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Posts by temptprovidence
Joined: Feb 22, 2013
Last Post: Nov 16, 2014
Threads: 8
Posts: 163  
Likes: 35
From: pakistan

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temptprovidence   
Mar 5, 2013
Essays / Advantages & Disadvantages of COMPUTER GAMES; "foundation English level 2" [9]

The number of people play computer games

a number of people.. "the" if used means the total number of people in observation...

Playing computer games brings about positive effects such as; thinking critically and relaxing for our minds

it should be..."Playing computer games brings about positive effects such as; thinking critically and a source of relaxation for our minds"

they learn how to think plan ahead

they learn to think and plan ahead

playing such games can be a good way to have a relaxation

One of the most popular games that are played in most of the countries is (are) mission games.

to some extent you have made repetitions of points... overall a good essay... good points discussion :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 5, 2013
Writing Feedback / "My emotions that I remember on a day in your life"; ARTICLE [7]

please help me with corrections... and suggestions... we are just told to write emotions with no hint about any background... critics most welcomed...!!

The image has literally tilted and existed to tell me. Every thing proved to have an automatic life of its own.. though did work out in manner i would have never guessed about. That was the day when i lost my character. The decisive moment that told me that time was up. I remember how many eyes worked to observe those losses... those losses who stole my lift.. my smile..!!

As i gasped all about the situation, i had formerly known that i have to lose my hold onto something. I knew if i wouldn't, the cruel poses of time awaited me. Before i never knew how intense something could be. I had crushed my disposition to understand it. Those moments gave me nothing of them. All i could do was to gaze at the distant hopes. The only hopes that could assure me something better... are all now.. the harsh memories of the past...!!

The tragic endeavour just could do to innovate the life. That day the feeling of emptiness gripped my heart. The fastened stretch across my chest had not yet loosened its hold on me. It was already contrived... and after that i dont neeed anything to make me remember. All i have to do is to get up in the morning. If i am awake, i remember.

Questions rattled in my head...heart skipped many beats... knots formed in my throat... the blanket of guilt still smothers me. You can say that everything is just fine for me... If you think that..

"A POUNDING HEART AND TOO MANY MEMORIES WERE JUST OKAY!!!"
temptprovidence   
Mar 6, 2013
Writing Feedback / Civilized behavior is one of the most valuable traditions of ancient Chinese good moral [5]

gentlely behavior is good way to show repsect

gentle behaviour is a good way to show respect.

held a big party to celebrate his 60 years old birthday.

held a big party to celebrate his 60th birthday.

Rong then sperate a pear into various parts and send them to everyone

Rong then divided the pear into many pieces and distributed them among all.

The entire family is please with his generous.

The entire family was pleased with his generosity.

a courteous man will obviously make a good impression to others

a courteous man will obviously make a good impression on others' mind.

One of my firend who applied for his Master program

One of my firend who applied for his Master program.

It seemed that they were at the same level if one just evaluated by their applied materials and score.

It seemed that they were at the same level if one just they were evaluated by their applied materials and score.

My firend immediately stood up and asked the old man to took his seat while the spainish boy just sticked to his place.

My firend immediately stood up and asked the old man to take his seat while the spainish boy just stuck to his place.

the professor sent him an email which mentioned about the little event in the bus.

the professor sent him an email which mentioned this event at the bus.

most valuable traditions of ancient Chinese good moral

most valuable traditions of ancient Chinese that are morally civilized.

It is so wonderful wisdom of our predecessor that we shall inherit forever.

it is such a wonderful wisdom..

good essay and expression.. loved the inspiration. :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 7, 2013
Poetry / "when fate is really so true" (a piece of poetry) [11]

comparison of creations; WHEN FATE IS REALLY SO TRUE/A MEMORY FRM MY ARMED PAST

i have been offered an opportunity to either join the poets section or narration section of my college... i have just copy pasted my creations... plz let me know which thing is my stronger aspect.. i would love critics as well as corrections.. :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 7, 2013
Essays / Thesis for Research paper on a author (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle);Need advice! [7]

Sherlock Holmes is renowned for being super-rational. Yet his creator, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, claimed to speak with the spirits of the dead.

In Sir Arthur Conan Doyle classic detective story, "The Adventure of the Speckled Band" Sherlock Holmes proves himself a clever and memorable detective. Holmes uses his fantastic powers of observation to solve the crime and remain unforgettable to his readers. Upon meeting Helen Stoner, Holmes immediately notices she has come in by train. While she has not told him this information, his powers of observation help him deduce this fact. When she asks him how he knows, he notes, I observe the second half of a return ticket in the palm of your left glove" (Conan Doyle 2). Holmes ability to observe and analyze clues far outweighs other characters and detectives. Conan Doyle's detective has remained a popular character for over a century because of his superior powers of observation and admirable deductive abilities to solve crimes.

you can choose... hope i was helpful and am likeable... :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 8, 2013
Essays / How to write a good scholarship essay about career & educational goals for accounting [4]

for an intro, try starting as:
entered college with the aim of majoring in accounting. I have achieved this goal and am looking forward to also achieving my goal in terms of getting my CPA license and starting my own accounting business. Of course, this path will not be an easy one and there will be challenges to face along the way. I do, however, believe that if I keep my eye on my goal and work towards it, even with obstacles in my way, I will be able to achieve my goal and make a better life for my family and myself.

One of the challenges I will face along the way is employment. I currently have a part-time job as a junior accountant at a bookstore. I took this work in order to help me pay form my tuition. Although my father does help with my expenses, he cannot cover all the costs of my studies and accommodation. There are also textbooks and transport to think about, in addition to my daily needs such as food and my monthly expenses such as rent. While it helps greatly to have a part-time job, this is challenging to my energy levels and my ability to put...

visit this for help where i think you can find points:
saddleback.edu/faculty/allorente/AJL_Saddleback/The_Accounting_Profession.html

When you write your request letter, be clear and concise. Use a Standard or Indented Block Style layout. As
always, make sure your letter is well written and free of grammatical errors.
how to write:
1
st Paragraph: Introduce yourself by stating your educational background and career goals. Reveal how
you got their name and contact information. Explain your intentions for writing and indicate you are
requesting an informational interview.
2
nd Paragraph: Outline the issues and questions you have and wish to discuss with him or her at your
meeting. If you are enclosing a resume, state that it is for informational purposes only.
Closing Paragraph: Indicate assertively that you will call at a specific day and time to schedule an
appointment. Inform her or him of your contact information, unless you enclosed a resume. Type and sign
your name.
you also see these instructions, helpful:
1
Write out a list of goals before you begin, such as a salary range you desire or a specific company you want to work for. The more you understand about your career goals, the easier it will be to write the paper. A short-term goal, for example, is something that can be accomplished within a few months or a year. Long-term career goals generally take longer, perhaps five to 10 years. Once you have completed your list, you can group the goals in order of when you want to accomplish each one.

2
Identify the resources you need to accomplish your career goals. For example, a career goal of finding an entry level position can be attained by using resources such as your university's career center. To find the educational requirements needed for each career, utilize databases such as the Occupational Outlook Handbook, which is offered through the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Contact companies on your goals list to gather information about education or experience required to work there. This will enable you to map out a clear action plan.

3
Introduce your goals paper. In the introduction, discuss why you are writing the goals paper and include some information about how you completed the research needed to write it. For example, if you contacted the company you want to work for as part of your research, you can include a quote from an influential person within the company. Some background about your education and career to date can also be helpful in the introduction, particularly as it relates to your goals.

4
Add a section for your short-term career goals. Each goal can be included in its own paragraph. Discuss the goal and how you plan to accomplish it, as well as the time frame you expect it will take to accomplish each short-term goal.

5
Include a section for your long-term career goals. Again, include relevant information for each goal in its own paragraph. Determine if additional education is needed, and define a time frame for accomplishing long-term goals. These paragraphs might be longer than those in your short-term goals section.

6
Write about the process of completing the career goal narrative paper in the concluding paragraph. Discuss what you learned while writing the paper and how you feel about accomplishing your career goals.

you can see this... may be my research solely for you is helpful... :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 9, 2013
Undergraduate / Diversity, proper tools, great learning environment;TRANSFER- How IIT will prepare me [6]

you are not focused on your topic... it requires "how you are to matter to the world with a backing of your institution" ... it asks you for your future ambitions as well..and neither of your further goals are mentioned... you need to focus.!!

that was a well written with no worser mistakes than grammar such as insertion of commas... try wordpad (microsoft) wher it underlines grammatical mistakes in green... that can help you off to perfection in many other fields as well such as strength and sense of sentence...!!!

BEST OF LUCK!!!! :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 10, 2013
Undergraduate / Diversity, proper tools, great learning environment;TRANSFER- How IIT will prepare me [6]

the writing was clear but i mean that afterall your limitation must be the topic... thats a grave mistake i think... if you write the same points but then correlate them with "the help your studies will be to the world" and with your "ambitions", that can help you... keep the same essay but at the end of each paragraph relate that with topic...

hope i was helpful... good expression you possess overall... :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 10, 2013
Dissertations / I need suggestions for phd topics in software engineering [18]

yes but i think this is the essay forum but not the subject help forum... although if you need help i can get that searched for you... i dont want to be critical or arrogant... just meant to help or guide... hope you didnt mind :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 10, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS ; I believe that capital punishment is important to arrest the level of crimes [2]

first point of view that there is no excuse for those people and they deserve such extent of punishment.

use "such" in this place as a better alternative...

I would say that having thos e people in the society

the same correction :)
your points are very good and to the point and i agree with every single bit of it... no particular mistakes... although you need to to read it several times and you can yourself overcome the grammatical errors...

BEST OF LUCK... :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 10, 2013
Writing Feedback / GRE; Reliance on technology destroys the problem solving skills of people? [2]

Pretty slow at essay writing. This took me more than an hour.

hour is not toooo long for this... and you will certainly improve over time
you essay was pretty good with good and comprehensive points... i agree with your opinions at every extent... you can deal further with it if you have microsoft wordpad... just copy paste it there and it will point out all sorts of errors... grammatical in green... others in red underline... hope it can help out even more...!!!

BEST OF LUCK :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 10, 2013
Scholarship / When Life Gets Tough - Don't Quit "DANCE" [2]

but because of economic and family hardships could not continue.

i could not

I have witness students join classes

witnessed

what I had learned with adults and leaders

learnt
in alot of places you missed out commas.. you can correct them yourself... your points and essay were great and appreciable... :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 10, 2013
Undergraduate / We had a hard life; Cal Summer Experience [7]

immigrated

i guess migrated will be better.. :)

in poor condition.

a poor condition/ poor conditions

I develops my leadership skills and improves my teaching and communication abilities from these activities

developed and improved

well written and appreciable :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 11, 2013
Poetry / "when fate is really so true" (a piece of poetry) [11]

you didnt understand that! infact muhammad could not bear the injuries and died because of the severe injuries! not suicide...!

thankyou so much for your extremely useful advices. thanks again :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 11, 2013
Undergraduate / We had a hard life; Cal Summer Experience [7]

dumi what is the difference between the use of proficient and sufficient... plz tell the situations in which we must be careful about them! for there is no wide difference in ther meaning that i found.

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