Scholarship / Major in either psychology or Pre-Medicine; VCU Scholarship- educational goals [2]

Hi, I would love it if you proofread my essay for clarity and a concrete meaning in context to the prompt. I would also love it if you checked for grammatical errors.

Prompt: In this essay, you should discuss your educational goals, including why you wish to study your chosen major.

My educational goal is to major in either psychology or Pre-Medicine. I wish to do so because my professional goal is to apply practical solutions to health-related challenges faced by people not only in the United States but throughout the world. I realized that I have the ability to help people when I started to volunteer at Henrico Doctor's Hospital and Retreat Hospital. Volunteering at those hospitals not only gave me the chance to help the patients and the staff, but it also gave me a chance to explore possible career options in the medical field. I currently take Psychology in high school and I believe that it is a very interesting option for a career field in that I can help patients that could otherwise not perform basic life functions such as develop socially.

During my time learning psychology, I developed a passion to help patients function socially; this fueled my interest in cognitive psychology. During the summer after 11th grade, I volunteered at two hospitals. As I have mentioned previously, my tenure there has made me really interested in Pre-Medicine. Although this has been a dilemma for me in that I now aspire to be a general physician, it has also helped me. Being accepted into VCU with a scholarship gives me the ability to go on the Pre-Medicine advising track while choosing my majoring Psychology. After one year as an undergraduate student, I then can make my decision to see whether I want to continue my goal of being a psychologist or pursue my dream of being a physician because I would have already taken classes for both fields of study.

Undergraduate / 'Becoming a doctor' - Cornell University: College of Human Ecology [2]

Hi I would love it if you checked for grammer and content-related errors; I also would love it if you checked to see if I have a contrete message and a structure.

Prompt: What do you value about the Human Ecology perspective and mission as you consider your goals and dreams? Reflect on our majors as you respond.

As I consider my goals and dreams, I greatly value the mission of the College of Human Ecology. Ever since I was little, I realized that I had always wanted to be a doctor. I value the mission of the College of Human Ecology in that its goal is to apply practical solutions to health-related challenges faced by people not only in New York, but also across the world. In accordance with the College of Human Ecology's vision, I wish to solve health-related problems through a practical and holistical method - to improve nutrition and health by considering not only the biological and physical aspects of health, but also the social, economic, and political ones.

My intended major at the College of Human Ecology is Human Biology, Health & Society. I desire to pursue the certain major because I believe that in today's society much emphasis has been placed on improving health conditions around the world by considering the biological and physical aspects of health but limited attention has been focused on the social, economical, cultural, and political areas. I believe that the College of Human Ecology will help my goals of being a physical and enriching the human development altogether. After reading the introduction of that particular major, I knew that the major was right for me because the major's goal is to view human health issues from a broad and a diverse perspective. Obtaining medical-related education from a broad and a diverse perspective would help me in solving health-related problems through a practical and a holistical method by allowing my to approach those challenges eclectically.

By being accepted into the College of Human Ecology, I would have the option to explore my career options that is related to Human Biology, Health & Society. I currently have a strong desire to become a doctor, but I have the option to consider different career interests while still obtaining a multidisciplinary education in the health system. I know that Human Biology, Health & Sciences is a great starting point for pre-medical education because it has a great curriculum in which I can take many of the courses required for medical school admission while learning about the biological and social aspects of health. I, therefore, can receive pre-medical education while learning about the aspects of health that get limited attention and therefore learn how to solve health problems more effectively by improving nutrition and health and enriching the human development.

I know, that with the complexities of many health issues and the advancement of design and technology in an attempt to meet the challenges of the health issues, the responsibilities of health professionals have increased rapidly. I wish to enter the College of Human Ecology because I know that I will receive education that prepare me to take on those responsibilities and face the health-related challenges of the 21th world.

Undergraduate / 'Learned from family and Indian community' - UVA Supplement essay [2]

Hi I would love it if you checked for content and grammer-related errors; I would also like it if you checked to see if I have a contrete structure and message.

Prompt: Describe the world you come from and how that world shaped who you are.

The world I was born in has shaped me into what I am today. When I was very young, my grandmother used to tell me stories of our culture and religion. From those stories I learned that it is morally right to be stand up for what you believe in and be honest and alone, rather than to be dishonest with yourself to simply 'fit in' with the crowd. As a result, I always stand up for what I believe it and try to choose my friends wisely; I choose my friends based on our similarities and belief. When I was in Chicago, I was born into a Indian family in the Indian parts of the city. As a result, I learned not only from my family, but also from the community that the most important value a person can possess is to have respect for elders. I still remember a incident when I was in 5th grade and guests came over to my house, I forgot to touch their feet and receive their blessings, as soon as the guests left, my mom ripped my homework and hit me on the palm of my hand with a spatula. With tears in my eyes, I yelled at my mom that she could not do this - I was wrong - I had forgotten my family's Indian culture. My mom was a teacher in India and she had hit countless students palms if they showed even a hint of disrespect and I didn't get any exception. I learned from that incident to always show respect to elders even if I disagree with them and to always respect one's culture. My family and community have shaped me to become the adult I am today.

Undergraduate / A work of science that has surprised me is the large Hadron Particle Collider. [2]

Hi, I would really love it if you checked for content and grammer-related errors; I would also love it if you checked for a concrete structure and message.

Prompt: What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?

Hadron Particle Collider

A work of science that has surprised me is the large Hadron Particle Collider. The reason the collider has surprised me is because the goal of the scientists is to recreate the Big Bang. The knowledge of the Hadron Particle Collider surprised me when I learned that the scientists intend recreate a form of matter called quark-gluon, which only existed in ephemeral amounts after the Big Bang Collision. The though of this has both surprised and challenged me. I previously used to just wonder in curiosity what the areas surrounding the Big Bang impact must have been like during and after the collusion. In my pessimistic beliefs, I though that scientists would never discover the answer to my epistemological question. The creation of the Hadron Particle Collider has proven me wrong in that not only can scientists recreate the Big Bang impact, but they can also recreate the smallest form of matter that barely existed. Learning about the Hadron Particle Collider has not only surprised me, it has also changed me. I used to think that scientists could never recreate something momentous as the Big Bang collusion, but after learning about the collider, I learned the weakness in my schema - I used to have only negative beliefs that Thing A could never happen, but now, I have a optimistic view of things, I learned that anything is possible - 'if there is a will then there is a way.'

Undergraduate / Virginia Commonwealth University [2]

I would really love it if you checked for content and grammer-related errors; I want your feedback to see if my essay as a concrete structure and message.

Prompt: Tell us more about you and why you are considering VCU.

I am considering VCU because of its prominent Pre-Medicine program. I live very close to VCU so I would have the ability to commute to and from the campus to my house. I aspire to go into the medical field because I have a goal to help treat patients with injuries. I am a very open-minded person so I am still exploring career options related in health care. To better understand certain career options and to serve my community, I have volunteered at the pharmacy and the Emergency Department at Retreat Hospital and the pharmacy at Henrico Doctor's Parham Campus. Being accepted at VCU would allow me to remain my current location and therefore allow me to continue giving my service to the two hospitals.

When people think of me, they only have adulatory responses. I have never received a negative comment at any of the two hospitals I volunteer at and I have never caused any trouble in school. My friends describe me as outgoing while my family describes me as sociable. I maintain excellent grades in school and take International Baccalaureate (I.B.) courses at school, which are the most rigorous in the county. I also have a special desire to speak fluently in multiple languages. I currently can speak five different languages: English, French, Gujarati, Hindi, and Urdu. If it is possible, I would like to continue taking French at a university or I would take another language to increase my knowledge of different cultures. During my spare time, I like to read about different cultures and their beliefs because I would like to travel to multiple countries in my future. I also like to read novels, my two favorites have been T.A. Barron's The Lost Years of Merlin series and Charles Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities. I love The Lost Years of Merlin series because it tells the story of King Arthur and Merlin from a fantasy perspective. My interest in Dickens' novella sparked when we read it in class. I really like the contradicting style used by Charles Dickens to portray the beginning of the French Revolution while being a philosophical allegory that states that violence is never the answer to any issue.

After taking Life Science, in 7th grade, I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the medical field, and since then I have taken four years of science in high school. My favorite science course has been I.B. Chemistry Standard Level (SL). I believe it has prepared me the most for Pre-Medicine because there was a unit entitled, "Biochemistry." It has helped me learn about certain functions of the human body from chemistry's perspective. Soon after, I learned that VCU has a very good Pre-Medicine program and I wish to be part of it.

Undergraduate / Experience in which you left your comfort zone - University of Richmond [NEW]

Here is my essay for the University of Richmond, I would really love it if you checked for content and grammer-related errors. I also wanted to know if I have a concrete message.

Prompt: Tell us about an experience in which you left your comfort zone. How did this experience change you?

When I was 13 years old, and just starting 7th grade, my parents told me that we were going to leave Chicago and move to Richmond, Virginia so my parents can get better jobs and we could be closer to our family. I was very nervous because I was born in Chicago and never moved out of the city before. I didn't want to leave all my child hood friends nor my school, I didn't want to leave my grandparents nor my school which I have gone to for the past seven years. I essentially didn't want to leave my comfort zone. When my family said that we were going to move, the only though that was going through my mind was that I was going to loss all that was familiar towards me. One selfish reason I didn't want to move was that I felt as though I would not get a better education in Richmond. When I was in 7th grade, my family, at the recommendations of my teachers, had plans of sending me to Lane Tech College Prep High School after I finished 8th grade. I, in my childish manner, developed a negative schema that will always go to a 'bad' high school in addition letting my family and teachers down. My parents explained to me that [my connotation of] God plans everything so I should not let my faith down. In my childish manner I rejected what they said and was always in a sad mood for duration of the last month I spent in Chicago. I tried playing with my childhood/neighborhood friends, but just the sight of innocently approaching me made me depressed.

My family finally moved to Richmond, Virginia and for the first week I was full of nostalgic memories. In my new school, I felt extremely nervous from the fear that something unexpected might happen such as no one would want to be my friend or that the teachers might ignore me. I soon realized that I was wrong, although I was nervous, I did make lots of new friends and meet new teachers. I then graduated from middle school to high school and only after the first year in my high school, I transferred to another high school. I wasn't nervous because ever since my family move to Richmond, I have changed middle schools due to rezoning issues and then I was a transfer student to another high school and those experiences have made me used to moving. The experience of leaving my comfort zone in Chicago has changed me in that it has made me a better person. I have learned to think optimistically and my parents were right when they said that 'something good always comes out' because when I was in Chicago, I had the fear that I wasn't going to get the best high school education that the county that to offer. The reason I transferred my high school was so I could go to the International Baccalaureate specialty center, which offered the most rigorous courses in the county. I made friends from diverse nationalities at the specialty center while learning viewing learning from a holistic perspective. I have also learned to make light of situations in that I shouldn't worry much about things that I cannot control; through my experience of leaving my comfort zone, I have learned to never be afraid of anything because wherever I go, I will always meet new people and learn new things, so through the experience, I believe that I have developed philosophically and socially.

Undergraduate / to be a family doctor - Florida State University [2]

Here is my essay for FSU, I would really love if you checked for content and grammer-related errors.

Prompt: For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

Mores refers to the character, custom, or tradition. Mores is a very important part of my life. When I was very young, my mother indoctrinated me in my cultural traditions and customs. One important Indian custom is to always respect your elders. In my tradition, showing disrespect to elders can be interpreted as being ignorant of the elders' knowledge. I have always known to be respectful, and values such as tradition and customs are part of my everyday life.

A important tradition of my family is that one can eat only after taking a shower and praying. I have never eaten before taking a shower or praying and never plan to do so. I have been faced with many temptations to forget my mores and to eat before taking a shower but I have always remained strong and refused to eat. I once went to a sleepover at my cousin's house where his cousins and friends ate without taking a shower but I refused to mimic them. The reason I refused was because of my character - I refused to lie and break my tradition even though my parents weren't present. In my family, honesty and respect is valued the most so it is in my character to hardly tell a lie. That experience made me realize that if I had broken the tradition, I would be cheating no one except myself, I would be essentially lying to myself. Therefore tradition and character are reflected in my life daily.

Vires is another important concept that is reflected in my life. I believe that being physically strong and morally strong are connected, one can be morally strong if he uses his physical strength to make a positive impact in the community. I do volunteer work at a nursing home, my tenure as a volunteer consists of transporting the residents, reading the morning newspaper to them, serving them, and talking to them. My actions have helped me develop morally because I used my physical strength to transport the residents that are in wheelchairs, I have also read the newspapers for the residents that have poor eyesight. For me, moral strength is also connected to mores because I have the strength to not break my tradition and lie. My intellectual strength is best exemplified in school. During school, I have the intellectual strength to obtain knowledge from teachers that I can later apply in my future profession to better help the community.

"Vires, Atres, Mores" are the guiding philosophy of Florida State University, but they have also been the outline of my character. "Mores and Vires" are the two primarily concepts that are reflected in my life and it is my goal to never forget them. I plan to apply these concepts not only at Florida State University, but also in my aspired profession which is to be a family doctor. My profession depends on these concepts, but more importantly, my life reflects these concepts.

Undergraduate / 'AIDS vaccine and cure' - Bard College essay [4]

Prompt: If you were given a grant to research a scientific or medical issue that you deem important to the world, what would it be, why did you choose it, and what kind of research do you think has the greatest chance of being productive?

If I was given a grant to research a scientific or a medical issue that I would deem important to the world, I would try to find a cure for AIDS. I would try to find a cure for AIDS because I believe it is the most prevalent virus in the world and people of every age are affected by the AIDS virus, especially in poverty-ridden areas. Although there is no cure for the AIDS virus, there have been many treatments available that suppress the AIDS infection in the body, but never alter or halt the effects of the infection. My goal would be to create a vaccine that would not only cure AIDS in affected persons, but also prevent transmission altogether.

I strongly believe that the positive affects of the vaccine will be felt the most in developing countries because patients would not have the onerous task of walking to doctors to receive their regular treatment. In developing countries, many people don't possess vehicles and as a result, they would have to walk to doctors to receive the regular treatment to slow the affect of AIDS. With a option for a vaccine to cure AIDS, people living in developing countries only have walk to the doctor and pay for their treatment once. With the cure for AIDS available, people living in developing countries not only cure AIDS, but also save a big amount of money that they would have otherwise spent on regular-interval treatments that only inhibit the effects of AIDS.

I think that a research that has time devoted to it has the greatest chance of being productive. Ever since the AIDS outbreak in the 1980s, many scientists and researchers have devoted their time to better understand and find a treatment for AIDS. Many would consider these attempts as a failure but I consider these attempts as being productive. The results of the research should be considered utilitarian to the scientific community. The scientists have spent time and money on the research to find a vaccine for AIDS, but instead they have found formulas that don't work. The positive results of the research are that currently the scientists have better knowledge of what elements and minerals work or don't work for the creation of the vaccine that can treat AIDS. My mom always told me to never give up, so I can apply these statements to scientific research that scientists should not give up just because something 'doesn't work,' they should be happy that they have discovered something that, in the future, may help not only themselves, but also their peers by working with the results of the pervious experiments. Copernicus researched that the solar system can be portrayed through a heliocentric model, but he was considered a

'failure' of his time and his research became 'flawed,' but nevertheless, his 'flawed' research laid the foundation for Kepler's heliocentric theory which is now considered true. Therefore, I strongly believe that any research that has commitment and time allocated to it is successful because one should never give up because their commitment and results can actually help the scientific community as a whole.

Therefore, if I was given a grant to research a scientific issue that I believe is important to the world, I would try my best to create a vaccine to cure AIDS. Even if I can't create a cure for AIDS, I would be proud of myself because I know that I tried my best and used the grant to research something that is important for the health of everyone in the world. My efforts and results would lay the foundation the future in which me or anther scientist would find the vaccine for AIDS.