Undergraduate / 'I had a dream: get into NYU' - NYU Supplement [15]

Dear all, this is my NYU Supplement. Pls do help me check/edit, especially grammatically. Really need help for grammar but any help will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Why NYU? (1500 characters)

When I was young, I had a dream: get into NYU. I didn't know much about NYU then; not about the array of programs it offers, not about its impressive rankings and certainly not about how selective and distinguished it is. What I do know is NYU's reputation in embracing diversity and celebrating differences. This together with the fact that NYU is located in the heart of the world in New York City is enough to convince me that NYU is my dream school. When I grow up, I did my fair share of research on NYU and congratulate my younger self on my good taste and remind my future self to hold on to this dream. I did hold on to this dream. I held on when my father lost his job in the 2008 economic crisis and all my hopes of going to NYU seem to diminish, I held on when I was barred from attending my classes in school because of outstanding fees, and I held on to this dream to enter NYU when my family rebuild our lives. Today, I am still holding on to my dream to enter NYU. However, now I have a better understanding of the opportunities that NYU offer including excellent quality in education and research, various global campuses, progressive approach on liberal arts education and NYU's constant advancement. But my need to get into NYU is fueled not only by what NYU can provide me. Instead I am also driven by a need to repay NYU for being a dream that kept me holding on for more than a decade and I hope for a chance to be a part of this institution that help others in achieving their dreams.

Undergraduate / Moving Boxes 18-inch by 24-inch - Common App essay [10]

Dear all, this is an essay for my common app.The ques is any topic of my choice. Pls do help me to edit and improve it. All help will be appreciated. Especially grammatically. Pls help! thanks.

18-inch by 24-inch, with flat base and sides and typically rectangular in shape. This describes one of the objects that strike much fear in many of us: a moving box. Despite their (deceptively) innocuous appearance, we are heavily disturbed by the thoughts of packing up our life and fitting it into these standardized moving boxes. This is because a moving box is not just simply a moving box but instead, it is a symbol of change, of instability as well as of uncertainty and as creatures of habit, we are genetically programmed to resist this object that aids in uprooting us from our comfort zone.

Moving boxes have appeared no less than 9 times in my nineteen years of life, each time signifying all of the emotions that attack other creatures of habit. But I am an old hand at this and I know the drill. Upon discovering these seemingly feared objects around my house, I will go in search of durable cardboards and use it to wrap all my precious books in order to protect them from all elements including rain, dust and the movers' inevitable perspiration. The wrapped and secured "Complete Works of Shakespeare" always goes into the moving box first because of its sheer size. Next will be the other hardcover books like the beloved "Jane Eyre" and the much-read "Fahrenheit 451". My paperbacks then complement these boxes (all my books can not possibly fit in just one box).

On the day of the move itself, these brown monsters can be seen everywhere, all taped and with "fragile!" strewn all over them regardless of their contents, especially in arms of strapping strangers in blue overall uniforms that become friends and allies after a full day of exertion caused by moving tens of boxes containing a lifetime of laughter, tears, successes, heartbreaks, memories and stories. The very end of this process comes when I assiduously unpack my life from these moving boxes and put away these useful and well-meaning but ill-fated objects. In the garage, the moving boxes will lay dormant and passive before they once again attack in the near future and strike uncertainties in my heart.

However for all the uncertainties the moving boxes and the striking of yet another passé street name bring, I have never fear them. Instead, I have long since learnt (after perhaps my third encounter with the moving boxes) that a home is not defined by the four walls, the picket fences, the childish markings on the wall, the familiarity with the creaks of the stairs or the absence of moving boxes but rather the strength of the occupants of the home as well as their love and appreciation for each other. I have also come to discover that, sometimes, objects have no meaning other than that that we attach to it and maybe for once, just this once, a moving box is just a moving box, nothing more nothing less.

Undergraduate / 'inner conflicts' - Common app essay [3]

Dear all, pls help me with my common app essay. Pls be harsh and strict, especially grammatically. What do you think about the subject matter? is it too petty and vague? The ques is either one of these:

1. Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

2. A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

What do you guys think? should i rewrite it?

Pls help. Thanks!

I did not grow up in two different countries continents apart, I am not exotically of mixed heritage and I do not face the problem of not knowing any one of my parents - and yes, I am fairly certain they are both biologically mine. So, by comparisons to the thousands of people that are searching for their identity and their roots, it would seem that I have no 'legit' reasons for doing so. And yet, I spent years getting to where I am now; finally comfortable in my own skin.

As a child and more so as a teenager, I had much trouble trying to come to term with the two very different 'me'. These inner conflicts stemmed not from genetics or geography but rather from culture. I grew up in a traditional Chinese family. My family is one that is deeply rooted in tradition. All family members must be present during dinners, women are to help with house works and men are to be the breadwinners of the family are examples of cultural guidelines that we live by. My parents are happy to adhere to these rules and I do observe most of them out of appreciation for my native culture.

However, there is a side of me that deviate from this Chinese heritage and leans toward the western culture. This 'rebel' side of me is apparent in my speech, my action, my dressing, my taste and my way of life. While I speak fluent Chinese (excluding the occasional grapples with adjectives), I speak better English. While I have to struggle through Chinese books, I find solace in works by Shakespeare, Crichton and thousands of other writers that wrote in English. My favorite movies are in English and while my peers rave over Chinese artists, I listen to country singers like Blake Shelton and Faith Hill.

At one time in my life, these anomalies had caused me much confusion: Why do I identify more with a culture of countries that are thousand of miles away rather than my own? Where do I belong? Have I foolishly bought into commercialism and capitalism (yes, that thought did cross my mind)? Is this who I am or am I trying to assimilate a culture that I should have no part in? These questions along with disapproving stares from the people around me that are steeped in the Chinese traditions had me doubting myself for years.

But time showed me that my life can certainly fit in more than one culture and there is no reason I should choose one over the other. I have also come to realize that these two separate sides of me did not form the person I am. Instead,

the fusion of the side of me that accepts my Chinese roots and abides by the rule to be present during dinner and the other side of me that is passionate about western culture and is right at home while watching The Dark Knight is the essence of me.