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Posts by yadda514
Joined: Nov 12, 2010
Last Post: Jan 1, 2011
Threads: 4
Posts: 16  

From: usa

Displayed posts: 20
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yadda514   
Jan 1, 2011
Faq, Help / Why is my topic / thread deleted? [77]

my post is deleted again?

I have posted my u penn supplement up here 4 times as different titles and it keeps deleting it why?!
yadda514   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / "Digital Media Design" - Penn Supplement [3]

alot of schools have digital media design what made penn different?

Another one of my interests is music. I have been playing the clarinet since the fourth grade and cannot wait to continue playing into college. I am also interested in learning about jazz and the music of different cultures around the world, so I am contemplating a minor in music.<-- not quite right the word order maybe i am contemplating a minor in music....
yadda514   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "to succeed academically and civically, business" - ideas NORTHWESTERN [3]

So far my U Penn experience has been full pamphlets and brochures, which have created my hopes and dreams of attending the Wharton school of business. Watching both of my parent's businesses in action I have seen the business world, however I have not yet learned about business, Wharton can teach me. Wharton has smaller classes providing students with a more personal teaching, and it also boasts an amazing first year course load. The concentrations at Wharton are so flexible allowing the student to take multiple courses. I see myself in multiple concentrations, such as Global Analysis/Multinational Management and Business & Public Policy. There is an endless supply of education at Wharton, allowing me the opportunity to take part in interdisciplinary studies. The system will allow me to test out new areas and have a full schedule with ranging subjects.

Unlike many schools, U Penn is dedicated to its students rather than its own research funding. U Penn's want for their students to succeed academically and civically is shown through their career events and engagement in community. Working at PharmaSeek I have interlinked with many U Penn professors about their current drugs or medical creations going through clinical trials. Professors who are able to create life saving medicines simply want to teach the most competent and determined students, these professors obviously see something of value at U Penn. Not only is U Penn a great place to educate the minds of students, it is also a great place to mold the moral character of students.

With so many people from such diverse backgrounds, there is no doubt in my mind I will pick up several good habits. I plan to join U Penn's Pan Asian American community house and participate in the many diverse cultural activities available. I have never encountered the multicultural residential programs until U Penn, the program will give me the ability to take my world learning outside the classroom. I know at U Penn I will still be able to keep in touch with my diverse upbringing. My leadership and self-reliance skills will be tested through partaking in many of the club sports U Penn boasts. Philadelphia is one of the "smaller" big cities in America giving it the ability to have kinder and less distracted citizens. The Philadelphia area will become my own personal observational business course; where I will watch and learn from skilled business associates and average buyers. The city in its self will teach me wondrous amounts of citizenship and resourcefulness. I believe U Penn has the correct academic and social setting for me to grow to my greatest potential. however my parents cannot teach me I hope my U Penn experience will continue off of paper into real life so I may experience intangible joys that could never be obtained by a pamphlet.
yadda514   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "Probably dreaming about his future Pulitzer" - good for CommonApp? [6]

I think its a no go with these essays its a 50 50 chance
to me this essay was long and boring, almost too wordy. I became lost in your descriptions and had to re-read areas to understand what you were saying.

but then again im the concise get to the point type of person

I would at the end bring all your characters together and explain how them make up you
b/c right now all i feel like im reading is you greeted motivation, strength patience... but you never did anything with them only said hi

sorry if im too harsh but the idea is good you just need to clarrify what each character does for you

also thanks for helping me out with my Northwestern essay
yadda514   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / Short Answer: Running, my heavy breathing [14]

very nice imagery, i would maybe create more of a run in the college campus
also what is the question

thanks for helping me on my northwestern essay :) really appreciate it
yadda514   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "An architect, just like my grandma" - common app essay (grestest influence) [3]

what other reason do you want to become an architect
I would make it seem more ike your grandfather put you on the railroas tracks to become an architect and then you were the one who actually started to engine to become a prospectice engineer.

I would also put some charity or moral character want other than just buildings and making money - focus on more of your historic architechture

otherwise I think its good I really like the begining
yadda514   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "Successful people graduated from Northwestern University" - Northwestern supplement essay [9]

I edited it what do you think?
or do you think I should just delete the first paragraph ??

One of the most successful people I have ever met graduated from northwestern university; I would like to do the same. This man is beyond successful when it comes to intelligence, graciousness, and ambition;he is a model plan of what I wish to become. Northwestern soon became a fantasy, the first stepping-stone in my journey to my own triumphs. After sending a letter expressing my interest in the...
yadda514   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / (pre- med and study abroad + An Explorer) - Boston [12]

I would be afforded with diversity in learning, as well as, the diversity of the student body - odd wording

the last sentance of the first paragraph too many numbers? are they needed

and then also the last sentace of the 2nd sessay is really good, but how does it connect with your essay? I would make it more clear throughout your essay that boston is your home and you want to study @ the school b/c of its academics not just b/c its a familiar place
yadda514   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "seeking to major in classical voice" - Reasons for Transferring and Objectives [4]

I didnt figure out you were a singer until the third sentance maybe put that in the beining
are you applying to notre dame or sanata clara?

there is alot of I would I can I graduate alot of I would

maybe change the format so its like you imagine yourself singing at preformances raising money for ____ charity and you would only be able to do this by going to __ school

just an idea
yadda514   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "Successful people graduated from Northwestern University" - Northwestern supplement essay [9]

Do you think I should add any ideas/desires about the student environment and location?

One of the most successful people I have ever met graduated from northwestern university; I would like to do the same. This man is beyond successful when it comes to intelligence, graciousness, and ambition. He became my role model as he described how he landed million dollar contracts and studied with acclaimed professors. Northwestern soon became a fantasy, the first stepping-stone in my journey to becoming just like my role model. After sending a letter expressing my interest in the school I was awarded with brochures and pamphlets sent by undergraduate admissions. These pamphlets are the beginning of my northwestern experience.

So far my Northwestern experience has been full of hopes of dreams of attending the McCormick School of Engineering. McCormick has smaller classes providing students with a more personal teaching, and it also boasts an amazing first year course load. The Engineering Analysis and Engineering Design and Communication courses allow me to communicate with a real client and a real team it also allows me to learn from both objects and ideas. The quarter system has really won me over with its flexibility and ease to learn more and double major. With the quarter system I will be able to test out new areas and really see if I am interested in that specific field. The system will allow me to have a full schedule with ranging subjects. Unlike many schools, Northwestern is dedicated to its students rather than its own research funding. Northwestern's want for their students to succeed academically and civically is shown through their co-op programs and engagement in community. Working at PharmaSeek I have interlinked with many Northwestern professors about their current drugs or medical creations going through clinical trials. Professors who are able to create life saving medicines simply want to teach the most competent and determined students, these professors obviously see something of value at Northwestern. Not only is Northwestern a great place to educate the minds of students, it is also a great place to mold the moral character of students.

With so many people from such diverse backgrounds, there is no doubt in my mind I will pick up some good habits. I plan to join Northwestern's Thai Club and participate in the many diverse cultural activities available. I know at Northwestern I will still be able to keep in touch with my diverse upbringing. I will gain more leadership and self-reliance skills through discovering my capabilities from Northwestern's club sports such as: boxing, sailing, ski racing, and lacrosse. Chicago is one of the "smaller" big cities in America giving it the ability to have kinder and less distracted citizens. The Chicago area will become my own personal observational business course; where I will watch and learn from skilled business associates. I believe Northwestern has correct academic and social setting for me to grow to my greatest potential. I hope my Northwestern experience will continue off of paper into real life so I may experience intangible joys that could never be obtained by a rankings list.
yadda514   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "I want to be raised by aliens" - Brandeis supplement [4]

instead of using first second overall, I would reccommend to start the sentance off in an more interesting way
for example you could write: The experiance I would have with the aliens would be far more exciting than hanging out with tin boxes or gigantic reptiles. Growing up with aliens would put me ahead of everyone else, as no one has ever had any experiance with them. I would introduce the aliens to my biological relatives and hopefully create a lasting bond between the two races creating an intergallactic alliance.

- If you are raised by aliens how will you know about humans?
- I would maybe change up your word choice to make it seem more mysterious, mystical, sci fi

Dont worry about sounding proffesional, the question obviously is looking for creative crazy insane ideas :)
yadda514   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / List of awards, honors, leadership positions and extracurricular activities - correct [3]

If you are doing it by year I would revers the order as most job resumees are like that from now to past eg 2010 2009 2008....

also if u are still there I would write current instead of now eg. 2007- current

you can also list them by type
education
volunteer
extracurricular
and then in each one you oreder them by date from closest to farthest
yadda514   
Nov 27, 2010
Undergraduate / "THS Olympic" - elaborate my extracurricular activities (150words or fewer) [2]

just an idea: 147 words now

THS Olympic an annual school event, where any student can participate in games such as karaoke, sports matches, etc. All students become a team and cheer for their grades to win. I am part of the Olympic Committee, where my committee and me play a pivotal role in the THS Olympics; planning every competition, several months ahead the event.

Despite all the complicated, time-consuming works, I felt very proud to say that I was creating school spirit. When I first saw THS Olympic, the high spirits of students captivated me. This went against my bias of high schools; I originally thought the students would behave only as individuals. There is no activity to raise their daily school spirits, however on Olympic day, everyone is full of spirit, supporting their representatives in perfect accord. I loved their enthusiastic spirits; I am proud to be part of this day.
yadda514   
Nov 27, 2010
Undergraduate / I lost 2 boys.... common app essay [3]

Q: Evaluate a significant experience you have faced and its impact on you.

Any feedback would be helpful! also If you can find a way to help me cut it down that would be great!

2 boys lost

In the summer of 2010, I had the most significant experience of my life. I successfully planned and carried out a curriculum for a group of twenty-one Italian high school students at Madison English as a Second Language School (MESLS). My ethnicity, and the culturally diverse environment that I was raised gave me multicultural fluency that when combined with my strong education and talents in mathematics and communication made it possible for me to accomplish this challenge. This experience was the affirmation - the culminating point where I identified myself as a multicultural leader. I would be an excellent addition to the increasing multinational academic and professional environment because of the leadership and technical skills that this experience demonstrates.

I am mixed. My mother is Thai and my father is Japanese-American. Having three countries from all over the world mixed within me I was always shy to tell my story. Whereas other students could proudly say their ancestors belonged to a certain heritage. I didn't always know what to say, so I opted to say nothing. Being mixed with these three nations, I can look like almost any nationality. When I was younger I was always unable to find a "group", hopping from "lunch table" to "lunch table". I first sat with the Latinos, as my European nose and dark hair made me look Latina. Then after switched to the Asian table and then to the Caucasian table. Everyday I would want to sit with all my friends, however the make up of school cliques made it undesirable. It all boiled down to one question, which "table" do I belong to? At first, I couldn't pick one table without hurting the others. I realized that I was the one person who could join them all together, and I did so. I was able to sit with all my friends. I found that while being mixed made it hard for me to fit in by default, I am lucky enough to fit in everywhere because I can identify with everyone. When I was able to eat lunch with everyone, I realized I had something not many people had, an ability to be multicultural. People may see being mixed as crutch; at times you aren't fully accepted, but I see it as an opportunity to bring people together.

I started to see myself as a multicultural person at my mother's workplace, Madison ESL school. My mom started working at the school when I was three, and since then my best friends were international ESL students. I heard the world through their language and saw the world through their cultures and stories. I would watch the students become frustrated with each other and revert back to their first language, unable to push their English skills any further. Their unwillingness to communicate with each other stood in the way of them from reaching their common goal of getting and 'A+' in English communication. By watching the students struggle to communicate with each other, I learned how important communication is. I became a translator for almost every language, translating their movements and expressions into sentences. It was here where I started to approach the world as an international individual. I was so used to being in a diverse environment, students were able to congregate around me and understand one another. I became their bridge. Growing up in such a diverse environment has given me a strong skill in communication across cultures with my presence.

I took the lessons learned at Madison ESL School with me, and achieved strong academic performance in my high school career. Teaching free English classes to international students improved my communication skills, which were further honed in my high school public speaking class. I learned how to convey emotions into my speeches, which I used often with my teammates in lacrosse as the JV Captain Team. In addition to my strong ability to communicate, I have strong skills in mathematics. I went on to the AMC10. I am currently dedicated to mastering the concepts of calculus and voluntarily attend all calculus classes possible. I also am learning about the concepts of probability and computations in statistics.

Special meaning came during the summer of 2010. I was in charge of planning the curriculum for a group of twenty-one Italian high school students at Madison ESL School. A new task concerning others my age made me hesitate, however I decided that our common age could become an asset rather than a burden. It wasn't until I started that so much was at stake. I learned that in addition to connecting with students my age, I also needed to earn their respect to be a successful group leader.

I planned a trip to show the students what an American high school was like. After that, we went to a public park next to a beautiful lake to discuss. Everything was going well as I had planned. Getting ready to head back to school for class, I took a quick trip to the rest room, and when I got back for a head count, I noticed that something was wrong. Then I saw it - two Italian boys stuck sitting in a sailboat in the middle of the lake on a windless day. At first I didn't understand why the other students were so casual about this. They didn't seem think it was a "big deal" because of the more independent culture they have. It would have been a cultural misunderstanding to stand at the side of the lake yelling causing everyone to be late, instead of respecting the independent choices of my Italian peers. I brought the other nineteen students back to the school, and told the two boys that I would come back for them. I realized that being a leader doesn't always mean having total control over a situation, but making the right call so that everyone wins, even when your plans go afloat. At the end of the day, I felt like a true multicultural leader because I was able to communicate, and adapt a plan through cultural understanding.

Leading a group of Italian students challenged me in unexpected ways. I learned how to plan, how to problem-solve, and how to sell my ideas. I learned how to give authority and not be disliked. This experience proved to me that I am able to overcome any obstacle and achieve success, as a true leader. I see that these qualities had been building for my entire life, and I owe my success to my unique heritage and background. I am eager to use my skills to solve problems, organize events, and bring coherency to the increasingly diverse academic environment by bringing students with many different backgrounds together. I hope that I can have the opportunity to use my academic and leadership skills to achieve success at your school.
yadda514   
Nov 27, 2010
Undergraduate / Being Armenian; The Summer I Got Hye [3]

I would not write about the turks as an awful people but more like something your people had to overcome--- better yet dont mention the turks mention that your people had to overcome a genocide. It comes off a bit strong

At the bottom I was greeted into my new home by the Camp Haiastan sign. Everything was pretty much exactly as I remembered it; basketball courts, volleyball courts, directors quarters, office, rec hall, mess hall, cabin circle, and pool. The only thing that changed was the old pool that we had used to play hockey in had been replaced with a giant pavilion. --- maybe cut it shorter its alot of info.

what did those three teach you? what did you learn here?
make sure you are answering the question
yadda514   
Nov 27, 2010
Undergraduate / Beautiful, many majors, convenient: Why is Marist a good match for you essay? [2]

Instead of saying what the college has to offer and how you are pleased by it, how about saying what you wanted and wished for and how the college has filled those needs, eg. I was pleased to find out that the average classroom size was 20 students, which means that the teachers can pay more attention to the students.

instead you can say: I was worried about how much individual attention I would recieve while studying at Marist College, however I was more than happy when I learned the classes were small enough to give me personal attention.

I also would start the paragraph about your interest in law that way it seems as though you have a dream/want set.

how is marist the best college for you? what educational values do they have?
yadda514   
Nov 12, 2010
Undergraduate / "playing lacrosse" - Boston college short essay [5]

Short Essay: In five or six sentences, tell us how you first became interested in BU and what steps you have taken to learn more about us.

I like to play lacrosse. Lacrosse is a combination of almost all sports; there are aspects of soccer, hockey, basketball, and many others. When I looked into Boston University I saw a school where I could do anything, a school that could give me a place where all my options were open. I saw it as a place in which none of my hidden talents would be wasted, and a place where all my talents would be improved upon. I like Boston University because I like playing lacrosse; I get to have a little bit of everything. I previously contacted Boston University enclosing a brief letter, showing my interest in the school, and a resume.