Undergraduate / I constantly break thro barriers of the Atlantic Ocean waves; CORNELL/ExtraCurricular [4]

what you think of this, good??? I already turned it in but just want to know how I did..?

Pull right: breath, pull left: breath; I constantly break through the barriers of the Atlantic Ocean's waves as they attempt to impede my relentless progress. I swim till I can no longer feel the sand sift through my toes, till the tourist's laughter fades into whispers, and till the pain of discomfort consumes me. This is no battle for stress reduction or calendar sorting, rather a commitment to test the limits of my soul and to see what I am truly made of. My muscles constrict and my heart gorges with pressure as I fight the pain of retreat. When I reach my milestone, I stop and allow the waves to hastily carry me back to life, for it is calling me to defeat the so-called, "impossible." However, tomorrow is a tougher challenge, but it does not matter because my life does not have a finish line.

Undergraduate / "Dive!Dive!Dive!" squawks the master diver; Extracircular acitivty [6]

I need help correcting any errors, and is it good? thank you

"Dive!Dive!Dive!" squawks the master diver as stride into the abyss. Once a month, I gear up in my wet suit and tank and scuba dive off the coast of Key Largo, Florida to observe coral reefs. Although diving dangers persist, I find the risks overcome by the soothing effects on my mind. When I find a reef, I leap off the boat and slowly descend 25 feet. All the bright greens, yellows, and reds of the coral perfectly capture the essence of natural balance. My mind falls prey to this balance and relieves itself of all the stress it endured in school, work, and home. Simultaneously, my heart flows into a cadence with the slow rolling of the waves above, replacing my frustration with tranquility. The anemones innate ability to move in unison teases my mind to flow through life harmoniously, for at times I diverge. As I gravitate over the reef, I take one final look, then ascend. Surfacing, I release the remnants of old air in my lungs to please myself with a new breath of life.

Undergraduate / At Penn, I will take the steps to grab every opportunity ;Penn/ Engage academically? [4]

A Penn education provides a liberal arts and sciences foundation across multiple disciplines with a practical emphasis in one of four undergraduate schools: the College of Arts and Sciences, the School of Engineering and Applied Science, the School of Nursing, or the Wharton School.

Given the undergraduate school to which you are applying, please discuss how you will engage academically at Penn. (Please answer in 300 words or less.)

300 Words do me no justice on how I will engage in Penn's Wharton School.Nevertheless, there is no doubt in my mind, that Penn is the only school for my true vision. A business vision that will resonate so loudly throughout the Penn community, that my presence will not go unnoticed. At Penn, I will take the steps to grab every opportunity by the reigns to shape my future in an eco-friendly retail business.

Step 1: My course lectures will never be ignored for I will fill the classroom with engaging debates and interesting discussions. Specifically, the Retail Supply Chain Management course because I will be able to enlighten students on inventory strategies from my previous experience managing my family business. Also, the course will teach me how to respond to consumer emotion and preference to build a strong business.

Step 2: With my commitment to preserve nature, I will join the Initiative for Global Environmental leadership to help spark change in environmentally reckless industries. I will work with members from all four schools to generate efficient ways for corporation to do business without the loss of profit and consumption of natural resources.

Step 3: I do not want to pursue my dream alone, I want to share it with the Penn community to make it ours. I will echo my vision of establishing an eco-friendly and revolutionary retail business by joining the Wharton Undergraduate Entrepreneurship Organization. Hopefully, students will embrace my vision and help me improve my ideas as I will help with their ideas.

Step 1, step 2, step 3, and repeat; how simple learning becomes with a plan. I can assure you my time at Penn will not be spent sleeping or aimlessly strolling down Locust Walk, I will be there with a commitment to get "stuff" done.

Undergraduate / Blindly follow criticisms without evidence? ;Stanford-Intellectual Vitallity [12]

Stanford: students possess intellectual vitality, tell us about an idea or experience that developed your intellectual vitality....

Yea my topic is a little touchy, but it is what happened so I am willing to take the risk.(((((Disclaimer: I am by no means racist. It was just awkward for me to visit the mosque post 9/11.))))))))))) If i come off as bigot please tell me.

During the summer of 2011, my World Religions professor assigned me to attend an Islamic mosque for a religious experience project. I was uncomfortable because, the media led me to believe Muslims were outcasts. I was also raised by Hindu dogma to believe Muslims pillaged our land, and as an agnostic, I was indifferent to religion. Unexpectedly, the experience opened my mind to exploration.

I arrived at the mosque, skin drowning in sweat. Mr. Khair, the director of Islamic prayer in Melbourne, immediately spotted me from my picture. He walked up, shook my hand, and said, "Assalamo Allaikum" (peace be upon you). As I walked, my ears were greeted by a harmonious azan (the Muslim call to prayer). The voice from the speaker surrounded me; tuning my heart in sync with the rhythm. I was captured.

When I entered the mosque, Mr. Khair placed me in an observatory with my torso away from the Qibla (a stone wall). The prayer reminded me of the 2008 Olympics opening ceremony. The Chinese "fou" drummers were uniformly pounding the drums in powerful synchronization to exemplify the might of China. Much like the Olympics, the cohesion of praying voices exhibited a strict and influential faith. I was swept by a faint realization of why people warship God: devotion and honor.

After the prayer, I interviewed with Mr. Khair. As an outsider, I discussed society's views on Islam. Gently, he clarified "most Muslims practice and spread faith peacefully," and added that his branch aids impoverished locals. Although never enraged with hate, I still felt ill-informed and guilty. I asked myself, would I blindly follow people's criticisms without proper evidence?

My experience unshackled my mind from propaganda. By experiencing the Islamic faith, I realized forming my own research would relieve me of false thoughts. Reborn as a student of intellectual thought, curiosity of art, language, and culture replaced my ignorance. I hope we can soon live in a world where people are not judged by beliefs, but character because when ignorance reigns life is lost. I am only one man, but if I rid this world of my ignorance, it has indeed become a slightly better place.

Undergraduate / I had to fulfill a duty to my parents; Cornell: Major, why, academic interests [5]

Tell me what you think: it asks what my major is and why it is....also how I will "further my academic interests at Cornell" (what ever that means)...thank you so much in advance...

A few years ago, I had to fulfill a duty to my parents by managing the family wine and spirits store. Constantly innovating the store, sparked my creative zeal, and drove me to achieve top sales. Menial tasks quickly turned to enjoyment and from there I Knew I wanted a deeper knowledge in business.My major will be Economics at Cornell's Applied Economics and Management program and I will strengthen my curriculum by furthering my academic interests in environmental life sciences courses and clubs.

At first, I was indifferent to commerce. I thought it was dull and unrewarding. I was wrong. Within a few months, I had a strong desire to make my family business one of the best in the city. With six identical liquor stores in a one mile radius, competition was fierce and thrilling. It became my obsession to create a large customer base for the business. This entailed tasks of marketing, pricing, and innovating. Every three weeks, I worked with our marketing specialist to target certain types of customers. We mail-advertised expensive wine and scotch to the high income residents of Sand Piper Bay, and we promoted coupons in lower income sectors via Money Saver magazines. To stay competitive, I kept a balanced profit-margin, which allowed our business to operate as well as satisfy customers. I quickly fell in love with every aspect of business. Accordingly, my curriculum at () college shifted to satisfy my passion for business economics. I attended classes such as Macroeconomics to understand how the world market functioned, and applied simple supply and demand concepts to my family business.

Unquestionably, my family wine and spirits store was the reason I fell in love with business, specifically applied economics. However, my time spent analyzing different types of businesses created my own vision. Growing up in Florida was a treat. I got to explore the soothing hot springs of Apoka, the Everglades of South Florida, and the majestic reefs of Key West. I have an undying love for nature, and I want to preserve the beauty. I am done standing on a silent platform screaming at big corporations and the government only to be dismissed, screw the norm, I will lead the war for change by introducing a revamped and Eco-friendly form of retail. Cornell's Applied Economics and Management program provides a variety of courses in life sciences that will supplement my finance concentration to make my dream real. The program will enable me to take classes such as "Environmental Economics" to hopefully lead the retail industry into low cost/high quality products without the environmental pollutants. Thus, I will further my academic interest in Agribusiness, Environmental & Resource Economics, and Accounting to to create a strong foundation for my business. Also, I will join initiatives such as the "Environmental Law Society" to model my future business in accordance to regulation, and to push for more environmental laws.

Managing my family's wine & spirits store revitalized my purpose and influenced me to major in my new found passion, applied economics. Cornell's multi-faceted AEM program involves many aspects of academia from Finance to Environmental business, which will help me become a versatile businessman who can influence environmental adherence in the retail industry. With the strong program Cornell has to offer, my vision is impenetrable.

Writing Feedback / "Breathe, relax, enjoy life, explore, and worry not" ; What matters and why? [11]

please tell me how it is or what I must change?

Why so serious? Breathe, relax, enjoy life, explore, and worry not. Money, technology, friendship, love, careers, and problems will come and go. To put into perspective my insignificance in the infinite universe: I am but a speck on a speck on a billion other specks. Thus, I tend not to worry. Worry is the most malicious atrocity humans chose to practice. Everyday we run and run, worrying about the Boss's flawless coffee, or pesky deadlines. But if death visits unexpectedly, did all those worries accomplish anything?

Everything I do is pure worry-free enjoyment. I go to college because I love embracing a community that considers the pursuit of knowledge noble, even if some degrade it to hopeless competition. I volunteer at the zoo because I have a commitment to preserve nature, even if industries recklessly pollute. Love, forgiveness, and commitment is how I defeat worry.

Every morning I wake up smiling knowing my 18 month old niece will burst into my room at exactly 8:00 A.M. laughing as she skitters over to my bed. Well, one day she burst into my room throwing her ball at my head. So, I took away her favorite ball and replaced it with a receipt. To my surprise, she did not whine or scream for her ball. She embraced the exchange and threw the receipt in the air watching it slowly flutter down. Her eyes sparkled in amazement as did mine. She had it all figured out, worry not and enjoy everything because life is just that, a thing.