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Posts by davidgoes
Joined: Dec 30, 2009
Last Post: Jan 4, 2010
Threads: 5
Posts: 13  

Displayed posts: 18
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davidgoes   
Jan 4, 2010
Undergraduate / Boston University Supplement - Three words; [4]

Wow i loved your essay, since i am a fellow dragon boater, your essay really conveyed your characteristics through your solid examples. I feel as though you should develop more examples instead of giving your own ideals, you lack solid and multiple examples, if you include them I feel as though your essay would be very unique!

Please read over my essay and give me feedback!
davidgoes   
Jan 4, 2010
Undergraduate / Alive, Surprising and Curious, Boston University- 3 words [7]

I do not recommend just listing your three words in the beginning as your introductory sentence, after seeing a lot of essays it is very common. I enjoyed your solid examples and how they related to everyday experiences! Overall i would definitely add the above edits. And by the way, alive and surprising are very close in definition in the way that you put it in your examples.

Please take a look at my essay and give me honest and harsh feedback! Much appreciated!
davidgoes   
Jan 4, 2010
Undergraduate / Boston University- 3 words (Observant, Realistic, Logical) Last Day [7]

Your beginning is quite dull, you just list your characteristics, remembering try to show instead of tell, it comes through much stronger through examples than just saying what you are. Try to build on some solid examples and it will definitely refine your essay and overall convey your three characteristics.

Please read over mine and lead feedback. Sorry if i came over as a bit too harsh, I am just giving honest feedback if I were a reader. Please read mine with the same harshness! thankyou
davidgoes   
Jan 4, 2010
Undergraduate / Boston University 3 words (curious, straightforward, indomitable) [6]

I feel as though your first three paragraphs don't portray the best side of you, and remember that the prompt says how will you use those traits to CONTRIBUTE to the bu community, try to answer that part or give solid examples to positively reinforce your characteristics. It might too late too change your essay, but good luck.

Please give me feedback too! much appreciated thank you, sorry if i came through as very critical I just want to help.
davidgoes   
Jan 3, 2010
Undergraduate / BU, in five to six sentences how did u learn more about bu, 3 qualities [2]

In five or six sentences, tell us how you first became interested in BU and what steps you have taken to learn more about us.

When I began the infamous "college search," I made a list of traits that I wanted in a school: close to a city and hospital, a diverse student body, an interdisciplinary approach to biology, and a Pre Med club. I can honestly say that only one school matched every single one of my criteria: Boston University. With such distinguished professors as Professor David Waxman; he will be a great mentor. The nearby Massachusetts General hospital will allow me to contribute back to the community while gaining hands on experience. I want my college experience to be academically unparalleled amidst a group of diverse students who are excited to learn from each other. I know that I will find this and much more at Boston University.

Essay #1: In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community. 4000 characters

Interested in spending your summer exploring careers while earning money? Every day that slogan went through my ear as I passed the Youth Works promoters on the catwalk. Who would want waste their summer learning and doing work? Ironically, fate forced me to hear out those same coordinators as they entered my class one day. I initially dozed off, but after five minutes of attempting to sleep I decided to just listen. To my amazement, the opportunities offered were nothing like I expected. Interning in a police station or a city supervisors office would be exhilarating experiences. After class, I thought about how much of an ignorant knucklehead I was. I realized it would be an opportune way to spend my summer as an alternative to wasting away my summer watching television. So I applied, and as fate would have it, I was accepted to intern at Supervisor Sophie Maxwell's office.

Little did I know that I would wound up taking charge of the many core responsibilities of the office. While working five days a week, I promptly arrived early every morning to open the office at 7 am. Because I was put in charge of organizing meetings for the Supervisor, the plethora of conversations I had refined my communication skills. Furthermore, I was put in charge of planning town hall meetings by communicating with community center leaders, following up with information to the supervisor, and making sure everything runs smoothly. The supervisor utilized my knowledge of Chinese by having me translate for her at events. After a few months, I was put in charge of training new volunteers in how to assist constituents. My continuous enthusiasm reverberated through the volunteers of the office, fostering their ardor in serving the community. The Supervisor was so enthralled by our zeal and immense contributions to the community that she often accredited her success to us and thanked us in her public speeches.

As a mentor, she entrusted me with more demanding responsibilities as time progressed. I was determined to do my best and not let her down. She entrusted me to author speeches for her to speak at city board of supervisor and committee meetings. I meticulously drafted speeches, bolstering every sentence to convey a message that would articulate her ideas concisely. Because of my ardent involvement with projects, I was appointed to be lead intern. With this title, I initiated crucial projects such as the research and development of formal legislation.

In life, I believe it is very important to have these characteristics of a leader: sociability, dependability and determination. My effective gregariousness allowed successful communication, my dependability showed the Supervisor that she could rely on me, and my fortitude to complete tasks displayed my determined mindset of getting things done. These qualities establish the foundation for the achievement of future aspirations. I assure that my contribution of my leadership nature can return to the BU community in ways that other students can benefit from.
davidgoes   
Jan 1, 2010
Poetry / "Jump to the sky" - NYU write a poem which best represents you [4]

Write a haiku, limerick, or short (eight lines or less) poem that best represents you.

I jump to the sky but fall back down
I reach for the stars but always fall short
Failure is sometimes necessary
To humble the soul
But out of failure arises thirst
So I build a ladder to the sky
I fly my spaceship to touch stars
Who said anything was impossible
davidgoes   
Dec 31, 2009
Writing Feedback / historical event stanford grammar; "bulldog running along at the feet of Jesus" [3]

Why did you choose that event? I'm not sure if you should add "quite a funny historical event" at the end

And for your favorite events maybe try to add how attending those events affected you instead of just saying you enjoyed them.

Could you please give me feedback on my stanford intellectual vitality essay?

thankyou!
davidgoes   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / NYU Supplements - Famous NewYorker and poem/limerick [13]

After reading your new yorker one its great, but the last sentence really sounded awkward, I think you shouldrephrase

Spending a day with this especially eccentric lady would show me fearless boldness, a quality important to any artist seeking to be original and creative.

I don't think show me is the right words here, maybe instill within me a fearlessness and boldness
davidgoes   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / "I value space" - Stanford roomate what would you like for them to know [2]

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.

One unique thing about me is how much I value space. As someone who has lived their whole life in a one bedroom apartment with a family of six, I have learned to see the value in even the smallest area. The importance of even an inch of space is colossal to me. I always envied my friends because they had individual bedrooms which measured on average 13 by 12. The depth of my jealousy was so extreme that I recall once measuring out the exact lengths of my friend's bedroom to compare the dearth of space that I could call mine. Having one closet and one drawer to fit my life's possessions was something that I have grown accustomed to. Because my sisters and I share the same fanaticism for conserving and maximizing space, we often argue over centimeters of space. I became obsessed with gaining every ounce of space I could obtain by cleaning thoroughly everyday as to not waste an inch. As I strived to perfect the minute details of my own niche, I came to a satisfaction for how compact and concise my life was. This unique obsession has carried over into every aspect of my daily life. I now see that every opportunity is limited in size, but it is what we make of it which defines it. My fixation can sometimes become problematic as I find personal space in life a limited luxury. My life reflects how I live in that school, work, extracurricular activities, and spending time with my friends are like limited spaces in which I value. My obsession with space has led me to be a very driven and concise person, something that I would definitely want my roommate to know and understand.
davidgoes   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / Home is Where the Heart Is, NYU movie and poem [2]

witnessed the Spanish bullfights

Overall the content of your movie flows, but I would recommend maybe developing the plot of the movie more in that it shows how you would reconnect with your family.

Your poem is very insightful in that it shows your eagerness to learn and explore, overall it is written very well and very creative! Good job

Could you please take a look at my essays thankyou!
davidgoes   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / NYU Supplements: spend one day with a famous New Yorker - F. Scott Fitzgerald [4]

For your new yorker essay, try fitting in something about new york in the twenties, but I enjoyed the content

Heres a start for your Haiku, or poem, brainstorm ideas about your future career, personality, and your activities and go from there

Try to develop the plot of your movie more, it sounds too general, come up with maybe a specific conflict

I intend to study Sociology in the College of Arts and Science. Situated at the heart of one of the greatest cities in the entire world, I believe NYU is the best place to learn how social interactions and structures shape society.

This does not answer the prompt, you are just describing nyu, tell them why you want to major in the arts and sciences, what interests you about it, not what interests you about nyu.

Overall its a good start

Please read my nyu one and standford and leave feedback!
davidgoes   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Why Stanford is good for me -- any suggestions very welcomed. [3]

I rented my own small stall in a community festival where I sold different sorts of things .

I dont think its ever good to use the word things because it is too general.

Also when you talk about Stanford, and which school, try researching a professor in your field and listing him as someone who could be a future mentor and friend and so on. Try to distinguish stanford from other schools, what makes it better than other schools, you could list outside activities that you enjoy and research if they have those clubs or organizations at stanford

Overall I think the content of your essay is well written
davidgoes   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / NYU Supplements - New Yorker, Poem, Movie, Intended discipline [12]

I think you should focus more on the Lead for Diversity since it was the main meat of your essay. The beginning felt more like a list of activities that were insignificant.

Could you please read my nyu one too thank you!
davidgoes   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / stanford, name fav books+movies, fav events, How did u spend summer, what moment [4]

300 characters each
Name your favorite books, authors, films, and/or musical artists.
My favorite novels are Dune and Neuromancer. My favorite films include Dark Knight and the Pursuit of Happiness.

What is the most significant challenge that society faces today?
Global warming will be the downfall of mankind if we cannot put our planet before profit. With the growth of developing nations it will not be an easy sacrifice, but through global diplomacy it can be accomplished. We are fully capable of deciding our destiny, but do we have the capacity to change?

How did you spend your last two summers?
Over the past two summers, I interned in a city supervisor's office. My responsibilities varied from finding housing to R&D for new legislation to authoring speeches for the Supervisor. These experiences broadened my horizons in that I discovered a newfound passion for serving my community.

What were your favorite events (e.g., performances, exhibits, sporting events, etc.) this past year?
It's a rivalry so intense that blood has been spilled over it. With my love for baseball, the Giants and Dodgers have always been my favorite game to watch. Maybe it's the garlic fries or the heckling or my hatred for the Dodgers, but every game between the two is something to cherish and relish.

What historical moment or event do you wish you could have witnessed?
The fall of Hitler was one of the most recognized and pivotal events in history. It reminds me how critical an interdisciplinary understanding of any situation is, and how different history might have been if Hitler had defeated the allies. Being in that bunker and witnessing one of history's most infamous men realize the fall and defeat of his legacy would have been enticing moment to witness. Though Hitler's name will forever live in infamy, his impact on the world will never be forgotten.

What five words best describe you?
Visionary, diligent, adept, versatile, and charismatic.
I am a visionary in that the world is full of possibilities, but to accomplish anything you must be diligent in everything. With charisma, being adept and versatile will allow me to undertake and succeed in anything I apply myself to.
davidgoes   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / 'social implications of medical disorders' - Cornell Human Ecology Essay [3]

America is a nation that glitters with prosperity but its greatest wealth lies in the consideration and basic rights it guarantees[to]its people.

I feel your paragraphs don't really connect well, try linking your the paragraphs.

Biology has always become the subject that calls to me, and every new thing I learn only reinforces its appeal.

Fixed: Biology has always been the subject that called to me, and every new thing I learned only reinforced its appeal.

Overall the content of your essay was great in answering the prompt, just find a way to link the paragraphs better
davidgoes   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / Nyu, choose a famous new yorker, write a poem, movie, why selected major, summer [5]

500 characters each
If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do? (Your New Yorker can be anyone -past or present, fictional or nonfictional - who is commonly associated with New York City; they do not necessarily have to have been born and raised in New York.)

Emeril Lagasse

I would spend a day with the distinguished chef, Emeril Lagasse on his show "Emeril Live". With my love for cooking, I would assist him in creating some of his most famous entrées, and discuss with him the necessary mentality to become successful in life. In taking part cooking with him, I would be able to witness his ingenuity, dexterity, and diligence on a first hand basis. Acquiring Lagasse's recipe for success would provide me with insight towards furthering my own endeavors.

Write a haiku, limerick, or short (eight lines or less) poem that best represents you.
I am a wagyū
Bred in Kobe, Japan
Saved for the Kings
And worth every cent
I am the fillet mignon
The best cut
Marbled to perfection
Limited in supply

In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line.

Breaking Established Paths

David Go is a leading cardio-surgeon at the New York Presbyterian Hospital. Everything leading up to this point in his life was seemingly perfect, until he meets an old and beaten Emeril Lagasse in the emergency room. In a meeting by chance, David meets his childhood hero, once a famous New York chef, now a retired and sick homeless. Through this encounter, David acknowledges his repressed childhood dreams of becoming a chef. Together they help each other to find their niche in life again through cooking with new hopes and aspirations in pursuit of happiness.

Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

Becoming a doctor has been my aspiration since I was six, not by impulse or influence; rather due to the time I spent in hospitals during my father's bouts in and out of the hospital. As the doctors treated my father, I was not instilled with fear, but inspiration from seeing their devotion towards my father. The road to becoming a successful doctor will be long and arduous, but I will not waver. NYU's Pre-Medical program will be my opportunity to achieve my ambitions of becoming a doctor.

In addition to any work experience that you listed on your application, please tell us how you spent your most recent summer vacation.

Having never left California, the experience of exploring the beaches and streets of Oahu was similar to experiencing a new world. For two weeks I traveled with my high school baseball team playing local high school teams by day and hitting the town by night. It was simply paradise, not only because of the weather and beaches, but also because of the food I experienced. I relished every new type of cuisine I experienced, eating everything and anything I came across.
davidgoes   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / stanford intellectually engaging thought essay -- healing powers [4]

This is a very difficult topic to write about because you are basically giving your opinion on who has the right to decide life and death, I'm not sure if its the best subject because like the death penalty it is a very controversial subject. But overall your content and language is very well written.
davidgoes   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / NYU Supplements - New Yorker, Poem, Movie, Intended discipline [12]

I really enjoyed your new yorker one,but I would try to add why you like Hammerstein and what he reflects in you. Your movie idea is very creative and so is your poem. Maybe for your last one infuse your passion for helping others into your future career because i see a theme of a helping hand in your poem?
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