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Posts by Alison
Name: Alison
Joined: Jan 27, 2014
Last Post: Feb 17, 2014
Threads: 5
Posts: 13  

From: Australia
School: IELTS

Displayed posts: 18
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Alison   
Feb 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS ; Should tax be paid ? Advantages and Disadvantages [9]

You used a wide range of vocab in this essay, which is impressive.
However, I feel that your essay needs to be more formal. For example, using "cause" instead of "because" sounds improper. And pay attention to punctuations as well.

Cheers!
Alison   
Feb 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / planting a tree; Young people are more concerned - issues like the environment [5]

Test 5: Young people are much more aware of and concerned about issues like the environment, poverty, and animal welfare than previous generations. What is your own opinion?

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Our previous generations were more concerned about the well being of themselves rather than their future generations or protecting the earth. However, it is fortunate that young people of this generation are becoming more aware and concerned about environmental issues such as global warming and social issues such as poverty and animal welfare.

Our antecedents lived in a generation where natural resources were in abundance. However, they squandered those resources and bequeathed us with numerous environmental problems. As a result, young people of today are being compelled to tackle with these issues. Nowadays, it is not uncommon to see a kid planting a tree or recycling their rubbish. Many juveniles are also emphasising the seriousness of the environmental problems we are facing today through posters, paintings and blogs. Moreover, some youngsters even established organizations which aim to address these issues.

I believe the media, especially the internet, plays an important role in raising awareness of social difficulties, such as poverty, to young people. People in the previous generations had little or no knowledge about what was happening around the world and therefore, only paid attention to their own good. However, as youngsters nowadays are seeing and hearing the cries of people from poor countries via news and internet, they feel more concerned. This leads to some juveniles leaving their comfy homes to stay and help less fortunate people in developing countries.

Concerns of young people extend to animal welfare as well. They give shelter to stray cats and dogs and help them to find a home. Besides, youngsters are strongly against animal abuse and starting many campaigns to stop it. These efforts indeed reduced animal abusing rate and create a healthier relationship between humans and animals.

Considering the facts that I have mentioned above, there is no doubt that young people of the current generation are not only more aware of the environment, poverty and animal welfare than their ancestors but also actively involved in addressing these issues.
Alison   
Feb 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS:Task 2 Essay- Threat/Benefit of nuclear technology [11]

Your writing is pretty good. I believe it worth a band score of 7.

Hence, misuse of this technology therefore has a global extent of causing destruction.

I don't think 'Hence' is the right conjunction to use here. What about using 'these are the signs of how...' instead?

All the best! :)
Alison   
Feb 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK I: Earnings in London City [6]

I feel that you are using the same word repetitively. Let's take the word "more" as an example. You can use "slightly above 50%" instead of "more than 50 per cent".

You managed to cover most of the data but there's a lack of overview. I have a hard time trying to picture the chart by reading the essay.

And I agree with Pahan. You need to write in a more technical tone. Cheers!
Alison   
Feb 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / Limit absurd contents from children viewing - filtering the Internet access at home as a solution [9]

Thank you all for the valuable suggestions. I truly appreciate it.

Body para 1; First reason for your opinion/ position + Specific example to support that reason
Body para 2 ; Second reason + example

Pahan, I used the structure of 'Body para1 : answering What do you think are the main problems associated with the use of the web? and Body para2 : answering What solutions can you suggest?'. How do you think of this approach?
Alison   
Feb 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Some people believe that competitive sports have no place in the school curriculum. [6]

Task 2 Essay: Some people believe that competitive sports, both team and individual, have no place in the school curriculum. How far do you agree or disagree?

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Over the years, there has been continuous debate on whether or not to keep competitive sports as part of school curriculum. As school is a child's second home, where his or her future is being shaped, any issues regarding school curriculum are worth contemplating. Having competitive sports at schools, like most of the cases, has both pros and cons. However, in my opinion, it has more advantages than disadvantages.

One obvious plus point for having sports at school, either team or individual, is that it promotes good health. It is undeniable that exercising can prevent obesity and many other diseases and doing sports is the best way of exercising. Moreover, doing sports can release stress which is very important for children of today as youngsters suicide rate are getting higher and higher. Another advantage that competitive sports at school, when plays with team, brings is the valuable team spirit. Children learn to make friends, share their joy and have fun together. Striking for a goal as a team increases their collaborations and coordination. As a result, they are well prepared for the workplace where they will have to do the same, finishing projects together with a team. Last but not least, challenging sports have good impacts on students' mentality as well. They allow students to know how to work towards certain goals and also sharpen their leadership skills. For example, researchers have found that people who took part in competitive sports in their childhood are more likely to be initiative and have stronger mindset when they become adults.

There are also facts against having competitive sports in the school curriculum too. Some people argue that sports are time consuming and make students have lesser time to study. However, I believe that if students are taught how to manage their time well, there will be no negative impacts on their studies.

In a nutshell, after delving into the pros and cons of this issue, I stand on the side that competitive sports, both team and individual, should always be in the school curriculum.
Alison   
Feb 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Fixed Punishments for each type of crime [3]

I feel that the introduction doesn't really catch reader's attention. It's rather just a repetition of the question. And I guess you didn't have enough time to proofread because there are some careless mistakes. For example, "... each type of crime has been pros and cons". Did you forget to exclude "been"?

There are many crimes examples. If you could point out a specific example and analyse it a bit, it'd be good.
Alison   
Feb 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / Limit absurd contents from children viewing - filtering the Internet access at home as a solution [9]

The widespread use of the Internet has brought many problems. What do you think are the main problems associated with the use of the web? What solutions can you suggest?

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During the past few decades, the use of the Internet has increased tremendously, changing the way people do things in their everyday lives. Although the use of the web has numerous benefits, it is undeniable that it also brings negative impacts on our society.

Firstly, with the help of the Internet, people can access pornography and offensive contents just with one click. This extensive exposure to inappropriate media might lead vulnerable youngsters to undesirable thoughts or even to commit crimes. Moreover, the web has adverse effects on working adults too. It can be seen that many employees nowadays are surfing the net for contents that are irrelevant to work during the office hour. As a result, they become less productive and often not able to finish their work on time. Last but not least, the Internet is sometimes a great source of rumours. For example, recently, there was a rumour on the net that an Islamic group burnt down a Buddhist's house in Myanmar. This small rumour sparked serious conflicts between the two religions and there have been continuous fights between them until now.

One obvious solution to limit absurd contents from children viewing is for parents to filter the Internet access at home. This can easily be done by using high technologies available today. The government also should take part in censorship of media as well. In workplace, employee should be educated and persuaded to use the web only for job related research. Besides, employers can also block the most common social websites, such as facebook. Another way to tackle with problem the Internet brings is for the government to set up a transparent channel for information flow. By this, I mean there should be more debates and discussions on the topics that are popular on the web. By doing so, citizens will be able to understand the situation more clearly and can differentiate between rumours and true information.

In conclusion, despite all the above drawbacks of the Internet, if we take counter measurements to these problems, on both individual level and government level, I believe the Internet would be a wonderful tool.
Alison   
Jan 30, 2014
Writing Feedback / Task 2 : Importance of studying history [5]

Thanks all for the feedback.

Here you particularly pick up children which is not actually a part of your prompt.

Does it mean "Our children are the leaders of our future. If they were not taught history, they would not know how our ancestors sacrificed themselves to build our nations and would not value their own country." part is irrelevant? I put emphasis on children as the question said "What will be the effect if children are not taught history?".
Alison   
Jan 30, 2014
Writing Feedback / Task 2 : Importance of studying history [5]

To some people studying the past has little value in the modern world. Why do you think it is important to do so? What will be the effect if children are not taught history?

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History has been a very useful and indispensable subject not only in the past but also in modern world. However, some people do not fully recognize or appreciate the important values of studying the past. In my opinion, history should be taught to every child because failing to do so will have adverse effects on our society as a whole.

Studying of history requires a lot of investigations and interpretations. As a result, it improves children's analytical skills. These skills allow them not to be easily deluded by media or other kinds of false information. Moreover, many situations we are facing in modern world can be explained from history. For instance, Indonesia and Pakistan conflicts that happened a few decades ago is still causing tensions between the two countries, making it hard for Asia region to be fully in peace. Last but not least, learning history makes people aware of the mistakes that had been committed in the past so that we can avoid them in the future. This basic idea of learning from the wrong doings is crucial in improving our society.

Our children are the leaders of our future. If they were not taught history, they would not know how our ancestors sacrificed themselves to build our nations and would not value their own country. For example, every child in Africa should learn about Nelson Mandela's courage and involvement in the fighting for freedom of speech so that they will appreciate the freedom they are having now. In other words, history is essential in nurturing patriotic citizens. Besides, if children did not have basic knowledge of how society of their own country changed over time, they would be vulnerable to culture attacks from the other countries which might lead to destruction of their country.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that there are many benefits studying history gives and therefore, we not only should make history a compulsory subject at schools but also should encourage children to explore more about it by themselves.
Alison   
Jan 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Influence of Colours in humans' feeling [10]

Research shows that colour is one of the most significant factors which create greater impact in one's mind-set. In my personal view, I too agree with the statement that colours do have the potential of influencing people's feeling to a larger extend.

Do you mean "to a large extenT"? I feel that you are using "-er" in some points unnecessarily. For example, "...which create great impact" "...feeling to a large extent" would be better.

Paragraph 2: you can either use "...almost all kindergartens" or "...many kindergartens" but not almost and many together.

Overall, your essay is well written. Good job!
Alison   
Jan 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Resist change or Welcome change? [6]

Thanks all for the feedback! I really appreciate it :)
So, normally, it's better to put problems and solutions in different paragraphs. Am I right to say so?
Alison   
Jan 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Resist change or Welcome change? [6]

People naturally resist making changes in their lives. What kind of problems can this cause? What solutions can you suggest?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is undeniable that people are very reluctant to make changes in their lives. Once we are comfortable in our everyday routine, we merely think about changing it, fearing about losing the current comfy lifestyle. However, most of the time, resistance to change leads to certain problems in life.

Although people who have been doing the same job for years are able to complete the task easily, they are usually less satisfied about themselves. In other words, they tend to doubt their own ability and hence are more likely to have depression. Besides, such employees tend to have lesser creativity and barely produce good ideas for the company. What is more, resisting change often creates conflicts in the workplace. For example, disagreement over need of change of a certain software would lead to a big argument which will delay the whole project. The obvious solution for such issues would be to educate employees to understand the purpose of change. If necessary, cost and benefit analysis would be performed.

Problems of resisting change occur outside workplaces too. It is one of the reasons that stops young people from grabbing great opportunities. For instance, many students refuse to study oversea because they are scared that they will not be able to adapt the new environment in a different country. As a result, they lost the chance to improve their living standard. A possible solution is for the parents to give their child clear idea on how the change will brighten up his or her future so that the child knows exactly what the benefits are.

In conclusion, I believe that change is essential to improve our humanity as a whole. If we encourage ourselves not to be afraid of facing the unstable transient after the change, we will find that it is worth to take a chance when things settle down.