Essays / I need help with ideas for applying for MSc [2]

Hey Nora,

As much of engineering has similar focuses on both mathematical analysis, typically some sort of science (particularly physics in your scenario), coupled with general problem solving techniques, these are the issues and the topics that would be most relevant to your essay. Specifically, I would suggest to use some sort of connection with the general mentality that you apply to math and physics, wherein you do not simply have to regurgitate information or knowledge that has been provided to you, but must rather interpret and understand such information to such an extent that you can readily apply it to practical issues: such are the true characteristics of a proper engineer. By portraying that you have developed such skills in the past, you should be able to show yourself as a viable worker in the field of Petroleum Engineering, regardless of the slight change in primary focus, though the adjustment, for both you and the college, should be very easy and smooth. Hope that helped at least somewhat elucidate your confusions!

Undergraduate / Analyzing the fusion data; Short CalTech Essays - Ethics and Humor [4]

Thanks for the feedback! I'll write up another essay and will post that up again soon.

Undergraduate / I spent more time lost and driving in circles than any person who had ever driven a car; Belief/Idea [8]

Hey Karl,

What I was essentially trying to get at in the essay was that, in the introduction, I was showing that I always tried to explore different routes to approach a problem and that, as the last line kind of sums up, was able to accept being at a loss but not accepting that I was truly lost in this world. The "parents" part was, at least I was hoping, supposed to essentially show how I got into research and got that idea of getting lost in this world engrained within me. The final section, about my actual research, was where I had the actual challenge, regarding going about tackling this issue of autism despite the presumptuous/tumultuous nature of others in the scientific and public communities.

I will try to fix up the paragraph (physical structure) of the essay. Thanks for pointing that out! Tell me if there is anything that you think might help make the essay a bit clearer or if there is some parts you want me to further clarify. Thanks for the feedback!

Undergraduate / I spent more time lost and driving in circles than any person who had ever driven a car; Belief/Idea [8]

Please give any feedback you may have, negative or positive, about the essay! If you want for me to read over your essays, please, just let me know, and I will be on it. Thanks!

Address through specific and concrete examples what characteristics you have that best demonstrate your affinity and aptitude for being a good scientist. What have you done that illustrates scientific attitude, curiosity, inventiveness, initiative? How does your experience suggest future success as a scientist, mathematician or engineer?

Address through specific and concrete examples what characteristics you have that best demonstrate your affinity and aptitude for being a good scientist. What have you done that illustrates scientific attitude, curiosity, inventiveness, initiative? How does your experience suggest future success as a scientist, mathematician or engineer?*

In 2007, UCSF's Dr. Merzenich presented a study to the National Academy of Science that strongly linked rising rates of autism to the transferal of environmental toxins from older mothers to their children through breastfeeding. The study was not distributed widely. Research did not advance beyond non-human subjects. As Merzenich explained, the medical and cultural implications of the study made its furtherance, at best, "presumptuous." The work I did related to early autism detection met similar cultural pressures, applied by certain sectors of the electorate who feared potential prenatal family choices.

I was stunned. In my eyes, children and families were suffering, some prevention or mitigation was possible, but nothing could be done because the issues were "complicated." I may have actually felt lost...Then, I thought of the fortunate place from which I come, and I realized that the answer was obvious. I had a responsibility, presumptuous as it may be, to respect something more than myself.

I, and all those aspiring to conduct research, have been given the gift, the responsibility, and the awesome power of choice. With that gift came the responsibility to do more, to set higher goals, to work to cure, prevent, innovate, and change the way 8 billion people live. In turn, I sought, and eventually did, to determine the fundamental cause for the manifestation of autism and developed a detection method of autism relying on more quantitative measures: a way that had never been tried prior. Such delineates both my initiative and inventiveness in approaching such research investigations.

Last summer, however, I moved onto another problem that caught my interest and has grown to be an imminent concern for many: energy. I, thus, chose to work on plasma fusion. My job was to mathematically describe plasma irregularities caused by quantum fluctuation. It was detailed work and tough to grasp at first, but when I wrapped my head around the math and finished the work my mentor needed for publication, I began asking myself some meandering questions.

After working in fusion, and then reading about Germany's new renewable energy economy, I had to wonder if there wasn't a better way. Built on the fly in the 18 months since the Fukushima disaster, Germany's shift to alternative energy has already shown economic and production advantages over traditional energy production. This started me searching.

Dispersed solar utilities. Graphene energy dense storage cells. Grid improvement. Hydro. Wind and more. There were so many alternative energy paths to investigate that I beamed with excitement. For, while I may have been at a loss if asked which option best, I was no longer lost in my approach to the problem. A willingness to be at a loss, but a refusal to remain lost as a result of shortsightedness: this is the trait which most defines me and which makes me apt to pursuing research. Furthermore, such initial searching was one instance of my curiosity getting ahead of me, yet it was what eventually led to my developments.

Yet, all my work thus far has not quelled my interests: they continue to rage on and, I'm afraid, there is no amount of time that will douse that fire. Moving forward, my curiosity will still get the better of me, leading to pursuing research further, though I will be aided in my efforts with my inventive behavior and initiative.

Undergraduate / "The whole is greater than the sum of it"; 263 word -myself and diversity! [8]

Hey Anusha,

That's a very well-written essay! It's one of the best one I've read actually. The tone and seemingly "repetitive" nature makes the essay even more emphatic. So, the only sentence I would advise changing is the following:

Except that I am more than average.

Though I understand what you are saying, it may come off, on first glance and reading, as a bit conceited. So, if you want, I would say that the best way to revise such would be to rephrase it to the following, or something akin to it:

Revised: Yet, none of these capture the central pillar of my identity: my diversity. My family...

The blue text is just where your essay picks up. Hope that helps and good luck! Also, I would love if you could read over some of my essays (particularly the MIT and Stanford ones)!

Undergraduate / Meaningly Cultural Event/Publication/Book (Columbia): The Wire [3]

Hey Alisa,

Thanks for your feedback! I'll try to upload a newer version of my essay after I fix up these sections you pointed out. Would you also be able to read my Stanford future roommate essay?

Writing Feedback / Multiculturalism ; Accepting more cultures [8]

Oh, wow. Haha, yeah: I was thinking about first college application essays (which I'm doing right now): MIT/Stanford being my priorities if you have the time. Thanks!

Graduate / I BECOME MADE IN CORRECTING ENGLISH MYSELF [3]

Hey Sobia,

I am not exactly sure what this essay is pertaining to, but there are a lot of grammar mistakes present, so I am assuming that either you are only first learning to write in English or are a foreign student. In any case, try to get the grammar checked by others who are more fluent in the language, for it will be beneficial not only to readers like myself, but further to you, helping you to not only speak and write more fluently, but further develop a better understanding for the language.

Yeah, evidently, there is still a lot of grammar that you have to learn. Just focus on first making sense of some simple sentences and using proper grammar rules: always capitalize "i" in a sentence. It should never be lowercase by itself. Also, concentrate on simply sentences at first. Eventually, you will progress to further and further complexity, yet initial stages of writing should definitely concentrate on grammar and learning how the language works. Hope that helped!

Undergraduate / I am glad to introduce myself. Requisition for the PhD program [2]

Hey Arun,

Preliminarily, I would like to preface this by saying that it is quite well-written so far and does not require too much modification, other than a couple grammar changes. Any major content changes are described below:

I have enclosed here with my curriculum vitae for your kind perusal and I would like to express my sincere interest in becoming an integral part of your esteemed concern and discharge my duties to your entire satisfaction towards the growth of organization.

Please give concert to do PhD in your organization and made needful for my endeavor career. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I hope to hear from you shortly .

The blue section needs rephrasing, since I was not exactly sure what you meant by this. However, here is my advice regarding your requisition:
1. Try and outline some of your accomplishments thus far. Though a professor may look at your C.V. to see your accomplishments, he will typically only do so if he regards you as "worthy" of his time and efforts. Thus, to compel him to do so and reveal all your accomplishments, include at least some of the ones you have thus far in this actual letter that he will read before looking at your C.V. Include things such as possible patents, invitational talks, competitions, etc... Hope that helps!

Undergraduate / STANFORD SUPPLEMENT- letter to roommate "challenge accepted" [2]

Hey Alisa,

Thanks for being able to read through my essays (and sorry for the slight delay to respond - I got busy yesterday). Anyway, here is how I would rephrase it, though you may want to tweak it up as per your liking:

Original: better than saying things that make others think is hearing things that make myself think
Revision: better than sharing from my bag of knowledge with others is adding more to it.

It's not really perfect, but maybe you could do something along those lines. Good luck, and I hope you get time to read some of my essays, mostly the MIT and Stanford ones (I also wrote this Stanford essay)!

Writing Feedback / Multiculturalism ; Accepting more cultures [8]

Hey Sol Bee Park,

Wow! This is a really well-written and interesting essay. Having read through the essay, I can tell you there was very little that I saw to fix, yet I have fixed those components of the essay that required just minor tweaking. A specific note about grammar: I know it might not sound proper/fair, but when you mention, as you do in your essay, "an individual", should you desire to use an appropriate pronoun for it, try not to use "he or she" or "him or her." Instead (again, this might seem odd and unequal), choose one: solely use "he" or "him" (or, equivalently, solely "she" or "her"). Also, the only problem I see with your essay is that your last paragraph is slightly repetitive. Just as a side question, was this essay a college one (as your title says) or for English (as your top part indicates)?

Hope that helped! Also, I woudl love if you could read through some of my college essays and give any feedback on them! Good luck

Grammar, Usage / [this day Mr. Jackson] - help with grammar on thesis statment [2]

Hey Cody,

So, I'm assuming that you are going to be writing a couple paragraphs for this essay prompt. Not a bad start; however, some general suggestions are to follow in addition to how I would revise your particular thesis:

1. Try to include what you are going to say in your paragraphs to follow at the end of the thesis.
2. Attempt to make the thesis sound at an "expert-level" since it sets the tone for much of the rest of the essay, which, based on what grade level you are in currently, seems to have been done well.

3. Try to include vocabulary that is somewhat "reach," though within your capacity; once again, it simply shows familiarity with the subject matter.

As a result, the following is how I would revise your thesis (for rewording and grammar):

Of the teachers that I have hitherto had the experience of learning from,To this day Mr. Jackson is still one of my most abhoredleast favorite teachers, yet, however, I need toinexplicably have come to be grateful, for reasons that were obscured from my perspective when in his class, asthank him; without Mr. Jackson, I never would have learned that anything is attainable withthrough hard workdedication and help from othersgood people one can achieve anything .

Hope that helped and good luck!

Book Reports / Khaled Hosseini's "A Thousand Splendid Suns"; story of two Afghan women [2]

Hey Miranda,

Not a bad start at all, though there are some changes I would make. I'm guessing this is solely your introductory paragraph, in which case it would be helpful and more interesting to start off with a different type of sentence than simply a statement as you have. Having said that, most of the edits I made below are simply grammatical fixes, which is not much at all. I have included an example for the "intro" setence (at least what I was thinking), though I haven't read this book and cannot, therefore, give proper advice or examples pertaining to an appropriate introductory attention grabber:

The blue are sections that are worded a bit strangely: I would advise changing the wording of those phrases, though I could not give direct feedback since I have not read the book and, thus, do not know exactly what you were referring to in those instances. The red are those that I felt sounded better in context and more appropriate for your paper/thesis. Feel free to pick and choose from the changes I made and good luck!

Undergraduate / US History class; U Florida Freshman ;creating or developing a solution to a problem [3]

Hey Jeremiah,

Sorry for the harshness, but this essay has quite a long way to go. The good news first: you definitely have a viable topic for future use in terms of the development and fleshing out of a story/essay. The negative, however, is that it reads solely as a list of things that you did and accomplished. College admission officers have to read through thousands of mundane essays, making an essay that stands out with a voice particularly interesting and "remember-able." Further, if you have a humorous side, reveal that in your essays.

The main advice I would give you is molding this into a story that, in turn, portrays exactly what you said through your essay. As an example, here is a starting point from where I would start your essay:

Revised: The dreaded moment was finally here: the day of report cards. Enclosed within this manilla envelope were a series of letters that could make all the difference between success and failure, between praise and reproach, between acceptance and rejection. Unfolding the sheet, all the papers looked fine...except one: next to US History sat not an A, not a B, but a C. This was the story of my friend; however, I could not let this stand.

Hope that helps, and good luck!

Research Papers / Research topics on data mining - suggestions? [33]

Hey Dipika,

I am assuming you are either a foreign student or were in a real rush to complete this post from all the grammar errors. Before writing a paper and conducting research, it may be beneficial to get a solid background in English writing and grammar; however, here are some major topics for data mining:

Scaling Up for High Dimensional Data and High Speed Data Streams
Mining Sequence Data and Time Series Data
Mining Complex Knowledge from Complex Data

Also, try not to post such things in this forum, since it's mostly for essay questions. Hope that helped!

Scholarship / I started to sew clothes when I was 10; Personal Statement for fashion scholarship [6]

Hey Ruchko,

This is a fairly good starting point. I may have repeated this in quite a lot of my forum responses, but your essay reads somewhat like a list of acomplishments that you have had over the past years. Albeit impressive, I would not make my essay read like that. The essay is a place wherein you are to express either your voice or a perspective of yourself not yet evident in your resume/accomplishments list. As a result, you should mold your essay to read more like a story, integrating the other pieces and accomplishments into your story. Also, do not be afraid to put some humor in your piece if you consider yourself funny. Here is how I would start, assuming the following to be true (which it might not be):

Revised: I walked into battle, wielding my terrifying weapons in one hand: what was to come was unknown to me. After all, a artist only figures her work once she is done. What is this "monstrous weapon" you may ask?

"A firearm", says the man of war.
"No", says the noble samurai warrier, "it is a sword".
No, says the eloquent writer, "it is a pencil."

I rejected those answers. Instead, I chose something different; I chose the impossible. I chose: the needle. With my needle, all my interests and desires become apparent, unraveling themselves on elegantly crafted shirts and dresses.

Hope that helps as a starting point, and good luck!

Undergraduate / Syracuse Supplement: Who is the person you dream of becoming...? [3]

Hey Laura,

The essay is pretty good so far, yet there are some key things that you may want to consider as you refine the essay. First, to get the positives out the of way, it definitely seems as though you are very interested in Syracuse, mentioning specifics about the college and such. Yet, the main problem with the essay, as I have said in some other posts I have done, is what, at times, it reads as though it were an essay without a voice, which is not exactly what you want. This is only really a problem (for your essay) in the beginning sentences. The essay should instead make a fluid story conveying the same ideas in a more poignant manner. As a result, here is how I would start off your essay (if this were true: I don't really know if it is. This is solely for the sake of providing you with an example of how I would advise an essay to be written). Also, if you are a humorous person, don't be afraid to convey that in your essay!

Revised: Opening up the grandly wrapped presents under a Christmas tree, most shriek of delight after revealing a hidden iPod or video game. Me? Pulling out a stack of books from my box, I began to beam of sheer excitement. Books have allowed me to explore worlds that I have never seen or could never exist or fly alongside Bean in Ender's Shadow: the possibilities are endless. After exploring such books, I began asking meandering questions and viewing the world in a way that I am both as appreciative as a child can be and amazed in a way that I am not sure I can explain. It is unfortunate that in today's...

The green part is where, I believe, you can put the rest of your essay. Hope that helped! Also, it would be great if you could read one of my essays as well and give back any feedback!

Undergraduate / Reading glasses; UW Madison; Something gone unnoticed [3]

Wow! This is a particularly well-written essay. You are able to convey a story that has both meaning and is, in and of itself, interesting. There were just some phrasing issues I saw in the third paragraph, but, other than that, it was superb:

Working in the reading room, I saw the power of a pair of glasses. It bestowed to me a sense that I was both as appreciative as a child can be and amazed in a way that I am not sure I can explain: the sense of sight. It was impossible to miss. Seeing people's faces as they read the tiny print in their beloved bible, or as they threaded a needle without the help of someone with younger eyes another set of eyes was miraculous. As they read or threaded, their smiles would grow until their whole face was beaming. Their faces gleamed with pride as they showed their friends or family their new glasses. I didn't see one person walk out the door without a grin on their face:, and such joy is what brings a smile to my face.Thinking about it still makes me smile .

Hope that helped! Also, I hope you are able to read through my essays and tell me what you think about them!

Undergraduate / 'Bored of being a social nobody' UBC Application Essay--Activity Essay [4]

Hey Kexin,

Sorry for the harshness of some of the herein contained comments, but they have to be done. The writing style is actually quite good and so is the topic of choice. However, the manner by which it is relayed to the audience is a bit lackluster, for it just reads as akin to a "list" of things that you did through this endeavor. While you should definitely include all of those ideas, it is critical to understand and reflect on an idea that I personally struggled with initially: forming a voice in your essays. Many college admissions advisors advocate such in their essays, whereby they do not simply see a story about you, but go one level deeper and learn who you are by read about how you write the essay. As I am particularly interested in pursuing science/math, I have written scientific papers in the past, which had left me bereft of any form of a voice in my essays. Though not to as great an extent, yours somewhat lacks that sort of ebullience that I'm sure you feel towards this activity. Rather than presenting it as the pieces of the activity that you actually did, I would suggest that you make a cohesive story conveying such. Also, don't be afraid to include humor in your essays, since many college admission people get thousands of boring essays to read: having one that is jovial and funny would distinguish you and make them appreciate your essay as having given them a couple laughs in an otherwise mundane day.

Here is a start of what I would do for the essay (though I am just giving this as an example, since it might not be true):

Revised: Standing on a stage in front of the intimidating faces of the judges, my knees began to shake. "What is your name?" their voices reverberated in the grand auditorium. My voice began to quiver: "Ke...Kex...Kexin." Scribbling some notes on their pads, they began "Ok, Kexin: begin your recital." And everything faded from sight: the judges faded away into oblivion, the auditorium reduced to merely the stage upon which I was standing, and the light shone all the brighter. As I pulled up my mental script and recited the words, my fear dispelled. The words flowed mellifluously off the end of my tongue, as I transformed into a royal prince

Hope that helped to demonstrate at least one direction that you could choose to pursue in your essay! And, if you have the time, I would love it if you could read through some of my essays, since it would not only be helpful for me, but to you, since reading a lot of such essays is how I developed and matured as a writer myself to expand my horizons from solely scientific papers.

Scholarship / Discuss the subjects in which you excel or have excelled. To what factors do you attr [3]

Hey Ishamar,

Don't get dejected: writing these scholarship essays is quite an art, which takes a while to master and really refine. You are right, in that this essay is still in its very initial stages of development, but you can still salvage it. So essentially, (sorry for this harshness, but it has to be done) you will probably need to discard almost all of the essay. Now, I really do not know exactly how much of you know or have experience with essays, yet the following is the main advice I can give you:

1. NEVER say that a particular subject is appealing to you because it was "easy." That just makes you falsely appear, as you do not desire, to solely seek to work and pursue classes that you do not have to push yourself to move forward. Similarly, make sure to show that you may pursued a subject, if this is the case, despite any difficulties you had on the way, simply due to your interests.

2. Now, the main change I would make to your essay is something I very much struggled with in the beginning (and somewhat continue to do in my current day): expressing my voice. I'm pretty much completely a science-focused person, making most of my writing sound like I'm writing a scientific paper, which is made to ensure it is bereft of any sort of opinion. This is exactly what you don't want for a college essay; instead, the essay should be more akin to a story, reading like an anecdote that conveys a message. Many times, also, such admissions/scholarship acceptance people appreciate changes: they enjoy hearing your humor or voice in the essay.

So, here's a start (though I do not know whether this truly expresses your opinions or not):

Revised (beginning):Many people, as children, imagined themselves tag-teaming alongside their favorite superheroes, whether it be Superman, Batman, or the Green Goblin. Me? I fought alongside my own version of a hero: Benjamin Franklin. Ever since I was a kid, history, and social studies in general, have been appealing to me, as they were subjects that not only espoused a sense of culture into the world, but also portrayed my relationship to all those that have preceeded me: a viewpoint that I am both as appreciative as a child can be and amazed in a way that I am not sure I can explain.

Hope that helps, and good luck with your essays!

Undergraduate / In Mathematics when you draw a function you essentially have a map; Michigan TRANSFER [2]

1. First, almost definitely remove the reference to "than at Michigan State University." The last line might be fine (I'm not completely sure how college admission counselors look at transfer apps), but degrading a previous school may make you falsely look as though you are somehow arrogant, which I'm sure is not the case. Just rephrase it and say that it will give you the opportunitiy to "immerse yourself fully in an intellectual environment: an opportunity that I have not had in the past" or something similar to that, though that is up to you.

2. The references to the school definitely show that you are interested in it and know much about it. I found the part where you discussed the research to be the most in-depth section of the paper/essay. If you wanted, though this is more like a suggestion than anything else, include a story or a short anecdote portraying your interest in Entrepreneurship more clearly, maybe a story of how you liked to trade stuff or set up your own internal business: I remember reading an essay about a kid who was known as the "Candyman" in his school as he was the person everyone would go to to buy candy from him. Of course, that is not going to be an experience most people have had, but if you have some sort of similar experience, it would be interesting to include: something that the essay readers will appreciate to ease some of the boredom they experience reading through the thousands of essays.

Hope that helped and good luck!

Writing Feedback / A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation; SAT peparatory essay [3]

aneeta
Hey Aneeta,

This is looking pretty good so far: personally (though I am by no means an SAT grader), I would give this essay around an 7-8. There is still quite a bit of room for improvement; though this may seem like a bit more generic of advice, I would say that the best way to approach the SAT essay is not as one would an "actual essay," as you solely have around 25 minutes to brainstorm, write, and edit it. The SAT graders recognize this fact and expect writing quality approximately on the "first-edit" level. As a result, you have to aim to minimize the amount of time spent thinking and maximizing that spent writing. Also, though this might once again seem somewhat as a flaw for the SAT graders, there is a very strong correlation between the length of the essay and how well it is looked. Now, I'm not saying to include random words or enlargen your handwriting, since the graders too are aware of such, but to include further details to make it as extensive and strong of an essay as possible. Also, some people say that you need five paragraphs to get a 12: that's not true, as I always write four paragraphs. Making the essay as fleshed out as possible is the key ingredient to success on the SAT. Now, back to my point on minimizing thinking time, you should basically have completely prepared examples to use or even prepared body paragraphs for your purposes. Personally, I used Benjamin Franklin and Galileo: they are applicable to almost every single essay prompt given on the SAT; I've taken the SAT twice and received an 11 the first time and 12 the second time. So, essentially, what I did was retained almost the same exact essay format, but solely change the wording in the intro and a couple sentences elsewhere (bolded below) to make it fit the prompt. Here are a couple examples, the last of which pertains to your particular prompt:

(Insert introduction sentence - examples attached). For example, Galileo Galilei and Benjamin Franklin, both esteemed members of their respective fields, achieved their distinguished feats by (Insert point of argument here). Only by (Insert point of argument here) can we hope to pave the path to prominence and success.

The conflict between Galileo and the Church perfectly exemplifies (Insert point of argument here). Galileo Galilei was a sixteenth-century physicist, philosopher, and astronomer who both discovered and became a strong proponent of the heliocentric model: one in which the Sun lies at the center of the solar system with the planets orbiting about it. Today, this "revelation" barely warrants notice. In the Middle Ages, however, cosmology was greatly intertwined with religion, and Galileo's conjecture, namely that of heliocentricity, was in stark opposition to the ideas advocated by the supreme authority of the Church. As a result, Galileo was forced to recant his ideas and heed the fallacies promoted by the Church. When presented with the same opportunity again, however, Galileo would not err. Instead, he mounted courage and stood up against the Church no matter the repercussions, purging the world of the fallacies perpetuated by the Church with empirical fact. In turn, Galileo Galilei established the precedence of scientific truth over the accepting the common yet, nonetheless, false perpetuated through society, which in turn incited the Scientific Revolution and Enlightenment, endowing us with much of the technology and scientific knowledge prevalent in our world today.

Similarly, Benjamin Franklin, one of the renowned Founding Fathers of our country, accomplished his distinguished feats due to (Insert point of argument here). During Franklin's time, when the British were imposing unjust taxes, violating the sanctity of homes, and threating liberty, Franklin originally advocated tolerance. He believed, through "peaceful retaliation", the Americans would be able to levy their rights and attain freedom; this passivity, however, led to the British murder of unarmed citizens at the Boston Massacre. When confronting his adversaries once again, Franklin would not continue along his pacifist footsteps. Instead, he instigated the American citizens to revolt in not only the American Revolution, but the French Revolution as well to expunge the world of the tyrannical rule of monarchs. Only by (Insert argument here) was Franklin able to perpetuate an era of freedom for Americans.

Some may argue (State opposite side of argument here). But where would the scientific community been had Galileo not (Insert argument here) and not incited the Scientific Revolution? What sort of present would we have had Galileo not (Insert argument here) and defiantly opposed the British, bestowing us with the liberty all of us hold dear? Only by (Insert argument here) were Galileo and Franklin able to achieve their distinguished statuses. If Galileo and Franklin had not (Insert argument here), we would live in a dark age, bereft of scientific truth and liberty.

Anexamples: (Collegeboard Essay Prompt): Are firmly held opinions reasonable?
Introductory Sentence (the only real thing you need to change for the essay topic): Firmly help opinions, rather than inhibiting further progress of society, solely acts to incite its overall progress.

Wherever it says "(Insert point of argument here)": advocating the firmness of opinions (or some derivative of such)
Wherever it says "opposite side of argument": maintaining firm opinions solely acts to inhibit progress

Now, for your particular case, I would say the following: Is it always essential to tell the truth, or are there circumstances in which it is better to lie?

Introductory Sentence (never base this on your true opinions: it's always easier to fit them to facts than to find facts that fit your thoughts): Truths, by revealing the underlying nature of nature itself, seeks to incite society to progress forward rather than retrogressing, as is the case when lies perpetuate and become the mainstream form of thought.

Point of argument: advocating the significance of truth to progress
Opposite side: advocating fallacies to quell turmoil amidst the general public

Thus, my final essay for your particular prompt would be:

Truths, by revealing the underlying nature of nature itself, seeks to incite society to progress forward rather than retrogressing, as is the case when lies perpetuate and become the mainstream form of thought. For example, Galileo Galilei and Benjamin Franklin, both esteemed members of their respective fields, achieved their distinguished feats by advocating the significance of truth to progress. Only by recognizing the significance of the truth in our world can we hope to pave the path to prominence and success.

The conflict between Galileo and the Church perfectly exemplifies how leaders should be regard the truth as an impetus for progress, rather than one that impedes it. Galileo Galilei was a sixteenth-century physicist, philosopher, and astronomer who both discovered and became a strong proponent of the heliocentric model: one in which the Sun lies at the center of the solar system with the planets orbiting about it. Today, this "revelation" barely warrants notice. In the Middle Ages, however, cosmology was greatly intertwined with religion, and Galileo's conjecture, namely that of heliocentricity, was in stark opposition to the ideas advocated by the supreme authority of the Church. As a result, Galileo was forced to recant his ideas and heed the fallacies promoted by the Church. When presented with the same opportunity again, however, Galileo would not err. Instead, he mounted courage and stood up against the Church no matter the repercussions, purging the world of the fallacies perpetuated by the Church with empirical fact. In turn, Galileo Galilei established the precedence of scientific truth over the accepting the common yet, nonetheless, false perpetuated through society, which in turn incited the Scientific Revolution and Enlightenment, endowing us with much of the technology and scientific knowledge prevalent in our world today.

Similarly, Benjamin Franklin, one of the renowned Founding Fathers of our country, accomplished his distinguished feats due to his obstinate mindset to recognizing the truth. During Franklin's time, when the British were imposing unjust taxes, violating the sanctity of homes, and threating liberty, Franklin originally advocated tolerance. He believed, through "peaceful retaliation", the Americans would be able to levy their rights and attain freedom; this passivity, however, led to the British murder of unarmed citizens at the Boston Massacre. When confronting his adversaries once again, Franklin would not continue along his pacifist footsteps. Instead, he instigated the American citizens to revolt in not only the American Revolution, but the French Revolution as well to expunge the world of the tyrannical rule of monarchs. Only by exposing the truth of the British was Franklin able to perpetuate an era of freedom for Americans.

Some may argue that some instances call for advocating fallacies to quell turmoil amidst the general public. But where would the scientific community been had Galileo not disregarded the Church's opinions and revealed the truth, inciting the Scientific Revolution? What sort of present would we have had Galileo not remained exposed the truth and remained defiantly opposed the British, bestowing us with the liberty all of us hold dear? Only by disregarding the opinions of others and perpetuating the trumping capabilities of the truth were Galileo and Franklin able to achieve their distinguished statuses. If Galileo and Franklin had not advocated the truth, we would live in a dark age, bereft of scientific truth and liberty.

Hope that helped!