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Posts by sundin928
Joined: Jul 16, 2014
Last Post: Aug 4, 2014
Threads: 12
Posts: 18  
Likes: 10
From: China

Displayed posts: 30
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sundin928   
Aug 4, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts: why and how parents teach their kids the importance of money? [10]

This essay will discuss the reasons and the ways parents teach their kids about the significance of money.

It's better to point your view and write main reason.

In addition, parents should set certain principles and apply them for their children.

you should write the example to support this argument.
sundin928   
Aug 4, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Competitiveness is a positive quality for people to have among most societies. [2]

Competitiveness is a positive quality for people to have among most societies. How does this competitiveness affect individuals? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend?

i will take ielts test this Saturday,welcome to correct my essay.thanks :D

With the technical development and educational popularization, the competitiveness is strict increasingly in today society.While it is grim for many people who enter the society,I believe this trend would be a effective strategy to upgrade the positive attitude among the whole society.

People who study or work in intensified competiton can find their drawback compared to the peers,so that they will know how to remedy their limitation by learning from others.This is due to the fact that in comparison of comfort, rivalry can invoke people's fighting spirit and innovative minds.Besides, a sense of competitiveness is essential for students to better their personal performance. If they are taught to be ambitious,they might aware of stiff rivalries and have a rational career perspective. Without competition that people encouner in their dailt life,they may no longer challenge themselves to make a breakthrough.

Although there are many reasons to believe that competition is a positive quality for individuals,the drawbacks cannot be ignored.We should acknowledge many people who suffer from intensive pressure in competitive society only work or study for making a living,which impact adversly on their mental health and disturb their normal life.In order to finish massive works to surpass others,they cannot spend time getting along with their family or friends,so people are gradually not responsive to others'emotional needs.Even though living in a competitive atmosphere can stimulate people's potential,the society become more alienated and people's health cannot be guaranteed .

In conclusion,the rivalry can bring some adverse effects on one's life if they can not balance time between works and lives.However,all these problems cannot challenge the role of competition in modern society which is determinant to boost people's capacity and upgrade the social development.
sundin928   
Jul 30, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Museums and art galleries should show artworks of the local culture [3]

Museums and art galleries should show artworks of the local culture, rather than those from other countries. Do you agree or disagree?

Today,many types of traditional arts and crafts are struggling on the brink of extinction.So, some people believe that more local artworks should be showed on museum and galleries.In my opinion,while introducing overseas arts can bring many benefits to the local,our own works are more significant.

Artworks from other countries can capture local people's imagination. This is primary due to the fact that these artworks can broaden their minds and encourage them to integrate some features of these into their own designs,so that they can combine overseas and domestic arts to create brand-new one.Besides, the majority of people do not have chance to appreciate other countries' artwares overseas,and they only can look them on the website or television.If these arts can be exhibited on local museums and art galleries,this can satisfied their curiosity of exploring foreign civilization and chasing arts.

However, those who believe native arts should be displayed on the public argued that this can create economic benefits because of drawing more visitors at home and abroad. This means that local landmark buildings can give character to cities, which make these cities become popular destinations. Beyond that,the art industry will thrive because many local artists have more opportunities to display their works which have potential commercial value.Meanwhile,persuading the local to show domestic works is a an effective measure to boost social sense of belonging of individuals, as they can comprehend own history and unique arts thoroughly. Without the social identity of our own artworks,the cultural conflict will emerge.

In conclusion,without suggesting think that all overseas works are necessarily good,I think it is by no means "pointless" because this can broaden people's horizon.In any way,to try to keep traditional culture and arts alive with external one under the globalization,we should not ignore domestic art,because it is a soul of a country's civilization.
sundin928   
Jul 30, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay - Appropriate age of adulthood [3]

In addition to this, education has major influence inon development of dependable citizens.

However, other nations oppose by saying younger generation don'tdo not become matured enough to take the responsibilities of an adult at the age of eighteen.

sundin928   
Jul 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Detailed description of crimes on newspaper and TV can have bad consequences on society [NEW]

Detailed description of crimes on newspaper and TV can have bad consequences on society, so this kind of information should be restricted on media. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays,the print as well as the electronic media tend to dedicate large amounts of airtime and space to detailed reports about crimes.Personally,I believe such details should be strictly censored,if not banned altogether.

It is widely known that the press provide the public with criminal content in order to increase newspaper circulation and TV rating.These days the primary purpose of journalists covering the details of criminal acts is,more often than that,to boost newspaper circulations and TV ratings.Consequently, a great deal of crime coverage is rather biased,exaggerated or fraudulent,which only result to terrorize communities and leave law-aiding people increasingly apprehensive of about crimes.

An even more detrimental fact is that detailed reports of crimes exposured on the press may provide the potential criminals with instructive learning materials, which would be hard to obtain otherwise. This may help those who are in the process of panning a criminal act perfect their plans,avoid the pitfalls and make themselves harder to be tracked down by the police. Thus, without the prevention on criminal details,the unlawful behavior would be more and more severe and the social harmony would be broken.

Most importantly, particular coverage of heinous crimes may further traumatize the victims of crimes because they have already suffered greatly for what they have experienced.Without their consent,this could only add to theses innocent people's mental suffering and they may do some extreme actions.

In conclusion,I strongly hold my point that any descriptions of crimes should not go unchecked as any longer,as they may be false,may further drive up the already-high crime rate and may bring even more suffering to the victims of crimes.
sundin928   
Jul 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / Fast Internet connection is a source of great entertainment [3]

It is widely known that the Internet helps people to interact with some visual entertainment such as videos or jokes.

Skype allows people to have videos call,and Instargram helps people share their photos with friends.

it is a very good essay!!!thanks~ it help me a lot!
sundin928   
Jul 27, 2014
Writing Feedback / Some subjects should be optional rather than compulsory [2]

Some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy too difficult to learn, so some people argue that those subjects should be optional rather than compulsory. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Education has been viewed as one of the most essential elements of individual and social development.One topic now under debate is wether subjects which are difficult to learn for some people should be optional or compulsory.

Some people believe there are many advantages on optional subjects argued that students who learn courses with their interests would more successful on theses fields.Less burden imposed on people make them have a balance on recreation and learning, so that more passion can be put into academics.In addition, the more difficulties the courses have,the more values they produce on application. For instance,although it is hard for people to master advanced mathematics,but once they achieve dramatic results,this knowledge can be used on life to make tremendous increase revenues such as investment portfolio and fixed income securities.

However,making these subjects optional can have a negative effect on children's intellectual development because subjects students chose to learn are very easy.Consequently,whose who are not challenged by these difficult courses cannot perform to the best of their abilities.In contrast,with critical thinking and effective teamwork,people can boost their academic capability through this progress.

Another drawback is that children who do not take these courses may not be able to reach an advanced level of education.For example,if students ignore the significance of mathematics, they may do not receive a rounded education.This means that they do not have a excellent grounding in math, which is in fact essential to their studies in the future.

In conclusion,I strongly hold my view that although the optional course can cultivate professionals on some specific fields,not everyone are talented to dig into the subject. Persuading the educational institution to adopt required courses would be a more effective strategy for upgrading students'all-around development .
sundin928   
Jul 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Should we invent a new language for people to use for international communication? [2]

Should we invent a new language for people from different countries to use for international communication? Do you think there are more benefits or more problems with it?

Today,the role of English as a global language is indispensable.Some people are of the view that we can introduce a new language for the people to use for international activities.Although this initiative may be a useful way to create new platform that facilitates universal cooperation,I believe it would raise a number of worrying issues.

Admittedly,the availability of a global language can promote international trade and also create new possibilities for the cooperation between countries in other areas without language barriers.By using a common language,people are able to handle cross-cultural communication and build business partnerships. Besides,learning a new language is a effective way to promote individual competitiveness to adapt the present society quickly;thus,under this trend,people who have proficiency in this new language are more likely to find jobs,collect information and travel overseas.

On the other hand, if the world has a dominant language, it may have a damaging effect on cultural diversity and cultural identity, especially for the ethnic minorities.Languages in these countries may suffer from extinction because people should learn it to keep the pace of life with a big burden,resulting to retrogression in their own language cultures.It should also be noted that this innovation would markedly increase the governmental expenditure on creating, publishing and teaching it, so maintaining the main position of English around the world is much more cost-efficient and effective than innovating a brand-new one.

In conclusion, the enormous potential risks of innovating a single international language outweigh the benefits of it.Therefore,Persuading citizens to use existing global language proficiently assists us protecting some minority languages and cultural heritages.
sundin928   
Jul 24, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Schools greatest failure is that it focuses too intensely on academic subjects [9]

However, this requires a plan of action which requires support from both the school and their management to ensure that every student must be offered real life skills which further in the future lead to excel in the world of work.

last sentence is a little bit strange.it's too long.i will take ielts test next month,19th Aug.
sundin928   
Jul 24, 2014
Writing Feedback / Vehicle has enhanced people being. However, cars harm nature. [3]

First of all, there are few researches about influence transport on nature.

First of all, there are few researches worry about influence transport on nature.

They show that carbon dioxide pollute the atmosphere.

They show that carbon dioxide has polluted the atmosphere.

I sharp believe that vehicle has enhanced people being.

I sharpstrongly believe that vehicle has enhanced people being.
sundin928   
Jul 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / More and more people now choose to wear the fashionable clothes. [2]

More and more people now choose to wear the fashionable clothes. Why is it? What are the positive and negative effects does this trend impose on the society?

There is a growing trend in the world today that people favoring the fashionable clothes to ordinary clothes,especially for young people .This essay will examine the reasons for this phenomenon and discuss some of the disadvantages and advantages it will have on society.

The main reason of this is that wearing the fashionable garments can capture the attention of the general public,and thus people may feel a particular and superior emotion. That is the reason why the majority of young people tend to show off themselves and believe that unique and costly cloth is what differentiates a person who live in an affluent background.Besides,more and more serious celebrity effect results to this trend.For example,once a wonderful cloths wore or advertised by famous people,it will become the hot-caks that many people chose to buy.So,when consumers buy some clothes,they pay more attention to the novel style of clothes that how fashionable they are rather than the quality.

It is deniable that although wearing popular garments has its advantages such as boosting the development of fashion and making a city keep pace of the modern trend,I strongly hold my view that it has many negative effects we should take aware of.Firstly,there is a mounting trend that more counterfeits are produced by illegal manufactures,since not everyone has the high-level of consumption to buy expensive and popular clothes.Even if this satisfied the person's vanity,the public moral would be influenced negatively.Furthermore,we should recognized that traditional costumes represent a country's culture and history,such a cloth that individuals should do protect and respect rather than ignore.Thus,symbolizing the modern elements and traditional elements is the best way to present what is fashion.

In conclusion,the main reasons of people wearing fashionable clothes are that they can catch public's eyes and satisfy their vanity.Although choosing which clothes to wear is everyone's right,we should not ignore the worries it holds in societies.
sundin928   
Jul 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / In order to avoid social crisis we should treat the elders with a courteous attitude [3]

Thank you guys who gave many suggestions on my writings these days.^ ^

In many countries today there is insufficient respect to old people. What are the reasons? What problems might it bring to the society?

It is the fact that because of an aging population, old people account for relaticely large proportion,and there is a growing trend in the world today that more and more the aged have been not respected in some ways.This essay will disscus the reasons for this and examine some of the problems it will have on society.

Older people today are not treated with respect because they are regarded to be barriers to social progress for many young people. For example,they have chosen to delay retirement and hold important positions in companies, so young people may face barriers to top-level promotion and feel demotivated.

Another reason is that elder people are likely to impose a burden on their family and also on the society,they are vulnerable to diseases.This means that young people have to spend more time taking care of older relations, which will influence the daily life of the youth,and that is the reason why many senior citizens have been sent to the nursing house .

At the same time ,many problems are emerged under this trend.Firstly,old people pushed aside may feel frustrated mentally,resulting to Inharmonious situations at home and unhealthy ways and customs on civilization,and thus children's good attitude and kindness to the elder could be influenced negatively by their parents under this atmosphere. Intensifying social contradiction increasingly is another problem,and such a prejudice on old people who rich experience no longer to contribute themselves to the world,although they have ability and intelligent to upgrade social development.

In conclusion,we treat the elders with a courteous attitude is not only a high-quality behaviour but also a reasonble way to boost harmonious atmosphere.In order to avoid social crisis generated by this prejudice, the values such as giving supports for family,imparting experienced working methods to adults,and inheriting traditional culture that ole people made should not be ignored.
sundin928   
Jul 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS : Everyone possess a talent - we should recognize it and improve [4]

For instance example, an auditor may be bad at singing, sports or any other means of social activities but he should be good at calculating as the reason why he chooses this kind of job.

For instance cannot put in the first place.
...,for instance,....
sundin928   
Jul 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Air travel is becoming more welcomed by common people since its price is going down [5]

Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. Ordinary people can get no advantage with the development of air travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the present-day society, it is believed that air travel has become the best way to travel a far distance. Meanwhile, many people assert that travelling by air is only beneficial for the rich who can afford it while ordinary people cannot take advantage of it. Personally, I think the view is overly simplistic.

Admittedly, the market price of flight tickets is normally high so that the majority people have to choose cheaper means to travel. The main reason for this is that the costs of fuel and human resources in each flying are comparatively higher than that of other ordinary transports.Besides,in comparison to railway station, most airports constructed in suburbs or remote areas that are inconvenient for people because they should spend relatively high price and more time on the path to the airport unless they have private car.No matter how fast the airplane can fly, it is not practical for ordinary people who only travel in a short distance; therefore, it is still the priority of the minority who tend to travel far.

However,convincing arguments can be made that taking flights is more economical for all travelers not only for wealthy for some reasons.Firstly, it is not uncommon to buy a discount ticket on website if you book in advance, which can even save more money than by other transports.Furthermore,with the stiff competition between each airplane companies, putting the flight prices down enormously,airlines tend to make a price campaign globally and mainly target on average-income populations,so aircraft can be chosen as preferential vehicle by more and more citizens, even it is normal economical-class. Consequently,this not only brings a vast of benefits to the air firms but also encourages more people who live in middle class to travel by plane.

Even though airplane may not be the best option of travelling in a close distance, most people will still choose it when they are travelling far away such as overseas.In conclusion,while air travel is not restricted to benefit the rich, it is becoming more welcomed by common people since its price is going down.
sundin928   
Jul 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Easy for poor people to get access to university education [4]

Some groups, such as poor people and people from rural areas, think universities should make it especially easy for them to get access to university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Body paragraph.

It is undeniable that students who live in poverty cannot receive higher education,due to the lack of teacher resources and the limitation of educational equipments,so the government can implement some measures,such as scores plus or tuition waiver,to lower the standard for them. Receiving a higher education enables young people from disadvantaged backgrounds to find employment and increase their satisfaction of life, because they can acquire job skills and stabilize professional knowledge by attending various courses at university.Therefore,not only the living standards can be upgraded,but also the gap between the rich and the poor can be narrowed.

Another benefit of this reformation is that people's internal cultivation and morality can be improved.We should recognize that the crime rate is related to the educational level people acquire,and that what they do reflect their low quality compared to peers.So persuading governments to adopt this new educational reform would be a more effective strategy for lowering the crime rate and guaranteeing the social stability.

On the other hand, although the educational institutions reduce the threshold on poor students , some university students who do not have sufficient intellectual abilities may not be able to obtain a degree eventually.This means that without basic educational background, they can not keep pace with their peers and pass exams at school, resulting in intractability poor students encounter on learning progress.
sundin928   
Jul 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: In which areas people made important progress? [6]

sundin928:
Although using the intelligence of people on scientific research and development of high-technology is the most meaningful progress,there are many other fields need to be explored by people to make some breakthrough.
Your idea does not flow well, rather it does not deliver your idea clearly. You need to rephrase this last line.

thanks Pahan ^ ^
sundin928   
Jul 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / Toefl essay: advertisements whose target is young children should be banned [4]

Nowadays, the advertisements in our daily life become more and more various, even some adults cannot recognize which advertisements are fake and which are true whether some advertisements are fake or true

First Firstly, the advertisement whose potential customers are young children will exaggerate the uses of products,

sundin928   
Jul 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: spending more money on promoting healthy lifestyle or treatment [NEW]

Some people think it is more important for government to spend more money on promoting healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illnesses than the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

practice on Body Paragraph. Welcome to modify^ ^

Investing money on medical treatment can make people feel a higher general satisfaction of life,and thus facilitating the social stability.Once the medical facilities are built and treatments are improved,people who live in this city would have rights to experience high-efficient medical remedy,contributing to rapid and safe restoration of some rare diseases which cannot be treated with present medical technology.So,human beings,who suffer from rare and hard-to-treat illness ,could gain benefits from this trend and escape the obsession from sickness.

However,most illness are resulted from unhealthy lifestyle and the lack of physical training,so it is imperative that the government should spend more on healthy lifestyle to prevent the diseases on individuals. We should recognize that promoting a healthy lifestyle is important to a country because the country will have a healthy and productive workforce.This means that if people who pay more attention to their fitness,they are normally less likely to suffer from health problems;thus, this is a useful measure to prevent sickness citizens encounter.

Another advantage of putting money in promoting a healthy mode of life is that it can reduce the expenditure on medical care.The treatment in standard hospital where most people want to receive is very expensive ,especially for those who live under the average standard of living and have low income to scrape a living.Whether people would have a health state depends on whether they have a vigorous mental state and healthy life-style.

Consequently,People tend to be more energetic and less prone to health issues.
sundin928   
Jul 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / Toefl writing is my weakness, hope you can help me, the question is written in the message. [5]

But in my own view, I disagree with this statement, because I think life today is more difficult than the life
in my own view= I think ,just use one.

Technology and economy are growing up while challenges are becoming more and more difficult, so people today have to face more and more dares than before.

Technology and economy are growing up while challenges are becoming more and more difficult, so people today have to face more and more dares increasingly than before.

When they are children, what they had to do after school was finishing their homework and playedplaying with their friends.

sundin928   
Jul 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: In which areas people made important progress? [6]

1.
A hundred years ago, people think that human race is steadily improving in every area of life. now it seems this is not certain in that situation. In which areas do you think we have made important progress nowadays? In which areas do you think we still need to make progress?

Today,It is undeniable that human beings are expericing a stable improvement in many areas,such as medicine sciences,technological breakthroughs and changes on working or studying patterns. Although using the intelligence of people on scientific research and development of high-technology is the most meaningful progress,there are many other fields need to be explored by people to make some breakthrough.

2.
Some people think museums should be enjoyable places to attract and entertain young people. Other think the purpose of museums is to educate, not to entertain. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It appears that museums have become typical buildings in many cities in the last few decads,because they are combined with gorgeous decoration and profound knowledge.Although many people travelling around the exhibition can gain recreation,i am strongly believe that the aim of visiting museum is to educate person and expand their horizon.

3.
More and more people now choose to wear the fashionable clothes. Why is it? What are the positive and negative effects does this trend impose on the society?

It is commonpalce that the normal clothes is no longer the priority selection for most people, especially the youth.I believe the main reason is that wearing the fashionable garments can capture the attention of the general public,and thus people may feel a particular and superior emotion.Although this trend can facilitate the fashionable development and boost the expense, I believe it raises a number of wOrrying issues.

4.
Should we invent a new language for people from different countries to use for international communication? Do you think there are more benefits or more problems with it?

Today,the role of English as a global language is indispensable.Some people are of the point that we can implement a new language people use for international activities.Although this trend is a useful way to create new channel and facilitates universal cooperation,I believe it raises a number of warrying issues.

5.
Rich countries often give financial aid to poor countries, but it does not solve the poverty. So rich countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than the financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There has been mounting rate about humanitarian assistance over the past few decades.While international assistance illustrates a moral ideal of mankind, some people are of the opposing view that the poverty cannot be solved on this way and we should make some other measures to tackle it. From my point view,although global assistance has its weakness,its importance should not be denied.
sundin928   
Jul 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Effects of technology to communication - dangers for a society [7]

While that is still very much true today, with the advancement of technology, the communication landscape has slightly altered.

While thatit is still much true today, with the advancement of technology, the communication landscape has been slightly altered.

It is known to us that communication doesn't only rely on the verbal language that we speak.

this sentence seems imcompelete. ...,but (also)...

This means time will come when certain people are alien to its own town.

This means that
sundin928   
Jul 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: we should not ignore the traditional food; fast foods need be supervised [5]

people People prefer international fast foods rather than traditional foods that their family make has become more commonplace now. .... the latter part os very very confusing... what do you try to mean?

People prefer international fast foods rather than traditional foods their family make that has become more commonplace now.
could i write in this way?
thanks Dumi

introduction:
people prefer international fast foods rather than traditional foods that has become more commonplace now.So,there has been controversy about whether international fast foods have disadvantages on society and families. I strongly state mt point that quick meal disturb the normal lifestyle and the pace of life on human-beings, although it has its positives.
sundin928   
Jul 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: we should not ignore the traditional food; fast foods need be supervised [5]

In many countries traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

people prefer international fast foods rather than traditional foods that their family make has become more commonplace now. So,there has been controversy about whether international fast foods have disadvantages on society and families. I believe that quick meal disturb the normal lifestyle and the pace of life on human-beings, although it has its positives,including saving time and bringing more chance to people to taste unique flavor foods making from different countries.

It is true that the most delicious food is home-made food because we can experience the warmth of family.But the family ties are gradually becoming alienated as a result of international foods chosen by more people ,especially those who are busy on works and studies.Consequently,communication barrier and mutual suspicion appears.If people sit around on the table and taste the foods together,they would spend more time exchanging feelings and boosting emotion everyday,while international quick meal people intake have negative impact on people's health because of disqualification on proceeds and excessive use of genetically modified foods.

With the rapid economic expansion in our society ,this means that people have higher consumption to buy or taste something whatever they want,there are many conventional culture people should protect are missing now. Intaking the traditional foods is a meaningful measure to inherit and appreciate local cooking culture,and so its influence can be propagandized by individuals. Besides,it is widely known that a country or a city with such characteristic foods is usually the most attractive one on tourism because most people prefer specials foods,which can bolster the local development in a rapid rate.

In any way,to try to keep traditions alive with fast pace of life,we should not ignore the traditional food,as it symbolize a time-honored histories and cultures of a country or a city. At the same time, prevailing in more cities, fast foods should be supervised forcefully by the government,this can offer protection on people's health.
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