Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by m7mdbsheer
Name: Mohammed
Joined: Nov 6, 2016
Last Post: Nov 26, 2016
Threads: 6
Posts: 7  
Likes: 1
From: Sudan
School: s

Displayed posts: 13
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
m7mdbsheer   
Nov 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS T2: Is prison the best punishment for criminals? [3]

Prison is the best punishment for criminals, to what extent do you agree?

It is largely argued that the most effective way to punish offenders is putting them in jails. I completely agree with this statement.

In my opinion, prison is the best sort of punishment for a number of reasons. First, by putting law-breakers in the prison we ensure the safety of our society. What this means is that criminal will not be able to commit further crimes if they are kept in jails. Secondly, in custody prisoners are prepared to be better citizens when they are released. For example, a huge number of prisons apply the rehabilitation programme, in which prisoners receive education and learn some valuable life skills. Finally, long prison sentences can deter offenders from re-offending crimes again. Because they will realise the value of freedom, therefore, they will think again before breaking the law in the future.

The alternatives to imprisonment would be much less effective. One option would be to apply fines as punishment for crimes. The downside of this method is that some wealthier might deliberately commit offences when they feel they can easily afford the price. Another option would be to require offenders to do community service. Although this way of punishment might be considered to be beneficial for society, but it also could be downright risky. Because we cannot trust the behaviours of not rehabilitated criminals, thus, by doing this we endanger the community.

In conclusion, I believe that the best punishment for criminals is to imprison them, and that all other alternatives are unreliable.
m7mdbsheer   
Nov 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Many people argue that salary is the deciding factor when choosing a job. [2]

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people argue that salary is the deciding factor when choosing a job. To a certain extent I agree that money is important; however, I also think that there are many other factors could be more important.

On the one hand, It is true that work is perhaps our sole source of livelihood. Thus, getting enough wages to secure our family's needs is of crucial importance. If the money that we get paid is more than what we need, there would be a chance to save more money then, work a smaller number of hours and have more free time to enjoy. Therefore, the higher the salary we earn the better and the happier our lives will be. As a result, in a competitive business world with a vast number of job opportunities, I see it is logical that people should look for jobs with a higher salary.

In spite of the above argument, there are several other factors which are essential and need to be considered before thinking about money. Firstly, the nature of the work; is it safe and not harmful to the employee's health? Because it is pointless to destroy one's health in order to collect money, and there is no amount of money that can replace wellbeing. Another factor to consider is how will the employee be satisfied with this particular job. In other words, to what extent does employee like the job and is willing to do it for the rest of his or her life, because it is not easy to keep doing a thing that we can't stand even if we earn a lot from it.

In conclusion, it is important to have a job with a high salary, but there are some other factors that must be considered firstly.
m7mdbsheer   
Nov 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1 - Graphs comparing the male and female employment status [2]

Hi Krempetkov, here are som suggestions:

- The graphs reveal(provide, give) the information inon/aboutregard to the number of men (...) in 6 different job sectors ofin the republic of Freedonia.

- The provided information is aboutwas over the period between ...
- The number of girls, ..... inappropriate usage of word girl, you should say women or female.
- The amount of males (...) stayed the samestable during .....
- and they were numbered respectively, 850 and 650 respectively. .

excellent and well organised writing. :)
m7mdbsheer   
Nov 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 : MAP - the alteration of the Stokeford village in an 80-year period [2]

Hi Nada, here are some suggestions:
- The given maps illustrate the alternations (alternations sounds a bit improper voc. you can use: changes or growth) that have had been occurred in the Stokeford's village for an 80-year period (...) ending in 2010 (between 1930 and 2010) .

- ..., settlements were developed to replace Gardens.

- ... for over 80 years which is the post office.

keep writing :)
m7mdbsheer   
Nov 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Discussing the benefits of working in more than one job [4]

These days, people work in more than one job, and often change career several times during their life. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Nowadays, people tend to work in many different professions in the course of their lives. There are many benefits of this trend, also there are a number of drawbacks.

On the one hand, changing the career path can be seen as beneficial in various ways. Firstly, working in different jobs often broadens the one's horizon. In other words, the person who chooses to change his or her job would have a chance to acquire new knowledge and meet new colleagues; as a result they will improve their expertise and expand their social circle, all of which are valuable life skills. Secondly, the new career might have a financial advantage over the prior one. People often chance their jobs to find better opportunities; therefore, they change to more financially satisfying jobs. Finally, by experiencing more jobs, the individual might eventually find out where his or her passion is, and which job are much suitable for them. Thus, they will be more creative and successful in their targeted jobs.

On the other hand, not having a steady career could have several negative effects. There will be a suffering period in the beginning of every job transition is made. Because each time the worker will probably need to start from scratch again. In addition, blue-collar workers will probably not get justified promotions or hold important positions if they change their career contentiously. To be a CEO of an organization, for example, the employee needs to spend long time in the same company.

In conclusion, doing more than one job during the life could have both pros and cons in the same measures.
m7mdbsheer   
Nov 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / There's is no doubt that learning a second language is important for people - bilingual brain merits [4]

Hi Ryan, here are some suggestions to improve this piece of writing:
-
-
Multilanguage is works differently compared thanto mono language.
... using English as a main language ...
In The active parts, (...) the passive parts hasare listening and reading.
She utilizes English in the school whereas uses Spanish used in the home ...
Children have tendency easily toto easily learn aboutlanguages rather than adults.
... and also can make them more active, complex, and healthy.
... learning a second language (...) to learn about E nglish since ...
m7mdbsheer   
Nov 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary New Scientist - Food made from natural gas [3]

Hi Ibe,
here are some suggestions as far as I can notice:

- ... called Methylococcus C apsulatus.
- The result of the report concluded ...

Great job, keep writing, :)
m7mdbsheer   
Nov 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / The electronic games are preferred by children for a number of factors and has bad effect on them [2]

Nowadays children prefer electronic games to other games and toys. Why is it happening? Is it a positive or a negative development?

It is true that today electronic games are more preferable among children compared to other sorts of games. There could be several reasons for this, and I consider it to be a negative trend.

Electronic games have become more widespread among children for two main reasons. Firstly, the variety and diversity that electronic-based games provide. All other games are often made for one purpose which makes children find them boring after a short time, while one electronic device might contain tens of different games. For instance, there are a countless number of games can be played on a console. The second reason is that electronic games are by far more accessible than other kinds of games. A child today can easily download any game he wants from the internet, or buy the games' CDs which can be found in any bookshop or supermarket.

In my view, playing electronic games might have undesirable consequences on children's health and social life. From the healthcare perspective, those who are playing much electronic games are likely to be overweight. As a result of lack of movement in most of these games in which the child sits in front of screens for hours, there would be a chance to gain obesity. On the societal level, children are going to become more lonely and isolated. Because digital games are often played in private places, while other games such as football are played in teams where the child can meet and interact with others; therefore, become more sociable

In conclusion, electronic games are preferred by children for a number of factors, and I believe that this development has negative effects.
m7mdbsheer   
Nov 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Anti-Trump protests continue across America [2]

here are some suggestions:

They have scheduled(gathered, crowded ) to protest in the ...

...because many people predicted that Clinton will be ...
m7mdbsheer   
Nov 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / It is the teacher's responsibility to make a student learn the material. [5]

Hi kinnie,
here are some suggestions to improve this piece of writing:
- You can easily see this situation in any classes.
it would be better if you write: This situation can be easily seen in classes. (try to avoid personal pronouns in academic writing)
- In a class of a specific subject; math, for example, (you shouldn't capitalise the word math )
- Secondly, teacher helps the students to stay focus ....
( the state here is about students in general, so there is no need of the article the )

... the teacher helps the students to approach the goals of the lessons and (...) that distract the students from studying.
- and finally, always keep an empty line between paragraphs,

Keep writing :)
m7mdbsheer   
Nov 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Downloading copyrighted music and books from the internet - IELTS Writing Task2 [6]

Modern technology has made it easier for individuals to download copyrighted music and books from the internet for no charge.
To what extent is this a positive or a negative development?


It is true that the internet has made it easier to access to copyrighted music and publications for free. In my opinion, this trend has had positive consequences for both individuals and producers.

On an individual level, the availability of free-of-charge music and books has made a great impact on the society. People today have become more connected with various kind of music. In the past, people used to buy only their favourite music owing to the high prices of cassettes and CDs; whereas today anyone can simply download all latest albums once they are released, without paying any money. As a result, people are encouraged to try as much music as they want.
m7mdbsheer   
Nov 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Meat production requires relatively more land than crop production. [2]

Meat production requires relatively more land than crop production. Some people think that as land is becoming scarce, the world's meat consumption should be reduced.

What measures could be taken to reduce the world's meat consumption? What kinds of problems might such measures cause?


It is true that with the growth in the world's population, the land that is available for food production is becoming less than ever. Since meat production requires more land than crops production, some people think that the use of meat should be lowered. There are several steps can be taken to diminish meat consumption, yet these solutions might have undesirable consequences.

While meat is the major source of protein that human body needs, the only way to cut down meat consumption is to find alternative sources of protein. The first choice would be to adopt an orientation towards genetically modified (GM) foods. To fill the gap that the lack of meat might cause, there will be a need of crops production in large scale; therefore, GM crops are the most appropriate method. Another measure to consider is that governments can support crops production by encouraging agribusinesses through offering subsidies and tax cuts. As a result of this development, crops prices will fall down, then people will become willing to buy them rather than meat.

However, these measures mentioned above can have a number of limitations. Firstly, depending on vegetation as a main food might reduce the size of livestock. Consequently, there will be a surplus of grass and posture that are used to feed animals.Thus, these can be a waste that is threatening the environment. Secondly, genetically engineered foods are considered to be harmful to our ecosystem. GM foods have a negative impact on mankind health, they also damage the environment by spoiling the soil.

To conclude, there are many ways to cut down meat consumption, nevertheless, these measures have some disadvantages.
m7mdbsheer   
Nov 9, 2016
Writing Feedback / Students should be allowed to study whatever they like [3]

The debatable issue of whether or not ...

... everyone is free to conduct their life as they wanted .

I think it would be better if you just restate your opinion in the conclusion, without adding any new facts or more details. So the last sentence isn't necessary, or you should add it in the main paragraphs.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳