Writing Feedback / IELTS; modern telecommunication devices & their benefits to human [3]

Hello guys, long time we do not meet after my long weekend to take a breath. :)
So, like usual.. Give me your advice, please. :)
Thank you

Someone believes that modern telecommunication devices have many benefits to human, while others think otherwise. What is your opinion? Please discuss and use examples to support your own ideas.

================================================================= =========================

Some people think that new telecommunication tools have many positive impacts to citizens, but others do not think so. In my opinion, new telecommunication tools support many people in every subject of life, and people can connect with other personality appropriately. On other hand, such gadget as new tools can give negative impact to children.

To begin, the most famous of communication purpose is developing of human life especially in communicationmajor. Old people always need to communicate with their relatives' family or their partner. Communication tools were made by human and for a better of human life. For example, gadget is the best telecommunication today, we can use it for browsing internet, sending message and making video call. We are not only use it for communicating but people can also saving the data or calculating, people can do many things by their gadget only in the one hand, because gadget has small body and high technology.

On the other hand, adult people have to pay attention to children. The purpose of modern technology is not arranged by children because they do not know how to use gadget in right ways. Sons and daughters only know that they can play many games in gadget, they also do not know about the negative radiation. For instance, as I know that children have spent much time with their gadget to play games actually their eyes will against, several time ago, I met children that he has particular red eyes because he played gadget over 3 hours.

To sumup, discovery aboutnew telecommunication tools are improving human life. These tools will be useful equipment if citizens know how to use it.

Writing Feedback / Doctor is the most important person for society [5]

Thanks guys for coming in my writing of task II again. Like usual give advice and in which part i have to improve my writing. :)

Inventors are not as important to society of doctors. to what extend do you agree with this statement ?

================================================================= ===========================

Many people think that a doctor is more important than investors. They think the doctors can help society from their illness. In their opinion, healthy is more important than other things. In my opinion, I agree with them because doctors can help the sufferers and to safe someone still alife is a highest regards for doctors.

I agree that the doctors is a good person because they safe the sufferers from their illness. Many sufferers got their disease and they visit the doctors to help them to get health again. For example, many young doctors help people which live in small village. They help the society because they know about their job desk to help human still healthy. In my country, the young doctors do not get high salary when they help young children or adult people. Usually young a young doctor will live in small area for work and practice their knowledge to help sufferers before to be a real doctor.

In my opinion, I agree when someone can help a human life, it also a highest achievement especially for doctors. Not many people want to learn about healthy subject and practice their knowledge in society. Besides, the human always give their best regards to the doctor. However, the doctors do not get a high salary as their high achievement. Doctors work for humanity and their relatives healthy.

In conclusion, someone who works as a doctor always in the best place of job section. Because their humanities to help people and animals also, it makes doctors have a diamond job. I agree the doctors help someone for humanity and not for money or sales media.

Writing Feedback / Task II : Internet, the most significant invention in the last 30 years [8]

hello all... We meet again in my writing task II... hehehe..
my teacher ask to finish it in 40 minutes and made introduction in 2 sentences.
Give me advice or anything that will improve my writing skill. Thanks a lot :)

The internet is probably the most significant invention of the last 30 years. Without it, our lives would be completely different..
To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

================================================================= =========================================

Nowadays, many inventions created by human in the world such as internet in the last 30 years ago. I agree that internet gives a lot of information but I disagree when internet can immorality throughout many people.

I argue the internet was very successful invention by human. Without it, maybe our lives would be completely different. Internet also can help human to communicate each other around the world. For example, people can make video call when they live so far from their family. All of ages can do this it means they still had closed relation with their relatives though they are not together.

In the other hand, I dislike internet when it gives much bad entertainments. There are games, bad movies, and bad information. For instance, in my country met young adult and children play with internet. In my view, internet is not good affect for young people because it will disturb their mind if they cannot control life. In the modern era, many bad people have used internet for the worst thing such pedhopil looking for teenagers or children just for having fun of sex. The children will get the impact of internet which they meet new person and have a good relation though they never knew before.

In conclusion, I agree that internet will be useful if people can use it in the right way. Parents have to pay attention when their children play by internet. It will not be the worst thing because human have known internet since then.

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1 : the number of animals with tha amount of rainfall [6]

hello guys, we meet again in my task I. Please give advice in my writing Task I because I still confused about How to read the graphs and write in essay.

Thanks a lot guys :)

The charts below show information about animals and rainfall at the Nbro Nature Reserve.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

================================================================= =============================================================

The graphs compare the number of zebras and buffaloes with the amount of rainfall in Nboro Nature Reserve between 2005 and 2011. It can be clearly seen that how many zebras and buffaloes live did not correlate with how much the rain fell.

In 2005, there were number of 50 zebras and 40 buffaloes. Zebras and buffaloes increased to just under 80 zebras and 80 buffaloes in 2007. But in 2009, zebras decreased to about 70 zebras from 2007 and buffaloes increased to 80 buffaloes. In 2011, the animals went up to just over 80 zebras and 120 buffaloes. The other graphs showed how much the rain fell in 4 periods. In 2005, the rainfall was 600 millimeters. In 2007, the rainfall climbed up to about 1100 millimeters but in 2009 the rainfall went down to above 600 millimeters. In 2011, the rainfall increased to 1200 millimeters.

Overall, the number of both animals have increased in four-year period. The numbers of both animals did not correlate with the amount of rain over 4-year period in Nbro Nature Reserve.

Writing Feedback / 'computers & gadgets' - Modern forms of communicate with people [7]

Modern forms of communication such email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This had has a negative effect on their social lives.

To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

================================================================= ================================================================= ===========

Nowdays, people live together with the social forms of communication which is the modern tools. It makes people sit and spend their time in front of their computer or their gadget for send email or messages with their friends. However, it is not so certain that this has damaged their social lives.

Communications in the office is neeeded, office empoyees have always more sit down in front of their computer or with their gadgets. It has not changed because send email and messages are their jobs everyday. However, they do not conscious if they open another program like facebook, twitter just seeing another friends. It means that they do their job but amount of their time also for not important thing. The negative impacts are they do not focus in their jobs also they spend their working time for not important thing.

On the other hand, I agree that communicate by the modern forms are really needed actually working and make bussiness. In my opinion, the function of communicate forms are more useful if people can make partners in their jobs. Actually, forms are more made to help human to communicate with people in another place which is we cannot meet with the partners directly. For instance, when i have a boyfriend who live in onother city and we had miss with each other sometimes we did call or skype to communicate. Modern forms really help all people in the world, we can watch the partners in another city when we miss them. Long distance relationship is not easy for young people so we had met on skype and watch each other in laptop.

In conclusion, I believe that generally people live with the useful of modern forms of communicate. In my view, it is difficult to argue that modern forms have had a negative influence on our social lives. On the other hand, people need to make sure that they still did their jobs well.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task II Learning by Gadgets than books. [9]

Hello friends, I need your advice in my writing. Thanks a lot for you time :)

Learning is now based more and gadget than books in some schools. Discuss advantages and disadvantages.
================================================================= ================================================================= ==============

Nowadays, new technology program and tools are increasing and always update in every generations. Learning also change in every change years, it is more modern such learning by gadgets, books almost not famous stuff in some school. Now, I am a student in the modern era which gadgets are similar useful like the book function. The advantages of gadgets and books in the schools social are gadget is more be able to bring in everywhere and students can also search information subject when they connect with internet. The other advantages of book functions are students can read directly and just concentrate in the subject of book. In other hand, there also has disadvantages of gadgets and books function such gadgets can broke eyes of students if they watch their gadgets in much time and they will not concentrate in their education value because they can able to open another program in their gadget. The disadvantages of books in education are its heavy stuff in the students bring many books in their bag also in the future books will be give negative impact in the environmental as global warming.

Firstly, the advantages of gadget are easier to bring in everywhere than books and they can also search information about education value directly by connected internet. For example, gadget is the modern tools which it is designed to easy to bring in every time, everywhere, and every people. Gadget also has many functional to use and it is design for lifestyle also, so it will be comfort in hands of human. The other advantages of book function are the education value that students have to learn by books directly. It also helps them to concentrate in the subject of book. Books have completes and exercise of every subject.

Secondly, disadvantages of gadget can give radiation in student's body and they are in children ages cannot concentrate in their subject schools because gadget give a lot of entertainment program also inside. It means the value of education is less than books and will give negative impact in children bodies. The other disadvantages books are it is heavy stuff because they have to bring their book in everywhere also it would give negative impact in environmental as global warming because book are made from the trees.

To sum up, the parents have to know about the best education for their children. In my opinion, the books are more useful than gadgets. From a long time ago until todays, books are always number one of education value.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task II The different of Life Culture in the past and in the modern era [8]

Hello I would like to introduce my self. You can call me Sari. This is my first time in Essay Forum, I hope I can get many feedback from my writing. I would like to continue my Master Degree in abroad so I am preparing for IELTS Test now. I graduated from Indonesia Institute of Art, Yogyakarta. Nice to meet you, guys. :)

In the past, people usually stayed in one place throughout their life. These days, people often move around. They often live in several different places in their lifetime. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both ?

================================================================= ================================================================= ========

In the long time ago, people have a different a life culture like today. The different cultures people love to stay in one place in a whole life but in the modern era people often live in several different places in their life. Actually, it will give the advantages both of such in the past they did not spend much money to move in another house and today, people will meet new people and they will find new experiences. However, the disadvantages in the past was they did not know about the different culture and in this time people live in several different places will give impact to their social relation, they have to follow the new culture.

The advantages of live in the past was they did not spend much money to move in another place. For instance, people need more energy, time and money to bring their stuff in another places and it was tired to do that. So it would be good if they just live in one place. They also often live in several different places which people live in this modern era give advantages such they meet new culture and will get new experience. Like when you have new friends, new culture and new environment that you will learn something new and will not boring.

The disadvantages in the past was they knew about the different culture. It means they never know about outside of their life because they never move from their life so they never tried new experience in their life. They also feel the disadvantages impact of move in several times like in these days are different places will give impact to their social relation, they always follow the new rule in new environment. Especially for kids, they will depress or confused with their new culture because they meet something new and it is not same like before.

To sum up, the advantages to stay in same place are better than always move. Actually for family, they will comfort with their hometown than new place because they do not need to follow new culture in the new place. Like home sweet home, people will come back to their home because they will meet with a happy thing.