Xiaokai Jin
Sep 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Public health. Should government introduce a law or is it a personal issue? [5]
Here's my updated version. I know it seems a little longer but I just want to exercise as much as I can before I take the test. I will try to make it more succinct next time. Thank you all in advance!
These days, as Ebola prevailing in the continent of Africa causes dozens of deaths, masses are gradually paying more and more attention to public health. As we all know, the main duty of public attention is to prevent disease, promote health and prolong life. As a result, some people argue that government should step up efforts to legislate for public health. However, others argue that there is no need for government to intervene in the public health. In my point of view, I concede that governmental agencies should step in and oversee the public health.
First of all, diseases such as Ebola or other epidemic diseases can be fatal and catastrophic sometimes if government fail to rein in it in the very first place. Consequently, the most effective way to reduce the damage resulting from such horrifying epidemics is to establish powerful laws to well regulate public health. For instance, government could introduce a law against citizens travelling to countries or places prevailing contagious virus. In addition, legislature could stipulate that corporation must provide employee with free physical examination once a year to make sure that employees are in good shape. Both corporation and workers all benefit from it.
Furthermore, too often, people having serious illness such as heart disease and high blood pressure don't have the enough expertise regarding food choice. As far as I know, so many people choose taste over health when they decide what to eat. In the short run, it might not be a big problem but in the long run eating too much junk food will cause some serious damages to your organism. So government should take prompt measures to make sure that masses don't eat too many unhealthy food. Having a healthy and strong population can be truly cost-saving for the government in the long run.
Given the materials aforementioned, I am convinced that government should introduce laws into the public health field. In the modern world, people having a stressful life are easily susceptible to illness both physically and mentally. However, if government can constantly keep an eye on the potential public-health risk, the chance that epidemics breaks out will be less and the property of people will be better protected. So strong measure like law establishment should be carried out.
Here's my updated version. I know it seems a little longer but I just want to exercise as much as I can before I take the test. I will try to make it more succinct next time. Thank you all in advance!
These days, as Ebola prevailing in the continent of Africa causes dozens of deaths, masses are gradually paying more and more attention to public health. As we all know, the main duty of public attention is to prevent disease, promote health and prolong life. As a result, some people argue that government should step up efforts to legislate for public health. However, others argue that there is no need for government to intervene in the public health. In my point of view, I concede that governmental agencies should step in and oversee the public health.
First of all, diseases such as Ebola or other epidemic diseases can be fatal and catastrophic sometimes if government fail to rein in it in the very first place. Consequently, the most effective way to reduce the damage resulting from such horrifying epidemics is to establish powerful laws to well regulate public health. For instance, government could introduce a law against citizens travelling to countries or places prevailing contagious virus. In addition, legislature could stipulate that corporation must provide employee with free physical examination once a year to make sure that employees are in good shape. Both corporation and workers all benefit from it.
Furthermore, too often, people having serious illness such as heart disease and high blood pressure don't have the enough expertise regarding food choice. As far as I know, so many people choose taste over health when they decide what to eat. In the short run, it might not be a big problem but in the long run eating too much junk food will cause some serious damages to your organism. So government should take prompt measures to make sure that masses don't eat too many unhealthy food. Having a healthy and strong population can be truly cost-saving for the government in the long run.
Given the materials aforementioned, I am convinced that government should introduce laws into the public health field. In the modern world, people having a stressful life are easily susceptible to illness both physically and mentally. However, if government can constantly keep an eye on the potential public-health risk, the chance that epidemics breaks out will be less and the property of people will be better protected. So strong measure like law establishment should be carried out.