behieli
Apr 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: The Real Reason for Teenage Crime [3]
I think for writing a good essay you should concentrate on understanding the topic and giving reasonable explanation to support your point. assembling some scientific data would not necessarily lead to an understandable piece of writing. The question you are challenged with is whether or not the epidemic violence among youngsters is the result of lack of education they received from their parents. however, in your essay you've focused on parental attachment and its effects on children behavior.
by the way, there are word in your piece with no meaning: delincuency, decuce, perpetrantion??
I guess you meant "on the other hand" wherever you've used : "in turn"
it may be helpful to rewrite the essay with your personal understanding of the topic. I'm sure it will improve by far.
good luck!
I think for writing a good essay you should concentrate on understanding the topic and giving reasonable explanation to support your point. assembling some scientific data would not necessarily lead to an understandable piece of writing. The question you are challenged with is whether or not the epidemic violence among youngsters is the result of lack of education they received from their parents. however, in your essay you've focused on parental attachment and its effects on children behavior.
by the way, there are word in your piece with no meaning: delincuency, decuce, perpetrantion??
I guess you meant "on the other hand" wherever you've used : "in turn"
it may be helpful to rewrite the essay with your personal understanding of the topic. I'm sure it will improve by far.
good luck!