Undergraduate / Common App Personal Essay ("calculus problem") [10]

Prompt: A topic of your choice (Personal Statement)

Sweat dripped down from my face as I stared into my opponent's face. She was not the typical opponent that one would expect to face. She stared right back at me, yet I could not find her eyes. She smirked at me, yet I could not detect her mouth. The monster disguised herself in the most elegant form. The beauty she possessed enchanted anyone who looked at her. I stared hopelessly at a calculus problem that asked for the derivative of an obscure trigonometry function.

I focused hard on my opponent. The memories of my first trigonometry lesson ran through my mind like an unstable oscillating wave.
"What's the sine of pi over six?" my impatient sister interrogated me.
"Uh... ˝?" I replied uncertainly after a few seconds. I had just learned the unit circle twenty minutes ago.
"What took you so long? You should be able to answer the question in an instant" she snapped her fingers in my face.

My flashback stopped there because recalling further into the two hours of continuous noise will negatively affect my quiz grade.
Yes, my first and only exposure to trigonometry before I took calculus I at a summer university program was a two-hour screech provided by my sister. I originally planned to take Introduction to Calculus, but it was unsatisfying. After I attended two lectures and took one quiz, I realized that it was going to be a relatively easy class. I quickly flipped through the book and recognized one-third of the materials in the book. This did not satisfy me, however. Quickly after reaching this realization, I changed my class to Calculus I, an action deemed many deemed "crazy".

And yet my timing could not have been better. They had just finished reviewing pre-calculus topics after I transferred into the class. The first day of class, I listened attentively. The words that came out of the professor's mouth entered my ear as if he was speaking a foreign language. I was able to make out all the symbols he used on the chalkboard: delta, epsilon, greater than, less than, but they did not provide me with any insight into the cryptic message hidden within the hieroglyphics. I was happy. The fast pace and intellectual challenges the class provided were satisfying. Thankfully, after three hours of self-study, I learned all the limit materials but I still had to take on trigonometry. I studied trig during the night, not willing to lose any moment of the university campus experience.

The two nights that I had to study before the quiz did not prove to be adequate for that problem. I still had time to change my classes back. A locked piece of memory that fuels part of my ambition and determination suddenly appeared in my mind. I saw an innocent child who climbed into the water that was filled with white dandruff and dead cells and bathed. The child was me and the residues were from my parents' skin after a day's work in a family operated take-out Chinese restaurant. I have come a long way since then and there was no way I was going to turn back. I had also fallen in love. The mathematical beauty of the limit and the derivative had already captured my heart. I wrote my attempted solution and put it on a stack of other students' quizzes.

This is my third year taking calculus, due to school policies and restricted class offerings. My understanding of trigonometry could not have been better even if I had taken a formal class. Even though calculus remains as intriguing to me as it ever was, I've taken on a new secret love affair: linear algebra. Through MIT's Open Course Ware, I can obtain the course notes and watch video lectures on this fascinating application of matrices. I cannot wait to see how this course of study evolves without any formal guidance.

Common App Short Response

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer)

The first complaint I received from a customer while working at my parent's restaurant was "There is a string of hair in my food". Not knowing what to do, I became concerned and called my dad, who is never there when I'm working, for advice. He told me "Just apologize and give him a 10% discount" and hung up. Not believing the plan will work, I nervously executed his orders. To my surprise the customer was satisfied and even said "The food was good". Since then, I have learned how to make executive decisions and many leadership skills. Today I am able to handle customer and worker complaints, emergency situations, and inspection officers easily. When a new problem comes up, I no longer call my dad for advice. Instead I use my own discretion to determine how I should handle the situation.

Please point out my grammatical errors. Also comment on the content please. Thank you so much!

Undergraduate / Carnegie Mellon Supplement Essay- "The Magic of Moving Objects" [7]

From a young age, I have been captivated by the magic of animated objects both virtually and in real life. My captivation with animated objects coupled with my innate ability to take anything apart ultimately sparked my interest in engineering. In my first encounter with a robot, my decision to become an engineer was only reaffirmed. The robot's barrier evading abilities put me in awe. Desiring to learn more about robots, my interest in robotics gradually developed as I learned more about it online. Little by little my interest in robotics grew while I learn more about it online. Within a month, I had drew a twelve page detailed design for my ideal consumer robot that was integrated with a volumetric display that I mistakenly called a hologram at that time. As I was on my quest to make my dream into a reality, I encountered a problem: my trial and error engineering knowledge would not have helped any on this complex project. Today my desire to be an engineer and a programmer is not only because I want to find the solution to the problems in my design, but also because of a strong belief that robots will become the computers of tomorrow and that innovative engineering and programming can change the world for the better.

After looking through many universities and the various programs each offer, I have no doubt that Carnegie Mellon university is best institution for me. Carnegie Mellon's diverse student body is what first caught my attention. By working with a diverse group of students, I can learn the different points of views and solutions to engineering problems, which will broaden my horizon and allow me to think more creatively. Also interacting with students of different cultural background will allow me to improve my social skills which will better prepare me for the future. Furthermore, Carnegie Mellon allows its student to pursuit two undergraduate degrees. This means that I can pursuit an electrical and computer engineering degree at the Carnegie Institution of Technology and a computer science degree or a robotics minor at the School of Computer Science since they are where my primary interest lies. Both of these schools offer what I am looking for: a rigorous curriculum taught by innovative professors and a hands on approach to learning.

CIT not only offers an excellent engineering curriculum, but also helps students develop leadership and management skills, which is crucial to any successful engineer. It is my intention to utilize the resources available at CIT which is why I find the honors research program that CIT offers really attractive. It will allow me to work in close proximity with a Carnegie Mellon professor in first-class research facility during my senior year. The experience and knowledge I gain from this experience will surely benefit me, especially if I decided to apply the IMB program that CIT offers. The IMB program will allow me to directly obtain my masters in ECE without the need to apply for graduate school.

The School of Computer Science has been a pioneer in computer science. It is my desire to contribute to and learn from the innovation thinking at the School of Computer Science and develop a ground-breaking artificial intelligence program. The research topics offered at this School such as the Cognitive Robotics on the Sony AIBO will help me achieve this ambition. Also the school of Computer Science offers similar advantages like the ones CIT offers such as the fifth year masters program and the BS Computer Science & MBA 3/2 program. This means if I have a change of plans and would like to focus on one subject, I will still have many options.

Whether I decide to work the industry or perform research on the subject that I am interested in, I believe Carnegie Mellon can provide me with the excellent education and experience I need to succeed.

I feel this is a rather weak essay...
I know it is a long essay and I would appreciated any suggestions. Also, I slightly went over the 1 page limit, what should I cut out? Thank you!

Undergraduate / NYU 5 short question supplement- Stern [5]

Any suggestions are welcome. Thank you so much!

In addition to any work experience that you listed on your application, please tell us how you spent your most recent summer vacation.
This past summer I stayed in NYC and caught the virus that Wall Street emitted. I daringly took out all my personal savings, which was about 4000 dollars and invested in the crumbling stock market that seemed to be a bargain; Dow has dropped 2000 points since last year! After days of research, I put all my money into the infamous Washington Mutual that failed later on this year. I was aware of the huge risk involved, but my ambitions pushed me on. I have learned much from this incident.

495/500
Describe a trait or characteristic that has been passed along to you by your family. Tell us why you like or dislike this aspect of yourself.

I wonder if there is a genetic code embedded in my DNA that made me curious. My need to ask the question "why" has broaden my horizon and allowed me to venture into topics such as string theory. It has allowed me to become more reasonable because I am able to understand the different views that people have and think critically. Most importantly, it gave me the ability to think innovatively because of the assortment of unusual ideas flowing in my brain.

461/500
New York City is an essential element of academic and cultural life at NYU. If you could engage in an activity or start a club or service organization at NYU, what would it be and how would you envision it impacting the larger community?

If I can start a club in NYU I would start a "chat club". People from all backgrounds can come together and talk about their problems, offer their advice, or have an intelligent discussion. This club will allow people of different backgrounds to understand each other better. It is my vision that this idea will spread across the country and help shorten the cultural gap among the different ethnic groups and give people time to reflect upon their lives and the things they take for granted.

497/500
You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why?
I would choose "Simple and Clean", because it is one of the few songs I know how to sing. I find the name of this song extremely attractive because it gives me a sense of satisfaction and peace. One of my favorite line in this song is "regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all" because it is such a simple way of living but with an immense amount of courage. It really makes me want to live life to the fullest, and I wish it will inspire others to do the same.

481/500
Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

The huge investment potential in China, India, and Brazil's developing market brings shivers down my spine. This generation of business leaders in the global economy will have an enormous impact on the future environment, business ethnics, and society and I want to be an active member of this revolutionizing change. Stern's exceptional business program with emphasis on liberal arts will prepare me for the competitive environment that I will have to face soon.

466/500

Undergraduate / Chicago Supplement- Is the universe really what we perceive it to be? [7]

This is a really long essay. I probably violated all the laws of physics in my essay. Any suggestions are welcome. Thank you for your time!

Prompt:Argonne National Laboratory and Fermilab (both national laboratories managed by the University of Chicago) have particle accelerators that smash bits of atoms together at very high energies, allowing particles to emerge that are otherwise not part of the everyday world. These odd beasts - bosons, pi mesons, strange quarks - populated the universe seconds after the Big Bang, and allow their observers to glimpse the fabric of the universe. Put two or three ideas or items in a particle accelerator thought experiment. Smash 'em up. What emerges? Let us glimpse the secrets of the universe newly revealed.

ESSAY
Grab an object nearby. Look at it. Feel it. Pretty solid and real isn't it? Think again! The collision of a charm quark, a Higgs boson, and a graviton in Zevatron, a sophisticated particle accelerator that is composed of three linear particle accelerators in the shape of a "Y", suggests that the universe is a virtual image composed of a two-dimensional spinning membrane intertwined with a four dimension space. The collision resulted in a distorted micro-black hole which evaporated instantly while illuminating a powerful and blinding burst of light. The event spontaneously emitted two unpredicted particles: the F and the M particles, which are the groundbreaking finds that led to the disheartening proposal. Within a picosecond, a fifth fundamental force of nature (Zeta force) blended the two particles into a naked singularity. The unstable singularity exploded and emitted every single elementary particle predicted by the laws of physics: quarks, leptons, and bosons. What were the two mysterious and magical particles?

The F particle is also known as the flat particle because of its massless and volumeless characteristic. It spins at rate of one revolution per Planck's time. The speed at which it spins would have conceal the fact that it is a two dimensional particle, but the exodus of Hawking radiation that resulted from the evaporated black hole slowed down its spin and revealed its secrets. Due to the fact the F particle is flat, the spin is fixed at 1/6 when alone, but once it integrates with the M particle, the spin becomes chaotic and unpredictable. The F particle has a defined area, but not shape. It is able to shift its shape with the help of the M particle. The F particle works in close proximity with the M particle via the zeta force to provide the foundations of the universe.

The M particles primarily exist in a four dimensional space. While they appear in our universe when a rip in the space-time fabric connects us to the higher dimension, they can only be detected at high energies. A modified solution to Einstein field equation resonates with the explanation. The particle acquired its name from the infamous M-theory, a candidate for the theory of everything. Ironically, evidences obtained from the M particle refute some components of the M-theory. For instance, the M particle has shown that different elementary particles are not the result of the different vibrations of strings or multi-dimensional membranes, but instead the result of M particle's interactions with the F particle and the curvature of Zeta force created by their interactions. Unlike the fixed spin of the other particles in physics, the spin of the M particle is directly proportional to the number of the quantum wormholes one Planck's length from the most outer surface. No, the particle does not exhibit quantum mechanical properties such as a probability region where the particle can be found. In fact, the interconnected fourth dimension offers an alternative explanation of why there is even a probability region in which a particle is most likely to be found. Because a part of the universe is made out of a delicate spinning membrane, there will often be rips in this space-time fabric. Once a portal to the other dimension is made, particles can leave or enter the other dimension via the portal at near light speed. This event allows a particle to look like it is in many places at once which also makes it impossible to predict its exact position and velocity instantaneously.

But how do these two particles suggest that the universe is a virtual image composed of a two-dimensional spinning membrane intertwined with a four dimension space? By forming a naked singularity, these two particles have reenacted a historical cosmological event: the big bang. The path, velocity, and the relative amount of particles that were emitted from the mini-explosion were compared with the predicted values of the real big bang and it led to one conclusion: the initial conditions that triggered the real big bang is analogous to the initials conditions of the reenactment. Supported with mathematical equations and models, this find suggest one intriguing idea: we are but a persistence of memory.