Writing Feedback / Youthful population versus Aging population [4]

Hi, hope you guys all well, I am about to take the IELTS exam next month and I am trying to achieve a 6.5 in writing. So I genuinely hope that you can spend some time to evaluate and give me some feedback. I will appreciate it so much. Thank you and have a good day!

Topic 18: At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It is generally observed that some countries nowadays possess a high rate of youthful population with a trivial and unnoticeable number of elderly people. Although the drawbacks of this trend are clearly seen, but the benefits of this phenomenon are much more worth-considering.

To commence with, it is incontrovertible that the increase in young people will likely cause some problems. The most significant and detrimental outcome of this trend is the workforce crisis, with an enormous workers and employees combine with people's ever-growing demands on victuals, accommodations, stable financial sources, companies, and corporations are not likely to solve these hard-to-meet demands. Secondly, more young people means a higher reproduction rate and a foreseeable explosive rise in population will, inevitably, happen. This can lead to numerous problems related to people's well-being that will confront us in the future.

But despite all of though drawbacks, the benefits that this trend brings to individuals and their society are invaluable. To start with, a large, enthusiastic, and zealous workforce can support these countries to boost their economy, for example, an increasing number of workers work for a factory means the production of goods will likely to be improved dramatically, which, eventually, brings back a considerable amount of money. Secondly, having young citizens can also help them to make innovative and life-altering changes because they possess young mindsets and different ways of solving problems. Many ideas that are essential and transformative can be created by these people which help the governments and authorities improve people's life. Undoubtedly, these incredible outcomes are definitely cannot be brought by the aging population.

Considering these discussion points, it is my contention that a youthful population is beneficial for many countries. In order to thrive economically and change society for the better, we need these people to contribute their efforts and ideas for the sake of everyone.

Writing Feedback / Controversial information should be kept as secret or not. [3]

Hello, 2 months form this day I will officially take the IELTS exam; yet, writing is still the skill that I lack the most. Hope you guys can help me improve this. Thank you for your time and have a nice day!

Topic 11: Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is widely believed that detailed information in scientific experiments, the economic and academic world should be shared unlimitedly to people. Some others argue that some pieces of information are noncompulsory to share with the public because is it too valuable. This essay will evaluate both points of view in order to give my own viewpoint.

To commence with, the exploration of the Internet helps human access to many sources of information freely and effortlessly. By sharing a large amount of precise information to the public, people will be able to understand the current situation they are in which helps them have a bird's-eyes view about what is going on. Pieces of information, especially in science and academic world, provoke human curiosity which encourages them to conduct more research, experiments in order to find out more surprising facts. More importantly, information related to people's well-being such as, medical, natural disasters, environment, crimes is worth-sharing because by informing people about these kinds of problems, their awareness and caution will be raised which ensures their perfect safety.

On the other hand, many pieces of information are inappropriate to shared freely to the public because of their own safety. It is no doubt that a lot of information is beyond people's knowledge and it contributes nothing significant to people's lives, for example, results in scientific research about a particular kind of tree which is nonrelated to people's lives. Additionally, a lot of information can serve as an efficient tool for many criminals to commit their nefarious conspiracies which will cause unspeakable detriments for a country's well-being. The most detrimental consequence of sharing information unlimitedly is that the failure to put the world in order, with people knowing confidential information, such as a nation's security system, novel, dangerous and uncontrolled technology, new species created in a lab lead to a lawless world, trust exists between people faded and many unjustified actions will be done.

All things considered, it is sensible to conclude that harmful and serious information should be kept as top secret, people with no special authority are unable to access those pieces of information in order to protect the world from considerable harm.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: It is true to blame working mothers on the increasing of youth crimes ? [4]

The problem of raising children these days

Hi, I am trying so hard these day to get a higher band in my writing while our country still under lockdown and our schools are closed so I have more time for preparing the IELTS test. This is my another essay, could you evaluate it and if you have time could you tell me which band this essay may get ? Thank you so much for your time and have a good day.

Topic 3:The position of women in society has changed greatly in the last 20 years. Many of the problems young people are now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise because married women now work and do not have time to take care to their kids.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

As society progresses, family has been through a series of alternations and shifts in term of models and member roles. More and more women go to work and participate in social activities in order to provide finance for themselves and their family. Since the social roles of women changed, opinions are differ as to whether existing a strong correlation between these changes and the rise of crime committed by teenagers or not. In my own point of view, I strongly disagree with this opinion.

To begin with, there are many factors that lead to youth crime. For examples, the exploration of the Internet and the popularity of mobile phones. Children nowadays are no longer be dictated by their parents anymore, they are independent and have their own space so it is harder to control them. In addition, online access also comes with risks like inappropriate content, cyberbullying, online predators that could pollute children's mind and make kids more prone to social evils.

On the other hand, since the number of working mothers increased over time, two-income family have become a typical family structure in modern day. That means that child-bearing become a priority for both mothers and fathers, they have to cope with the demands of both career and family. So if a child committed a crime then not just only the mother has to responsible for that action but also the father.

In conclusion, I believe that to raise and protect the future generation we need harmonious and effective collaboration between mothers and fathers, they both have to spend time and supervise their children. More importantly, content which is shared widely on the Internet should be restricted and controlled effectively so that online platforms can no longer pollute children's mind anymore.

Writing Feedback / DOSE EXTINCTION IS THE MOST PRESSING ISSUE NOWADAYS [4]

Hi i am preparing for the IELTS exam and while under lockdown due to the Corona virus, I have decided to improve my poor writing skills. I hope you guys can help me check any necessary improvement, and if you have time could you evaluate which band this essay might get. Thank you and have good day!

Which environmental problem needs immediate attention?

Topic 2: Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The world we living in is witnessing some serious environmental problems. It has existed thousands of years and now due to our excessive exploitation on nature, those problems seem to upsurge over time. There are some people believe that extinction of plants and animals is now the most pressing issue, while some others think that there are multiple environment issues that should be concerned about. It is important that I discuss both points of view in order to present my assessment of this topic.

It is clearly that, in a decade lately we have loss many plants and creatures due to poaching and hunting which leads to numerous consequences. Firstly, the biological balance will be damaged, one specie goes into extinct can create threads to others if their gone could cause loss of food sources for animals relying on them. Secondly, not just animals from the wild affected by the disappearance of particular kind of creatures or plants but also humans. We share the same ecosystem with them so our quality of life and our survival linked to their existence.

Despite that disturbing fact, we have to admit that loss of biodiversity is not the biggest problem we are facing with. There are many other problems: air pollution, shortage of clean water, global warming, extreme weather, etc which are directly affecting our life in a negative way. Many diseases appear, kill million people every years and slow the global economy. Human struggle with bad health conditions especially respiratory problems because of the poor quality of air we are breathing.

It is my contention that each problem has its own importance, we should not emphasis on one particular one but the whole situation confronting us and have proper solutions. Governments around the world and every citizen should act right now in order to protect and preserve what the mother nature gave us and improve our quality of life.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: SHOULD WE ACCEPT WHAT LIFE GAVE US OR STAND UP AND FIGHT [4]

Hi, i am a new member of the forum, i am about to take the IELTS exam and still trying my my best to improve my poor writing skills. It would be so nice if i can get some of your advices about my essay below. I know i might have some silly spelling or grammar mistakes so all opinions are kindly appreciate. Thank you for your attention.

cambridge ielts 14: Test 1: Writing task 2:

some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.

Answer:
Many people face the dilemma of situations in which acceptance is the optimal approach whiles others would rather try to overcome hardships. Personally, I suggest that people should base on the situations they are facing with to decide which way they should solve it.

To start with, i think people should satisfy with what life brings to them and undergo the situation as they believe that there is nothing they can do about it. Their solution is simply to just go with the flow because nothing last forever and so do their problematic circumstances. Besides that, acceptance and actually avoid people from having negative emotions or unconscious actions such as suicide, seft-harm,... For example, a candidate are being late for an important interview due to traffic congestion, he or she can accept the situation and wait for another chances instead of being stressful or driving fast to improve the situation. Hence this is why people accept bad circumstances.

On the other hand, there are some particular situations which people can improve. The world is full of inspiring people who has able to turn hardships into chances by clearly understanding the value of choice. Instead of giving up so easily, it is obivious that people can improve and make their problem become a chance.

In my honest opinion, i strongly suggest that one can choose to act in both way according to the situation. When you are facing a problem, if the solution requires you to simply ignore, just do so. However if the only way to solve your problem is to figure it out how, then you should take action quickly

In a conclusion, the important thing to do when you facing a problem is to analyze it and ask yourself question: "What is the best thing to do". Think wisely and choose the best solution.