Research Papers / I need an outline for paper on Ocean Acidification [4]

Hi!
With this specific subject I think you should need to do a little research on the topic that you will write about. You can google "Ocean Acidification" to get some infor or ideas. Then do your own outline and post it on the forum so people can help you to revise or edit. Maybe we can not do an outline for you because we don't know or not for sure what you want to write on your paper. Goodluck!

Writing Feedback / What is the most important animal in your country (cow in India)? [5]

These are my first 2 paragraps edit. I hope it helps
=>Animals are extremely important in the country's economy. In India, variety of animals help the people in various ways like providing food, helping in work or security. For example, a dog helps to people guarding houses and belongings and is considered as the most loyal animal. Hen gives eggs and is useful for food also. In my opinion (as for me) the most important animal for my country is cow. I believe cow is an improtant animial because it helps for work, produces milk, and fertilizes by using its waste

The most important reason is we get milk from cow, which is most imperative food in daily life. Small children depends on milk as well as adults because they need to consume protein and vitamin in their daily life. Thus, milk is very necessary to the India's diet.

Writing Feedback / "The attraction of New York City" - A meaningful Place [7]

Thanks for your ideas. I had thought about it too, but I don't know how to express my idea, or blend them in the essay. There are 2 tasks on the topic-(1)describe a place and why it's meaningful. But somehow I miss one part of it

Undergraduate / "I always take advice from my mom who knows me best" - Essay for uta help. [2]

To me this essay is not a complete one. Outline it first before you are going to write.
!)Introduce
-----
2)First reason why my mom is the important person for me
--------
3)Second reason
-----------
4)Third reason
----------
5)Conclusion
=>
In life one will meet a lot of people and make new friends
"through my short life"=>why do you have a short life?
"And many people have already passed through my short life"=> I have been met many people in my life.
"but the one that constant has always been mom".=> you miss an adj here
=>my hero, however, is my mom
"And many people have already passed through my short life, but the one that constant has always been mom. Many hardships and difficulties will occur l."=> I would change the whole thing to this: "I have been met many people in my life, but the one who constantly helping me during my hardships and difficulties is my mom. She has always been a hero to me." Something like this in your introduction

2) Write about her advice (which you already did, but you need to say it clearly)
3)Write about her help in academic like she takes time to show your homework every night. She encourges you to do your own, instead of cheating, copying, (make up story)

GOOD LUCK

Writing Feedback / "The attraction of New York City" - A meaningful Place [7]

"My mother's house" - my favorite and meaningful place

Please read and give me idea on this essay. I think I should give more detail on this, but please read it first. Thank you

topic: meaningful place

My most favorite place has always been my mother's house. This is the place I would have to go almost every summer vacation. The place was not only where I spent my childhood but also came to see my beloved mother once a year.

Our family's story is quite long. My father was a lieutenant. He was forced to leave the country when the Communist took over the South of Vietnam, leaving behind my mother and her four months pregnancy of me. At a time my father had never thought that he could come back nor reunite with us. Therefore, he has remarried. However, life is changing. My father could be able to come back when I was twelve. Unfortunately, my father could not sponsor my mother to the United States as of his legal wife, but me. I was sponsored to America and separated from my mother since then.

At age twelve, I had realized the separation was a huge sadness of my life. I did not want to leave a peaceful, special place where it made me feel safe and warm. I have never forgotten the smell of coffee that my mother made every morning, before she had going to work nor never can I forget the aroma of roses and jasmines from her garden. I still remember helping my mother watered her flowers every morning, before going to school. The flowers not only gave us pleasant smell but also great income when it was ready for harvest.

Moreover, most of my favorite from the garden was a herbal tree that its leaf could be used for washing my hair. Because we were living in poverty, we could not afford to buy shampoo, so my mother used to steam the herbal leaf to wash my hair, giving them a shinny back and healthy looking. I could smell my mother home-made shampoo lingered in my hair for a few days. After washing my hair, my mother would take a comb and make them in braids. She had always made sure that I was neat and clean.

Moreover, my mother's house is old. Most of its paint is faded and chipped away. Even though its roof is licked, but it has been so precious to me. Coming back to my mother house, I find myself snuggle in my mother's love and care. Her garden is still blooming and fragrance in the summer time. Yet, instead of my mother who does washing my hair like the old day, I would be the one who does the washing for my mother; enjoying the special moment and seeing the tear of happiness come from my mother eyes. Still, this place is the most meaningful for me.

Essays / How to start an essay about a trip to remote island and bring 3 emergency instrument? [9]

Basic grammar: You should capital all letter at the begining of a sentence and capital after a period, and capital letter I, yourself=>"If I am alone on a remote island I would survive if I bring satellite phone,solar battery charger and water purifier because these instruments can save me..."(finish introduction)

=>"in this essay,i would like to analyse that why these instrument are important to bring with myself.
the first item i bring is satellite phone." Omit this one, don't say "in this essay", readers know this is your essay. Since you already say you will bring satellite phone in the intro, do not repeat it again. Now follow Kevin outline

2)I will survive if I bring the satellite phone because....
Moreover, my suggestion is you need to read or search a little bit of "how to write 5 paragrahps essay! Maybe it would help before you start to write your own. It took me a few years to learn how to write a simple essay too, and I still have been learning! GOOD LUCK

Grammar, Usage / Sample of combining sentences; Need advice. [14]

Combination words (like: text book vs textbook OR work place vs workplace)?

Hi people!
Sometimes I don't know some combination words such as text book or textbook, work place or workplace???? Both are correct or what?

Writing Feedback / "The attraction of New York City" - A meaningful Place [7]

Thank your for your help. How about the rest of my essay. I thought I should make more mistakes at the end of it. Do I stay on the topic this time????

Writing Feedback / "Moving into the land of dream" how to improve my narrative essay [8]

There are some gramma errors, I guess. However, here are the 2 paraghaps that I suggest in my way. If I have time, I will comeback for other paraghaps

=> It was Saturday, a family day. (add comma)
=> Waking up by the morning light with the thick coffee aroma filling into the room, I yawned but still laying down because of my laziness.(combine 2 sentences, use past tense)

=> I could feel the tender, warm sun wrapping around me; then, I stood up nearly tumbling from the lost of balance and went down the stairs.

=> There, I saw my husband drinking coffee and reading the newspaper at the same time (no comma before and)
=> My Son, Christian, was as usual watching T.V while eating his cookies.
=> To get some fresh air, I stepped outside. (add comma, you are not comparing, so don't use in the other hand)

=> It was summer time in my country.
=> I felt like a boiling egg in the sun. My black hair was hot when I touched[; the asphalt had strange mist coming out.] (in this sentence you are talking about your hair, so don't combine with asphalt, there are 2 different things, so you better combine something like this [I felt like a boiling egg in the sun; even though, my hair was extremely burn when I touched it]

=> I flopped into a chair with a cold cup of lemonade, but I still couldn 't handle the hot air. So, I wanted to go to my room, but (while,as...) when I was in the middle of the stairs way, I saw my husband was talking on the phone. I didn't want to interrupt him but as I heard the words, "America, moving, and working there", so I noticed. Shockingly, I looked at him and waited until he finished talking. When he had done, I began to ask him a lot of questions "Are we moving? How about our business? What about your work?" I asked so many questions, and my husband explained them to me carefully. However, I still didn't want to leave my country. Ever since, it was his dream to come and live in America. He said that there is a lot of oppurnity living in the land of freedom. Thinking about moving just made me burst into tears. I began to call my parents and my husband's relatives to let them know we had had a decision to leave our own country.

Writing Feedback / "Moving into the land of dream" how to improve my narrative essay [8]

Hi Jhoi Go
I just try as much as posible because I myself also need help to, but I can show you some basic grammar errors. I'm looking at your essay quickly then. Goodluck

I like your essay, your feeling like what I felt when I first came here too! Yes, I believe you will be succeed in your learning

=>It's time to say goodbye! My heart began to ache and I started to cry. I remember vividly that day,December 19, 2008, five days before Christmas, the day we left our country. While we were sitting on the airplane from Philippines bound to Greensboro, I was thinking about my family, my friends, and our future. I thought, "Why do we need to go to America? Everything here is fine". I knew that my mother is worried about me. Suddenly I heard my husband talking to me "don't think too much, everything will going to be alright. We will have a beautiful future in America." Yes, I could do many things in Philippines, but I also would be able to do many things in America. When the airplane arrived in Detroit. We stranded there due to inclement weather. So, we needed to spent our night on the Detroit airport and waiting for the next flight going to Greensboro. In (I think "with", but I'm not sure) fourteen hours of journey, I felt so exhausted, tired, and sleepy. When we arrived at the Greensboro airport, my husband's new employer and his associates (co-workers? if you mean the people who work with your husband) patiently waiting for us at the waiting area. They helped us to pick up our luggages. They started introducing one another (if more than 2 people, use one another, if 2 people use each other), and after that we went to a restaurant to get something to eat. Afterward, we had stayed at my aunt's house for almost a month; she(you're talking about your aunt, so you "she", instead of "they") guided (give information, show...) us how to adjust to new live in this country.

=>After a month, we already found a place to stay and started living on our own. During the first two months, I had a great time with my husband and son. I felt like I am really free (use some other word, don't use free, because you had lived free in your country too, use something like "I felt so much better" or " I felt as if I were in a heaven" (just kidding). This is a beautiful country. Everything is different, different language, different food, and different people. Everything was new to me. I was like a new person, who needed to learn many new things. Eventually, it was the time for my son to go to kindergarten. I enrolled him to the public school in Greensboro. Everybody asked me, "How long have you been here? Can you speak English?" Although I studied English in my country, I couldn't understand nor speak at all. I felt like my tongue got numb inside and my body started to shake. I felt so bad that day and very disappointed to myself. Every time I needed to go to somewhere, my husband had to accompanied with me. I couldn't communicate (don't use speak all the time) to anybody because of my limited English. As a result, I began to hate everything in here. I hated people, myself, and my husband, who brought me here to America. I missed my home, relatives, friends, and everything in my native country. Things began worsen. I felt like I would going to go crazy.

=> Worrying about my situation, my husband suggested that I need to go back to school. So that we moved here in Wilmington. The first thing I did was practicing driving. After I got my driver's license, I went to café fear community college to register and I was accepted. I went home with a big smile on my face. Then my confidence got back and I began to like America. Right now I am very happy in CfCC; it is (use "is" because the college still there and still nice)a nice place, the people are nice and friendly. My English is better now but my son still makes fun of ("make fun of" ="teasing" too) me because of my (English,Philipine because "accent~strange") accent. Even though I can't speak English very well, I believe I will be able to speak well someday. I believe the saying "If others can do why can't I" so for me learning has no ending.

Writing Feedback / "Moving into the land of dream" how to improve my narrative essay [8]

Here are some edits
=> It was time to say goodbye!
=> When the airplane arrived in Detroit, we stranded there due to inclement weather
=> ...our night at the Detroit airport and...

Writing Feedback / A good son or daughter has a responsibility to obey parents and keep communication with them [2]

I try to give some suggestions for the first 2 paraghaps

=> Parents sacrifice for their children from birth to until they are alive
=> In last generation, a son followed route what his parents chose and a daughter was told to be a housewife only. However, the situation is changed (I think last generation happens in the past, I would use past tense)

=> New generation wants freedom and..
=> ... important to think about the good qualities of a son...
=> In my opinion, a good son or daughter should obey, communicate, and respect his or her parents in any circumstances.
=> First, I believe that a child should obey his parents' order because they are experienced and they know better what is good or bad for their child.

=> It is their responsiblity to obey their suggetion (Confused sentence, who are they? child or parents?)
=> Parents always sacrifice everything for their child
Although working Moms and Dads spend a great deal of time on their jobs, they spend that money to buy food, cloths and desires for their child.

=> Parents always supres (save) their own desires but try to complete their children's demand (needs)
=> When their children turn come they should at least try to complete little bit their desires. (I don't get this sentence)
=> For example, sometimes parents need to help picking up or buying some stuff(picking up packages, buying grocery, be specific, don't use stuff) from shop or paying bill, so that a child should obey their order without giving any excuse.

Writing Feedback / favor food, why it's so special [10]

Assel and Sofia, Thanks for your advice. I know that a good essay has to have a good lead-in that catches readers' attention. At the begining I wanted to use something like what you just suggested. However, it is not sound like me! I am still learning a good lead-in, not copying other's writing. But before going to that step, I want to make sure my essay doesn't have serious basic grammar errors. So I just try basic, simple English because it is how my writing now. I want to write more beautiful and professional, but it's not beyond my ability.

I didn't write well on the 2 para, but I did explain why I like spaghetti (convenience, easy to cook. It's so special for me because I can spend time with Dad). However, it's not enough what I want to say, I feel that I need to rewrite the para 2, but I don't know how.

Writing Feedback / favor food, why it's so special [10]

This is my revision, I am still thinking how to insert it in the essay; however, I think this is how to cook, not mention much about the taste, smell, things like that....!

To make the dish, you need to have noodles, tomato sauce, some mushroom slices, and ready made meatballs. Those materials are basic requirement, but you can adjust the menu depending on how is your taste. For example, instead of using noodles, you can use pasta as well. Since pasta gives you more choices because it has many different in flavors and shapes such as wheat straight pasta, rice curly pasta, spinach sea-shell pasta, and so on. Tomato sauce can be made in can or jar, and it has variety of brand and taste such as crushed or chunky with or without garlic and onion. Sometimes you can see tomato sauce contains all main ingredients such as garlic, onion, and mushroom. You can find ready made meatballs with different kinds of meats like beef, fork, turkey, or combined meat. If you are more creative and a member of seafood-eater fan, you can substitute meatballs with scrimps or your favor, but the dish still gives you best taste as the original.

When you have everything ready, you may begin to start. First, you should fill water in a pan and heat it up. When you see the water is bubbling, put your noodles or pasta in and continue to steam. Before you drain the water out, peek a bite to be sure that your noodles are ready to eat. Next, you can put your tomato sauce in and stir it up. Since the tomato sauce already has tangy seasoning, you don't need to add on anything; but for me, I like sweet taste, then I may put on some sugar, so that now I have a dish of sweet, sour, and salty flavor. Finally, you can put on your ready made meatballs and mushroom at the same time. You should stir your combination again and wait about 5 minutes for your mushroom absorb to the sauce and then you can enjoy your meal.

Writing Feedback / Nursing, My First Job Experience (narrative essay) [3]

These are my ideas if you want to consider. Remember to type I, not "i" and I am, not just "am"

As i was going around in the city in search of a job, the only question that comes to my mind was ; how do i get this job experience when nobody is offering me a job?<= (You make a semicolon in a compound sentence; however, this is not a complete sentence "As i was going around in the city in search of a job, the only question that comes to my mind was")=>As I was going around in the city to search for a job, a question that came to my mind was how do I get job experience when nobody has offered me for a job.

I just graduated from a three year College of Nursing few months ago, and all my effort to get a job proved abortive because the open vacancies are for people with experience.<=(I'm not sure with your writing "and all my effort to get a job proved abortive", but it sounds vague and unclear "=> Although I just graduated from a three year College of Nursing few months ago, I couldn't find a job because the employers required only experienced candidates.

As i approached the house, i saw my sister smiling at me. This made me wonder what the smiling was all about only to be told a Missionary hospital call the home phone that i should resume in the next two days.<=(I don't use "approached", use "arrived" better in this sentence because you're already at home)=>As I arrived home, I saw my sister smilling at me, which made me wondering what had happened. After all, I was been told that the Missionary hospital called and said that I should send my resume within the next two days.

I was happy because i know it is time for me to be considered experienced in the labour market => I was happy because I would have a chance to get my dreamed (high-paid salary,...) job.

(AFTER THIS SENTENCE YOU SHOULD TELL THE READER YOU GOT ACCEPTED, AND THEN YOU CONNECT THE IDEA WITH YOUR THESIS...=> My experience in this hospital was the one ...

As i entered the ward i was posted to, the head nurse and other staff were holding a meeting
=>When I entered the door, I saw the head nurse and other staff..

...this people that am not a dummie=>...these people that I am not...

I took my time to study their case files and started attenting to then according to priority and urgency("attenting to then according to priority and urgency"<= What you mean by this?)

By the time my shift will be over , i have barely attended to half of the patients (you are talking about the past experience, don't use "will" and present perfect tense)

=>By the time my shift was over , i had barely attended to half of the patients

The head Nurse came to me and showed me how things will be done faster=>The head nurse came to me and showed me how things should have done faster

This made me realise.... learnt with time=> This made me realize...learned with time

...something am always afraid of while in college...=>something I am always afraid of while in college
A good example was the day a physician prescribed 15mg of brenadryl for a child of 10 years old. I drew his attention to the dosage but he said the child needs it=>For example, I drew attention of the dosage to a physician when he prescribed 15mg of brenadryl for a ten-year-old child; however, he said that the child needed medication and told me to give it to him. Eventually, the child was being put into almost 24 hours sleeping without eating and doing anything else. Nervously, (or other adverb) I reported to my head nurse, who confronted the physician and blamed on her (or him)

=>I was lucky because the child didn't get worse, and my license wouldn't have been on the line of being suspended.
=>Also, maintaining a good relationship with a boss became one of my priorties after my first job experience. My boss was the most understanding person I have ever met . Many people said she is weird, but I would say she is only disciplined and professional. On one faithful day, when I was on my way to a patient, I saw a man and he asked me to assit him to go to a restroom.(is this what you mean?) I told him to give me a couple minutes and I would be with him, but he started shouting and (screaming?). After finishing my errands, I walked to him but he started to kick, hit, and abuse me. I was calm and apologized for the waiting. Also, I showed him to the restroom but he still complained to the overall matron in charge who decided that she would punish me without even listening to my explanation. My saving grace was my immediate boss who told her that I am one of her best nurses and I have never abused any client. This showed me the power of good interpersonal relationship.

Writing Feedback / Compare & Contrast "The Two Friends" - feedback. [4]

Those are my ideas if you want to take a look

Everyone has friends, and usually they are people from all walks of life.=>Everyone has friends, who may come from different places such as workplaces, schools, or parties.

Some are so different personalities. But some are similar that it is shocking=>Some have the same personalities while others are so different from one another.

They seem to walk, talk and even eat the same=> They may favor the same food or place
Others are so very different that it is absolute wonder that they can even stand each other, let alone be friends<=this is must be rewrite

That is how Matt and Tuan started out as best friends, but the two good friends found living together a bigger task than they had ever imagines.=>Matt and Tuan were best friends, but both of them realized that living together is a difficult...(if you're talking about the past and they are no longer be friends, use "they were best friends", if they are still be friends, use "they have+ PP" because the following paraghap you're saying "they are older than me", and "...they had ever imagines=>they have ever imagined=present perfect tense

His eyes are narrow and tanned skin (you mean his eyes are narrow and his eyes are tanned???, maybe you mean this=>His eyes are narrow and his skin is tanned

he can walk through the mall without one person staring=>Though he is attractive in his own way, no girl interests on his outside look when he is passing through the mall

The two guys are the best.. (don't use guy in formal writing, use man instead)

even in the views on how they clean (delete this part)
Tuan on the other hand is extremely messy.=>Tuan, on the other hand, is ex...(add commas)

The thought of even sleeping in a messy room makes Matt extremely uncomfortable (delete "The thought of even", just start with Sleeping in a...)

When Tuan was in school, he never participated in any sports =>When Tuan was in school, he had never participated (past perfect)

Friends come in all shapes and sizes <=this need rewrite, sound awkward

Writing Feedback / "wisdom" that old people have - Knowledge gained from books or from experience? [8]

Don't repeat "it is", "it" "those" "that"...be specific, give specific noun, or it is confused

Use simple sentences or short sentences if you are not sure how to write it
Take a look at this sentence " When we talk about practical things in every day life we mean for example you really learn how to cook when you begin doing it and when we talk about concepts for example you know what it is love when you have the experience of loving some one."<=This is too long, let's break it "when we talk about practical things in everyday life, we mean...(x?). For example, or ";for example, you really only learn how to cook when you are in the procedure. In the same hand, you really don't know what love is until you are in love.

=>I think that knowledge gained from experience is more important than knowledge (those) gained from books.

=>In my opinion, knowledge gained from experience is an embodied one
... it is not a cognitive knowledge it is one actualized with the reality.<=what is this, need to rewrite
=>The result is that when a similar situation happens you most know what to do and the consequence of your reactions or behaviour. (replace "result" with something elso, it's confused)

=>The best example it is when a child get burned, if it hurts surely he will never touch the fire again because he knows by he experience what happens and the association will be done automatically in his mind and body.=>For example, when a child (infant, toddler...) get burned by an accident, he will learn not touching the fire

This can be translated to every situation in every day life and also for understanding deeply the meaning of some abstract concepts like love, fear, faith or happiness. => Don't use "this", use "learning from experience" if you mean it, or you lose the reader

One of the best ways of learning things it is when you travel. (do not give 2 subjects; you have "learning" don't use "it")=> One of the best ways of leaning things is when you travel; even stronger=> The best way of learning is traveling

One of the best ways of learning things it is when you travel. This is the better example that knowledge gained from experience it is a very important source. For example going to the Coliseum or to Pyramids will give you the sense of how they lived in that period.=> you have a good point from this para, so you just prove it.

Undergraduate / "both early childhood education and psychology" - 300 word education and career goals [3]

These are my ideas if you want to take a look

As a senior in high school instead of sitting in class for 90 minutes, I was standing in front of 19 first graders teaching them a lesson=> As a senior in high school, I chose to take a class that taught how to teach first grade students instead of....

=>My high school has offered a class that you can take at your senior year to explore your future career, which I was fortunate enough to be enrolled in

=>I observed small & whole lessons individual instruction, specials, snack time and progress checks (difficult to understand->you observed a first grade classroom?at special time and snack time? or you observed special class? what is progress checks?

=> ...I found my-self taking on the initiative =>... I found myself taking...

=>but eventually I found my-self taking on the initiative to work with students independently.(delete "and as a class")

=> After spending time in the first grade class, I have became more passionate about becoming an early childhood educator.

=>...education. But I also feel that in today's society teachers also need a background in psychology, therefore I want to minor in psychology. (I don't use "But" to start a sentence, I use "However" instead. Use ";" before therefore, hence, moreover, furthermore...

=>...education. However, I feel that in today's society teachers need a psychology degree as well; therefore, I want...

Don't use the word "background" if you mean certificate or degree because "background" is so general and unclear

Writing Feedback / "Although my daughters are twins" - Contrast/Comparison Paragraphs [4]

Let's look at your first sentence: "Although my daughters are twins they do not look or act alike, they have plenty of differences My daughter Kymberly is in her first year of Premedia at Durham College, still lives at home and likes to hang out with alot of friends at once"

"Although my daughters are twins, they do not look or act alike."<=This one can be a sentence, just add comma,
=>you can use FANBOYS to connect 2 compound sentences or a semicolon. For example, "Although my daughters are twins, they do not look or act alike, and they have plenty of differences" OR "Although my daughters are twins, they do not look or act alike; they have plenty of differences( PICK THE WAY YOU LIKE)=>My daughter, Kymberly, is in her first year of Premedia at Durham College, still living at home and hanging out with alot of friends.

=> She always has something going on= She is an active person or she is an extrovert "something going on" is unclear
=>My second daughter, Jacqueline, on the other hand, finished her school and have been worked as a p.s.w
=>Although, she lives on her own with her two-year-old daughter and boyfriend, she enjoys just spending quiet relaxing evenings at home with her family and rarely goes out to parties (It is OK to keep your 2 sentences separately too, but if I were you, I would like this way)

=> However, Jacquie is the complete opposite; she is very shy and quiet, and you would never notice her attention.
=> Even though they are twins, their outlooks are different as well
=>Although they have many differences they still carry the same values, beliefs, and traditions.(I GUESS YOU WOULD TAKE THIS SENTENCE FOR ANOTHER PARAGRAPH)

Writing Feedback / I and my sister went to the supermarket together [4]

I have some ideas Hien
=>Today I and my sister have gone to the supermarket together=> ...my sister and I have gone to...

=>When we was buying goods (you can use "groceries") in the supermarket, my sister suddenly cried out and only spoke (=>use past tense) one sentence that she had lost her wallet, which has a Nokia mobile phone inside.

OR=>While we was inside the grocery supermarket, my sister suddenly cried out and said that she had lost her wallet, which had a Nokia mobile phone inside (use "had lost" past perfect)

=> the conner "corner" (misspelling)
=>I can see it=>I could see it (past tense because you're already saw her crying)

=>The thief cleverly hid his face.
=> He took advantage of the situation to merge into the people, who was shopping to prepare for the Tet holiday.
=>Security personnel in the supermarket warned customers not putting their laptop in the shopping trolley and brough it to the security holder.
=> "Being lost the wallet is completely unexpected. I only want to admonish everyone of the danger lurking everywhere nothing so much as the Tet holiday. Do you want to be fed up about being lose your money on this holiday?. Say No. You need to be careful of money. A piece of ca relessness may create these unfortunate consequences. Remember that money doesn't grow on trees. Good luck for you."===>You need to rewrite these sentences instead of "I only want to admonish" you can write something like "Maybe, some people who intend to steal others' property not understanding the feeling of...." You are composing a story, so avoid "Say No"

Writing Feedback / GOOD NEIGHBOR (reliable, trustworthy, with a sense of humor) [3]

Here are some my ideas

=>Some are vey positive while others really make your life miserable
=>After a long, hectic, and exhausted working day, we come back expecting to have a peaceful and relieving night at home.
=>Good neighbors should be very reliable and trustworthy; that is the most admirable quality of our neighbors. Before leaving for work, I have always handed over the keys of my house to our neighbors so that when the helping lady comes, she can finish her job even in my absence

=>... My family and friends may take...
=>... but our neighbors are the first people who can help us in an emergency case
=>...In addition to this (what is "this"?=> In addition to respecting the right of privacy?if you mean it)
=>...good neighbors, who are very friendly, can make you feel refreshed after a long hectic day and whenever you talk to them, they soothens your mind

Writing Feedback / favor food, why it's so special [10]

Thank you for all the help. I will work on my essay again, but I am not really emphasized on the food itself. I want to mention why that dish really means for me. Of course, some of you like some kinds of food because they taste special and wonderful depending on how is your taste. But here, I also want to mention that my father was making a dish so special.

Writing Feedback / The Jealous reactions of one person to the success of a friend. [3]

I look very quick on those minors

=>I, on the other hand, envied John's achievement
=>, it happens other wise
=> I asked John how he was able to have such tremendous skills
=>a friend of mine

Undergraduate / "hope to be a specialist doctor" - motivating myself [4]

Some of the changes in the initial para, but I feel you need to be careful with capital and punctuation
=>...hospital Penang. she was named Suriaty, [by his late father]<=what is this, who is "his"? you mean "her"? so you mean "her father named her Suriaty?(captital name of a person or a place)

=>...There are eight of us .My... (spell out if it is below 10)
=>... ill (misspell? "I")just...
=>...justin bieber stuff (what is stuff? picture? hat? T-shirt with his picture? Don't use stuff, be specific. Also, capital his name) "So, the presents that i got were his biography book and his latest Cd album from my sister", even though, you're explaining "stuff" in the latter sentence but you're better substitue it with "stuff", then instead of "So, the presents that i got were his biography book and his latest Cd album from my sister" you can delete it or" my presents were what I had wanted"

=>There are full of Justin Bieber's adorable photos and how he ended up became a singer, as well as his lifestyle in the book

=>...twice; for I'm not satisfied with only 1 reading...

Grammar, Usage / A noun that's a good substitution for "get-togethers"? [7]

I think I saw other word different from carousal and debauchery, and I want to mention the informal get-togethers, just get-togethers for chit-chatting. Anyway, thanks for your help

Writing Feedback / "School Bells " - kindergarten essay [7]

Here are some suggestions, but there are more punctuation that you need to pay attention to such as commas and dependent and independent clauses...
=>Turning five years old and knowing that it was time to begin school, I was really scared.
=>I remember walking with my new backpack, which had two little wheels so I wouldn't have to carry it
=>She and my new teacher, Mrs. Flores, were having a hard time getting me to stay in the classroom.
=>After they saw that I wouldn't stay, my mom had to stay there with me
=>It was really hard for me to get used to attending school everyday<=you don't have to repeat "stay" again and again use "attending" instead

=>Being a child of my parents =>I guess you don't need to say two parents because when you write "parents"=two, "parent"=1

=>Being a child of my parents who only knew how to speak Spanish was really hard for me to learn English.
=>They would come around eleven A.M and take me out of class
=>put your things in it=>"thing"?=pencils, note books, backpack,=school materials (don't use things, discribe them)
=>he and I....(not him and I because he is used as a subject)
=>First grade was a very great year
=>Still not knowing very good English, I was put in a special class so that I could get better in speaking English
=>In October we had fun Halloween festival. School offered a lot of games to play and the scariest was the haunted house.
=>I remember as we entered the haunted house, I could only hear screaming because I had my eyes closed the whole time
=>I wasn't a very big fan about school=>not clear meaning = I was not excited going to school?
=>...and when I was in the third grade, I had already used to waking up early every morning
=>I still had my special class to learn how to speak English but by that time I had known I could accomplish anything that I set my mind. (OR I could accomplish my goals)

Writing Feedback / Essay about independency and a choice between living with family or moving out [6]

You have some subject verb agreement problem, and I suggest you should work careful on that.
Second and third paraghaps can be combined because these are the same point ("In the second place..."+"In the third place..." =same point= "improve relationship")

Hope I can help!
=>..and I prefer to stay apart with my parents than moving outside=> "Stay apart"="separate" (So I guess you misunderstood "apart"

=> As a taxi driver,it is a large number to me=> (you have misplace modifier)=>As a taxi driver, I cannot afford such that high cost.

=>In the weekend,my uncle usually visits our house...(verb tense with "s")
=>...family reunions every week, we share happiness and joy (verb tense "we" with no "s" for verb "share", "family" as a singular,and then use "s" for verb reunion )

=>...,and she cannot walk by herself that she always sits ...(verb tense-you're talking now- use present tense, "sit" with "s")

=>...taking good care of my family,having a good relationship,and saving money are such a wonderful thing to me (taking+having+saving=plural, so use "are" instead of "is"

Writing Feedback / Different choices - Working in group or Working independently ? [4]

I don't see any serious errors, but I have some minor changes if you want to take a look

=>Therefore, we can save time at works and our tasks will be more efficient. (Since you just have "work", so I change to "task", for not sound repeating)

=>It does not only make us learn more things from others but also encourage us to try harder (same with this, since you have two "more")

=>If we have to deal with so many problems (you can change with "...with multiple problems...)

=>Besides,... (beside is a prep, but besides is an adverb)

=>Besides, working in group makes us avoid being stress and boring (I delete "I think" because you have those expressions throughout your essay "In my point of view", "I think", "I believe". It is ok to have one or two, but not so many, after all we know the essay is yours

=>commnication skills (I will choose plural for skills)

=> it is of great help for you to do group work rather than individual one (I would change this a little because I think "of" is not in its position=> Working in a team contributes a great help rather than...

In general, you're working well on your grammar part, but I think you can develop more on second para. Your topic sentence is "I believe that work in group makes us avoid being stress and boring", you can give example to show this idea. I also feel that you are not giving enough information for "good opportunity to improve commnication skill".

Writing Feedback / "Be Weary of their Expectations" - a draft, persuasive essay about expectations [4]

Hi Dan, I just take a look at your sentences, but not with what you mean on your essay. Here are some errors that may have. You need to pay attention on these, this, it, that...if you can, write specific noun or subject

=>People should realize that they only have (everyone=singular, they =plural)

=> He or she has grown up learning the fundamentals of life (a person = he or she, not they)

=> they have made several mistakes

=>However, some cannot...( you already have "however"=but, so delete "but". Same with "they"="some")

=>These involve following others expectations <=what you mean by "these"; learning from mistakes? hard to understand with "these"

=> Although sometimes the expectations of their parents are good intentions, peer presures?...(from now I don't get what you mean)("are" and "have" = 2 verbs)

=>these weaken minded people and spend their lives following others<=what is "these"? "minded people" is not clear, dangle

=> It's obvious that they must take a stand for themselves (use "goal" instead of "stand", how about this "It is obvious that they must live their own life" or "It is obvious that they should follow their goals"

=>or they'll waste their one and only chance at living.<=rewrite this sentence, difficult to understand

=>teens should not follow other people's expectations as they may not be in their best interest ( "they" can be understood in two meanings, either "people's expectations" or "teen", so you need to rearrange a little)

=>this person is confused and cannot make his or her own decisions for his or her welfare. (Once again, two verbs, "get"&"is". This person=singular, they=plural-So I change to singular, but that sounds repeating "his or her" twice, so you can fix your way. I just give example)

=>the suicide rate of teens in Japan is three time higher than the US because...(the comparison-you cannot compare "the rate of teen" with "US" because these are 2 different things, so "the suicide rate of teens in Japan is three times higer than the U.S' rate because....)

=>Teens must realize that their lives....(you miss the compliment here) and they're old enough to make judicious decisions for themselves.

Writing Feedback / Students usually love a teacher with humor - he is closer to his students and teaches better [4]

I have some ideas for you Ting. Hope I can help a little

=>Some people think students can get...(Start your sentence from here is sound better)

=>students usually engage a teacher with...(change "love" to engage or "interest")

=>students usually engage a teacher with humor and being easygoing because he or she is funny, closed to students, and full of creativity internally; he or she is not bored like students' parents (a teacher = singular= he or she, they = plural. I really don't like "funny"; it sounds informal, you can choose different word)

=>...and they are not bored like students' parents (I don't understand why you compare "teacher" to "students' parents"? why not compare with other teachers, who are not smile until X-mas) (^_*)

Thus, a vivid teaching style is brought into school life by a teacher with these kind of characteristic (I like this sentence in active voice to emphasize your idea=>Thus, a teacher with these characteristics brings into his or her classroom an effective teaching style

=>For example, Mrs Alice, the English teacher in my high school...(I think you should have Mrs. or Miss in front of your teacher's name)

=>My piano teacher was famous not only in her fantastic playing skills

=>but also in her excellent training program (personally, I don't like to use "cool" in formal writing)

=> she required every detail in playing

=>...to strengthen and stretch my hand muscles by holding a pan, and to knock strongly over my fingers when playing with a wrong musical note OR"....by holding a pan. She often knocked (tapped?pinched?spanked?) so hard on my fingers when I was playing with a wrong musical note.

=>All these poor teaching methods had became my nightmare gradually

=>according to my two experiences, I sincerely contradict that a serious and strict teacher is more effective than a teacher with humor and is easygoing.

Writing Feedback / "School Bells " - kindergarten essay [7]

Hi Susan, Thanks for your comment. (Here, I want to share with you my personal) I often check back after my post to see if there are some better ways of revision so that I can learn better. Believe it or not I have been failed my writing test 39 times. I'm so ashamed and angry with my failures. Eventhough my scores have been improved since I joined the forum, they are not yet met the required score. Kevin, a moderator, suggested that I should write, type at least ten times for every incorrect sentences that had been corrected. I did as what he suggested. However, I couldn't memorize all of my corrections. Angry with my failures, last month I changed my job from a full-time to a part-time just to read these crazy English grammar. The more I read the more I realize I haven't known any English, but now I able to laugh when I read this sentence "Being inclined to bark, whine, have embarrassing accidents, and noisily lick themselves, students should not bring their dogs to class." I hadn't realized what wrong with the sentence a month ago. Nevertheless, I enjoy reading from many writers in this forum, and I also learn from them. I still work on how to write a good conclusion because that is my weak part in writing the essay. I hope I can get help too! Thanks if you have reading my sharing

Writing Feedback / Both genders go out of their homes to do jobs spending too much time at work [10]

Your scores are the passing scores? If so, congratulation! Your essay is great, straight to the points. Thanks for sharing your experience

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: is it better to take several different kinds of job when you are young? [3]

I have some minor changes if you want to take a look. Hope they help
=> Some people think it is not only bring them a stable income to improve their life qualities, but also accumulate the ability in their specializations as early as possible <= what is "it is"?

=>others dispute that people should take some adventures to try different jobs when they are young

I've attended this program for a half year three years ago <= How can you attend this program for a half year three years ago? either this: "I attended for a half-year three years ago" OR "I have attended this program since three years ago "

=>I had never cooked and seldom cleaned my room before I got this job

=>my bosses and coworkers in both jobs were so nice that they taught me some Japanese

=>and they also provided me a trip around the city we stayed

=> Hence, the experience of taking different jobs in young age is memorable to and add colors in our life.

=>Second, it is the best way to discipline ourselves when taking different jobs (I don't think "discipline" is a right word to use with your idea in this para, I think "test" or "prepare" would be better)

=>Leaving school, we don't know what we like and what we want immediately

=>we are not yet well prepared for entering the society

=>rather than just stick in one career in our lifetime or follow our parents' suggestion

=>Thus, I think it is a good transition from an innocent baby to a mature adult in the society through the training plans in each occupation (rewrite this sentence, not "innocent baby". Instead, compare or give example on one job with experience from many jobs.)

=>Thus, I strongly believe that it is better for a young person to take different kinds of job before they take a career in a long time.

Grammar, Usage / climb or climb up? GRAMMAR QUESTION [6]

Thanks for all the helps! I'm clear now

Writing Feedback / Some people believe in making large amount of money while others don't care about it [3]

I don't know whether your essay is an argumentation or just a piece of feeling expression. However, I suggest that you should tell the audience your point of view at introduction part because I don't see your thesis sentence yet.

=> some people think that money is the most crucial part of human life (you don't have to capital "Money")

=> In today's society, everybody (or people) is (are) running in the competition of earning money because it may give him or her(them) a luxurious life, status, and power in the society.

=> In our society , value of a person is always evaluated by his/ her bank balance, so the person having money could get a status in this society and last but not the least , power is nothing but the support of society <=(This sentence expresses many ideas at the same time, try to break it)

=> Everybody (some body or many people sounds better) dreams about a fairy tale life , which includes big mansions, fleet, imported cars, expensive jewelery, and exclusive vacations. One can possess these luxurious items if only he or she earns a lot of money. Also, values of a person may be evaluated by his or her bank balance (OR his or her outside's look), so a rich person may get a status as well as high power in this society

=>Whereas, there are still few people who are satisfied by earning just enough for food, shelter, and clothes, which are the basic need of a human being, but they are living a happy life.

After reading your essay I have a feeling that this writing is expressing your feeling. Also, I wonder why you capital all of this "WOULD PREFER TO EARN A COMFORTABLE LIVING". If you believe in "simple living and high thinking" you have to give a reason why (maybe simple life gives you no stress, in contrast, luxurious life gives too much trouble). Your writing is quite clear, but don't repeat "money" again and again. Besides, you don't express many ideas in the same sentence, try to break it into some simple,complex, or compound sentences. English is esier if expressed in simple way, I believe. I like this one "without money life would be an ocean without water". Yes, life would be lifeless without money.