Undergraduate / the ancient kazakh tribes "Zhalayir" - Michigan University,short essay [3]

Hi,
this is my essay for prompt: Which group you belong to and what is your role.
What do you think about it? I still didn't finish your role in it part, but would really appreciate any help, especially grammar and style, sentence structure.

I am proud to be a member of one of the ancient kazakh tribes "Zhalayir". There are about hundred tribes in Kazakhstan that make three huge clans - the Greatest Clan, the Secondary Clan and the Small Clan. Zhalayir belongs to the Greatest Clan, and from the beginning of times Zhalayirs were the rulers of Kazakh wide grasslands. Zhalayir was a democratic tribe; therefore, all my ancestors respected people's rights, electing the rulers and advisors by open ballot system; advocated human values and provided freedom of choice. These morals passed through ages to my generation and are still important. I am the sixteenth generation after Genghis Khan, who was also from Zhalayir tribe and who was the founder and the ruler of Mongol Empire. My ancestors used the governing system of Zhalayirs and some laws are still based to the principles of that times. The great tribe did not only based today's politics of Kazakhstan, but also left books such as "Tarikhi-Rashidi", "The laws of seven" and information about the other tribes and nations.

Undergraduate / "To become an accomplished engineer" - personal georgia institute of technology [3]

this is georgia's essay. the prompt is: given your personal background what would you learn and contribute through becoming a part of this kind of community?

Any suggestions about grammar ? & do you think this essay answers the question thoroughly?

It was a usual family dinner. After a few minutes my mother started her story and brother said "Mom, please, it is not the time to talk about such a thing". The others, including my father and grandma had given up because they already know that Mm will enthusiastically keep telling these stories because she has a listener, a passionate and involved listener, who has forgotten about dinner and is imagining, trying to combine details told before. The only listener interested in her story was me; and the story was about how a woman, unable to have a child, moved to Japan, got married and finally had a child. Since our big family, consisting of seven members, only got together for dinner, Mom often presented stories form her work experience then. She was a doctor in an ambulance in the small city Taldykorgan. Even though I heard about different incidents, life stories and diseases from her, I hadn't felt what my mom felt, and I hadn't seen what she saw until I got to the Taldykorgan city Surgical Hospital.

I spent the first month of my ninth grade school year in the hospital. My family has enjoyed the summer swimming and fishing at lake Balkhash, one of the tourism centers in South Kazakhstan. Some hours after we got home, I started feeling pain in my stomach. Mother quickly convinced me that it was just stomach flu; but when I described it as a pain, slowly moving from the top down the right side of my stomach she took me to the hospital, where I had to be operated immediately. It was appendicitis in the last stage of development. The operation was successful and I continued my days with a tube leading out the waste of appendicitis.

I found out from my doctor that I also had a cyst which the doctor noticed in time and cut off while cutting the appendix. I was saved from the second operation on the same place because of luck. Although, my mother was a professional doctor, I couldn't escape this disease, because it was transferred by my father's genes. My three aunts, except the fourth one, all father's sisters, and even my grandma had to undergo operation for cyst.

While spending such a long period in the hospital, I met some people with more severe operations than mine. Some were because of accidents, some because of inherent diseases. Thee was nothing to do in the hospital, except eating, reading or conversing with other patients, and I found the last last pastime the most challenging an appealing. We became a sort of a community, where nobody rushed; every person had enough time to tell circumstances that brought him/ her there. Never before was I told so many different life incidents that happened in real lives.

The days I spent in the hospital changed some views toward my life and its values. Before I complained about my body shape, desiring to be perfect; about the lack of family budget, desiring to buy new clothes or books. Now I et people who had less energy or less physical capabilities than a healthy person, and it was shameful for me to complain about those things. Even though some diseases were caused by accidents or other events in one's life, many others were inherited, carried by his genes. A baby, one that doesn't even speak yet, cannot do anything if there is illness-to-come written in his genes, I on't want my children to possess a cyst as I did and to have to overcome the same adversities which I did. It's impossible now in highly developed countries to alter the structure of DNA or to predict a particular illness; but, undoubtedly, only a very few individuals in the world can afford to do so. The technologies of changing DNA sequences are found and are being developed, but still the filed of genetic engineering has to run a long way until it gets more effective and cheaper ways of processing procedures it needs.

Engineering is to create, modify and alter objects, their components and their interactions with each other. I have tasted most of subjects at school, starting from arts to law and math, and the most appealing were math and biology. I liked gathering leaves and making abstracts from them in autumn; my brother and I used to construct nests for birds when we lived in a village. All my childhood passed close to nature and its beauties. To become an accomplished engineer and change or modify what nature gives us, we need to love and understand its features, rules and benefits. It is one of the abilities I possess and plan to improve all my life. By majoring in genetic engineering, I can deepen my understanding and appreciation of nature while learning how to work with it to improve the lives of people.

Undergraduate / "By majoring in biomedical engineering..." - USC> Short answer essay. [5]

The prompt: Describe your academic interests and how you will pursue them in USC.

I know it's quite late to post it, but my deadline is tomorrow, January 10.
I would really appreciate any help regarding grammar and ideas.
Thank you in advance

I have enjoyed challenging myself and using creativeness since my childhood. I am zealous about math, science, research and discoveries. I like facts, numbers and equations. Engineering will allow me to use and develop the knowledge required for all of them. My father, an electrical engineer, and my mother, a doctor, were the first ones who inspired me to pursue a major in biomedical engineering. Engineering is to create, modify and alter objects, their components and...

Undergraduate / "a usual family dinner" USC experienced which showed what is important to you and why [4]

prompt: write about an experience that helped you learn what is important for you and why it is important.
I want a strong conclusion paragraph!!! need help, how to improve???
and the introductory paragraph too...???
any corrections regarding ideas, grammar are welcomed.
I'm alive

It was a usual family dinner. After a few minutes my mother started her narrative and brother said "Mom, please, it is not the time to talk about such a thing". The others, including my father and grandma, had given up because they already knew that Mom would enthusiastically keep telling these stories because she had a listener, a passionate and involved listener, who had forgotten about dinner and was imagining, trying to combine details told before. The only listener interested in her story was me; and the story was about how a woman, unable to have a child, moved to Japan, got married and finally had a child. All these stories were just like interesting movies for me. My mom was a doctor in an ambulance in the small city Taldykorgan. Even though I heard about different incidents, life stories and diseases from her, I hadn't felt what the heroes of mother's stories felt, and I hadn't seen what they saw until I got to the Taldykorgan city Surgical Hospital.

My family enjoyed the summer swimming and fishing at lake Balkhash, one of the tourism centers in South Kazakhstan. Some hours after we arrived home, I felt a pain in the abdomen. Mother quickly assured me that it was just stomach flu. By the end of the day it was intolerable, and when I described it as a pain, slowly moving from the top down to the right side of my stomach she took me to the hospital. Already going to burst out, it was appendicitis in the last stage of development. The doctor mumbled something to my mother and said, turning to me, "Get undressed and lie on the stretcher. You have to be operated immediately. " It was the first surgery I faced, therefore, I wasn't ready psychologically; my hands were shaking, eyes were almost full of salty-water, all problems I had before - the United National Testing, a group project - abruptly weren't important to me anymore. Then I saw mom crying and fell on the floor.

I didn't memorize anything happened to me during, before and after the operation. The first thing that came to my was memory was that I unconsciously kicked a nurse, who was trying to eject medication into my veins. Barely moving my head and hands, I did my best to rise from the bed, but after the first attempt I realized it was impossible. The doctor explained that the operation took quite long since the appendix had already blown out and there was also a cyst, which the he noticed in time and cut off while cutting the appendix. All nutrients I received were delivered by a drop counter and the first sip of water, which weighed exactly 100 grams, I got in 15 hours after the surgery. The doctor told me, "The next 100 grams you will get after six hours." I complained, "No! How could you do that? I will die!", for what he answered, "Dear, you could have died if you came an hour later to the hospital yesterday night..." I was in shock and I was lucky. When my family came to my room, I saw my father's face and it had strangely changed. His skin became black, eyes were like there was a pair of dumbbells hanging on them and I felt like it was him, not me, who had an operation.

Having spent over a month in the hospital, I met people with more severe health issues than mine. There was nothing to do in the hospital, except eating, reading or conversing with other patients. We became a sort of a community, where nobody rushed; every person had enough time to tell the circumstances that had brought him/her there. Never before was I told so many different life incidents and health complications. Those hospital days altered some of my views toward life and things I valued. All I complained about before whether it was my body shape or financial difficulties of my family now suddenly seemed to be far less severe than the adversity I overcame. Nothing can be equal to the value of one's life and health. One can get a lot in his life - the glory, a well-paid job, good friends and love; but once he has a risk losing it, all those values will disappear. How banally it sounds, all things we hold today are material objects, therefore, we can gain them. It's a personal choice how to spend the life and what to do during its existence, but the truth that he/she has life and health is the most significant fact that matters.

Undergraduate / "To bring people improved health" - what you want to accomplish in BU? [2]

Hi, this is for Boston University supplement. It needs grammar corrections.

Looking to the prosthetic arm, I am sitting in the engineering lab, with a scientific calculator in one hand and a pen in the other, thinking about the origins of the functioning defects of the artificial body part. Susan, my friend and teammate, was calculating something, while Tim, another undergraduate student participating in professor X's research, was analyzing data from the computer screen. Even though we have finished todays' list-to-do for the future project, we decided to stay in the lab and decided to stay in the lab for the further improvement of the plot of our creativity. "It is almost two, guys, let's take some rest and come back tomorrow?!", complained Tom. Susan, pinched her fist, put her hand up and said, "We, the members of the Alpha Eta Mu Beta Society...", and I joined "are here not to fail a project and wonder why, but to bring to life our ideas or die!" With a big smile on his face, Tim nodded and each of us continued his work.

In the next morning, with a cup of caffe latte, I am walking to the Medical Campus of Boson University. Some students get together and we start discussing a challenging article about breast cancer in "Research Magazine". The classes are over, but the day has just started for students. I am going back to my dorm, get dressed and move along to the "Track and tennis Center". I have a game today, and I have a group research with professor X. Nothing, even the cloudy weather cannot weaken me, because I know where I am going and what results I expect in the end of the day.

This is what I see myself doing in a day in some years from now. In fact, I cannot completely describe such an extended period of time and all minor aspects that I wish to experience at Boston University; but I believe the years in BU, being one of the most excited parts of my life, will be the base for a thriving career. Boston University offers students an unprecedented level of medical expertise and scientific knowledge through its professors, practitioners, state-of-the-art facilities, laboratories, and its long established traditions of medical and engineering excellence. I am certain that at Boston University I will meet like-minded peers who would share the same passion as mine - bring people improved health, and hence, a happier, brighter life, while doing what they truly love - creating and modifying.

Undergraduate / How you first knew about BU and what steps did to improve your knowledge? Short essay [3]

Hi, it's a short essay for a question in Boston Supplement :
All ideas about style, grammar and meaning are welcomed.

In Kazakhstan all students are to decide on their majors and apply to universities by the end of their high school. Yet, I chose another track having decided to try myself in a competition for the governmental scholarship to study abroad. Before getting the scholarship. Before succeeding in the contest, I already submitted all required forms to some universities in US, including Boston University and was accepted into two of them. While applying to BU, I contacted with my friend and got information about the academic and social life, living, student organizations and admission procedure in BU. Later, the government sent me to NYC to study language. While being in NYC I visited Boston campus, got acquainted with the College of Engineering and opportunities students have in BU.

Undergraduate / "Teaching math to secondary school kids; volunteering" - extracurricular activities [4]

Hello,
I'm an international student, but please be as harsh as you can.
Any comments and critique will be welcomed.

Instruction: Briefly elaborate one of your extracurricular activities in high school.

Two years ago I was one of volunteer high school students to teach math to secondary school kids. After a few days of teaching, I realized they couldn't solve complex problems because of their lack of knowledge in basic math. I saw that it was essential for them to understand where their weak areas were, even though it meantasking for help and revising materials from several years back in their education. However, not all of them were willing to ask for help and show, as they thought, their weak areas in math and many resisted to. After a few experiments, I came up with a simple game to learn math. Taking in account they were still kids, learning math playing games made them feel more comfortable with each other and easy to learn together. Not all of them became excellent mathematicians, but, I believe lots could keep up with their more accomplished classmates, while I felt having helped someone to understand and enjoy math.