Writing Feedback / It is observed that some languages is diminishing as time goes. Saving those or not? [3]

Some people think governments should spend money on saving languages with fewer speakers from dying our completely. Others thinks this is a waste of financial resources.

Discuss both views and give your own opinions. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

keeping languages from vanishing

It is observed that some languages is diminishing as time goes. Some people believe that it is governments duty to keep it from vanishing by financial aid, while others believe that the money should have a better usage. This essay will discuss both aspects and explain my opinion on this topic.

The world is fabulous by its multiple cultures. And a language usually represents its own culture. However, there are few of them is on its way to be history. It is important for governments to save them from dying out. Because once it is gone, it is impossible to regain the lost language. Language is a thing money cannot buy. There was a tribe of Taiwanese aboriginal called " Taroko". Due to the face that no one wanted to conserve their language and no one know how to do it. This unique culture of Taroko tribe are no longer exist. So as their special carving technique which can be transmitted orally only. If the governments could aware that before it occurred and funded the conservation of Taroko language, we would be able to admire those masterpiece today.

On the other hand, some people think that if a language is being used for fewer people that means it do not fit in our contemporary society anymore. Thus, there is no need to execute a budget for saving it. In addition, the money should be spent on solving more urgent issues such as eliminate famine. We can see that human culture were not developed until ancient people learn how to produce stable food supply. Therefore, to make sure every citizens have enough food is prior to saving a language has fewer people speaking.

I personally believe that culture diversity is what make he world full of excitement and joy and languages carry out cultures. Henceforth, I am completely agree with the idea that governments should spend money on saving languages with fewer speakers from extinguished.

40 mins, 344 words

Writing Feedback / Calories, protein - how much people need? Nutrient absorption in different parts of the world. [3]

The charts below show the protein and calorie intakes of people in different parts of the world.

Protein and calorie intakes

Given are two bar graphs illustrate the average intakes of protein and calorie of people in 4 various regions of the world.

It is noticeable that North America has the highest proportion of intakes of protein and calorie, while India has the least proportion of protein and calorie intakes.

According to the first chart, the sum of animal and other sources of protein intake in North America is 80 units including 18 and 62 units for other sources and animal respectively. Meanwhile, the gap between North America and the region has the least intake of protein, India, is overwhelmingly more than 50 units. The proportion of protein intake from animal and other are almost equal which is 13 units for animal and 15 units for others.

Likewise, the average intake of calorie in North America is 3500 units which is the highest as well. The average intake of calorie in North America is 500 units more than the ideal calorie intake. In contrast, the calorie intake in India is significantly less than the ideal calorie, the difference is 1000 units and the calorie intake of people in India is just 2000 unit.

194 words, 19 mins

• 
  average_intake.JPG
  

Writing Feedback / IELTES Task 2: Online shopping is replacing shopping in stores. [6]

Online shopping is replacing shopping in stores.Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

buying locally or remotely

Nowadays, we can see the population of online shopping is increasing, therefore the behavior of purchasing things in physical store has declined. In this essay I will argue that the idea of online shopping is a positive development.

First of all, purchasing merchandises online can make our life more efficient. Take shopping for grocery for example, it is a laborious chores for me to buy grocery in person. It takes time driving between home and supermarket, also a waste of time to walk around supermarket try to find the items on my shopping list. But the situation would have been so different for searching items by type in keywords and click quantity I need then the items I bought online will be on my doorstep the next day. Shopping online saves me a lot of time and allow me to spend my time on more meaningful thing.

In addition, on the aspect of a supermarket owner, online shopping will reduce the rent. Renting a place for supermarket is usually much more expensive due to the location has to be on the spot that as convenient for people to go to as possible, this fact makes the rent is general higher than rent a storehouse. For the owners of online shopping stores, then can rent a storehouse and it is not necessary to located in the urban center. Thus the shop owners can costdown and reflect on the price. Then the consumer are more likely to chose them in order to have a good bargain.

In conclusion, shopping online not only make our lives efficiency but also more likely for consumer to have a good deal for their shopping. Thus, my opinion for this essay is that it is a positive development of online shopping replacing shopping in physical store.

(299 words, duration: 35 mins)

-------------------------
1.I am not sure if I am right about the body paragraphs, should I mention about the opposite opinion in my essay?
2. I was trying to describe that because the rent for a storehouse is cheaper, so the owner can provide a cheaper price to the sentence in third paragraph "Thus the shop owners can costdown and reflect on the price. Then the consumer are more likely to chose them in order to have a good bargain.". How can I write this sentence better?

Writing Feedback / ILETS Task Line graph: Precantage of workers with Illness Absence [3]

Number of Work-Loss Days due to illness

The graph below shows the percentage of workers in 5 different European countries with a days or more illness absence from 1991 to 2001.

The line chart illustrate the percentage of workers absent for illness in 5 countries(namely Netherlands, France, Sweden, the UK and Germany)between 1991 and 2001.

From the graph, the rate of Netherlands starts from almost 5% in 1991 then reach its peak at somewhere in the 5 % in 1992. Then, the rate declines stably for the next 5 years.

Referring to the absence rates of France and Sweden, in the beginning of the period, are 5 % and 3% respectively. While the percentage of sick leave in France declined markedly, the percentage of Sweden climbed stably and both of the rates, in 1995, stood at a slightly more than 3%. After that, the percentage of workers absence due to illness in Sweden had a sustain growth, while France remain in approximately 3%.

It is interesting to see that the percentage of workers with a day or more illness absence in the UK and Germany follow a similar trend. the rates of workers absent for sickness in the UK and Germany are somewhere in the 2.5% and 1.5% respectively.

Overall, it can be seen that there was a considerably fluctuation of percentage of workers have sick leave in Netherlands from 1991 to 2001 and the rate in France shows a rapid decrease during the period in the question.

(232 words, duration: 21:45)
--------------------------------------------------------------
1. I am confused about what tense I should use in what kind of description.
2. I think I may miss the information about workers with days of more illness absence when I tried to paraphrase the question.
3. How do I shorten the essay but still focus to the topic without missing any important information?
I am aiming for finish the essay between 150-180 words within 15 minutes, is it possible?

• 
  IMG_E0312.JPG
  

Writing Feedback / Our lives has been changed by the Internet significantly in recent years. IELTS task 2 [3]

The Internet has dramatically altered our lives over the past few decades. Although some of these changes have been negative, the overall effects of this technology has been positive.

What are your opinion on this?

Life in the Era of Internet

Our lives has been changed by the Internet significantly in recent years. Despite some argued that the change have negative impacts to our lives, the others are convinced that the changes have made our lives better. I complete agree with the idea thatthe benefits of the Internet outweigh the drawbacks.

Thanks to the Internet, our lives have became more efficient and convenient than ever before. Withe the help of internet, we are able to send messages to our friends on the other side of the earth by one click instead of waiting for days to receive a greeting. Secondly, it used to gave me headache to figure out the route to my destination regarding driving back and forth on the same intersection just to find a correct direction and spending tons of time to ask for local residents' directing. Travelling is so much easier with online maps nowadays. In addition, back in the time without internet service, it was a complex task to organize a trip. By read through piles and piles of traveling books for months to find out a perfect travel attraction would drained me out. Now, I can just type in few keywords and get all the information I need through the Internet. The best thing about collecting information by internet is the time i need to arrange my trip takes from months to just a couple days to complete. Life has became more efficient and easier because of the Internet.

Despite there are few negative impacts caused by the Internet such as social-isolation and for some people that may result in poor time management because these people spent too much time on internet surfing. There are various social resources can be used to address the problems. And the people being effected are few.

The Internet has changes our lives considerably in recent decades. I once again reaffirm my position that the Internet has positive impact to our lives over all.

-------------------------------------------------------------
1. Is my grammar correct?
2. Did I use correct punctuation?
3. Did I wrote complex structure sentence correctly?