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Posts by Ekaputri17
Name: Indri Eka Putri
Joined: Jul 28, 2018
Last Post: Mar 20, 2019
Threads: 6
Posts: 12  
Likes: 7
From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 18
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Ekaputri17   
Mar 20, 2019
Writing Feedback / Two sides of debate - CBEST: Technology contribution to the modern life [2]

hi @jakepkdt

This is my suggestion for your writing:
1.The technology serves to ... society and economy (I think productivity will be similar with productivity, so chose one of them. as well as protectio and and , so it ... of life a and well-being.

2. it is a negative (too short)

3. However, when it is created to ... Essentially, technology can be ... ( you need to succine the sentences with simply to mention what a negative and positive impact)

4. The rise advance of ... society and the economy to achieve efficiency and productivity better in ... also contributes to human's knowledge about the world and scientific research it is far more different with thesis statement.

5. Thus, people's dependence on technology to ... (circle opinion as you have already used in the previous sentence)

6. that can autopilot do. They would be deskilled lose a skill that is very crucial in this era and lose ...

7. technology appears ... nor positive circle opinion

8. However, without realizing it, ... of our actions.
circle opinion
Ekaputri17   
Mar 19, 2019
Writing Feedback / SOCIAL MEDIA AND OTHER REASONS INFLUENCE COMMUNICATION [2]

Social media has completely changed the way family and friends communicate with each other. What are the other reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

the interaction of family and friends and social media



The attendance of social media platform is not only the aspect that has altered the interaction of family and friends, but the busy work and shifting moral values should be taken into consideration. While social media itself has caused young people to become addicted to virtual friends, the short time needed for sending a text is an extremely positive development of this.

Two of other reasons having changed people communication in family and friends are busy work and ignorance of some moral values. When people experience full-time work, employees spend much time in the workplace, and it means they interact more with their peers rather than with family. In this circumstance, people sometimes are measured based on their contribution or position regardless of age, and so giving such higher respect to older people no longer to be implemented. For example, a young person as the company's manager would not hesitate to speak louder to their driver when he comes late to pick his boss, and this rule also applies if the driver is younger. Compared to the past, people should be polite to older people in terms of to communicate as the norm of society regulate this strictly and tend to give a higher mandate to them.

The merits of the social media cannot be underestimated since the invention of this, people simply text others taking only a few seconds to receive compared to the use of letters which take a lot of time to arrive. However, the usage of the old-fashioned message is more secure than the digital one as the latter full of human oversight who can access and if the programmers are not responsible they might take over to use in crime way. In fact, the government has established a structured system that even though the operators recruited run their task professionally, the machine observers are still used to double protect in the user account. Until now, there is a very view case recorded about hackers who successfully access someone's account for a long time.

In conclusion, apart from the presence of social media, the tendency people spend much time in the workplace and the difference in some moral values compared to the past has changed the form of people communication. However social media is accepted to bring more benefits than advantages because today distance cannot limit people to communicate.
Ekaputri17   
Mar 19, 2019
Writing Feedback / Packaged food benefit society [2]

hi @dust1205

this is my suggestion for you:
1. do not make contrasted in writing: it's it is
2. ... because it's very practical: for the next sentence, it is better to explain more why the packaging being practical as I think the second and the third sentence are redundant.

3. the same case with "it's extremely convenient" why this item convenient to use in the next paragraph
Ekaputri17   
Mar 19, 2019
Writing Feedback / Universities function is providing the knowledge and skills required in a workplace / employer [3]

hy @idontwannabeyou

This is my suggestion for you

1. Students couldn't would less opportunity ...
2. You need to put some words before saying this: Firstly, studying at school and working; this is because firstly...
3. ... currently consider in interviewees's capacity ability
4. I do not understand by this phrase adaptation more than the scores in degree or diploma
5. employee's duty well responsible in the obligation
6. lacking of knowledge
7. prevents student 's workers to develop reach a higher position
8.Nobody : avoid to use this word in writing
Ekaputri17   
Mar 17, 2019
Writing Feedback / How to define and achieve happiness [3]

the formula for happiness



Most people agree that money cannot buy happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How people achieve happiness?

It is considered by most people that happiness does not come from money, and this feeling is completely baffling to generalize as desires of each individual never have a limit level. Identifying the meaning of life could be one of the feasible ways to be happier.

Admittedly, the difficulty to make a general definition of satisfaction is affected by the abundance of people interests varying over time. This is led by the countless choices that modern life offers in many aspects causing less satisfied from the unfavorable conditions compared to others, and it will happen continuously even after they achieve their past goals. For example, poor families sometimes feel envy with wealthy people who have a spacious home with luxury facilities in there, but the rich still feels dissatisfied and competes buying limited branded goods for higher status. Therefore, happiness only lasts in a short period of time and then back in the starting condition onwards.

What will people do to face with dissatisfaction? Every person should realize the fortune obtained and learn to love self-superiority and shortcoming. This can be done by writing down five grateful notes during a day, and by implementing this action, happiness will come together as self-assessment succeed to make them aware they are good enough to do the best in life. For example, a disabled man who lost his legs in whole lifetime achieves a reward for his invention in the telecommunication field. He even can serve his daily needs, such as cooking and doing laundry and includes swimming every weekend. When he was interrogated, he said that being positive thinking was the key to survive and feel joy. Therefore, there is no need to be the richest or the most influenced people in the world to be happy as it is created from our suggestion.

In conclusion, a positive suggestion makes happiness becoming a must feeling to address a failure or unwillingness situation.
Ekaputri17   
Mar 17, 2019
Writing Feedback / Effect of air pollution on health [3]

Hy @Linda68

Your ideas overall are good, you only need to make it well-organized

1. especially emissions from transport vehicles, which are very harmful to the lung: especially substances coming from vehicles emissions which severe attack to the lung.

2. In my opinion, the fine dust still has a correlation with the first sentences, so the linking 'in addition' less appropriate
I give some cohesive devices as examples, but you would be better to find your own style
This is because
Why is this extremely dangerous? Fine dust can exist a long time in the air and disperses very far due to its small size

3. ... makes people experiencing dizziness, headaches, and heart problems.

4. In fact, each target ... on health condition and pollution levels, but the elderly, pregnant women, sick person unhealty people, children under 15 years old are the most suffered victims
Ekaputri17   
Mar 17, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS2 - the power of advertising and the real needs of the society in which they are sold [2]

Hy @Leon2501

Overall your ideas are good, you only need to make it simple and well-organized
In my opinion:
1. The first body is better starting talk about how the internet influences people to be more consumptive. For example:
Advertising on the internet tempt people to buy more items
2. The second body, simply your sentences by saying that many business sectors compete by organizing a big discount as a method to attract costumers
3. Be aware of the subject-verb agreement. Please recheck again your writing
Ekaputri17   
Mar 16, 2019
Writing Feedback / Most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is very important [2]

Job Satisfaction (writing task 2)



As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.

What factors contribute to job satisfaction?
How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?


Satisfaction of employees has become the main determinant as full-time workers spending the most time in the workplace. Providing an optimal work environment and challenges for advancement are the way to achieve this, but the engagement of each worker cannot be made generally as a whole due to economic and skills background.

Two elements that boost employees' satisfaction are conducive circumstances and the presences of higher career path. When people spend much time in the same places, the spacious room and good arrangement furniture hold an important part in creating pleasure which influences appraisal between employees and boss. When the companies also give a chance to enhance their skills and give a promotion for those who reach higher achievement on the job training, this will consider as feedback issues from employers to employees for their better career. To illustrate this, a good decorative restaurant will attract more visitors to stay for hours after eating, and there are meeting facilities that are always full booking. What drives them to enjoy gathering in such a place? From this illustration, it would give a similar condition if the workplace is established as convenient as this restaurant which results in the increased output. Then, what about the challenge? Majority of workers in India seek jobs to acquire new skills and promotion rather than salary motivation standing the lowest percentages among the options available.

On the other hand, the satisfaction is often neglected by employees due to their financial and poor skills. Some workers will remain in their work as they need money for fulfilling life necessities, and especially if they are unskilled, this forces them continuing as blue-collar workers for a long time. For example, a security guard even remains in this position for more than 30 years as he has to feed their family and pay school payment. Because he does not have a good qualification, the bosses will not offer promotion as a staff in those companies.

In conclusion, job satisfaction can be ensured by providing good circumstances to work or discuss and training program holds the vital element to be more satisfied while this expectation is not a major demand for certain employees.

(362 WORDS)
Ekaputri17   
Mar 15, 2019
Writing Feedback / Rates of recidivism are still high - reasons of this phenomenon and possible solutions [2]

Hy @crystlho

In my opinion, your solutions do not tackle the causes of the problems which you are captured. In paragraph 2, the problem lies in an unwilling society to socialize with the ex-criminals and this should be tackled from acceptable of people. also, in the last body, you should provide solutions that ex-offenders can be hired by the companies. How to make this happen.If you mention training skills as if you describe that the ex-criminals do not have skills enough. The problem is about their status not from their capability
Ekaputri17   
Mar 15, 2019
Writing Feedback / It is argued that preventing problems relevant to health is more crucial than curing these problems [3]

Hy @Huyngoc168
my suggestion for your writing:
1. do not forget to include funding government in the introduction paragraph.
2. 'in term of long-term benefits: directly say ' in the long-term benefits'
3. I see that your thesis statement and the third paragraph fully agree with the issue, so do not use 'on the other hand' as means of there are contrasted ideas.

4. The conclusion should be a paraphrase from the thesis statement
Ekaputri17   
Mar 14, 2019
Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 (Fixing punishment and prison time) [3]

factors for crime determination



Some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

Discuss both of views and give your own opinion.


Some would say that fixing penalty has to be implemented for each crime to deter crime rates and give fair justify for criminals. However, others argue that the motive and circumstances should be measured in terms of long period sentences given.

The fixed punishment established by the state is the most viable way against perpetrator committing a crime, and this will ensure people receiving the same judgment in the legal system. As prison sentences make people suffering to live in the poor facilities and condition, criminals would pay more attention about the rules and thinking more to commit any offense. When the type of crime is the only aspect to determine the penalty, people experience doubling threat and believing reduce the number of offenders. For example, In Indonesia, before a severe penalty gives for drug abuse, this leaded an uncontrolled offenders between teenagers and adults who got the same penalty without discrimination. However, after long sentence launching for such crime, the news of drug abuse decrease significantly. If this policy is implemented fairly by the stakeholder, it could create a communities without any crime disrupting their life.

On the other hand, there is a group of people that suggest to take consideration about the motivation and background problem before the criminals are punished. Economy crisis usually forces people to commit the crime as they need to fulfil their basic necessity to stay alive. Should this be given the same punishment with those who intentionally being criminals? To illustrate this, a grandmother who arrest for stealing food in the shop would be given at least 1 year and pay fine as much 5 million rupiah based on the agreed sentence, while she experience very poor condition and steal due to starvation in several days, and then Compared to them, doing such crime is for getting profit. If the two cases above get a similar prison sentences, this will not be called humanity. Therefore, I firmly believe that the offenders should be investigated properly before giving the penalty.

In conclusion, while fixing punishment succeed to reduce criminal cases, it should be important to measure motivation and circumstances as factors to determine prison time.

(361 words)
Ekaputri17   
Mar 12, 2019
Writing Feedback / The importance of fashionable clothes to humans - Review my IELTS [5]

Hy @tvda, This is my suggestion:
1. in the introduction: your paraphrase less capturing the topic of the background task
2.'while' used to show two opposing ideas (paragraph 2 line 1 and paragraph 3 line 2)
3. recheck before you conduct scoring to avoid misspelling
Ekaputri17   
Mar 12, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 Writing: Discuss about studying in groups and studying alone. [2]

Hy @coke, I am also still learning, and I just want to give advice based on my recent knowledge
1. It could be better to erase the first sentence in the second paragraph and directly mention what your ideas about the essay
2. Put relevant example every finish write background issue in your body paragraphs
Ekaputri17   
Mar 11, 2019
Writing Feedback / WATER POLUTION - a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment [3]

IELTS TEST 2 (WATER POLUTION)



Pollution of rivers, lakes, and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the causes of water pollution? And what effects does this have on animal life and human society?

Water bodies such as rivers, lakes, and seas are suffered by toxic pollutants coming from hazardous chemicals and plastics. This issue becomes close attention of environmentalists as it causes a poison ecosystem for aquatic animals and health problems for a human.

The pollutants that cause major damage in water ecosystem are from harmful chemicals and solid waste. This toxic compounds such as mercury and asbestos is mainly a result of industrial disposal discharged without any treatments, and it is undeniable that even the highly productive companies do not have a well-operated system to reduce the concentration of such contaminants. In fact, the more active of this process means the more plastics will be needed for packaging which majority of them will be accumulated into the water bodies as the final disposal place. For example, European Union surveyed and revealed that at least 61% of plastics ended up in the sea during a decade ago, and there is an area called barren Ireland where it is almost empty with sea creatures resulted from mercury contamination. If there is no effort to prevent or reduce the amount of disposal, the floating of these harmful compounds will substantially increase of sea covered by the waste.

What are the major consequences of this? These pollutants will both danger aquatic animals and human's health as the water becomes poisonous, and some of the animals are vulnerable consuming plastic compound as their prey has similar appearances. The further impact may lead to numerous deaths of creatures and chronic diseases attacked people who consume toxic seafood. For example, on the north coast of Ireland, some death turtles found contained plastic pieces in their digestive track. Also, in hospital, the doctor has recorded 20 people in that area suffer from mercury toxicities after eating fish in the coastal. Therefore, these are the reason why many environmentalists putting major concern in order to avoid the adverse effect in the future.

In conclusion, water pollution from industrial waste mainly chemical substances and plastics cause severe disadvantages both aquatic animals and humans.
(344 WORDS)
Ekaputri17   
Jul 28, 2018
Writing Feedback / Budget spent on building new fastest train railroad or public transport infrastructure? IELTS 2 [2]

spending money in railroad and public transportation



Question
a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


People have different views about budget spent on building new fastest train railroad for cities transportation. Meanwhile others arguing that infrastructure for public transport should be the main priority as it is used vastly by residents in the city life, but I do believe that constructing quick trains are the best choice to deal with traffic congestion because of the special route they have.

Transportation has already human's necessity, so that it is needed good quality of facility especially in public transportation. This type of transport is very popular in regular day and is used by people to travel in many places such as school, market, company, etc. In order to provide improvements, government should keep the existence of these facilities with allocating adequate fund every period for repairing possible damage by plenty of users.

However, travelling by train offers many advantageous impacts in our life. The availability of sufficient railroads can address traffic jam which is the crucial problem faced by many countries. The reason for that is the train has particular route in order to let the passengers depart and arrive on time. Also, it can reduce the flooded of vehicle because people is given effective trip by its fast speed and reasonable price which is very useful for long-distance travelling. Therefore, I think it is better if the authority spends large amount of money to construct new lines of railway between cites.

In conclusion, I firmly think that most money should be allocated to build new railway lines rather than renovation public transport as train provides numerous advantages one of them is tackling traffic congestion.

words = 268
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