Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by inform
Joined: May 25, 2012
Last Post: Jun 11, 2012
Threads: 8
Posts: 21  

From: India

Displayed posts: 29
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
inform   
Jun 11, 2012
Student Talk / How do you define a good writer or a beginner writer? [7]

I am in agreement to what Ahmed mentioned. In addition, I would also include that a writer must be able to create interest for the reader to continue reading. This is a very important as no matter great vocab skill , structural skills and other technical skills a writer has if he or she is not able to create that interest his creations will be lost.

With this I don't want to lessen the importance of the skills required but I want to mention that a writer thinks from that perspective also. Moreover, a writer must also be a good reader.

This is my view to a professional writer.
inform   
Jun 10, 2012
Writing Feedback / Should Students (not administrators) control their own education? [3]

Topic : Students , not teachers or administrators should be in control of their own education.
--

Even though it is important that student should be given full control in planning their education, however, I feel that some control allotted to the teachers or the administrators would be beneficial for the students. This would helpful the students in a number of ways. They are getting proper guidance, following rules and help in career path.

To begin with, students require proper guidance. In the early age, students have the passion to do things. They have courage and motivation but without proper direction they might end up losing focus. For example, one of my friend was good in playing musical instruments. He was extremely passionate about this. But, as not being good in studies was forced by his parents to concentrate more on exams. As a result he left his interest in music. Important point to note is, there was no one to show him correct path that he could balance his time and concentrate on studies as well on his other interests. In this case, teachers would have been helpful.

In addition, students need to follow some rules shown by teachers and administrators. Students if not disciplined will waste their time. For example, some students in my college used to skip their classes regularly. They do not utilize this time rather would freak in college canteen. They had power to do this due to no strict rules implemented by the college administrator and teachers. Had there been minimum attendance rules where students need to attend at least minimum number of classes for each subject they would not have done this.

Moreover, student need help in career path. Teachers have good deal of information about the student's strength and weakness. So they can guide students in planning an effective career path. Students have high thoughts of becoming a doctor or engineer but in the end they just end up completing their undergrads in some course just to complete their studies. Teachers could guide the students on which field they should select depending on their interests and strengths.

Finally, I think that some amount of control should be given to teachers and administrators so that students effectively and efficiently select their courses , abide to rules and move in the right direction rather than wasting time and money.

--
inform   
Jun 10, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'The house' - IELTS, A letter to ask your friend for help. [5]

( You started your letter by saying you need a house and then corrected that you actually need a flat. You can straight away start by saying that you are searching for a flat and need your help. Then you can describe the kind of flat your are looking for like a room with an attached bathroom , a small kitchen which would help you in cooking and an optional living room and then you can talk about the location of the flat convenient to you. In the end, you can describe that it would be good to see you soon and other details... YOu can also tell your friend to reply back soon and mention your phone number and ask for his phone number )

That's it. Keep it short.
inform   
Jun 10, 2012
Writing Feedback / Classification Paper on Reality TV [2]

Some more reasons on popularity of the reality show :-

Reality Show is a change from the usual programs shown in T.V where a story revolves around a plot.
Moreover, reality show like American Idol gave young artist chance to show their talent to the world.
It also, gives an opportunity for people to be seen on T.V.
inform   
Jun 10, 2012
Writing Feedback / Isolation of a country from their neighbors abroad can only cause issues in the long run [4]

Topic : Countries should not isolate themselves from the world, but instead engage other countries.

Hi please review my essay. Please point all my mistakes and suggest me some more ideas. I am lacking with ideas which restricts my writing in a limited time. Thanks a lot.

--

Some might feel that one country should isolate itself from the others' so that they are not disturbed by the negative happenings in their neighborhood. However, in my view, every country should engage each other in many activities. This will be beneficial for both the countries in a number of ways. They are new technology, trade relations and information exchange.

To begin with, new technology would be available to the countries. The most important one is outsourcing of work which can benefit both the countries. The country who outsources a part of their work could concentrate on new inventions rather then worrying about maintaining existing ones for their customers. Also, the country, to whom work is assigned could provide job to the non working people . This would also allow them to acquire knowledge in the current technology. For example, US companies have outsources their work on past technology to India so that they can work on future technology. This has also benefitted Indians in expanding their knowledge.

In addition, countries will benefit from trade relations. Trade is the backbone of the country as it provides opportunity for both the countries to sell their resources. It also brings in foreign exchange to both of them in turn improving their currency exchange rates in the world. For example, US and China has opened their countries for trade which has allowed both the countries to sell their products. Large market for the companies has even helped them in reducing the cost as they can manufacture items in bulk.

Moreover, countries can exchange information. There is lot of information available in every country. Without working together it is not possible to use this. For example, the most important one is criminals running out to other countries for hiding. Although countries are strict and do not allow such people in their land but they are reluctant in taking forceful actions for their countrymen. However, countries with good relations will find out those criminals and allow the other country to punish them. For example, US army was allowed in Pakistan to get access to the criminals. This would not have been possible without effective relationship between the countries.

Finally, I believe countries could remain isolated but this will cause issues in the long run. As it will not provide new technology , increased trade relations and effective information exchange between the countries. Hence, engaging countries is a win-win situation for both of them.

--
inform   
Jun 10, 2012
Writing Feedback / TEACHERS SHOULD NOT DISTURB THEIR STUDENTS QUESTIONING [9]

Thanks alot Dumi. I do require a lot of help as I am not an effective writer . But I am practicing hard to improve it. If possible let me know ur mail id or drop me a mail ( sudhir.behani@gmail.com ). Thanks.
inform   
Jun 9, 2012
Writing Feedback / Should violent films that have adverse effects be controlled? [4]

Correcting few spelling mistakes :-
Addtionally --- Additionally
extraodinary --- extraordinary
undesiable --- undesirable
chilrden --- children

It is high time the government tooktake actions and tackle d such a problem.
inform   
Jun 9, 2012
Writing Feedback / TEACHERS SHOULD NOT DISTURB THEIR STUDENTS QUESTIONING [9]

Thanks a lot Duminda for giviing valuable suggestions and sharing your good essays. I must say that your essays are well written.
Is is possible to have some more essays? In case if you feel so please do mail me @ sudhir.behani@gmail.comv

I will follow the template and would send some more for reviews. I hope you will review them too.
inform   
Jun 9, 2012
Writing Feedback / TEACHERS SHOULD NOT DISTURB THEIR STUDENTS QUESTIONING [9]

Thanks Duminda for your review. Requesting you to rate my essay in 1-5

I have stated my agreement in the 3rd line. Let me know if this is not correct.
I do believe that teacher should answer every small or big questions of an individual. This is to train a student's mind in judging good and bad for them.

Let me also know if I need to improve anything else in the essay. Also Requesting to give me some points on how do I write better. When I am timing the essay that's when I start loosing my flow of ideas.
inform   
Jun 8, 2012
Writing Feedback / TEACHERS SHOULD NOT DISTURB THEIR STUDENTS QUESTIONING [9]

Topic :- Teacher should encourage students to question everything. Agree or Disagree.

Please correct my essay and let me know my faults. If possible add some more points.

-----

Teacher is an interface for students to know the world. It is their responsibility to guide students so that they move in right direction. I do believe that teacher should answer every small or big questions of an individual. This is to train a student's mind in judging good and bad for them.

Teacher should clarify doubts of the students. If a youngster do not understand simple concepts than he might face difficulties later on in his life. For example, if a student do not understand the concept of Newton's three laws then it would be difficult for him to understand physics concept in his higher classes. As these laws are base for understanding other concepts. Moreover, another example would be in learning to respect elders. This will allow them to learn their culture where respecting elders is important. Hence, these simple things either about their studies or life will guide them.

By giving answers to student's questions teachers make them feel that their is someone to guide. Feeling lonely might be detrimental for their growth and might lead them in drifting towards wrong direction. Also, they might feel that they are independent and can do whatever they think are correct. At the back of their mind they know that path shown by a teacher is correct and will lead them in the right direction.

If students get answers to all their questions then they can judge themselves well. They can decide what is right and wrong. For example, one of my friend who was innocent and never knew about drugs thought them to be a fun activity. Teachers has never discussed about drugs in class in a fear that people might gets influenced with it. But what they forgot is that lacking information can force a person to move it that direction. In this case, if information would have been shared with the students about the negative effects of drugs then a person would not have been attracted with it. Which again shows the importance of a teacher in shaping an individual.

---
inform   
Jun 8, 2012
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay: "Reasons to work other than earning money" [9]

Concentrating only on Last sentences :-

There are many reasons offor working other than earning money such as helping others, gaining experience, volunteering and the like which give people a happiness and satisfaction.
inform   
Jun 8, 2012
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay: "Reasons to work other than earning money" [9]

I ana even I feel that your essay is too long. I think 7 - 8 mins should be kept for reviewing what you have written. This will allow you to looks at your spelling mistakes and also some grammar mistakes. So is it also important to improve your typing speed..
inform   
Jun 2, 2012
Writing Feedback / Should University Education be provided free? Yes [2]

Topic : University Education provided free to all interested scholars. Agree or Disagree ?

Please check if the essay meets the topic. Also, whether the points are good. Require your help on grammar usage as well.

------

Education is important to everyone as it gives them the ability to think differently. I do agree that university education should be free for everyone. I believe this as this would allow everyone to get the university degree which would be valuable in their life.

Free education will give an opportunity for everyone to learn. It would allow poor people who had to leave their education as they cannot afford it to get minimum education. This option will allow them to acquire a university degree. This will have positive effects later on in their life. As they would not get involved in wrong doings

rather invest their time in learning. This would reduce the crime rate in the country. For example, a small state named "Kerala" in India provides free university education to people which has drastically decreased the criminal activities.

Next, this will help the government as the literacy rate of the nation will increase. This would lead an increase of business activity in the country. For example, every year government allow free education to lower class people. Constant use of this policy has increased the literacy rate of the nation. This has increased respect for the nation in the world which has led to an increase in the tourism business. As people around the world believe that an educated nation would be a safer destination. Education would also help in choosing the right government by the educated mass. As they will not get carried away by the wrong information given to them.

As free education benefits an individual and the government. It would also be beneficial for the whole family. Normally in a family there is only one male person who earns. Education is not allowed for the female as it is expensive. But with the introduction of free education even women could get education and would also work which would reduce the burden from the single earner in the family.

In the end, I think providing free university education would be a win-win situation for everyone an individual, a family, the government and the country. So free university education should be allowed to everyone.

----

PS : Thanks a lot for your reviews everyone.
inform   
Jun 1, 2012
Writing Feedback / (Five Point Someone by Chetan Bhagat) - My Favorite Book [3]

Favorite Book :-

This is a short essay. This is for TOEFL speaking section with time limit 45 secs. So request you to give your ideas. Check if it is short , if grammar is correct , whether flow or ideas are proper.

--

My favorite book is Five Point Someone by Chetan Bhagat. I like this book because it is written in simple English.
Firstly, this book is easy to understand as written in lucid English. I could finish reading the whole books in just one day.
Secondly, this book includes a story of three students in a college and I like to read about college students as it reminds me to my college days. Some incidents like ragging are humorously portrayed in the book.

Thirdly, the book is written in such a fashion that I was always inquisitive to know about the next chapter. I was so much absorbed in the book that I ended up reading it for the whole day continuously.

These are the reasons why this book is my favorite book.

Words : 132 ( Just for your reference ).
---

PS : My ending does not include words like :"In the end/ To conclude" due to time limit. I need to be direct.
inform   
Jun 1, 2012
Writing Feedback / Eating home-made food is better than eating out in restaurants or food stands [3]

Hi vickey,

Most of the corrections are already done by Ahmed. I would include few more.

As the world is getting complex, people prefer to go out for dinner than to cook at home ;.( I think you need a stop here as the next sentence is a new one.)

As you have used firstly , secondly in your essay so ending should match the flow. You can use one of these " In conclusion/ In the end ".
inform   
Jun 1, 2012
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay: Advantages and disadvantages of sports. [8]

Hi Ana ,

Starting an essay with a question creates doubt on the reader. As you are preparing for TOEFL I would suggest you to start your essay by stating your purpose. Then gives reasons on why you support your choice. and then the conclusion.

This simple technique will help you in TOEFL.
inform   
Jun 1, 2012
Writing Feedback / Gandhi - About a World Leader [5]

Thanks a lot Ahmad for your valuable suggestions. I will use them when I write my next essay.
inform   
May 31, 2012
Writing Feedback / Gandhi - About a World Leader [5]

Request you to check the length, grammar, structure , flow and other details which you think is important.

I believe that Mahatma Gandhi was a world leader. I believe this because he was the preeminent leader of British-ruled India. He led India to independence and inspired non-violence, civil rights and freedom across India.

One reason I believe Gandhi as a world leader because of his self-sacrifice for the people. He was a trained in Law from London which could have given him good job. But rather than choosing to lead a lavish life he gave his life for the people of India. He was jailed a number of times while protesting. As a mark of protest against the British rulers he went for hunger strike numerous times and led many other protest movements. Not just in India but also in South Africa where he fought for civil rights of Muslims and Hindus. This shows is strength and sacrifice which a world leader possesses.

Another reason to believe Gandhi to be a preeminent leader is his principle of Satyagrah" which means "adherence to truth". This is to eliminate antagonism without harming the antagonist. Gandhi's belief that an endurance of suffering is a means to an end. The whole nation accepted "Satyagrah" which became the undefeated force. It is this force which led him to free the nation from the British rule.

The final reason in proclaiming Gandhi as a world leader is his ability to influence people. His simplicity and adherence to truth motivated millions of followers who were ready to accept Gandhi's principle and follow his steps. He was able to change thoughts of the people who were on the verge of the violence and bloodshed. Accepting harshness of the British and still moving with non-violence was not easy but people had faith in Gandhi's path.

In conclusion it would be right to say that Gandhi was a true world leader. With his principles and belief he has was able to inspire millions and free India from the British rule.
inform   
May 31, 2012
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay: Advantages and disadvantages of sports. [8]

You can start in this way..
Even though sports are integral part in one's life but one should not get obsessed by one sport rather than effectively balance their time in every activity which is equally important.
inform   
May 31, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'important to make large amount to money' - essay [3]

Thanks Ahmad for your advice. Request you review the whole essay I have corrected the sentence below.

Nowadays importance of money has increased due to the soaring prices which impacts the people's lives in the future Even though some people might be satisfied with only the required amount of money for a living, I feel that it is important to have hefty money for a comfortable living.

In the first part of the highlighted sentence I meant " people not having large money" but in the next part I mean that people should have large amount of money.
inform   
May 30, 2012
Speeches / True Love poem - definition of love? [15]

I truly love your thoughts.

Some points :-
Nowadays, the meaning of love has changed. Now it is love for money or money for love. That's when love is digressing from its true meaning.

-Just a thought.
inform   
May 30, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'important to make large amount to money' - essay [3]

Subject : Many people believe that it is very important to make large amount of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living .

Even though some people might be satisfied with the amount of money required for a living, I feel that it is important to make large amounts of money. Nowadays importance of money has increased due to the soaring prices which gives an impression an impression about the future.

On reason I believe that for large money requirement is that inflation has increased prices for everything. The prices for food item, medical , clothing and home have increased a considerable amount. This increase is enormous. My friend was interested in buying a duplex house last year so he started saving money for the house. But when he checked the price of a duplex house he was shocked to discover that the prices have shoot up five folds and his savings were not enough. So to buy the house he needs more money and the rate at which his saving are increased will not allow him to buy a house in next ten years. So even in this case large amount of money is required.

Another reason I support for having large money is that we do not know what will happen in future. There could be unpredictable events which will require large amount of money like a war or draught. A draught will again increase the prices of food items and a war will do the same thing. Moreover, in a war people have might have to look for a new place else where. In worst cases an individual might have to leave his country which would require even more money as you are be in a new place. Planning for the future requires saving which in turn requires more money.

The final necessity of more money is that family planning requires more money. As planning for children education , even their comfort require money. Children would require new things like a mobile , a better car , pocket money and going out for weekends or in holidays. Even taking care of elders like their medical bills and in uncertain cases hospital bills require large amount of cash in hand. There are many severe diseases where their is no other way but long medication like cancer and HIV which requires costly medicines.

In the end, I think an individual requires large amount of money to live as he has to plan for a number of things. Apart from this inflation which has increased prices considerably. All these leads to a conclusion that its important to make large amount to money to support a good living at present and for future.
inform   
May 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Learning about biology even medicine is always make my heart happy [6]

This field is my hobby and appropriate with my ideal.Medicine is my favorite subject.
Learning about biology even medicine is always makesmy heart happy, enjoy, lighter, and can push me to find out what there are in me happy and pushes me forward to learn more. I love to read more booksrelated to my subject, and this field of study is really suitswell on me my interest.

There are number of grammar errors. I have corrected few. Also, you need to improve your sentence structuring. Do not just throw your thoughts. First think about it.

eg. Hobby and a field of interest are two different things.

Check your purpose of writing. eg Is it biology or medicine ? Do not confuse the reader.
inform   
May 26, 2012
Writing Feedback / College - the best time when a person participates in other activities which broadens his knowledge [7]

Question ::-- The College years are the best time in a person's life. Agree or Disagree. Give reasons to support your opinion.

Even though some people think that college is not the best time of ones life but I think otherwise as I feel college is one of the best time for a person. I have three points to state why college is the best time.

Firstly, in college there are no rigid time lines practiced. Students are allowed to attend their choice of classes. There are no restriction on leaving the class in between. If one feels that the topic being discussed is not important then they can move out without making any noise. The professors will not stop any students from doing this.This gives flexibility to each one as at times one would have already studied a topic or they might not feel that the explanations given are good. So rather then objecting the student can softly walk out. This is not considered insulting by the professors and neither the profs will penalize any student.

Secondly, there are a number of activities in the college in which a student can participate like the sports activities or events being organized by different clubs. If one is not able to attend the classes due to participation one can take permission from the college administration. In this way students can learn and participate in a number of events. This helps in widening their knowledge and exposure to a number of activities. So both the studies and activities could go together. If one is missing any class then it's possible to take help from the professors later on and cover up for the missed classes. This also makes college as a fun place where students attend the college willingly.

Thirdly, parents also feel that their child has grown up so no one in the family questions about their studies. Moreover, if a student is not performing up to the mark then the college administration sends a mail to their parent so that they are aware . They also ask parents to meet them in person. It is done to remove the miss-usage of the flexibility given by the college. This make parents confident and they do not questions their son or daughter. This freedom is helpful as people become responsible and they understand that they need to perform well and not waste their time just in other activities.

In the end, I feel that college is the best time when a person learns not even the studies but also participate in other activities which broadens their knowledge. They also become responsible to themselves and do not waste their time.