Undergraduate / The most disgraceful program becomes the epitome of my responsibilities BROWN ESSAY!! [3]

This is my brown essay! I am within the character count, but please help me critique!! Be as hard as you like

PROMPT:
Sculptor Jacques Lipchitz once said, "Cubism is like standing at a certain point on a mountain and looking around. If you go higher, things will look different; if you go lower, again they will look different. It is a point of view." With this in mind, describe a moment when your perspective changed. Max: 2000 characters

Before joining the International Baccalaureate (IB) program, many students and told me that it was a waste of time. They explained that the curriculum was the same as AP except with more work. Being exposed to these dogmatic opinions, I soon inherited the same negative view as well. With the extended essay and required community service, I thought the IB program was pointless and just another academic force that would give me stress. However, being the challenging person I was, I decided to join during the fall of sophomore year.

During junior year, I continued to view IB with the same pessimistic attitude as I did my sophomore year. I realized that what everyone warned me about was true: I was barraged with overwhelming research papers and demands from the teachers. I spent more time poring over textbooks than hanging out with my friends. My negative view of IB and stress level began to reach their apex; however, it was during first semester finals that my perspective changed. During finals, my Biology and English HL teachers decided to cram me with two projects along with the final exams. At first, I thought that I was going to fail because I knew that I wouldn't have enough time to study and do the projects because of my horrible procrastination habits; however, after going through 2 months of discipline and developing time management skills, I was able to form a formidable schedule in which I would be able to rest, study, and finish both projects. When finals day came, I finished both the two exams with ease and came home with a report card with 5 A's and 1 B.

Looking back at how successful I was, I now see the IB program as a supportive program that enhanced my management skills and adapt to a high academic and stimulating environment. By pushing me to my limits, IB has drastically allowed me to seek my own potential and academic capabilities. As an IB senior, I continue to carry on the positive view of IB and inform others of why it's a great program.

Undergraduate / How can emotions affect our understanding and our living? Columbia Essay! [3]

Hey guys! I'm about to turn in columbia essays. Please help me read them and grade them!! Please be as hard as you like =) There are two prompts!

PROMPT 1:
Please tell us what you found meaningful about one of the above mentioned books, publications or cultural events.

Some of the things that we claim to know strike us as intuitively obvious or are based on our gut feelings. The trouble for many of us is that what is intuitively obvious may through gut feeling may be entirely false. Something I learned meaningful out of The Man who Mistook his Wife for a Hat is that although emotion is bias in shaping people's judgment and perception on certain things, emotion is a crucial keystone in obtaining knowledge. I've relied mostly on language and reason by reading textbooks or other reliable sources in order to gain knowledge because I knew that if I relied on my emotion, I would encounter massive problems of bias in attaining knowledge. I was afraid that I would be misled throughout my middle and high school years by entirely false knowledge; however, through the doctor, the main character that investigates 24 patients, he discovers and proves to me that emotion is nonetheless important. Although I am cautious about applying my emotions during certain events, I have changed my standpoint on emotions and its capabilities.

PROMPT II:
Please tell us what academic class has been your favorite and why.

It's the class that wakes me up 7:00 in the morning, that serves as the queen and servant of the sciences, and that takes ambiguity to another and more complex level: IB Math HL. To me, math provides the foundation for deep insight because it's the class where I get the chance to discover relationships between certain subjects or theories. I can not only harvest knowledge in the interdisciplinary fields of mathematics but also in other subjects. Every time I enter the class, I feel like I'm in a whole new world. In addition, IB Math HL is where I get to discover my own capacity and potential in learning a multifaceted subject. Although many people find math uninteresting because of its complex topics and tedious proofs, I find math to be challenging, beautiful, and useful. Being able to solve math question that help demonstrate other amazing scientific theories in other subject areas is pure happiness. Learning the fundamentals and being able to apply math into other areas of knowledge such as the sciences or art continues to fascinate me to no end.

Undergraduate / 'my religious affiliations' - University of Michigan Ann Arbour [3]

Hey! This is one of the essays that UoM had on their supplements. Please help me grade because I don't know if I answered the prompt! D:

PROMPT:
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

Although I never like to define myself by my income or race, my religious affiliations have always been a large part of who I am. Spending a majority of my life at church, it has always been a second home and family to which I belong to. My brothers and sisters in Christ have always guided me in my spiritual walk and provided me with a support network. Similarly, I would ask for others if they needed prayers. Going to church every week is culturally mandated. Meeting every Friday and Sunday, we would always preach, learn, and teach each other about the Bible. After sermons, we would play basketball or help prepare and organize snacks for the next week's meeting. It is always comforting to know that whenever I walk into church, there is always someone there to gladly accept me for who I was and to care about my well being.

Undergraduate / 'Harvey Mudd will be the catalyst' - my experience with engineering [2]

I don't know if I answered the prompt, but I hope it's good. Please grade it because I dont have much time. The deadline is coming close!!! D: . Be as hard as you want =).

PROMPT:
What influenced you to apply to Harvey Mudd College? What about the HMC curriculum and community appeals to you? (500 word limit)

What influenced me to apply to Harvey Mudd was HMC's unity. Although it is simple to create a tight community within a small liberal arts college, the school is able to bring about, define, and exemplify what unity is through its ongoing traditions and unique student life. From incessant screaming before finals to Puddle Jumping in every fountain, Mudders are able to participate together and have fun at dorm parties or school events. With over 100 student organizations, Mudders and professors help combine the high cultural and racial diversity to create one uniform community. Being like a family, everyone can work with and help each other seek their own unique talents while working individually on unique projects. While passing through Harvey Mudd, the question isn't "Hey, will I see you again?", but it's "Hey, when am I going to bump into you again today?". With this, I believe that Harvey Mudd's style of community would help me flourish both personally and intellectually and allow me discover my own potential in working with others.

Harvey Mudd will be the catalyst that will initiate my engineering goals and the provider that will offer me the excellent educational foundation and experience necessary to succeed. From the Engineering Sciences to the sequence of system courses, the rigorous and challenging curriculum that HMC presents will force me to think at a higher academic level and allow me to explore the different frontiers of engineering. From internal combustion engines that can power aircrafts to deriving hydrogen ions from water to propel vehicles, I can gain the technical knowledge that will help me implement my innovative and unique ideas in designing ground-breaking mechanical engines that would help revolutionize the dynamic world. Furthermore, the small and well equipped faculty will offer me many advantages in gaining maximum exposure to exceptional programs. With the Clinical program and multiple internships, HMC will develop my love for research and provide me with many opportunities to gain real hands on experience and direct interaction with intensive engineering projects.

Undergraduate / An airplane idea that could revolutionize the world. Duke essay =) [4]

Please help critique my essay! Be as hard as you like! i only have 2 more days so i really need some help D:

PROMPT:
If you are applying to the Pratt School of Engineering, please discuss why you want to study engineering and why you would like to study at Duke.

Whether it'd be building Lego figures or bottled rockets, assembling models or objects has always interested me. Ever since I was a kid, gazing at colossal skyscrapers or outrageous styled cubic buildings greatly amazed me. I kept pondering about how people could construct such eye-catching and complex creations. As I entered high school, my interests further expanded when I took Physics and Chemistry classes that answered my never ending questions about these buildings. Participating in the Egg-O-Naut (bottled rocket) event in Science Olympiad and learning about structural mechanics and stress gradually built up my erupting curiosity in engineering.

I realize that studying engineering will give me the opportunity to implement my innovative and unique ideas in designing ground-breaking mechanical engines that would help revolutionize the dynamic world. From forming a device to increase transpiration in Biology HL to constructing something that would help power a light bulb in Chemistry SL, I am able to submerge myself in the numerous ideas I have. Furthermore, I can open new doors to new ideas or possibilities for change. I want to take my love for building and invest it in studying mechanical engineering in order to become a professional mechanical engineer for Boeing. By gaining the necessary knowledge and skills, I can help create engines or designs for airplanes that will greatly contribute to the people around me.

Pratt will be the catalyst that will initiate my engineering goals and the provider that will offer me the excellent educational foundation and experience necessary to succeed. The rigorous and challenging curriculum that Pratt presents will force me to think on a more higher academic level and allow me to explore the different frontiers of engineering. The small size and high level faculty will offer me many advantages in gaining maximum exposure to exceptional programs. With the Duke List and the Skanska summer study abroad program, Pratt will provide me with many opportunities to gain real hands on experience and direct interaction with intensive engineering projects. With the close community that Pratt has, I can work closely with many students, seek my own unique talents, and flourish both personally and intellectually.

Undergraduate / 'educational foundation and experience' - DUKE engineering [5]

Hey guys! Can you please help me grade my essay? Grade as hard as you want please! =)

Here is the prompt!:

If you are applying to the Pratt School of Engineering, please discuss why you want to study engineering and why you would like to study at Duke.

Studying engineering will give me the opportunity to implement my innovative and unique ideas in designing and creating mechanical engines and airplane. From structural mechanics to electrotechnology, I desire to study and harvest the essential knowledge in the field of mechanical engineering in order to not only facilitate my goal in applying my engineering ideas to help address the human needs of the future but to also help answers my never ending questions about impossible structures that exist today. The knowledge will allow me to break the limitations and ongoing engineering problems in the designing field and to contribute greatly to the world around me. Also, studying engineering will help develop my leadership and management skills in order to greatly enhance my social abilities to work on a professional level.

Duke will provide me with the excellent educational foundation and experience necessary to succeed and accomplish these goals. From study abroad programs to unique engineering projects, studying at Duke will grant me opportunities to explore and view engineering on multiple levels. Pratt's courses and high level faculty will allow me to interact with professors and students with similar minds and thoughts and aid me in broadening my background knowledge in engineering as well. I am very determined to follow the school that will provide for me the necessary skills and education needed in order to successfully become a mechanical engineer. Even if it means boldly applying to a prestigious and competitive school, I am very committed to do so.

Please help!!!

Undergraduate / 'there must be deeper truths' - Harvey Mudd Engineering [2]

A lot of people tell me that there are too many facts in here so I kept revising it. Here is what I have so far:

The prompt is :
2. Describe an experience that sparked your interest in mathematics, science or engineering. Word count is less than 1000 words so thats good. So please be as harsh and critical as you want! I really want to get into this college!!

I just want to say one thing: I'm not a freak for engineering, but I am definitely interested in it.

What most impresses me about this disciplinary subject? Complexity and harmony. The very fact that some truths and intricate fields of study that are completely dissimilar can merge together and form one complete and coherent area of study.

During the 7th grade, I had attended an Introduction to Engineering class at CTY that unlocked the hidden erupting interest I had in engineering. Over the course of the summer, Mr. Thompson, my professor, provided us with unique engineering projects that allowed us to get real hands on experience. One of these projects that initiated my interests was constructing the Elevated Bridge. Given unlimited supply of balsa wood and glue, he told us to build any type of bridge we wanted that could hold 10kg of sand. I thought it was going to be a simple project; eager, I used my unique ideas and constructed my bridge that looked authentically appealing but not intensely strong. When I went out to go test my bridge, my bridge only held 5kg of sand. It caught my attention when one of my classmate's bridge, which was much simpler and lighter, held 9kg of sand. Jealous and confused, I kept comparing my bridge with hers. I knew something had to be wrong because my bridge was more sturdy and well built while hers looked light and fragile; however, after learning about Young Modulus and structural mechanics, not only was I more interested and curios in engineering, but I was completely astonished at my disbelief.

When I went back inside the classroom, Mr. Thompson had asked us a question which I had been pondering about:

"I noticed most of your bridges were extremely heavy. I bet half of you were thinking that the heavier or more built your bridge is, the more sand your bridge could hold right?"

I was startled; everybody raised their hands.
Thus, it was of no surprise, when he started to lecture us about Young Modulus and Newton's Laws that answered my never ending questions about my bridge. I began to learn that it wasn't just the arbitrary connection of balsa wood that helped my bridge carry so much weight, but it was because my bridge had a low stress point explained by Young Modulus's. Through various calculations using the equation of stress F/A=Y (change length/ initial Length), I identified the slope and point at which my bridge broke. My interests kept increasing exponentially because I was astonished about how such calculations and proof can answer something that I couldn't believe with my very eyes. I felt surges of excitement run through my whole body. Although he finished, I wanted to learn more. Trying to fulfill my craving, the teacher taught us a little of structural mechanics. Combining what I had just learned with structural mechanics, I figured out that the point on the Young Modulus graph was defined as when my bridge would deform or reach its maximum stress level. Furthermore, there were some other topics like compression that I could not fully comprehend and apply, but knowing that there was much more explaining to do to fully comprehend the concept continued to ignite my interest. As weeks passed by, I continued to do more projects and cover more topics of physics and chemistry that would eventually fully bring about my passion and yearning to study engineering.

From obtaining intricate and profound knowledge to developing beginning skills in the art of building, I was left profound impression on engineering. The individual engineering projects that gave me an opportunity to apply my ideas in designing and building models gave me real hands-on experience that furthered my interests. When Professor Thompson had told me that there was a lot more to building then what I learned, I was excited. After finishing the class, I realized that there must be deeper truths that I can acquire in order to fully comprehend the art of building, and its these deeper truths that will continue to spark my interest in studying engineering