Writing Feedback / Controversy Land Reclamation in Jakarta [5]

Here is my writing. Your feed back is very welcome.
Now day, land reclamation became the popular term in across the globe because a lot of country carry out it. Indonesia is one of the countries which conducted reclamation. Recently, reclamation becomes a controversy in Indonesia. Actually, what does land reclamation mean? Reclamation is the activity of establishing more land or adding land area on the water region. On a bigger scale, land reclamation result in artificial islands. Dubai is a state that success with reclamation. They successfully build two islands on the sea. They are Palm and World islands. Meanwhile Japan build Haneda airport successfully with reclamation. Why are they success to carry out reclamation? It's because they watch the Environmental Effect Analysis rule seriously.

Problem reclamation land in Indonesia, especially in north coast Jakarta is the rule of Environmental Effect Analysis which not eligible. It can cause a lot of negative impacts. Reclamation has tendency to decease natural ecosystem. Mukri Priyatna, director of WALHI said that reclamation in north coast of Jakarta had defect fish population. The effect, fisherman more difficult to catch fish and they have to sail more far than usual. This problem makes their income lower. The other problem, land reclamation does not help Jakarta's subsidence problem, it will even lead to other environmental problems and mainly be used by higher-income citizens.

We are as occupant, should be generous for this issue. Government has releases the rule about temporary termination of land reclamation process. We should support government way.

thejakartapost.com/academia/2016/04/07/qa-the-problem-with-jakartas-land-reclamation.html

Writing Feedback / Why More People Than Ever Are Donating Their Bodies to Science [4]

Hello.. this is my summary assignment, please give me some feed backs. Thanks a lot.

Recently, donating the body after death to science necessities become a new trend. A number of medical schools around the country have seen this trend. The University of Minnesota for example, it received more than 550 cadavers last year, up from 170 in 2002. The University of Buffalo got almost 600 last year. Others that reported increases include Duke University, the University of Arizona and state agencies in Maryland and Virginia.

There are some reasons for the trend seems to be twofold. The paradigm of allowing a love one corpse to be carved up is not a taboo again. However, not too long ago, it was taboo. The other reason is the increasing cost of a traditional burial now day. As of 2014, a traditional burial cost around $7,200, an increase of 29 percent from a decade earlier.

Many schools use cadavers for medical research. Cadaver is a corpse that used for educational necessity. When they are done, they cremate the body or return the cremains to the family at no cost. Understanding the human anatomy and practicing surgical techniques using a real human cadaver is infinitely more useful to medical students than plastic, rubber or virtual alternative others.

time.com/4456189/more-people-donating-bodies-to-science/?xid=homepag

Writing Feedback / Growth in number of Indonesia businesses slowing down in last decade [6]

Business is pivotal sector for the developing country like Indonesia. Up to now, there are 26.7 million registered businesses in Indonesia. However, the growth of all registered business entities has slowed down considerably over the past decades. According to data from BPS, there were 9.3 million businesses entities in 1986, which then climbed by 7.1 million to 16.4 million in 1996. The number grew by 6.3 million to 22.7 million units in 2006. And the last, the number grew by 4 million to 26.7 million units in 2016.

From those data can be seen that the additional number business entities in the past ten years is only 4 million. This number is fewer than past decades before. They are 6.3 million, 7.1 million and 9.3 million. Government should strive to increase the number of registered business in Indonesia. So, the additional number of registered business will increase in next decade.

Writing Feedback / Does Eat more salt prevent migraines and severe headaches? We need more evidences and researches [2]

IELTS Writing Task

Salt is an essential mineral composed primarily of sodium chloride that has important role for human life. Saltiness is the basic of human taste. There are controversies regarding salty diet. Some people believe that consume high salty refreshment affect to heart disease and stroke. In other hand, some people believe that salty refreshment keep migraines and severe headaches. According to the survey of National Health and Nutritional Examination US at 8819 adults between 1999 and 2004, people who consume high levels of sodium in their diets both on meat and other product such bread, cheese, as well as table salt, they had fewest severe headaches and migraines.

Harrington, a scientist at Medical Research Institutes surprised by those results due to they are counterintuitive. Sodium ions are known to activate neurons. High sodium levels in our body generally make neurons more excitable. The idea that sodium can inhibit migraine activity is puzzling. So, is the evidence that salt keep migraines and severe headache only a rumor? Is that survey's result not reliable? I think it is too premature to publish that eating more salt keep people from migraines. We need more evidences and researches to make trustworthy recommendations.

newscientist.com/article/2101015-does-eating-more-salt-prevent-migraines-and-severe-headaches/

Writing Feedback / MAKING INTRODUCTION; discussing benefits and drawbacks, giving opinions on issues. IELTS TASK 2 [3]

Hello, this is my exercises of introduction in IELTS writing task 2. Please give me advice weather it is appropriate responses or not due to the questions. If there are some words or phrases that is better to use, do not hesitate to write it down which will broaden my horizon.

1. As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distance.

Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?
There are many goods that we use on a daily basis are produced in other countries. Consequently, we must import to get those products. Long distances would be problem because distribution chains become ineffective which spend much more cost. As such, it will impact on the price would be more expensive. I'm personally believe that would more drawback that outweigh which got.

2. In many countries , children are enganged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience.

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion
Nowadays, a lot of children take several kind of job because of economic instability. Some people appraise that this is completely unacceptable meanwhile the other believe that it would give some advantages. Therefore, I will discuss both of perspective in the following paragraph.

3. Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for charity, improving the neighborhood, or teaching sports to younger children.

To what extent do you agree or disagree.
There is an issue regarding to unpaid community service which should be integrated in part of high school program. Definitely, unpaid community service has many positive effects on student soft skill. I would more likely to agree because it can improve the interpersonal and social sense.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 3: MAKING CONCLUSION AND BODY PARAGRAPH [2]

1. As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distance.

Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?
To conclude, despite the fact that import enables a country to obtain good with high quality which can't be produced by our country due to limited the human resources. Import of goods could lead conflict in the domestic value because of the social value acceptance. Import will kill the domestic industries because they can't compete. So that, I believe that import would drive more disadvantages for the country.

2. In many countries , children are enganged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience.

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion
In conclusion, accepting children become potential labor would give advantage in both employee and employer in short term. Other hand, it would get disadvantages a lot for the children's future. I believe that childhood is the best moment to find out knowledge, finish study completely, not to work.

3. Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for charity, improving the neighborhood, or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree.
To sum up, the idea to integrate social community service on school program would make a great impact on either society or student as an individual. Therefore, I agree a lot to adopt social community service on school curriculum system.

IELTS TASK ONE IDEA PARAGRAPH
The main benefit of modern technology is that people's lives are much more convenient. This is because we are able to do many things without having to stay at the office or home, something which is extremely important given the busy lifestyles of today. For example, most people now have a mobile phone or laptop computer, and Wi-Fi is available in virtually every place. As a result, people able to do their work, liaise with colleagues or friends, and check their emails anywhere they choose such as in coffee shops or while travelling on a train or bus. There is no doubt that this has improved people's lives in many ways and this would not have been possible without improved technology.

However, behind a lot of pleasures which is served, there is negative side resulting from inappropriate of technology. That negative side can have serious and long-term consequences. One of the bad impacts of breakthrough technology is social live and social skill degradation. Technological advances cause people to be distracted and increasingly isolated. Many cases where people meet in a place, they do not talk or just greet. They focus by chatting with mates who are so far away. They prefer to interact via Facebook, Twitter, Path, and other social media rather than interact in real life by talking directly.

There is no doubt that high technology has played in increasing our live more convenient. We are having better conveniences and even better luxuries with the help of technology. Despite, there is negative impact of technology which has had a profound impact on social life.

IELTS TASK MULTIPLE IDEA PARAGRAPH
There is no doubt that modern technology has improved people's lives in many ways. Firstly, people live are much more convenient because we have devices such mobile phone, meaning that people can communicate when and where they like, not just in the office or home. In addition, people are living much longer lives due to the advances in medical technology, with doctors now able to carry out complicated heart surgery and other operations that were not possible many years ago. People's lives have also improved around the home. Evidence of this can be seen with all the devices that are now readily available to people that save time such as microwaves, washing machines, and dish washer. None of this would have been possible without advances in technology.

However, since the appearance of technology, human beings have neglected each other and themselves. I mean that technology could decrease social live and social skill of mankind. We are spending less and less time together in living to talk and interact with our families, friends and neighbors and more and more time driving our cars, watching TV, being online on the smartphone and playing game. In addition, technology could make obesity especially on the young. With technology such as cars, television, computers and mobile devices, has made our lives easier. Consequently, we spend much more of time sedentary with eat some snacks meanwhile the time in physical activity dropped. We use less energy which is benefit to burn fat which causes obesity.

There is no denying that the impact of technology in the world today is huge either positive or negative impact. It isn't technology which lead our lives. But, we are that should lead the technology. We have to wise and smart in using technology.

Writing Feedback / The spread of the internet issue - IELTS TASK 4: FULLY-DEVELOPED EXAMPLES [4]

This is my IELTS task writing regarding body examples. Your feed back really help me.

The spread of the internet is appositive development because everyone has easy access to an abundance of information. A good example of this is the great advantages of the internet provided in educational field. Students have a lot of paper assignment which must be finished. Students require any references to support paper's content. In past years ago, student had to go library and search one by one the book which is needed. Even, students often purchase an expensive book. Nevertheless, in recent decade students able to find references on the internet easily. Many journals and research data are saved on the internet. Moreover, a lot of electronic newspapers and books also can be podcast on internet. All in all, information can be obtained anywhere because internet is available virtually in every place.

However, there are also drawbacks because of the easy access to dangerous sites. For instance, more sites which contain unsure of pornography, gambling, fraud and any bad content others. These are very dangerous for the young especially children. Internet can't filter negative content of bad sites. Even tough, there is a warning on accessing to these sites, but it is still very easy for some users to overcome. The impact, a lot of cases of raping occurred among the teenagers who often access shameful sites.

Writing Feedback / Students have more opportunities to study in other countries, but they may struggle with problems [3]

Task 2
In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country.
Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?
You should use your own ideas, knowledge, and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence

Education is a pivotal need to live in modern world. The importance of education can be seen in the light how governments across the globe allocate particular fund for education by providing scholarships. Students have more opportunity to study in other country. Undoubtedly, studying abroad has its advantages and disadvantages. I will discuss in the following paragraphs.

There are several problems will occur when students studying abroad, it means that they also come with disadvantages. First one, language is the common barrier in communicating. Communication will be so hard when people do not speak with same language. It would be embarrassing when people misunderstanding and get lost in translation. Second, adapting to a new environment is a real challenge for every foreign student. While changing the weather can affect for the health, different cultures and customs may influence student mind and make them become less confident. If students do not have enough physical and mental strength, they will fail to adapt in the new circumstances. As a result, they could neither study nor gain beautiful experiences.

However, studying overseas also has many advantages. First one, student have chance to improve foreign language. It is better to learn language with the native speakers because they can practice every day. It is very useful to improve listening and speaking skills. Second, students have opportunities to study the new technologies and most recent science achievements. In other words, students might find the best educational system which is most suitable for them. For instance, Netherland is a country leading in agricultural research throughout the world. The modern labs and facilities support every student necessity. As a result, students would get more deep knowledge and experience.

To sum up, taking a chair overseas will struggle with language, culture, and other problems. It is more likely for people to enhance their knowledge and experience. To support this, students should prepare properly with adequate information regarding to destination country, university, program and others.

Writing Feedback / Reducing emission production, processing waste, planting the number of plants - all for environment [2]

Individuals can do anything to improve the environment. Only large company and businesses can make a difference.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are different perspectives that reveal only big manufactures and businesses able to develop the surrounding, meanwhile personals can't do it. Personally, I am proponent with that view since a lot of individuals have contributed for achieving good environment.

All parts in this live have same responsibility to preserve and maintain this circumstance. This world has the number of problems one of them is global warming. Global warming is caused by an amount of CO2 which is resulted by car emission, burning of rubbish and so on. There are many simple actions that can be done by individuals. For instance, they can reduce the car usage frequently by using public transportation to go workplace or walking and cycling to go a near place.

In addition, personals could save the trashes by do not throw rubbish anywhere. Those trashes are collected in different trash can, inorganic and organic trashes. Inorganic trashes such as bottle, cans and plastic could be brought to recycling bank. While organic trashes can be processed continuously as organic pesticide and fertilizer which are very beneficial as plants nutrition. Those plants are able to help reduce the amount of CO2 in the surrounding. Moreover, individuals could plant several plants such sansevieria, spider plan and golden photos. Those plants have proved can absorb emission and fume.

In conclusion, I believe that personals can improve the environment by reducing emission production, processing waste continuously and planting the number of plants. Ideally, both personals and companies should to stride together to enhance the better circumstance.

Writing Feedback / Human activity is more pleasure due to the sophisticated existence of Internet [3]

The internet has made human lives more convenient. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

Human activity is more pleasure due to the sophisticated internet existence. I would stand to proponent with the notion because the presence of the internet has totally changed marketing and communication system in this world.

The great advantage of the internet is online shopping. Online shopping appeared as a smart solution for condition today which people very busy and have a less time. Online shopping enable people to fulfill various live necessities such gadgets, electronic goods, foods even plants and pets. As an example is tokopedia. Tokopedia is one of the popular online marketing services in Indonesia. Many people use online shopping to purchase any goods because of several motives. Online shopping offer cheaper prices than conventional shopping because the products come directly from the manufactures. Online shopping is very simple because people can do transaction anytime through navigate a website without go to the market and spend much energy.

In addition, the benefit of the internet existence is communication system. Over decades, people had to go post office on work hour to send a message. Since the internet founded first time, communication has been easier by appearing several communication media. For instance is social media such face book. Through face book people can send a message instantly whenever and wherever through a desktop PC or smartphone. People can this service to keep in touch with mates, share information, photo, music and video.

In conclusion, I believe that human business is easily to be done due to the existence of cutting-edge internet. This is can be seen on the advance of marketing and communication system which have made human live more simple and instant. Human should make the best use of internet to attain the god live.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK: READ A BAR CHART USAGE OF WATER IN 6 GULF COUNTRIES FOR ANY PURPOSES [2]

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of six different countries in Middles East using water for three purposes in 2000. At the first glance, it is evident that Bahrain and Kuwait used water predominantly for domestic purposes, while the other countries used it greatly for agricultural purposes.

With regards to water use for domestic purposes, Kuwait had the highest use of water at 63 percent, but its use for agriculture was only a third. Bahrain had a slight amount of water use at around 50 percent, nevertheless this country used more water than Kuwait for agricultural purposes.

On the other hand, the remaining four countries used more water for agriculture. The highest were Saudi Arabia at 85 percent and Oman at 83 percent. Even though, these countries had particularly low level of water usage for domestic purposes. Then, Unit Arab Emirates and Qatar used 65 percent and 62 percent for agriculture, but they used water only a small proportion for domestic purposes.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK: Describing Process Diagram of wind turbine work system [2]

The first diagram illustrates how a wind turbine produces renewable electricity. Overall, it can be seen that wind turbine requires the construction of a high pole which is connected to a generator. While the second one, shows the amount of energy which is generated on certain area.

First of all, wind blows pass into a narrow propeller called blade which is made from fiberglass or wood. It makes the blade rotated. At the same time, when the blade is working, the wind sensor will recognize speed and direction. It then connected to a generator which can convert kinetic to electric energy until 1.5 megawatts in the voltage. Following this, a computer will receive information from sensor adjust regarding direction and angle which determine to quantity of electricity production.

Turning to the second picture, wind turbine can be placed in any spot locations such as on the sea and on the hill. The high-voltage electricity can be generates when the wind turbine be placed on the hill where wind blows maximally. It can deliver 100 kilo watts of harnessing power. The wind turbine also can be placed nearby littoral line. Nevertheless, wind turbine produces less electricity compared to first location because the landscape is not spoiled.

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