two Polymer Engineering (PE) departments - academic statement of MSU [13]

Dear Louisa, if you think the format of this personal statement is okay, would you please take a look to see if there it has any grammatical mistakes or not? I have to submit the essay tomorrow :( - Thanks for your time