Unanswered [5]
  

Posts by Bennyoooo
Name: Xinhao Jiang
Joined: Dec 23, 2016
Last Post: Jan 15, 2017
Threads: 8
Posts: 19  
From: China
School: ZZN1

Displayed posts: 27
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Bennyoooo   
Jan 15, 2017
Undergraduate / USC supplement:describe a time where I have to collaborate to accomplish more than I could by myself [3]

describe a time where you have to collaborate to accomplish more than you could by myself

The League of Overseas Students in Henan



In early 2016, I founded League of Overseas Students in Henan(LOSH), which serves as an alumni platform for students who study abroad to exchange information. Firstly, I started from Wechat public platform by posting some articles about the experiences of studying abroad, which received big echo. Then I worked as a chief editor for a magazine for overseas students, so I have lots of stories and articles to share from the everyday feedbacks to constantly upgrades the platform.

However, only sharing daily articles is far from enough. I needed to contact with overseas students who came from Henan across the world to join the alumni system, and to collect the worldwide studying abroad information. In that case, I thought there was no way I could complete the job efficiently on my own, so I invited five of my friends who have different talents to develop LOSH together with me. I'm in charge of collecting and posting students' articles every day, and I'm good at it. Two teammates organizes parties and other activities to gather alumni together. Another two upgrades important news daily. One guy works as a HR for recruiting other students who want join us. Apart from focusing on our own part of work, we all care about the sustainable development of LOSH, so we hold weekly meetings to propose suggestions for further development.

With the collaboration between me and my group members, LOSH expands rapidly. Over ten thousand overseas students in and out of Henan have joined us.

Please give me some suggestions.
Bennyoooo   
Jan 14, 2017
Essays / Home Benefit after return, intended plan of study [3]

If you are going to ask just the very beginning, it'll be a good idea to start with a hook. Like, your own story that can reflect you academic interest. I think you can use structure like:

1. personal interest or experience

2. future goal or career goal: explain why you have this goal

3. To realize your dream, what and how will you learn.
Bennyoooo   
Jan 13, 2017
Undergraduate / USC supplement: when I'm exposed to a new perspective [2]

Prompt: USC believes that one learns best when interacting with people of different backgrounds, experiences and perspectives. Tell us about a time you were exposed to a new idea or when your beliefs were challenged by another point of view. (250 words limit)

what means engineering to me?



I used to believe that engineering is about creating new things. When I worked as an intern in Soshine Technology Group, I first learned to create a 3D model. After I carefully studied the structure and operating principles of 3D printer, and taught myself the basic skills of a modeling software-Solidworks, I tried, designed and modified for a whole day. Then my first 3D work came out, a cube with different shapes on six surfaces. In Beihang University, I also researched Unmanned Aerial Vehicle (UAV) for the first time. After trail and errors, I successfully assembled a four-axis UAV by myself and made a successful test flight. The feeling of creating something new gave me the best gratification I have ever enjoyed.

While enjoying the process of creating, I started to wonder: Am I doing like an engineer? Later, I attended the Science & Technology Entrepreneur Forum. A CEO said that engineers are versatile talents who build the connection between science, technology and society. I realized that engineering is not just about creating new things. Engineers detect problems in the society. While dealing with those problems, they are willing to arm their brains by learning knowledge in all fields, including computer science, math, physics and even art. During this process, they combine different sciences and technologies to create something new. This new perspective encourages me to absorb new knowledge in various fields and keep looking for problems in daily life, to be a problem solver as an engineer. (249)

Please give me some suggestions.
Bennyoooo   
Jan 13, 2017
Undergraduate / USC Supplemental: A time my beliefs were challenged [3]

@masonn8
So you just told us a story of you, but you don't have your conclusion. What do you learn from this experience of learning a new idea? I think you should add some reflection about the new idea to make your essay deeper.
Bennyoooo   
Jan 12, 2017
Undergraduate / What really impressed me is that TEDxZYZ is really influential. Extra activities essay. [4]

Elaborate on one of your extra activities

TEDxZYZ - Voice of the Youth



There is no word limit but within 500kb. Here's mine. Please give me some advice.

On Mar. 27, 2016, in the VIP hall of Huanghe Hotel, the spotlight concentrated on the podium covered with a piece of red cloth, on which vigorous high school students exhibited their presentations one by one. Sitting in the front of auditorium, hearing the constant impassioned applause from my back, I recalled the beginning of the story.

"We will make a TedxYouthZYZ with speakers from high schools, and the theme will be Voice of the Youth", I said ardently in the classroom to two of my friends, "the youth in China need a platform to share their valuable thoughts, and we will do that!" We reach an agreement immediately, and started application and preparation without hesitation.

In the beginning, many teachers and predecessors were skeptical with our plan, contending that high school students were not able to develop valuable ideas, but my team and I believed that some ideas belonged to the students, which needed us to discover.

As we started to selected speakers from high school, I discovered that students in my city didn't really know about TED and TEDx, so we planned to hold explanation presentation at different schools to popularize the concept of TED and what we were doing, and at the same time to encourage students with ideas worth spreading to join us.

Everything went on, and we also met some obstacles. As I introduced the idea and plans of TEDxZYZ again and again, Some schools backed us a lot, and they even encourage students to take part in our activity, while some school administrators did not think this event was more important than study. We tried to persuade them, and if we did not make it, we would contact some representatives of students to help us hold propaganda. Still, many students were attracted by us.

As we believed all the time, with the pace of our explanation, a large number of students sent email to us. Their ideas were diversified and inspirational. One of them is a Bisexual, who held idea about love in his own perspective and experience. Another one is the champion of National Model Plane Competition, who shares his apprehension of modal plane beyond science and technology. To my surprise, many students were willing to join our team to organize this event. By the day of TEDxZYZ, our team had reached 26 members in total.

Before the time for speakers, representing the organizing team, I made a short speech, in which I said to the over 300 audience, "It is my honor to share with you the following interesting ideas with you. As a matter of fact, the voice of youth is worth sharing to all of you. Every TEDx, I believe, is organized for the radiant ideas and to spread the ideas worth spreading."

What really impressed me is that TEDxZYZ is really influential. After TEDx, many people from different communities and school came to me and told me that they considered it an excellent idea, and they also want to organize one in their own community. I realized that TEDx is more significant than we thought for the city.
Bennyoooo   
Jan 12, 2017
Undergraduate / Robotics and software engineering really take my interest. USC supplement essay [5]

@Holt
Thank you! Does it seem better?

When I provided volunteer service for the seniors in my community, I realized that they can't use smart phones adeptly, so they can hardly get advantage from the development of technology. I know that is because the high-tech products are not smart enough to interact with humans.Therefore, in college, I'd like to focus on Robotics and software with better human-computer interaction. The USC department of computer science has programs and courses that give me academic resources to focus on my interests. I will take CSCI170 and CSCI210L to strengthen my capacity of programming. By taking CSCI310 , I will grasp skills and methodology necessary for software engineering. In CSCI360L and CSCI445L, I can also learn how to program for robots, and make them smarter.

Besides learning in classrooms, learning in practice is also in my plan. I am going to participate in Robotics Research Lab to learn robotic while working on it in a group. I will take part in Center for Systems and Software Engineering, in which I will have a chance to study software systems with world class faculties.

A myriad of academy-related student activities in Viterbi also help me to pursue my academic interest. I will participate in Hack House to improve my coding skills and at the same time empower social progress with my creativity. I'm also sure I will join VSi2 to meet many friends who share the same interest and establish my team in BizTech and make some innovative software projects.
Bennyoooo   
Jan 12, 2017
Writing Feedback / It is important to rest the mind during leisure time. [4]

It's good enough, so I don't have much advice to correct it, but I have some suggestions for you if you want higher score.

1. You should try to write more words. You're essay is just too short and not strong enough.

2. you should use " , " correctly. Use it before a "but" and after a " if" sentence, which you didn't do.

3. In your body paragraph you can employ some personal experiences, survey results or celebraties' anecdotes to help you prove your point.

Hope it will help.
Bennyoooo   
Jan 12, 2017
Writing Feedback / Internet opinion from a common user [4]

@jaikrishna
It's a good essay.

" The dichotomy of openions (...) will be discussed in the next paraphrase." I don't think you need this sentence.

Now a days is better written as Nowadays.

For an instance : For instance

Social media (...) across the globe and is able to share their happiness or sorrows with the friendsthem .

It's an opportunity for the students to gain the -----

Internet also has its own demerits similar to the merits

... many students dropping out from school and ...
... provided in the websites areis not trustable. In fact abhorrent people ...
Bennyoooo   
Jan 12, 2017
Undergraduate / Robotics and software engineering really take my interest. USC supplement essay [5]

Describe how you plan to pursue your academic interests at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections. (250 word limit)

My motivation to apply USC Viterbi School of Engineering



Robotics and software engineering really take my interest, and the USC Viterbi School of Engineering offers me various opportunities to pursue my interests. The department of computer science has programs and courses that give me academic atmosphere and resources to focus on my interests. I will take CSCI 170 and CSCI 210L to strengthen my capacity of programming. By taking CSCI 310 , I will grasp skills and methodology necessary for software engineering. In CSCI 360L and CSCI 445L, I can also learn how to program for robots, and make them smarter.

Besides learning in classrooms, learning in practice is also in my plan. In CS department, I am going to participate in Robotics Research Lab to learn robotic while working on it in a group. I will take part in Center for Systems and Software Engineering, in which I will have a chance to lucubrate software systems with world class faculties. I will also find my place in Mixed Reality Group in Institute for Creative Technology to explore techniques to improve the fluency of human-robotics interactions.

In addition, a myriad of academy-related student activities in Viterbi also help me to pursue my academic interest. I will participate in Hack House to improve my coding skills and at the same time empower social progress with my creativity. I'm also sure I will join VSi2 to meet many friends who share the same interest and establish my team in BizTech and make some innovative software projects. (246)

Please give me some suggestions, whether on content, word choise or grammar.
Bennyoooo   
Jan 12, 2017
Undergraduate / Briefly discuss a current global issue indicating why you consider it important and what you suggest [3]

@Crew Nima, you have a good essay, but I don't think you have responded to the prompt very well. You shoul make it more personal, because it's like you are just pointing out facts. Why it is important to you and what do you want to suggest? Maybe you have included in your essay. Then you need to add or revise some sentences to make it more conspicuous.

Hope it helps
Bennyoooo   
Jan 10, 2017
Scholarship / UNC supplement essays, University of North Carolina - something inspiring [4]

I need some suggestions.

1. Tell us a story that helps us better understand a person, place, or thing you find inspiring. (250 limit)

an elder's performance group called "Sunset"



In 2014, I founded Micro Love, a public welfare league that provides volunteer service for the elders in the old people's home in my community. We visited their houses, prepared art shows, and did whatever we could to take care of them. I thought we brought them plenty of happiness. However, when I had deeper conversation with the elders, I realized that we didn't manage to make them really happy. What the elders actually need is social recognition and sense of accomplishment, which they could hardly have a chance to achieve at their age.

Therefore, I decided to organize some old people who have some talents, including dancing, singing, reciting and calligraphy, and formed an elder's performance group called "Sunset". We established stage in public for them show their talents, which was really successful. They recited the poem "I Believe In The Future" with strength and emotion. They performed Pekin Opera just like professional artists. They also showed their calligraphy with a large size brush on the ground. They attracted a number of passers-by and prompted a round of applause. When people appreciated them and they laughed, I knew that the show made them feel really young and happy.

The show is also inspiring for me. It inspires me to think from other's perspective and to find creative solutions. If I hadn't thought in view of the old people, I couldn't have made them feel happy in such a creative and effective way.(244)
Bennyoooo   
Jan 10, 2017
Scholarship / Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hope & wishes. [12]

@digaprasiska
Some grammar things.
It was during economic crisis period . My ageI was 5 years old (...) to be housemaid, and left me staying ...
..., but my family economic situation has not changeddidn't change much. The national economic conditions was becomingwere getting worse.

... a factory canning fish, and often came home ...
Poverty is a source of my power dare to dream.
..., facing my dream and leftleaving my family in the village.

I filled my day didwith part time job as (...) and also didparticipated in organization activities.

After graduatedgraduation I was accepted as civil ...
I am facing obstacle about makemaking decision in health ...
... always take an easiesteasy decision without thinking ...
... education with them and doesn'tdon't have much experience.

I believe there are more. It'll be much better if there is no error.
Bennyoooo   
Jan 2, 2017
Undergraduate / It's a school like no other / the world of jazz. Common App for Lafayette College [3]

Nick, in your first essay, you talk pretty much about your own experience. It is a good way to show you quality that match the college, but you should also cover more about the college. Like " I can accomplish projects with fellow students that can help the world. Just like Lafayette,", then you should write some specific projects you are interested in or you'll participate in. That'll be better.

Then in your second.

Jazz is a genre of music not muchmany people know about

Hope it will help.
Bennyoooo   
Dec 31, 2016
Scholarship / Lehigh university - My dream school and the best choice possible [5]

@Osiremiza99
Pretty good. Here is my opinion.

OK, It is your tweet:

"Brilliant people, The Alumni Memorial Building, Trees as ..."

What you tweet is about he beautiful campus of Lehigh. When you explain the reason, basically your ideas is that Lehigh students know how to balance work and social life, and about strong community and vibrant setting. See. I think your problem is that your are not specific enough. You don't focus on a spcific part of Lehigh, and I think you should.

Also your reason for your tweets is to promote your school. I think the prompt is to ask for the reason for the content of your tweet. Like, why you say "Brilliant people"? Why you say "Alumni Memorial Building"? Why you want to mention inscription in you tweet? I can't see your answer for the questions above.

Also, I don't think it's a good idea to use "you" to start sentences. In your tweet, you can use "tweet", because, as you said, you are promoting your school, but in the explanation part, you are not promoting to anyone.

Hope it helps.
Bennyoooo   
Dec 30, 2016
Undergraduate / Street style fashion in NY. Why New York University? Maximum:400 words. [3]

Here' mine:

street style fashion in NY



There are thousands of reasons why people want to go to New York. For me, it is fashion. As a fan of skateboard and street style fashion, I have most of my clothes Supreme. Skateboarding in New York is special. In New York, I can join in a big family of skateboard culture. Therefore, with aspiration of NYC, I learn more about NYU, and I find it a perfect choice for me, in the aspect of campus life, academics and future goal.

Computer science is a brilliant game that takes my interest because it is a common language around the world but develop differently in cultures. Therefore, I value the diversity of cultures, which is NYU' special. With the greatest amount of international students, NYU also encourages students to experience campus life in different part of the world. Among the programs, I am most interested in NYU Study Away in Paris. Some people believe that science is all the same around the world, but I don't think so, because we cannot separate science and culture. Learning science on romantic Seine River in Paris and in the concrete jungle of New York will be totally different experiences. When I know the beauty and troubles of the world, I have more chance to make the world a better place.

Tandon's academy attracts me for it values making real-world contribution. Vertically Integrated Projects (VIP) provides me with various projects, which represents the learning methodology of my preference. I enjoy using knowledge to make difference. During Intern in Beihang, I made a UVA with a mini-acoustic playing music and flied it around the campus, offering passers-by great happiness and surprise. I want to continue this project-based, interdisciplinary, research-active education, and I am especially interested the project, Music Experience Design Lab, in which I can learn technology in the melodic atmosphere.

When I say I'm going to New York, to establish my startup and contribute to making NYC a smarter city of high-tech, many people may think I am daydreaming, but Tandon will embrace my ambition, and help me strive for my goal. In MakerSpace, I will find my place in innovative and entrepreneurial activities, including hackathons and tech talks. I will also strive for Engaging Engineers for development of interpersonal, leadership and sense of responsibility.

My dream will start in a city I am proud of, and my dream is to let the city proud of me. (409 words)

Please give me some advice to revise it. Thank you.
Bennyoooo   
Dec 28, 2016
Undergraduate / Beyond rankings, location, athletics, why Georgia Tech? Why Gatech? [8]

@Holt
@mualla
Thank you.
Does it seem better?

Computer Science is a brilliant game that takes my interest because it is a common language around the world but develops differently in different culture, so I am attracted to GAtech because of the opportunity to learn from a globalized education that only GAtech offers. Aside from learning code, I value different experience being immersed in the cathartic culture in Lorraine . Joining the Anime O-tekku club about Japanese culture also attracts me because I am now learning Japanese. When I know the beauty and trouble of the world, I will have more beautiful creations solving real-world problems. Additionally, it fascinates me to acquire knowledge in practice. In GAtech, URCO broadens students' post-grad research opportunities, among which I will strive for the research "Designing a Collaborative Web Game for middle school students", because I enjoy adding ideas of entertainment and art to the codes.
Bennyoooo   
Dec 28, 2016
Undergraduate / Paideia - the complete education of mind, body and spirit. Contribution to the Reed community [5]

@l3atjin
Batjin, it's pretty good. I believe it can be better if you fix some grammar mistakes. I believe you know "I" should be capital. Some sentences are awkwars even without a mistake. For example, "both entertaining and educational at the same time", you should delete "at the same time" because it's redundent. It is an great opportunity for the community to take a break from some rigorous courses.

Clearingthat outthese questions would be a great pleasure for both me and my fellow reedies.my fellows and me

Hope it help.
Bennyoooo   
Dec 26, 2016
Undergraduate / UVA essay- 250 word limit- a small engineering project to help a friend or family member. [3]

@mbyram
Pretty creative and pragmatic idea!
I guess you may spend more effort on elaborating your idea. I believe it is clear enough, but it spends me a couple of minutes to picture it. You may want to use accurate preps and some metophor to let readers understand. "As if a parallel conveyer that can come out of the car, pick up the elders and convey them in the seat. " You may come up with some better ideas. Still, I believe your expression is clear enough, but could be better.

Hope it will help.
Bennyoooo   
Dec 26, 2016
Undergraduate / Let's make some difference. Personal statement essay. [7]

@Holt
Oh, I'm sorry I'm not clear enough.

There is no specific prompt, u know. It's just essay on common application that will be delivered to every college I apply to, and the maximum is 650. I think it should be just called a personal statement. I think my purpose is just to "describe an experience to reflect what kind of person I am"
Bennyoooo   
Dec 26, 2016
Undergraduate / Let's make some difference. Personal statement essay. [7]

This my essay for common application. I will appreciate if someone can give some advice.

Let's make some difference



At 12:00 a.m., I was almost dead. My legs were senseless. Sweat streamed down but I couldn't wipe it. The sun roasted my neck and arm as if I was a steak in the furnace. This was the boring, tough life during the military training. We had to get up at 5 o'clock in the morning, stand still for 2 hours, and run for 5 thousands meters, shouting loud and clear slogans. We repeated the simple and boring "At ease" and "Attention" thousands of times. We acted like robots, which did everything in unity, walked in the same pace, and shouted the same words.

"Let's make some difference. I just can't stand the boring days here." I said to my 7 roommates, "Let's add some fun to the atmosphere. We can make up a chorus named 404 (our room number), to sing during the interval."

"But that will be awkward, Benny, and the instructor may not allow us to do so." was a typical response to my proposal.

"Why not just have a try?"

The fourth day of the training was the beginning of a new era. At the interval after one-hour standing at attention, we stood in front of the group of people without asking the instructor. Admittedly, it was a little awkward, but funny at the same time. It may be the most interesting moment for the first four days. I started, "Hello everyone, we are 404." It was a little embarrassing. "And we are going to sing a song for all of you at the interval." At that moment, to my surprise, our training instructors encouraged the students to applaud, and then we started to sing.

"I say remember this moment..." we started with Taylor Swift. When we were getting more and more confident in singing, our voice was like gentle breeze relaxing everyone. After our perfect harmony for the last line "One day, we will be remembered", they applauded even louder. They shouted, "One more! Four O Four! One more! Four O four! " they shouted freely, with endless laughter. Therefore, we sang another one, Hey Jude, and all my classmates beat beats by clapping hands to accompany with our song. We put smiles on their grim faces.

After the success of the first show, every interval became the show time of 404. Many other students also joined in the "interval show", and some of them even danced, rapped and played the guitar. We started to make jokes, to laugh more and to feel less tired every day. What' more, 404 became famous across the campus. Some instructors from other classes even invited us to sing for their students. We were like super stars on a world tour, reminding everyone that the military training was boring didn't mean that we had to be as well.

I believe that no matter where we are or what we are doing, our lives can always be filled with happiness and humor. Life shouldn't be a suffering training, but a melodic song mixed with gentle breeze. With that belief, I can't imagine that the old people lead inanimate lives, so I gathered some of them together to form an art group. We held a talent show in our community, which I believe makes them feel so young. With that belief, I try to explore the artistic beauty of codes when I attend computer programming classes; I propose to have a basketball game among my classmates every weekend; I share a piece of poem every day with my classmates even on the day before we had final exam. I know that people all have many goals to accomplish, big dreams to pursue and great effort to make, so do I, but if we can pay attention to the details of life, if we can finish everything even better, and if we can create a happier atmosphere, then, why not?
Bennyoooo   
Dec 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some researchers analyse and say that, you are not too old to learn new skills [4]

@lalodhi
Hi Aamir!

It is an organized essay. I would say it is relevant but not a strong one. In the first part, you should talk about why people should learn even if they are old. Well, your first point is to survive, which is pretty good. Second point is learning makes creativity, which is reason for learning but not for learning when they are old. So the key word if "old", and you should think about why they still have to learn when they are old.

The second part is not logical enough. You are talking about whether old people "can" learn, but the topic is whether old people " should" learn. " can" is different from " should", so you should focus on the requiements of the essay.

Also there are a few grammar mistakes.

As a result, thisit helps a person to invent new things which can help our societypeople to live properly. Hence, it makes clear that learning new skills areis very important.

In the contrary,(...) the world. They think they (...) the life and wethey are not able...
Such asFor example , few decades ago, ...


And I wonder if what you want you say in your last sentence.

Anyway, hope it helps.
Bennyoooo   
Dec 24, 2016
Graduate / Why is the Texas MSBA? MSBA means Master of Science in Business Analytics. [3]

@liux3240
Liux, I believe you know how the organize you response. For the first part you talk about the relation of the knowledge and your future goal. For the second part the question is "how", so you are going to talk about many ways developing for the year. I think you can be much more specific. Which professor do you know? Which project are you interested in. Whar kind of job opporunities are you looking forward to, and whar organizartion will you join? BecauseI think many people can think of the aspects you've convered. In order to be different and personal, you may try to be specific.

Hope it will help.
Bennyoooo   
Dec 23, 2016
Undergraduate / Beyond rankings, location, athletics, why Georgia Tech? Why Gatech? [8]

Beyond rankings, location, athletics, why Georgia Tech? Why Gatech?

Here's mine. I appreciate if someone make comments.

Abundant ideas from Gatech



I like computer science for creating new things with codes. Computer scientists combine codes and different ideas together to solve all kinds of problems. Interested in Gatech, I am actually interested in the abundant ideas Gatech can offer me beyond the knowledge of codes. The first idea is global thinking. I am looking forward to a different education experience in Lorraine,, taking cultural advantage from French romance there. Anime-O-Tekku, the club about Japanese culture, also attracts me, because I am now learning Japanese. Only when I know the beauty and trouble of the world will I have more beautiful creation solving more problems. The second idea is making impact with knowledge. URCO broadens students' post-grad opportunities to learn beyond classrooms. I will strive for the research "Designing a Collaborative Web Game for middle school students", because I enjoy adding ideas of entertainment and art to the codes.
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