ANSOR99
Apr 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete - diagram [2]
Helo Rahmat, i try to give some corrections into your essay. Hopefully, it can help you to improve your essay next.
The diagram below shows the stages [...] divided into two steps, pouring and mixing.[/quote]
My corrections:
1. You should make two paragraphs above to be introduction (only one paragraph).
2. Remember; if you want to put "overall" (thesis statement), it will be better for you to take into introduction.
3. For the last paragraph in your essay, there are two different process. I think that you should divide it to be two paragraphs.
4. I give you one sample for introduction, below:
(The diagrams illustrate the process of cement production and then this cement can be used for process of concrete production. At first glance, it can be seen that the first process to make cement production looks clearly for the steps how to do, but for the second process for creating concrete production needs the measure for each material of the batter.)
Helo Rahmat, i try to give some corrections into your essay. Hopefully, it can help you to improve your essay next.
My corrections:
1. You should make two paragraphs above to be introduction (only one paragraph).
2. Remember; if you want to put "overall" (thesis statement), it will be better for you to take into introduction.
3. For the last paragraph in your essay, there are two different process. I think that you should divide it to be two paragraphs.
4. I give you one sample for introduction, below:
(The diagrams illustrate the process of cement production and then this cement can be used for process of concrete production. At first glance, it can be seen that the first process to make cement production looks clearly for the steps how to do, but for the second process for creating concrete production needs the measure for each material of the batter.)