Speeches / College and university entrance exam should be abolished [3]

1)Lets see first you should do research on:

Opposition and views on college entrance exams and testing
Types of college exams
Why there should be testing for entrance exams
Why there should not be testing for entrance exams
Educators who agree with testing for college entrance exams
Educators who disagree on testing for college entrance exams

2)When you read make notes on what you agree with and what you disagree with. Make notes of facts and opinions. Write it down.

3) Make an outline such as: ( Each section below can be a 2-3 slides)
Introduction: What are college exams like for students?
Part 1: Those who agree ( facts/ statements)
Part 2: Those who disagree ( facts/statements)
Part 3: Your opinion on whether you agree or disagree
Closing: An overview of your argument

Hope this gets you started!

Undergraduate / The breakout of the civil war - the time my life has changed [3]

Hi! You have a very touching story here, I have given you edits to help your next writing draft. Please work on your tenses. The prompt was," the time when your life was changed". Which means everything in the essay should be past tense( Because you are talking about an event that happen in the past). Here you use present tenses mixed with past tenses, and this can weaken your moving story. Overall you have good story and a good start!

Writing Feedback / Ghoulish House Description [4]

Hello, my edits are below,

A cold, entrancing house looms in front of me. ( Did you mean trancing?)

Barren, deserted land surrounds what was once a majestic home, and is now ( it is now ) an abandoned ghost town.

In a former life, this structure was a place for the wealthy and fortunate, now( it has been) left to crumble away. Shattered glass lies around me ( floating comma>) , and destroyed windows tower above.

A single movement of the trees sends a shower of bats up into the night sky. Wind howls around he (?) body, making it creak and groan. Bare trees are knocked around with the powerful force, leaving them bent and close to (nearly) collapsing on the ground.

Hi! You have a great start here! I was very engaged, the adjectives describing the house are spooky and haunting! Just make sure you point out certain details as you move further into the story like who is experiencing this? You? The reader? You described how you are surrounded by glass, then later speak of the house as if no one is there. Good luck on your edits!

Graduate / How I will balance the rigors of graduate school with work and my home life? [2]

Going back to school when you work full time, have young children, and a husband is no easy task. I have been through it before . In 2012, I began working on my baccalaureate degree online. My children were eight, six, and two. Fortunately, I have a supportive husband who has never stopped encouraging me to achieve my goals, no matter what they( my goals) might be. I found that by going to school in an online program, I was (also) able to balance my personal, work, and school life fairly well. There were many evenings where( when) I typed away with my youngest on my lap and my oldest at my side doing his own homework. I would work on projects and study while my kids were at school, and I would find ways to incorporate a project from work into my (to)projects for school.

As I move forward with graduate school, I plan on integrating (my) previous study experiences as well as staying adaptable to meet the requirements expected of me( while staying adapted). Last December, I changed employers in order to have a more flexible work schedule. This move has also given me the opportunity to work in an arena where ( environment where) I am working closely with a nurse practitioner and learning the role of a primary care provider. My current leadership team is comprised of nurse practitioners who are supportive and understanding to the rigors of graduate school. because they have been through it before. Our company is one that has a (of) culture of life-long learning and encouraging career growth.

I am no stranger to balancing family and working full time while pursuing higher education< I do not think you need this first sentence, it is repetitive from your first paragraph).

When I entered nursing school to be a licensed practical nurse, I was already a mother of one child. When I went back for my associate's degree, my second child was one year old, and by the time I set forth for my baccalaureate, my family had expanded further with a third. Each time, I had to become more adaptable ( more adapted) to the responsibilities of school. (This was not limited to) participating in projects at work, as well as being an active parental presence in the parent teacher organization at my children's school, my children's Taekwondo lessons, and many soccer games.

For me Tenacity and flexibility are key characteristics that keep me motivated and allow me to balance the demands of life, work, and school. I have no misgivings that this program will be challenging, but I know I will be able to rise to the occasion. ( <Add more details here)

Hi! I have given you suggestions above to help your essay. Wow! You are a great mom! What I noticed about your writing is that you write as if you are speaking in a conversation, although this is good at times, its not advised for a essay writing for a graduate application. Be as formal as possible! Other than that, I wish you luck on your next edits!

Undergraduate / I AM A LEADER - it's my best trait [3]

Hello,
My edits and suggestions are below:)

( Many)Students come from a variety of backgrounds, making each of us unique. ( You can elaborate ( few sentences) on how backgrounds and diversity make us unique. You can make this your opening paragraph.)

As I grew up, I was taught that hard work and leadership will bring success. Because of the strict way my parents raised me, I have a strong work ethic. (These are great examples! I would love for you to elaborate on what ethics in particular (2-3 sentences):)) I'd study for a huge test instead of watching my favorite football team, the New England Patriots, on Sunday nights. Other times, I'd stay home and read or help my mother with the chores instead of going out with friends.

Because o Leadership being my best trait, I always influence my peers in a positive way, whether it's in group assignments with classmates or a football game with teammates. Therefore, I think that with my leadership and strong work ethic, I would make a great addition to the community at FAMU. ( Elaborate on what leadership is to you, what it means to you, and strong examples of your leadership ~maybe a story)

Hi! I see you have gotten off to a great start! I have given you edits to elaborate more. I was not sure how long this essay needed to be so I added some suggestions to help if you need more material. Good luck!

Undergraduate / Why do you wish to study Computer Science? What influenced your decision? [3]

Hi you have a good essay here, I was unsure what the essay prompt was until I got down to the last couple of paragraphs. Although your ideas are great, I would advise you tie in the career aspect in all paragraphs. You start off explaining the greatness of computers and the theories and how it all began ( This is good by the way), but it looks like you have two-three different topics going on. I would suggest you use transitions throughout the whole essay that tell the reader this is an essay about YOUR passion to be a computer scientist. Overall I enjoyed the read! Good luck on your revisions!

Graduate / A meaningful extracurricular activity for medicine--Medical Scribe [4]

Ahhh... I remember!!! Glad to help!

Graduate / The online "blogosphere" and social media has significantly weakened the political discourse in USA [2]

Hello my edits and suggestions are below,

Some might argue that since anyone [...] quality of political discourse in this country.
This is a good opening, a sentence here transitioning us to the next paragraph will make the opening smoother.

For one, These new social media(Blogs? Articles? Missing a noun) balance the bias of traditional media that favor certain political standing. As many( who is many?) in this country have known, Fox news tends to cater to the Republicans while MSNBC appeals to the Democrats < (:) This is a bold statement, take the idea of this sentence and move it to the section after you explain how the channels gets funded, otherwise it looks like an opinion). A simple investigation into the people funding these TV channel will reveal how their stockholders are usually affliated with a certain party. For instance, Fox News is owned by Rupbert Mudoch, an strong advocate of the Republican party. Hence, there is no surprise that Fox News tends to magnify the Democrats false and cover up the Republicans' false. In the past, only commentators hired or invited by these medias can have their voice broadcast to the public. Nevertheless, things have changed now. Today, people can directly contribute to the conversation by tweeting or blogging. ( <I love this paragraph! I want to keep reading on this topic.)

In addition to balancing the oligopoly of traditional media, these diverse voices have also diversified the American political discourse which is often dominated by only two parties-the Republicans and the Democrats. Though these parties haave great think tanks and experts, no one is omniscient. These voices online have filled up the gaps in which these traditional media overlooked or are instructed to keep silence. Traditional media tends to categorize issues into a dichotomy of black or white. ( I separated this paragraphIf this paragraph is going to be combined with below, please end the paragraph relating back to your opening. You have two different topics here.)

For instance, new medias tend to cover the controversy of legalizing marijuina into( Add a comment here how this focus is aimed to change the other traditional groups viewpoints? You jump into this statement assuming we know which groups agree/disagree with marijuana use< hope that makes sense) "people abusing their freedom to smoke drugs" and "banning it will help reduce the impact of health and finance to our future generations". However, people's comments online opened up a new discussion into this topic. Some argued that maintaining the illegal status of recreational marijuina will only perpetuate the vicious cycle of police biasing against African Americans. In addition, some also raises the issue that legalizing it will increase the state revenue from tax. Others also noted some scientific journals aruging that marijuaina have a lesser impact on health than tobacco or alcohol does. While, these opinions online may have their flaws, they give the public different perspective to evaluate the issue and to make the most informed decision possible.

On top of the diverse voices that blogosphere and social media provide, they often report news faster than traditional media. Take the recent police abuse in South Caroline for example. The witness was able to record the live action of an police officer shooting at a unarmed African American male running away from the police. It was (not) until he posted this video online that bigger media such as CNN start reporting on this issue. Traditionally, the news media would have to hear it from someone and send a reported or journalist to gather the information. However, this lengthy process may cause some important information to be lost or intentionally hidden. For instance, in the video, we clearly see that the victim was unarmed and running away from the officer. This contradicts the officer's statement that he felt threatened because the victim robbed him of his taser. In short, this is one example of how modern social media actually enhance the quality of news report.

My suggestions:)
Wow! You have some great examples, and great writing here. I would give you a 4.5, but let me tell you why, you touch on too many complex topics. You start with the political parties, the example of legalizing, and then end it with media and police brutality. Although your writing is superb, you touch on too many strong/deep topics briefly. Which makes the essay just a great amount of details and facts standing alone. If you are going to touch on all those topics please keep leading us back to your thesis and your first paragraph. Social media (in general) and your topic is vast. You do not have to re-write, I would suggest just re-organize the paragraphs. This can lead and transition us to your main topic and point. Good luck!

Graduate / A meaningful extracurricular activity for medicine--Medical Scribe [4]

Hi! I see you have a strong passion here! I would advise is you work on your tenses, you mix up present and future tenses. For example, If you are speaking of something you are doing in the present, all your verbs in the sentence should be in present tense. I have given you edits above to help, good luck with your passion!

Writing Feedback / IELTS-Writing task 2: Accepting an equal proportion of degree students is looked at by the gender [2]

These days, some people believe that universities have accepted the proportion of student looking at their gender particularly between male and female with an equal percentage. Whereas, that will be acceptable in some situation(s), I firmly believe that in this case(,) universities are better to place it( Place what? What is "it"? The women the men? Please clarify) in the different number.

To begin with , some lecture subject(s) and another major(s) have different qualification(s) to produce professional worker(s). Result(s) shows that 90 percent of faculty of administration is only provided for female that they will be worked as secretary profession in a company.( <Interesting Point, can you please write where you received this data?) As the number of qualification in gender has different number, universities are more likely to accept in a differently gender.< This is a good point would love more elaboration here!

Creating equal numbers in every major produces ( forces the universities?) the university (to face their unequal views about career opportunist( opportunities) to their students ( <This sentence was a little wordy, I added some suggestions). Webometric - World education range rater- reveals that a great (a) number of graduated university (students) become unemployed people due proportion in work male have ( to males having?) predominant strategic position. As a result, there will be ( a great affect) affected in working females (that) do not have the same proportion as male.

On the other hand, to provide each subject on an equal number of the gender will lead in a balance right for every gender. This (IS) because nowadays females have a small percentage than male in many aspects, while in other cases females also have a large proportion. Take a faculty of architecture as straightforward example, 90 percent of male student have the largest domination in this major than female student. Consequently, female students have a different proportion and opportunity to (for work becomes small) work becoming smal l .

The aforementioned evidence reveals that although some cases show that how female and male have (an) equal number of cases of casesin the several situation, other cases universities should consider that between them ( males and females) has (have) different qualifications. Furthermore, this may be possible (by) giving students about coaching clinic (s) before they choose their major.

Hi! I have given you some edits and suggestions to help you out, you have some great points, but your sentences can be wordy at times, no worries though, I have suggested some edits above. Hopefully it will help your next revision!

Writing Feedback / Giving work to unemployed people is a good idea for better life in society. [2]

Hi! My edits and suggestions are below,

In recent years, having a job might ( have been) an essential activity for getting better life. As such, some people believe that unemployed people should have a (to)work for their welfare payments which are needed in life. Others think that ( the consequences could be) cheap labour. Therefore, I personally argue that although this trend has merits and demerits, I strongly believe that making unemployed people work is a good idea for better life in society. < Good last sentence:)

A ( The) positive effect of widespread job vacancies can reduce the rising of jobless rate. A research of Bureau Statistic US showed approximately 6.3 % people in Asian(? countries?) tend to get a job(s) randomly, besides it ( the) had low salaries. These civilian labours force participation rate were little changed at 1.3 % joblessness rate in 2014. As it can be seen, job opportunities which are provided by several companies as soon as possible( is a) way to avoid the big problem in citizens affect the countries popularity of International views.

In addition, providing a career opportunity has ( can have a) significant influence to give more nation(s) income and declining( decline) the number of poverty rate. The ( In the) Supplemental Poverty Measure in 2014, there is(an) existed correlation between the number of labour and the rising of national profits as implementation of income taxes. As a result, it should be paid more attention ( should be paid) by government where there is a positive and important effect for countries.

However, not only of ( while) opening wider job vacancies gives benefits, but it has its drawbacks too. First, some people have focused attention on companies without develop(ing) their natural skill(s) in(a) new occupation. For example, an artist( for example,) is possible (can possibly) to run (their) own business (by) using their skills, but they just have limited planning to work in companies. Secondly , most of cheap labour will get living in limitation accordance with less salary. For instance, a cheap labour earns Rp 30.000,- per day just enough to spend for cheapest food. Therefore, giving job opportunities despite less salary is (may)not always to be(an) effective methods .

I would argue that apart from the negative effects of this trend, actually it is (can be)beneficial for most people. Employment and crime rates have a complex relationship due to people choose( choosing) crime rather than legitimate work as an expectation to make more money fulfilling necessity. Overall, this trend has(a) correlation to pressure crimes rate, where the main factor of crimes are provided by the higher number of poverty life.

The aforementioned evidence, although this trend has merits and demerits, it is possible as a good way for government to pressure the increasing of crimes rate. Where possible, government should pay more attention to support this solution.( <Please add more sentences to your last paragraph:))

Hello, you have a strong point and some good vocabulary, I would just suggest you practice on your -ing words and some verb tenses. I have given you suggestions above to make your essay an smoother read. Good luck on your revisions!

Writing Feedback / IELTS-Writing task - work for unemployed individuals outbalances the lack of jobs [3]

Hello,

I have placed edits and suggestions below:

Recently, unemployment ( unemployed) individuals (have) become a major problem in many countries. For this reason, a great number of people think that making o work unemployed people (work) should be given special treatment as their profitable payment. While, other(s) people assume that they( what is cheaper? what is work to work? please clarify this sentence) are cheaper worker to work, there is no doubt in my mind that some outweighs and drawbacks have been possible this view will make unemployed people working in better payment.

The first outweigh is that giving opportunity to other people who do not have jobs will give well financial with good payments. (The) National w orkers o rganization in America shows that 85 percent of jobless people are individuals with good skill(s) particularly soft skill(s) when they studied at (a) university. As a result, it is acceptable if companies can provide (a) possibility for them to obtain better job in their companies. ( Capitalize all words in the organization)

Another reason of this is that This alleviating( alleviates) the number of jobless people that is containing economic necessity (and) will influence more life aspects. Result shows that employing minimum 30 percent of people from jobless individuals in one region can absorb the number of unemployed people that make career opportunist. Consequently, (the) unemployed rate will decrease significantly if this can (be) actualize(d) to real action.

On the other hand, some (the) drawbacks of this will make people think twice before giving jobless people a job. Firstly, people, who do not have job in the first time (may?) have (a) minimum in requirement in a specific work. The Company will spend more money to educate them until they have good skill. Second of all, making mistake (s) is becoming more and more problems (problematic) for unemployed people. As it can make a company having (have an) unwell reputation. In addition, some negative views about unemployed individuals such as depending on government and do (may) not have motivation to work will influence environment.

The aforementioned evidence proves that although there are some demerits from jobless people, we should consider that more merits when we employ unemployed people to work in our companies. ( Add a few more sentences to this paragraph)

Hi! You have good points! I enjoyed reading about this topic. Some of your sentences can be confusing with the wordiness. I notice you miss articles ( the, an, a) to make the sentence clear. I would also suggest you work on practicing with words that need S's at the ends and words with tenses to make the sentence clear. Overall you have a good argument here, and I have added suggestions that may help! Good luck!

Writing Feedback / Young people have a right to choose suitable profession due to their own will [3]

Hi! My edits and suggestions are below:

Recently, profession(s) that young people would take is determined by parents. While some people believe that it is because parents tend to have more experience than their children and they have responsibility for their children future, I personally believe that young people have a right to choose their profession due to their willing( < This is a good point but it is a run-on sentence, please make it two sentences).

I would argue that parents have much experience and knowledge about various professions which ( that will) help them to decide their option(s) for (their) children(s) job(s). Result shows that 65% of young people regret about their decision(s) to take the profession due to less knowledge and experiences about the profession. It is thus clear that young people need much information about the job before deciding to join the profession. ( < Good points...So do you agree or disagree with parent choosing? Please make it a little clearer)

Another reason why Parents that should choose the profession is about responsibility to ensure the children future. For example, many young people in Australia are more likely to follow the parents career that can guarantee them to be success(ful). As a result, the parents can monitor their children to work a job.

However, the negative side of this trend is about young people's willing that if it ( the job) is unsuitable with their profession can be caused of the increase of stress and depression( <consider revising this sentence, the wording is unclear) . This is because their activities that they do are not originally from their heart and tend to follow the instruction of their parents. The research illustrates 70% of employers are not love their job. If people choose their profession based on their job( < you have a good point, but profession and job have same meanings, change the wording.) , they are more likely to love their job. There is no doubt that parents should give opportunity for children to choose the profession that they like.

The aforementioned evidence shows that although parent's responsibility and knowledge in profession in a job (? Consider revising) are very important to determine the young people's career, young people willing may not be neglected that can make them to be frustration. I hope parents should be more wise for deciding their children career.

Hi! You have some great points! I have given you some edit suggestions. Some of your sentences are very wordy and hard to understand. What may help you is to write shorter sentences for the sentences I asked for you to revise, overall you have a good argument. Good luck on your revisions!

Writing Feedback / Young people know best their natural skills and it is better when a future job is selected by them [3]

Hi! My edits and suggestions are below,

In recent years, society places(has placed) too much emphasis on people having a profession(< This is an opinion when you placed "too" make sure you let this be known) . Choosing a career is an extremely important decision that has (an) influence (on an) to individual's future. Some people believe that further children's profession(s) should be chosen by parents. However, I personally argue that young children know best their natural skills and it is better to be selected by them. <I like this last sentence, it states your argument..

Basically, parent's behaviour plays an important role for children future. A recent study by Psychology Department showed the (that) parental controlling has (a) significant influence in their children's career development career decision. As it can be seen, children will need parents supportingto make ( have a) more satisfying career, ( and make better) choices later in life.

In addition, children might have less information and experience about what (is happening) happen in the world now. (Please add data here about how children having less information affects their thoughts about their careers)

( This beginning matches to second paragraph) Result shows( can you specify which results or where you found this data?), adolescent who have been begun their career selection, did not have high-other thinking and divergent thinking to see their future. As a result, most of this learned unconsciously where children and teenagers absorb their parent attitudes and expectations of them as they grow up particular in career decision.

However, a parents guide ( guidance) is not always being a part of important ( a positive and important) influence for (their) children('s) life.

Firstly, some parents( do not have) have not much information about (the) deep-skill(s) what (their may) children have. For example, art skill of children is not always showed for their (by) parents, although it is possible as reference getting a job in art occupation. Secondly, the natural talent of children is not being inheritance (always inherited) by parents continually. The instance shows< This is confusing>, a famous people such as singer, starts to develop their children skill for giving popularity profession as well as themselves, beside the children have not these skills( <Please revise this sentence ). Furthermore, children exactly (can)have deep feeling(s) about their knowledge. A sport skill that is felt by children will always develop as soon as possible to be mastering. Therefore, it is better if children have opportunity to choose their profession based on natural talent to gain a good result.

The aforementioned evidence that although parental pressure have significant influence for children's vocational development, parents should give a chance for children ( a chance) to selecting their own best professions. Where possible, adolescent should consider the parental advice as a facilitator in professional growth.

Hi! You have some great points! You have your points laid out with a good argument. Some of the grammatical errors made it difficult to read, but no worries! I have given you some edits and suggestions above to help you, Your third paragraph I gave you an idea for revision above.

Good luck on your next revision!

Writing Feedback / People's lives are more preferable nowadays than a century ago? [4]

People's lives have totally altered over a century in which life is much more preferable. As such, some people agree with this since there have been many inventions which (that) facilitate people to do their activities effectively. Whilst I concur in this idea, I personally argue that living in these days tends to be more challenging for some people as they face a wide range of issues which emerges hand-in-hand with modern developments.

As the world(is changing or changes) changing, the first positive effect is that modern people are more likely to be convenient ( when communicating with)to communicate each other. For example, before the invention of communication technology, people rely( relied ) on letter-post to keep in touch with their family or friends which live in different places. People have( had) to go to the post office and wait for days even months to connect. Fortunately, relationships amongst people around the world are more sustainable with ease ways in the age of cell phone, Skype and other online services.

In addition, today's societies enable (people) to do many activities instantly and effectively. The-state-of-art technologies such as automatic washing machines have assisted many people to wash their clothes effortlessly. In the past, people had to spend much time and energy to deal with this activity( Add the detail... How did they wash their clothes?). By using this advanced technology, people can do other things( What things? Add more details here) which are more productive. Hence, it is reasonable evident that unless today's society has such advancements, they have to work hard to do so. ( Great! You added a good example of washing machines but did not add examples of less modern technology.)

Apart from the tangible benefits, many problems have turned up during the period of 100 years. One of these is global warming, a gradual increase in world temperatures caused by polluting gases. A 2012 study conducted by United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP) pointed out that within the last century, the rate of warming across the globe has been approximately three times greater than before. Worldwide fossil fuels usage to operate manufactures, electricity and vehicles has contributed the large amount of pollution causing the Earth' surface warmer unnatural. Not only this, the problem is getting worse since global warming has led the phenomenon of climate change which causes extreme weather events (droughts, heavy rainfall or snowfall) and decreasing crop yields. As a result, people in many parts of the world now are actually in trouble so as to survive. ( This is a great paragraph that keeps me engaged! But It is somewhat off topic related to the first two paragraphs. Use your first sentences (( in this third paragraph)) to tie this in related your first and second paragraph.)

In conclusion, it seems to me that although people these days have improved in many ways since advanced technologies benefit greatly in their lives, modern people suffer serious problems as global warming has worsened compared to a thousand year ago( what about communication as you stated earlier?). Where possible, it is utterly imperative that governments and individuals have to focus on both developing useful innovations and addressing severe climate problems in order to gain an enjoyable living. < I love this ending! You have a good informative piece. I think it would be much stronger if you tied it all together. It looks like your first three paragraphs are completely different than your last two. Tie these together ( I have added some suggestions above) and it will make your essay stronger. Good luck on your next revision!

Writing Feedback / There are more opportunities today to buy a book. We can get each one even without leaving our home. [3]

Hello,
My edits and suggestions are below,

Now is a (the) century of technology people live , with more technology to help them (people) live conveniently. People can shop on the Internet easily for everything they want(,) even books. Many people who have no ( do not have) experience mays suspect why (how) books( can be) are popular things (items)that people want to buy on the Internet.

1.2) People have more reason(s) to buy books online, and for 3( three) reasons(.) Absorbing thus <( You can just start sentence with "Buying Books") buying books online is convenient for(the) shopper, S(s)tores that operate exclusively online can(also) afford to dramatically reduce their prices and the ruse of E-book and reading application on smart phones.

2.1) To begin with , buying books online is convenient for shoppers. 1.1 They can spend time browsing through the internet as long as they want. Moreover, almost all (many) books online store were ( are assorted?) assort all books for easy to search by write(writing) in to a search box. By using (a)keyword, name of books, year of publication, and name of writer that people want to find it will show in half-second. 1.2 They( A buyer) can shop within a limit of time. Unlike the bookstore which ( has opening hours)with opening hour. On the Internet people can shop for 24 hours.

2.2) Secondly Second,, Stores that operate exclusively online can afford to dramatically reduce their prices. 2.2.1 )Buyer(s) can get cheaper books online. Because, on The website (may) always use promotion(s) to reduce price ( pricing and) sometimes people can buy second hand books from some buyers very cheap. 2.2.2) They( Who is they? Please be more specific) do not have to buy / rent a space for the actual store nor hair an army of employees to help the clients. For this reason, online bookstore can cut( prices?) consequently cheaper than (a)bookshop.

2.3) Finally, I think because the use of E-book and reading application(s) on smart phones(....? please finish sentence) 2.3.1)E-book not only (is useful) on computers, but e-book can (be) read on the smartphone too. So, there( the book is provided) before people needs to buy (the) book, they can look at the malls books ( consider deleting this portion it is hard to understand) online store are very convenient. They can read everywhere. 2.3.2) Easier than it ( that), people can use them smartphone to read bar-code or QR code that they found in somewhere like (the) advertisement in (the) newspaper or magazine. With opening program to read bar-code or QR code and connect to the Internet. After that The(same) program will connect to the website, and people can get information about books that they want to know, ( and can) sometime can buy on it.

3.1) In summary, there some reasons that can make people like to buy books online. However, that way appropriate to most people. Form 3 reasons before include buying books online is convenient, buyer can reduce their prices and buyers can read and find books on smartphone. 3.2) In my opinion. I think buying books online so easy, (it save(s) time, save(s) money and (is)easier access to books(that) will help people love to read a book too.

Hello! You have great ideas here, you have good points in your essay. I liked how you broke up your essay in sections for each topic. I have added some suggestions for your next revision that may help you. I was not sure what the prompt was, and also I was not sure what numbering system you were using (1.2, 1.1?) the numbers made the some portions difficult to read. Next time clarify the prompt and write what you would like help on, and we can help you a little more. Good luck on your next revisions! You will do great!

Writing Feedback / Improving skills to get into an undergraduate program. [3]

And last but not less important, ( Third) they talk abou the composition of the bones, where ...
(This is a good second paragraph! Keep in mind, you do not always have to explain "what they said" or they talk about" comments. Just jump right in, you can always use the author's last name as an alternate, "Smith mentions..." try to avoid those statements to make your point stronger. I gave you a sample on the last paragraph)

... they think that they don't( do not) probe that the dinosaurs ...
The first statement(? what first statement be detailed) could be explained (...) ways like migrating or hybernating (hibernating) when the weather conditions were harsh.

... Otherwise we will still arguing with the little we know. (< I like this ending)

Hello! I see you have a good start here! Keep in mind it is helpful to write an essay that gives your reader the detailed information they may not know about. I see you have knowledge on this topic, but you wrote as if they reader knew certain facts. It was a little harder for me to read because you were referring to what was discussed in lecture and so forth. Add those details too! Good luck!

Writing Feedback / Medical Side of Bud - "Can marijuana become medical?" [2]

As many states begin to accept marijuana for recreational use, others are noticing the power it has in healing. Many ask, "Can marijuana become medical?" That answer is yes, scientists have conducted countless research and manipulated the plant into a way of producing healing properties. They have found multiple ways to use the plant rather than to just smoke it. Marijuana has been proven to help cancer patients with pain control and to provide them with an appetite after treatments. Likewise, those who are affected with epilepsy can use cannabis oil and it dramatically reduces their seizers. Marijuana has many positive benefactors to people who are in pain. People who are dealing with pain in all aspects are given medication that is very hard on the liver and kidneys. Marijuana is natural and does not affect our major organs, and in many cases are more effectivethan prescription medications. Those who are suffering should be able to use marijuana for medical purposes and become healthy. If people were more educated about how effective marijuana could be for medical purposes, then they can save many vital organs by limiting the intake of hard medications, live healthier and active lifestyles, and have more success with a non-harmful substance. ( This is a factual opening, but I am not quite sure what your thesis is? Is it healing? or medication is reduced which helps organs? Please stick to one topic in your opening which will eventually give lead way to your a paper and the surrounding arguments.)

Medical Marijuana can replace many medications prescribed for chronic pain, lack of appetite, anxiety, and depression (Medical Marijuana Treatments and healing, 1). Narcotics prescribed for the same exact medical reasons as above, affect the liver and kidney and damage the body. Many prescription painkillers weigh very heavily on the body where marijuana has minimal wear and tear on the body (Consumer Reports Health, 3). Once the body's vital organs have been damaged the body's natural cycle begins to alter and organs begin to malfunction. If marijuana was replaced with many common narcotics then the body's natural cycle could repair itself and begin to improve its natural function. The National Institute on Drug Abusive ( Abuse) is a government-initiated site that has worked together with scientists both for and against marijuana to determine if marijuana can be a "medicine". This article describes what parts of the plant can be used as a source of medication. It states how the elements within this plant can work with a human's body to help medically. Scientists have provided(evidence on) how marijuana can be manipulated where the common side effects of being "high" of the body and mind can subside when the plant is transferred into different elements and not just smoked. Marijuana can be manipulated and used as a recreational source or manipulated into a medical source. Medical Marijuana can benefit someone who is in need of its medical healing properties. Although many people, including the FDA believe there is no such thing as "Medical Marijuana" many people of all shapes and sizes( Use a comparison such as" ages and cultures" instead of shapes and sizes ) have benefitted.

After conducting an online survey through an add on Facebook, I asked people from all areas of Phoenix, who were all different ages "Can marijuana be Medical? What are your beliefs and why?" This survey included 50 different people. There was a 46-4 ratio. Forty-six people believed marijuana indeed can be classified as a medicine and gave in depth opinions, facts, experiences, or beliefs to conquer with their statement. Out of the fifty total people surveyed, only four believed marijuana had no medical properties at all, they believed it was a gateway drug. Indeed, Marijuana can become a gateway drug according to an article by DrugFacts they stated, "it is pretty obvious that smoking marijuana causes people to crave more potent drugs, such as cocaine or heroine. Statistics show that almost all people who become addicted to drugs smoked marijuana before they began using more potent drugs." While this is very true, it is also a fact that people get addicted to pain medication and venture into more harmful drugs as well. Marijuana isn't the only gateway drug.

Arthritics, seizers, and cancer patients are only a few examples that live with a form of pain everyday. Often the quality of life is greatly affected. Simple activities can become too painful to bear and many opportunities can be missed out on due to some sort of pain. Medical Marijuana has proven to give victims of pain a better quality of life and allows simple activities to be practiced daily (DrugFacts, 1). Since there are many forms of Medical Marijuana it eliminated people from being held back, many forms are easy to take and certain forms can be used in public, since there is no real side affects many people can go on with their lifestyles (DrugFacts, 1). An online article about a little girl suffering from epilepsy stated the benefits cannabis oil had on her. After numerous medications, many draining seizers, and unbearable pain, the only cure to her epilepsy has been the use of cannabis oil. Since using this oil, this little girl has minimal seizers (when she does have seizers, they are easy to recover from), and is able to do normal ten-year-old girl stuff, unlike before the use of cannabis oil. Too often people's medical conditions alter their life styles, many times enabling them to be true to who they are. Certain medications refrain people from being active, living a normal life, operate machinery or other day-to-day activities. Medical Marijuana allows people who suffer from various medical conditions, to proceed with their life and do the things they enjoy. Medical Marijuana heals, subsides, or relieves many problems people may face.

Typically staying healthy is the rule of thumb. When people's bodies begin to act up the first thing society resorts to is medication. Often time(s) the medication's( medications) prescribed have damaging long-term and short-term effects. If more people used marijuana to treat chronic pain, depression, anxiety, lack of appetite, nausea, PTSD, epilepsy, self inflicted harm, or any other form of disability that can be treated with marijuana, they would have greater success with controlling these medical problems, while doing so in a much healthier and affective way. Most pain medication has short-term effects: nausea, constipation, drowsiness, weakness, respiratory depression, headache and more (Health, 1). Antidepressants short-term effects are: mood swings, nausea, frustration, anger and many more (Mad in America, 1). What many people fail to realize, whether it is the lack of education they provide themselves with or the lack of knowledge doctors provide them with, is these narcotics have devastating long-term side effects. Pain killers, can alter the digestive track and slow the metabolism, with age this can increase the risk of excess weight gain. With weight gain there are many problems that develop and many are non-reversible, for example diabetes. Painkillers also destroy the liver and kidney. Once the liver and kidneys are damaged they do not allow your body to function properly. The body starts lacking the victims and nutrients it should be obtaining through the food, however, since the liver and kidney are not efficiently doing their job the host is receiving minimal nutrients like it should be. Once these major organs are damaged it is unlikely they will ever work functionally again. Along with organ damage, there is an increased tolerance to the pain medication resulting in a higher dosage, decreased cognitive function, withdrawal symptom, physiological addictions and cravings, and an increase in paranoia and depression (Trusted Teen Treatment, 1). Ultimately by taking medication to control pain, people are providing themselves more health risks and damages. Mad in America's article explain just how antidepressants work in the body, they said, "After they enter the bloodstream, they travel throughout the body. Most antidepressants, such as the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), are intended to bind to a molecule in the brain called the serotonin transporter that regulates levels of serotonin. When they bind to the transporter, they prevent neurons from reabsorbing serotonin, which causes a buildup of serotonin outside of neurons. In other words, antidepressants alter the balance of serotonin in the brain, increasing the concentration outside of neurons. With long-term antidepressant use, the brain pushes back against these drugs and eventually restores the balance of serotonin outside of the neuron with a number of compensatory changes. Antidepressants are just as bad if not worse when it comes to long-term effects as compared with painkillers. Many times antidepressants are discontinued, when this happens people's bodies begin to relapse which causes a variety of negative changes within the body (Mad in America, 1). Antidepressants can cause neuronal damage, repetitive movements, can increase the risk of breast cancer, cause cognitive decline, developmental problems, abnormal bleeding and stroke, and have negative effects on old people (Mad in America, 1). Marijuana's short-term side affects are: Panic, sensory distortion, anxiety, and or restlessness (Drug Free World, 1). However, these feeling usually subside once the user gets used to it. Long-term affects are: lack of motivation, decreased sex drive, reduction of male hormones, memory loss and the lack of retaining information (Drug Free World, 1). There is no life threatening, or dramatic side effects when it come to marijuana. Marijuana, when used correctly and efficiently has substantial amounts of healing properties with minimal side affects and are not life threatening.

Too often people don't( do not) realize the risks they are actually taking when they ingest narcotics, although they believe they are helping themselves, they are really negatively affecting themselves in the future. Since everybody's body reacts to things differently, it is hard to say how much something is truly corrupting the body. When using painkillers, some people have to take more than the required amount before finding relief; this can greatly damage people's ( a person's) insides. If more and more medication is needed, then more and more damage is being applied to the body. This can be true about (with) all medications since often people take more than the correct dosage. Since there is are many different types, forms, and strengths to marijuana (DrugFacts, 1) people should have no problem finding the correct form that most benefits them and is the safest and most healthiest relief there is.

In 2012 51.8 % of drug overdose deaths were directly related to pharmaceuticals (Home and Recreational Safety, 1). This means over 22 thousand people died at the hands of professionals because an excessive amount of lethal medication. In 2013 81.1% of overdose deaths were unintentional (Home and Recreational Safety, 1). This can be devastating for someone trying to control his or her pain, and equally as devastating for his or her loved ones. Overdosing on narcotics call for a large percentage of deaths per year, Marijuana has not been proven to kill anyone. In 2013 there were zero deaths related to marijuana (Drug War Facts, 1). There can be no mistake if someone were to take too much of the marijuana plant, people can not overdoes on marijuana. There could be some major side effects if taken too much, but with time it will wear off, and the person will still be alive and breathing.

Robert Kiyosaki once said, "Knowledge is Key" this couldn't be anymore true. People benefit off of knowledge. People can never know too much, there is always room for growth. With knowledge the unknown can be broken. People should make themselves aware of their health and what they are doing to their health so long healthy, and happy lives can be lived. If people were to fill their minds with knowledge of medicine, and what they are truly doing to their body society could be a much healthier place. Marijuana is a hard concept to grasp when it comes to the medical side of it. However many people and many states are starting to adapt Medical Marijuana and using it for the purposes it should be used for; to help those suffering. Marijuana has been proven to heal, cure, or relief many medical disorders and provide people with a healthier more affective alternative. Educating the mind is the most powerful tool anyone could use. Medical Marijuana should be adapted into everyone's lives that are suffering and true benefits and success will profit them.

Hi! You have a very factual essay! You have great information for your argument. I have added some minor changes in editing. I highly suggest you make an outline. Your facts and points are great but became hard to follow. Work on developing each paragraph with its own topic. You jump around a lot on the same subject. Take each topic ( health benefits, medication, your survey) and develop a paragraph for each. You do not have to rewrite the whole essay, just move the sentences around to match a subject for each paragraph topic! Good luck!

Research Papers / Agbado, an outskirts of Lagos [2]

( I was raised in...) Agbado Ijaiye, a community commonly referred to as an outskirts of Lagos. The community has limited resources.There is no accessible public library, no well funded public school, and (no) academics enhancing programs. My school is either with no well(does not have a) equipped laboratory, no library for students to have access to academics materials and there is not a reading room for students to study during leisure time.

Mos( Many) students growing in my community live on tales of trials, our accomplishment are bound with hope to get better. We have expereince d several trials and failures alongside sleepless nights. We do strive harder to achieve what students from a better (other) advantaged communities and schools are achieving.

The limited resources has made students from my schools and community developed (a) spirit of independence. For us, limited resource(s) does not mean we can not excell( excel) , no well( a low) equipped laboratory does not mean we cannot present our developed tools in Lagos state education district I, Agege exhibition. As for me, the limited resources did not mean I cannot win some JETs competitions. The limited resources did not mean I was not short listed among best(the) twelve in Lagos state ministry of education physics competition.

However, there are certain things we cannot achieve. Such as The Oluwole Awokoya Memorial Chemistry competition (and the) Cowbell Mathematics Competition. What chance do we have compared to those who have past question and other materials in their library? I can go to National Mathematical Commission Abuja Olympiad, with high competence in mathematics but what chance do I have against students that their(with a) school hired a special trainer for them(?)

The failures that I had endured due to the limited resources had contributed to shaping who I am today and had gave me my outmost objective, to stand as the pinnacle of hope for my community to have access to better resources, so that my neighbours, brothers, sisters and our future children can reach the peak of their career.( Love this ending)

Great essay! I see you are focused and well driven! You break up the paragraphs well in an organized manner. I helped with a few edits and suggestions, good luck!

Graduate / Expanding the Scope of Practice in Education - admissions essay [2]

Hello! my suggestions and revisions are below:)

Monday through Friday I get up every morning and arrive at to work around 6:00 a.m. just to begin my day. Monday through Friday. But today ( this Tuesday) is a little different than every other day of the week. Tuesday's are "special" days for Rakeem. I think I am more excited than he ( Rakeem) is on these days. Today ( Tuesday) is speech therapy day at the child care center where I work. Today is another day that Rakeem will receive help with his speech issues.

Rakeem is a 3 years old that I have seen struggle in his (the) classroom because (due to his) inability to articulate and find the right words to express himself to his teacher. Each day I would see the confusion on his teacher's face and the frustration on Rakeem's (face) as he gets angrier and angrier due to (from the) the communication barrier they seem to have every day. Although the teacher works very well with (in) preparing the students educationally, she also sees that there's (is) an issue with Rakeem and her inability to teach him at the same level or pace as the other students.( end sentence here)withoutThis results in Rakeemhim getting frustrated and acting out in her class. Rakeem heads ( is then sent) to my office once again , and it break(s) my heart to see the frustration on his face. I begin to feel defeated before he steps foot in my office(,) <no comma needed) because the only help that can provide for him at the moment is a calming voice, and the reassurance that everything will be okay.

How can I help this child? On a daily basis he ( Rakeem) is unable to communicate, due to the (a) stuttering problem and . He is also unable to recall words in his classroom that the class just went over 30 minutes ago( <Confusing wording/revise) . I could only imagine his dilemma on a day to day basis. How discouraging the learning process must seem to him. It was written all over his face, a look of defeat. I knew I had to do something to help this child and maybe others that could be suffering from the same issue, but ( who also) displaying their frustration in a different way. I get on my computer and began researching some possible solution.

Being a social worker also , I have worked with children that have been diagnosed with learning disabilities. So I typeOne day I searched for "preschool age children with learning disabilities". Common Communication Disorder is one of the areas that popped up on my screen. I look further and read different articles about, Speech Language Pathology, what is was about and how are they trained to assist children like Rakeem. At that moment, even though it was the first step, I felt empowered. I felt that I was heading (headed) in the right direction. ( I revised this paragraph,the whole paragraph on the searching agent was confusing because you use different tenses)

But most of all I was intrigued by what I had read, and the struggles So many children like Rakeem are faced with on a daily basis in our schools. All of the learning disorders that preschool and school-age children are plagued with on a daily basis and the shortage of Speech therapist in the school systems to assist these children. I realized at that moment this was the path I wanted to take, and how I could help children like Rakeem within our schools. Once I located a Speech Therapist that could come in to the child care center once a week, who (that) also accepted Florida Medicaid,( I felt...) because Our child care center serve(s) 90% of lower income and families that were considered below poverty levels. Finally Rakeem had started (started) receiving the help that he needed, the help that would give him an opportunity to be successful.

I learned that unfortunately there's a shortage of Speech Language Pathologist in the public school system, and expanding the scope of practice in education is detrimental to the success of our children. My desire to become a Speech Therapist runs deep on a personal level. Because of children like Rakeem, it pushed me to want to know more about the Cognitive Learning Development and Language Disorders. Children like Rakeem who have been identified with emotional and behavior disorders are faced with challenges that will affect their academic and communication skills. These kids suffer from an array of emotional, behavioral and social disabilities. They lack poor communication and language skills, which result in poor academic achievement. I am willing to go that extra step, that extra yard, and that extra mile to gain the knowledge that is essential to becoming a great Speech Therapist.

As a licensed speech therapist, I would like to expand upon the academic success of written and oral communication across the curriculum. Gaining knowledge, researching better avenues, and conversing with other speech therapist and educators to get a deeper understanding of the dilemma our young children with learning disabilities are faced with today(< Run on) (please make this two sentences ). This will give me a better insight on my role as a speech language pathologist and ways I can be a vital asset.

As a graduate student, ( I will learn) learning how to build a stronger foundation and learning the normal processes which ( that) are related to communication disorders. My goals is(are) to strive to become a critical part of the ASHA Organization, and work within the school system where the need for speech therapist is great. much needed once This will be once I have obtained my Master's in Speech Language Pathology. I am excited to begin the first step in my educational career. My decision to apply to Florida State University Bridge Program is just the beginning of my journey to become a Speech Therapist. For this reason, and along with my determination to help those in need of these services, it would be a great privilege to be accepted into this program.

Hi! Great essay! I have made some edits to help you out! Good luck on your path!

Speeches / Punished life - Introduction to my speech [3]

Imagine having a life where you get punished for leaving the house without a male companion, for being alone with an unrelated man, or for undergoing certain medical procedures without permission from male guardians. Imagine women, who suffer heart attacks, (who) are delaying life-saving treatment because they need a man's permission to travel to hospital. Moreover, imagine if you can't(not being able to travel alone) unless you're traveling with your male guardian. The guardian may be her father, her husband, her uncle, her brother, or even her own son. This scenario presents the daily life of women in Saudi Arabia. ( Have this as an opening and add more details)

In a nation where that deeply values of family and tradition(please add a touching end to this sentence here) .>Start a new sentence>but Unfortunately in Saudi Arabia, there is a guardianship system (that) minimize(s) women's values and treat women as minors. Saudi Arabia's male guardianship of women and policies of sex segregation stop women from enjoying their basic rights.

According to an article published in December.22.2014 by unknown Politics in Quatare.ed

"`.The women of all ages are not permitted to study, travel, work, receive medical treatment, or obtain personal identification without the permission of their male guardians-. It is a system that relegates half of the population as being dependent on their male guardians"

I'm going to talk (discuss) about how discrimination on the basis of gender in Saudi Arabia affects women.

Hi! You have a great start here! You can continue with the remaining paragraphs giving examples and quotes like the one above arguing your point. Use your closing to wrap up what you are trying to say as a whole.Good luck you will do great!

Letters / Uniformity Termination - letter to my employer [2]

Message:

Dear Chris,
cc: Guil and Joel

Hello, my edits and suggestions are below:

I'm writing this e-mail to you, because I would like to thank you for hiring me and to be (a) part of your company.

Saying that(,) I was very surprise(d) of (in)the manner that ( this situation) was handle(ed) by your company upon my termination. do to the fact that You hired me and Guil GuIl and I. The way that Jennifer "Controller" terminated me is was the lowest I ever experience in my life working for a company.

I work(ed) for you for five months and I think that during does(those) months I would imaged (Imagined) that you knew what kind of person I'm I am.

The reason( that was given) why I was Terminated for termination by your company was "Lack of Sufficient Progress", I don't (do not) think that was a good reason to terminated me do due to the fact that if, of, I was terminate do to "Lack of Sufficient Progress."

thenmy )(In my opinion) you should (have) Terminated Jennifer, Cindy, Yolanda, Soraya and Robbie. I hear(d) a lot many of things while I was there! the A Lady who came to work for one day, she asked me if Nikki it was the Owner of the company and I told her, "no she's Not" and I thin in my option opinion she was very smart to realize that Jennifer depends on Nikki. Every day she would come and asked Nikki how to do something, but Nikki is very smart person(who choses not to say)much because she wants to be and charge of everything. Guil and Jennifer told me to ask Nikki everything before I did anything Which I did (because) she was my boss, not Guil, not Joel (nor) Jennifer. and I think that I was the victim of something that I was unprepared to handed. (handle)

I worked for ABC Supply for 6 years, and I (am) still friends with everyone there. I don't ever recall saying anything negated about any company that I ever work(ed) for, because to me that (is) bad business. I did my job while I work(ed) (for) ABC, (and) other suppliers did not like me because of the fact that I go I received some of their business.

Chis, I learn(ed) a lot of your system while I was an employee of your company. and I think I learn to much that I wish I wouldn't . There's a lot of things going on there that I don't (do not) think you would be happy about,(but) I guess you will realize one day. Some of the employee(s) that you have in your company have been fire(d) because they were stilling(stealing?) from a previous job.

Hello, I have added some suggestions above to help your letter,try not to capitalize any words except names and titles. A complaint letters to get a good point across should be fact based and to the point, I see you use some of those techniques here. Good luck!

Writing Feedback / Students from the age of 16 should be encouraged to have a part time job [2]

Hello!

My edits and suggestions are below,

Financial issues are most of the time the reasons why students have a part time job(s). However, there are students who do not have financial issues and do not have or need a job. Money is just one of the reasons to have a part time job. There are many more other important reasons ( students work part-time jobs) that are going to be discussed in this essay.

Student time is the best time( Time is written twice, try using another word to make sentence clearer) to experiment with one or different kinds of jobs to know where the interest are. People will argue if it benefits the student to have a part time job during their study (studies). The advantages that students are going to gain are worth it however. ( <sentence is confusing) Therefore, all students from the age of 16 should have a part time job.

First of all, gaining work experience will benefit a student in his or her eventual career. Things like, meetings with colleges, meeting deadlines, being on time and (to)negotiate with the boss are examples(experiences) that will benefit the student no matter what career path they choose. They( Students will) learn to work in teams and respect and listen to each otherand each other's opinion(s). The point is, in particular, they get used to the attitude that is expected from them during their later career. Furthermore, companies ask for experience, they want to see that you have a job experience to do the job you are applying for. Albert Heijn for example is looking for part time team managers most of the time (EOS, 2014).( <great use of a real example) This way they offer students to gain managing experience besides their study, and teach them to address people in the right way. This will be taken in a great advance when applying for a future job.

In the second place, A job offers young people the opportunity to socialize. Through socializing, people can enlarge their network, which is a very important thing in the labor market. Networking means building relationships with people. It means meeting with other professionals and let them know who you are and what you're looking for, or rather what you have to offer. So besides applying for a job with an application letter, networking is an outstanding strategy to find a part time job or holiday work for students. In fact, networking increases the chance of finding a job by 200%. Moreover, when having a part time job, students will meet people from different cultures and ages. They will practice communicating on the right level with these people.

A third reason , A part time job is good for a student's personal development. Student time is the best time to experiment and practice with different kind of jobs. Through one or more jobs(,) the students can find out what their skills are. where are they good at and what not. This can (help students) decide their career path. Colin Powell states, ''There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure''. Some might argue that a part time job will decrease a student's performance at school, however a Dutch supermarket came up with a great idea; homework classes at the Albert Heijn. Albert Heijn is a Dutch supermarket with over 97.000 employees around the country. From the 97.000 employees of the Albert Heijn, 54% is younger than 20. A couple of the supermarkets created a place for students do their homework so they]( would not ) not fall behind. These supermarket locations encourage this, so young students can also have a part time job and don't have to worry about their homework when getting home (Maroesja Perizonius, 2015). Not all the supermarkets have implemented this yet. The 40 locations in Amsterdam have applied this system and it is a success.

Finally, it is worth it for students from the age of 16 to have a part time. Having a part time job a(s) a student may open a lot of doors for them and has indeed many befits. Working while studying will gain (help with) work experience and this will benefit a student in his or her eventual career. Furthermore, students can find out what they are looking for in a job. This is good for their personal development. And last, having a part time job at a young age will enlarge their network and allow them to meet different kinds of people and besides this increases the chance of finding a job by 200%.

Hi! Good essay start! You have many many detailed points! You have good quotes and great examples that match with the topic. Although you do not have many misspellings, your structure and organization can use some revisions. For each paragraph stick to one topic, whatever your first sentence is, stick to that topic. Your third paragraph starts off with personal development then speaks of homework in grocery stores. Your second section speaks of socialization but then talks about networks and increasing job findings. Although these all tie in together at some point, it becomes hard to follow your argument. I suggest make an outline and re-organize your sentences so they relate to each section. If they do relate explain in detail how:) Good luck with your revisions!

Writing Feedback / Damage of the environment in terms of improving human living standard [2]

It is argued that the development of human living standard(s) will certainly damage the environment.
... is the most important factor of the planet E earth and it requires serious attention and protection.( Please elaborate:)

On the one hand, there are several reasons why improving people(s) living condition(s) cause damage to the environment.

Another reason is that the waste of the process of (in) producing construction components ...
... having devastating effects on food chains of wildlife.( <This is a great detailed second paragraph)

On the other hand, although the process of developing living standard(s) do seem to damage the environment, governments and societies can take place steps to mitigate these problems through some these measures. Firstly , engineers should encourage and prioritise structures that integrate plants with accommodations so that people are able to feel closer with the nature and enjoy fresh environment. Secondly , governments should expend(the) national budget to construct more parks and public gardens in centre areas in order to reduce the level of air pollution and the impact of the greenhouse effect. Finally, we can motivate people to move to apartments by reducing the renting payments and fees. As people live in these accommodation(s), we could safe (save) more room on the ground and we need not to cut dow (and reduce cutting down) trees and plants which( as a result of damaging the environment) will compel them to the brink of extinction.

In conclusion, while the process of improving human living conditions seem to (harms) the environment, measures are available to tackle these problems and help. neither make it possible nor protect the environment of earth. <(Reword this last sentence it is confusing to read with the nor and neither combination)

Hi ! You have some great points about the environment. I enjoyed reading your point of view! Your second and third paragraphs were very detailed and well thought out. I added some edits and suggestions that may help you on your next draft. I would love more elaboration on your opening and closing( try to make it at least 4 sentences). Good luck on your revisions!

Writing Feedback / Adults education and the reasons why grown-up people continue studying - IELTS [5]

Hello my edits and suggestions are below!

It would be great if the next time around you can screenshot the graphs, it can be little challenging in helping you with the writing when I can not refer back to the graph:)

The first bar chart illustrates the reasons why grown-up( who are grown up people? Is there an age range, please use a age range ((if its provided)) or be more specific) people continue studying, and the pie chart show( displays) how to share the cost of education courses following to their thinking. It is evident ( in the graphs)that people go further for education because of (due to their) interests or getting higher qualifications( qualifications on what?). Besides, according to their( Who's suggestions?) suggestion, the majority of tuition fee should be charged by themselves.

The bar chart provides the result that 40% of adults decide to study because they are interested in the subjects, and it is the highest figure in comparison with other factors. Gaining qualificatons is the second popular reason influenting their study, at 38%. The lowest rate is studying for their social purpose, just 9% of surveyees agrees that they study to meet other people. Arround 20% of people decide to study for related job reasons.

According to results of the pie chart, people atteding these course should be responsible for majority of the cost, at 40%. Their employers also should be share 35% to support them. The remaining would be paid by taxpayer, the surveyees suggested.

Hi! You have a great start here, if possible next time attach the graph you are referring to. If possible be very specific in your writing:) Who are the grown-up people? What are the qualifications? Make an opening as you did above, then two paragraphs explaining the depth of each chart, and a closing comparing both graphs. I see you started this above ^^ but it looks like you should elaborate a little more. I have highlighted the misspellings in red.

Good luck on your next revisions!

Writing Feedback / Computers have made the world a better place to live. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? [6]

Today the live routine( what is a live routine? ) has become more complicated and undoubtedly computers (have) help(ed) us to manage all activities and our time and to improve our life. However, computers have some drawbacks, but I think that (the advantages) advantages are more than outeweigh the disadvantages.

First of all, It is obvious that computers are able to manage activities and make calculations much faster and and correctly( more efficient ) than people. In our contemporary world there are (many) important qualities such as efficiency and accuracy and computers can obtain those requirements. For example, in( the) automobile industry especially sport cars must be created with(the) exact calculations of aerodynamics and mechanical functions. Also, In rocket making a lot( many) factors must be considered, computed(,) and then built. Moreover, weather predictions and other forecasts are made by computers.

Furthermore, it is believed that with computers communication has become much easier than it used to be. That is Today we have different types of applications though which we can talk to each other such as messengers, e-mails, chat rooms, social networks and so on. Also, Computers have become more portable and easier to use so that even child can utilize this (it) and it (they) can be carried everywhere! So, this technology (has become)is very helpful and useful for everyone. Students now use e-books instead of ordinary books(,) and also this partially reduce(s) deforestation, because(due to the fact) paper is not needed.

In conclusion, I think that now we cannot even imagine our world without computers. They ( Computers) are in every sphere of our life, from medicine(,) (to) science, to (and) industry. Apparently, this ( The invention (of computers) was (were) created in (the) welfare of humanity and does its job quite well.

Hello! I have given you some suggestions for edits on your writing. You have some good points for your arguments. You get into the details. Just a couple of things, can you please explain what a live routine is? I did not quite understand what it was. Also if you could elaborate a bit more on your introduction and conclusion, it will may your essay even better! Good luck on your revisions!

please check my work:)

Writing Feedback / More parents start concerning about the possible negative effects of the computers on their children [3]

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children.
Do you agree or disagree?

Hello! my edits and suggestions are below,

A computer has recently become an indispensable part of modern people's lives. As it more encroaches on our children's time, more parents start concerning( are becoming concerned)about (with)the possible negative effects of the device. I agree with those who argue that a computer has a number of negative impacts on our offsprings; however, I do not think that their number( what number?) outweighs the number of positive effects.

Among the positive impacts of computers one may suggest that using the devices helps children socialize. The online connections to that computers provide to members and the online community may facilitates the communication between (among) youngsters. and This helps them(youngsters) to connect to each other despite long distances and embarrassment .( It may also help them overcome embarrassing moments such as...) . Moreover, a computer(is becoming)becomes a increasingly vital tool for study. A variety of channels for study( that has been) introduced by computers has never been greater: online books, educating(educational) films and web-sites are now within easy reach for any pupil. Besides, Computers may also yield some financial benefits since it is (now) more economic(al) to read books and watch films online for free than to buy them.

However, some factors clearly indicate that the amount of time spent in front of computers by children needs to be controlled.( The factors are...) The reasonable use of computers may lead to better social connectivity, but, in some cases, the over-use may cause young people to tune out of the life around them. It is noted by many today , that those children who spend a considerable amount of time playing computer games start resisting reality and real relationships.( These children) find an artificial world of games more convenient. Furthermore, the sedentary lifestyle related to the use of computers may contain a hazard to children's health. Sitting long hours at the devices may lead to a lack of physical activity and sunlight, which is dangerous for young people. In addition, eye problems may occur as a result of such an overindulgence.

In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that I find the use of computers helpful to children if it is prudently restricted.( Please elaborate:)

Hello! I like your essay, you have some great points! I suggested a few edits to help your essay and the sentence structures. You have a great argument. You start with an opening, show me how you agree and how you disagree good set-up. Please elaborate a little more on your conclusion. Good luck on your revisions!

Writing Feedback / Philosopher Immanuel Kant urged people to throw off the yolk of tutelage and of idle life; SAT Essay [3]

Hi! You have a good essay. You have a great skill of using real world/historical observations to get your point across! I would give you a 4. I am not sure if its a compare and contrast essay. If it is a compare and contrast essay you deserve a 5. If the question is just the prompt you give us, I would say you should not rely so much on the examples to fill the essay. It is to the point I have no idea how you really feel about the matter, only what you show me through your examples. Good luck on the next draft! I hope this helps!

Scholarship / I realized I had interest on impacting knowledge and affecting the lives of young people [3]

Hi! I see your inspiration! You have good experience and your ideas are well thought out. I would say you should work on your timing. I was confused about when and what dates you taught, when you decided to switch to teaching the subjects and so on. I was once told, never assume the reader knows, you must map out your writing to clearly explain to the reader. I edited and gave some suggestions that may help you on the next draft.

Good luck!

Writing Feedback / People's life would be completely different without Internet; IELTS essay [5]

Hi! I enjoyed the read, I love reading about different perspectives, you clearly pointed the positives and negatives of internet usage, I have placed some edits that should help your revisions! At the beginning of each sentence you do not always need, an introduction( First, Second, furthermore) to your thoughts, just move into it!

Good luck!

Writing Feedback / More attention should be paid on how people live - the society, people migrates from place to place [2]

In the past, people usually stayed in one place throughout their lives. These days, people move more around. They often live in several places in their life time.

Agree or Disagree?
==============================================

Place an introduction sentence here about how people staying in one place and moving around motivates your opinion on how more attention should be paid on how people live> More attention should be paid on how people live. Many a person thinks that people In the past (people) were more likely to live in a (the) same place. While it is utterly true to some extent as they that wanted to be close with to their families, others people argue that people today tend to move to other (alternate) places because they want to improve their quality lives. However, I strongly believe that living in the many places is difficult for some people. ( You use persons and people 4 times, try to reduce using the same words over:))

In modern era, staying in many places gives many advantages. Firstly First, when people need to earn a high income, they have to move from their villages to the city because they have many choices of job, and they can apply the job which provides a better salary. Secondly (Second), people will meet see? new environments( People can not meet environments, meeting is more like a person to person statement ). They can learn many cultures and customs in their new places. Thirdly ( Third), people will receive new information when they live in the new town because their news facilities are different than their previous home town. Hence, moving around to many places will bring benefits. to people.

Apart from these tangible advantages, living in many regions gives negative impacts. People who want to move to other places have to prepare many things such as their mental(health) and finance(s). If people tend to go to some go places, they will also bring their families. They Families moving should encourage their families to adapt for (to the) new habitat. It is very essential, because they usually experience real culture shock. Likewise, money is the most important factor when people move around( <repetitive.You do not need this sentence because you already told us "finances") . They should buy many goods to support their daily needs in the new place. It is widely recognised that moving around should be under consideration. (Please consider using an alternate word for they)

For this reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that although people are more likely to live in many different places, they have to take this into consideration before they make a decision to move around. It is imperative that people should be well-prepared when they want to move to other places with their families because it is not easy to change our live environment.

Hi! Great start! I see you have some strong valid points! You have a great argument! What I noticed is you are using repetitive words like "they" and "persons" and "people" and "It". Try using these word less than twice, and find an alternate word to replace, it will make your essay an easier read. I have placed suggestions for your next draft. Good luck!

Writing Feedback / Chalk and Cheese. Not all siblings have the same personality, some are as different as polars. [4]

Not all siblings have the same personality, some are as different as polars. One big example is are me and my sister my sister and I. Although we were raised together and same blood runs in our veins, we never agreed (agree) on one same thing. Many friends (of our friends)were become surprised, saying they say, "Wha t do you both have in common? You are more like chalk and cheese than sisters!"

To point out some the differences, one day we were going to a party together, I got in walked in,extremely quiet hoping that none would notice me. In contrast, my sister made a loud entrance (into the party) and she was (became)the life and soul of the party. ( This was) unlike me. I believe that my sister's high self-confidence is the reason. (Add sentence here about your personality and why you feel you are quiet.)Another difference is that My sister is a down to earth person, she also can make relationships fast with strangers and persuade them. due This is due to her charismatic personality. On the other hand, I am a quite stand - offish person,(I) am not that as friendly. which makes most Many say that I am aloof.

Despite all the contrast we both have, me and my sister my sister and I are like best friends. and we are so close together We are close, I am lucky to have her as my sister.

Hi! Great start! I was not sure of what the writing prompt was about so I went on ahead and made some corrections and edits. I like how you began, you gave us differences between you and your sister. I would love for you to elaborate a little more on yourself and what makes you different (but in a positive light). Good luck!

Writing Feedback / It's an argument essay in which finding of Dr. Field observation is challenged by Dr. Khap approach. [2]

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate
the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

The argument claims Dr. Field's conclusion about Tertian village culture is invalid and the observation-centered approach carried by Dr. Field is also invalid. Stated in this way(,) the argument manipulated factors( what factors?) and conveys a distorted view of the situation( whats the distorted view?) ,which fails to reveal several factor(s) on which it could be evaluated. (You have a good introduction, but it may helpful if you took a couple of sentences to describe what factors and distorted views Dr. Field and Dr. Karp are speaking of.)

Firstly First, the survey had been done two?( twenty or two years?) years back and by observing Dr. Field concluded that children in island of Tertia were reared by an entire village.This statement is a stretch. M oreover, (the) Argument readily assumes that observation-centered approach is not an effective approach to provide any conclusion. It might be possible that Dr. Field had observed only a few children on the

island of Tertia and by observing them he concluded that children were reared by an entire village. (Spell check and space your sentences after a period))

Secondly Second, Dr. Khap, an anthropologist, who took interviews of children living in the group of islands that include tertia.
This evidence undermine(s) the Dr. Khap statement that the interview- centered method is more accurate than observation
based.Because Dr. khap not only took interviews of children who were living on teria but also apart from tertia.
So,it might be possible that the conclusion made by Dr. Khap is based on the accumulated data of different Island. Cleary
there is no evidence that can commensurate that the interview-centered approach is better than
observation-centered approach of Dr. Field. ( Always capitalize cities and capitalize names of people)

The argument could be bolstered if Dr. Khap had provided the exact statistics of interviews done to the Tertia's children or
if they have provided the conclusion based only on island of Tertia. These are some factor which makes the argument more reasonable.

In the conclusion, the argument remains flawed for the above-mentioned reason and is therefore unconvincing.
It could can be considerably strengthen(ed) if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts.Wi thout this information, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.

Hi! You have a very good vocabulary, you know how to use the data above to state your argument, which is a good skill to have! I found your argument difficult to follow, you mix up Dr. Khap's studies with Dr. Field's studies. Thus, making it hard to read into your argument the first three paragraphs.

Suggestion: Use one paragraph to explain Dr. Khap's views and another to explain Dr. Fields views. Use your third paragraph to tie in both their arguments, and to make your point with last paragraph( as you did above). I also placed some suggestions for your grammatical errors,

Good luck!

Scholarship / What is an intellectual concept that you find stimulating and what does it tell us about you? [3]

As I was First introduced to the concept in of existentialism in world history class, it fascinated me.

Existentialism dictates that every person has an individual sense of truth and free will they are able to act upon candidly.

Yet, as a society, we all abide by secular rules despite our human nature.

Existentialism is like being eighteen years old, but living in your parent's house.

You legally have the freedom to do as you please, but you (must) obey your parent's rules because, it is their house.

I enjoy studying human behavior. and

It is interesting to see how people change their habits to align parallel with societal norms.

Great start! I just shortened and cleaned up some of your sentences, overall you have a good point. I enjoyed the read. I would love to read more concrete examples, I hope my edits and suggestions help!

Writing Feedback / "Grades" - immense educational pressure put on the little children in our South Asian societies [4]

Hello my edits and suggestions are below:

She sat on the swing just , by the deserted school playground, fixated on the colored blue paper on her hand - staring at it - as if her life depended on it. To be honest it literally depended on it, or so most would say. Painstakingly running her fingers through every line ( what line? the paper? be detailed) and checking over and over; she sighed deeply. The last few weeks have (had) been extremely hard on her.

She tried to recall ever getting up( <standing up? finished with her work? unclear) from her table at the corner of her dimly lit room donning bright posters of cheerful Barbie's against the candy pink of her walls - the ambience hardly reflected her psyche. She worked hard, she really did, but all she could think of now was the sheer disapproval that'd be on her mother's eyes. Did she let her down? She did, didn't she? After all her mother had invested most of her time on her.

She took her to coaching's( Who is her? Her mother's coaching?) diligently all around the city day after day, sat outside her class the whole time Bella was inside - listening absentmindedly to the vague lectures aimed at her, and took her back home religiously. Her mother unearthed every forgotten friends, every acquaintances - and pulled all the strings in her power to land the best home tutor available. And now how will her mother show her face in front of the other parents? And what about her cousins, uncles and aunts? What would she say to them? Maybe they are already calling her mom to check on her, about how she did. In one stroke she has disgraced her whole family. ( Did she feel as though she disgraced her whole family? Did the family tell her she was disgraceful? Unclear ) Sitting there on the desolate playground she pondered over the purpose of her meaningless life.

But should( she) an 11-year-old worry about the purpose of her life and ramifications of her actions? ( <You should keep this sentence in the "she"pattern, you jump to questioning the present when this whole story is based on how "she" feels.) Sometimes she wishes (wished) she was Shimu, the little bubbly girl her age, who also happens to be her domestic help. She Shimu goes about her works, does the laundry, cleans the house, cooks the food and meekly follows every order - but yet somehow always remains cheery. At times she does find herself on the receiving end of sharp name-calling and caustic reproaches; but she would soon forget and return to the TV room at night all chirpy and jovial; what wouldn't Bella do to take her place right now. "Maybe her life is simpler", she supposed, "at least not too much is expected of her".( <This whole section is unclear, you should use the name Shimu instead of she, it becomes unclear who is "she" when you are speaking of of she and Shimu. ) Bella shook her head and focused on the blue paper gawking back at her. She never thought some pesky letters would make her feel so sad and insignificant. But here she was reminiscing every single things she could've done but instead sat alone, utterly disgusted at herself - at how she let everyone down; the shame bore down on her like a thousand mountains. Amid these flurry of emotions she looked up and saw the only person she dreaded to see enter the playground. Seeing her mother's face, she couldn't hold back her tears anymore, she did the only thing that made sense to her, she ran to her - sobbing.

Very moving, I can feel the emotions in the writing, I like your form of storytelling! My suggestions are that if you are going to use a creative style of writing you have to keep your reader clear. You should try to stick to the "she" tense in all your sentences. When you are speaking of Shimu, I noticed you use she for both, this became confusing to read. I was also unclear on whether you were speaking of grades at first, or a letter in the end. Keep in mind, you want your audience to follow what you want them to, you have to make certain specifics clear, so the reader is not guessing small details you want the reader to know :) I love the ending, you have a good way with words!

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2: there is a trend towards the use of alternative forms of medicine [2]

Hello my edits and suggestions are below:

Good health is a key for (to a) happy life. For this reason,( there is an increasing amount) people are increasingly of people using alternative medicines to treat illness. While this traditional treatment addresses unknown side effects, owing to not be tested ( these are not tested) scientifically, (and) many patients report positive experiences with this ( these treatments). Therefore, I personally believe that seeing high-qualified doctors is a valuable solution for people suffering (from) illness(es).

In an (the) industrialization era, alternative medicine is a pathway to treat illness, and this becomes a popular trend in medical aspect. Research studies have shown that an alternative therapies in Australia (have) climbed steadily during the past 20 twenty years, and people in this country( which country?) is are very conservative (in their) attitudes to natural or alternative therapies. ( Place a statistic here) As a result, alternative medicine is common issue for (the) public.

It is believed that alternative medicine can cure many kinds ( types) of disease(s). According to the Australian Journal of Public Health, 18% percent of patients visiting alternative therapist(s) do so because they suffer from chronic illness. TheyThe individuals in the same studycommented that they liked the holistic approach of their alternative ( alternative? medicine? doctor? please clarify) and detailed attention they had received. By doing so, patients do not need to drink medical drugs. In consequence, alternative medicine enables to treat illness.

Conversely, many alternative medicines have not been tested scientifically. What stands out from this case is( that) an illness could (can)get worse without being tested and treatment from a doctor. Research studies have shown that 12% of American(s) cannot treat their backache problem after getting acupuncture for several times in a therapist. As a result, alternative medicine may have no beneficial effect at all.

In conclusion, alternative medicines might treat ( many) kinds of illnesses . However, people should know (seek) the opinion from (of) qualified doctors to know and identify accurately what kinds of disease suffered them (they are suffering from). When people come to suffer from a chronic disease, it could may be better for them to see a doctor (physician) soon to get receive medical treatment based on scientifically tested (ing).

Hi! You have a very well organized essay! I see your introduction, body paragraphs, and closing. I see you weigh both sides of the argument which is good! You may want to add a couple of sentences to your body paragraphs. Unless specified in the prompt, aim for 5-7 sentences per paragraph. I have placed some edits to help your grammar. The percentages are good, it gives strength to your argument. Good luck!

Undergraduate / I decided to learn something practical, technical and capable of creating huge material [3]

Hello my edits and suggestions are below:

When I was about to choose a major to specialize in, I convinced myself of learning (to learn) something practical, (something) technical and capable of creating huge material wealth. At that time, I thought only that (this was the only) kind of occupation( that) could truly make a difference to the world.( Place a simple sentence here about which major you chose> you jumped ahead assuming the reader knows you picked Architecture) Architecture seemed to be a nice choice, combining engineering techniques and romantic imagination. ( I see your passion here, good sentence.) Then there I was, studying architecture at one of the best engineering schools in China. ( Overall nice introduction!)

Admittedly, I did have a great time exploring the world of architecture for the past one and a half years. However, it did not take long before I realized that architecture was just an okay ( mediocre/ average) option rather than a real interest for me. ( Place a sentence here that gives your reader a sense of you being an architect student, but how you loved college) As for campus life, I did enjoy the time of being a tiny spot in a huge crowd, cheering for our school team in a basketball game. But I felt lost in a seemingly boundless campus with more than 40,000 people.

One day(,) it occurred to me that I had spent so many years trying to meet some "so-called" criteria but failed to be at being myself. I have bought a lot of fashionable clothes but they were not my type.(< This sentence is out of place. Tie in how buying clothes that were not your type was similar to what you were experiencing with your major and your sense of self. ) Likewise, I thought architecture would suit me fine because it is a popular major.

( Make this a new paragraph) But My real interest lies in liberal arts. After so many detours I have made, I eventually decide(d) to pursue my real interest and dream college life regardless of what other people may think of them. I want to transfer to a medium-sized private school with fertile ground for liberal arts. I am fascinated by the with the complex relationships between ( among) (< between should only be used when speaking of two things) countries or nations. As an acute observer of international affairs as well as and an active participant of Model United Nations, I enjoy the time when I am involved in delicate negotiations. I have taken part and am planning to continue being active in various kinds of public speaking activities.

( Make this a new paragraph) Apart from that, I also love writing and plan to pursue further development in creative writing, which is a not yet (a)available field in Chinese universities. In particular, I am keen on poetry and novel creation. I have been constantly contributing articles for school magazines and am confident of being an excellent writer in your school.

I believe that the active academic atmosphere in your school provides will would bring out the best in me. First, I intend to take various courses on arts and humanities in order to enlarge my knowledge base. Second, I am looking forward to being involved in international and intercultural communication. I will also take part in relevant competitions and conferences to upgrade my negotiating skills and to prepare myself for achieving the goal for the goal of becoming an ambassador in the future. Last but not least, I plan to write a book about my college life and have it published after graduation. I have made detours and have been through tough times redefining myself. But, I (will) treasure all the knowledge and experience I(will) have gained and would love to share (this) knowledge and experience with (the) people in your diverse community.

Hi! Great essay! I love how you explain your career change and the reasons. This makes your essay very thoughtful and passionate. I added some edits and moved around some paragraphs that may help your essay. Tips in your introduction, write every sentence as if the reader does not know who you are. Never assume the reader knows. I gave you some edits that may help. Good luck on your journey!

Scholarship / My life has always fixated on robotics - one of reason why I chose study in Scotland. [3]

Hello, My edits and suggestions are below,

I have faith in imagining things, pursuing them with all my grit and whittling them into certainty, an
instance in my life is robotics. My life has always (been) fixated on robotics, to go to a great university, and to A cquire
immense knowledge of robotics and build them. It feels very right that I've( I have) committed myself to robotics
despite my many interests, R obotics combines nearly all of them( please replace "them" with another descriptive word), it is capable to connect every field from ecology to music to astronomy, and this makes robotics even awe-inspiring to me. However T hese are not ( the)only the motives for me to decide on artificial intelligence I t will aid me to develop advanced robots which would help me in contributing the development of mankind which is like giving back what I have grown because of them( <run-on, please divide this sentence).

It is very exciting as(I) imagining ( imagine) the robots I could build,(it) is envisaging the environment where I will learn
to build them. At this point I would like to quote the words "If I have seen further it is by standing on the

shoulders of giants" by Sir Isaac-Newton .< floating period) Which will be exactly suited the specific motive for opting the
prestigious "University of ABC", Pioneer in the Artificial-Intelligence having cutting edge research
laboratory; K nown for the outstanding reputation for excellence in world-leading research, innovation and
teaching. < Run on, please shorten this sentence)I foresee as the best place for me to hone my robotics skills better .

While considering The University, which is going be a new transformation in (my)career advancement, the
location of the university is an important factor to ruminate. In this state(I ) am elated to embark (to) Scotland.
Not only because of Scottish university (is) leading in the world rankings, but (it is)also the country which that always
showing willingness is willing to support researchers. This may be is reflected (in the) change in of the world-renowned
inventions. from Examples are, Cloning to MRI to touch bionics; and in addition to the reputation which it has been earned from the international peoples as the "B est place to be".

As I previously expressed, about my love in the realistic and heroic possibilities of robotics ( confusing sentence), I am
fascinated about the realism in robotics, it really defines my passion of serving mankind via robotics ( you mentioned robotics once). my
under-graduation "Mechanical-Engineering" provided solid platform to visualize my dream into reality,
by developing( a fourteen)robot prototype for various applications. Leading daily published a pictorial titled (< Confusing how you introduce this sentence, please consider revising) "Robovin Brammakkal (means Creator of Robots)" emphasizing my achievements. Also, I am

maintaining a blog nijanthanvasudevan.blogspot.in where I post my research online to share and
aid any budding inventors. The innovative and conceptual design skills which I learned helped me to land
a Design Engineer job in Research & development sector of corporate such as AAA, BBB
energy solutions (India) Pvt ltd & CCC (India) Pvt ltd. for more than
2.5years( Please type out all acronyms) .

These years of professional experience helped me to get a whole new perspective towards
designing, conceptual and prototype developments. In addition to that, but it enhanced my teamwork skills,
perseverance & and vision which I believe it would make a perfect combination to pursue my dreams in
University of ABC.

Hi! I see you have a great vocabulary and you are very talented! I am almost sure you will be going to Scotland! I have added my edits above. Please work on run-ons, and wordiness in your sentences. This can take away from the value of your essay. Simpler sentences may work better for you, you have an advanced vocabulary, so advanced words in smaller sentences can help your writing, and deliver your message. Please use capitals at the beginning of your sentences, you have random capitals( highlighted red). Watch out for small things like floating periods. Spell out all acronyms, and spell out all numbers. For example, 2.5 should be two and a half. Great start and good luck!

Undergraduate / "Arguments of Affection"; dinner with my family. UC Prompt #1 [3]

Prompt: Describe the world you come from. For example your family, community, or school.

Hello! My edits and suggestions are below:

It's( It is) Friday night, and the soft sound of plucking guitar strings is resonating faintly from the walls of Friar Tucks Restaurant. The lighting is dim and the mitigating buzz of conversation around me(is) pleasant;( You somewhat jumped into the arguments quite fast in the paragraph, I would love another sentence here about the ambiance, then move to >) then as always the arguments arise. Our tones rise slowly at first gradually diminishing the amiable flow of small talk(,) until our simple disagreement teeters on the verge disaster. This is dinner with my family. (Wow you have a great vocabulary and an astounding way of describing the scene.)

As the only child of my parents, and the only grandchild on my father's side of the family, I have always been the center of attention. My grandfather, "Papa" as I call him, was a commander in the Navy during the Korean and Vietnam wars. As his only grandchild, I have always been subject to an endless number of lectures regarding everything from parallel parking to politics( I like the humor here ). My grandfather has always pushed me towards academic success, and motivated me to be studious and disciplined in everything I do.

While my grandfather is my motivator, my parents are my supporters. When I was Growing up(,) I remember looking at my house, which was small and rustic, and being embarrassed that it was not like the large beige houses with the perfect green lawns and white picket fences my friends lived in. It wasn't until I grew older that I realized that those big beautiful houses were filled with loneliness.The loneliness of a father who works four hours away, of a mother who couldn't remember the last time her children hugged her, and of children who used their parents absence to do whatever they wanted.It was after this realization that I re-evaluated my own home, and saw the vibrant, yet quite awful, paintings of my childhood displayed on the walls with pride, and most importantly I saw the love my parents felt for each other and for me something that no amount of fancy cars or perfect lawns could buy( This should be two sentence s). My parents are my supporters. The people that showed me the importance of creativity, of doing my best, and of having enough faith to believe that it will all work out. ( I really admire your descriptive sentences, but some of your sentences can be shorter, the words will flow smoother. Try shortening or using commas for some of your longer sentences.)

To say my family falls to opposite ends of the spectrum would be a bit of an understatement. We don't( do not) agree on politics, religion, sports, art, or even what restaurant to eat dinner at. Now that I come to think about it, there is very little we do agree on, but we are a family and that is what is important. That's( That is) why even when the people sitting at the table next to us leave the restaurant because we are arguing so loudly that our voices have covered the soft plucking of guitar strings, I simply hide my shadow of resigning embarrassment and smile. Because at the end of the day, it is their differences that have shaped me into the person I am, and will continue to shape me into the woman I hope to become.

Great ending! I love your poetic style of writing! As a reader, I had a little trouble understanding some of the longer sentences. I had to read it twice to get the flow and thought of the sentence as a whole. Overall this is a great piece. My suggestion is work on your longer sentences, work on dividing them if you have two to three thoughts in the writing. Good luck!

Writing Feedback / 'my grandfather has diabetes' Young people enjoy more than older people? [2]

Hi! My edits and suggestions are below:

So that we can help you to our best abilities, it would be helpful if you placed the prompt, or be specific about what your writing assignment is:

Is this an argument essay? An opinion essay?

In my view, I liketo support for both people groups,because they are doing good job in professional,social and health areas( <Are you speaking of older groups or younger?).Younger ( groups) onesarehaving (have) the flexibility to do any kind of work and they are smart(er) than older people.They usually have many friends and enjoy by having fun in their life.

In professional life they( who is they?) have many opportunities to study as well as work,but i dont( do not) think people who are 60 in age are not supposed to study or sometimes work,because that it said to be their retirement stage.High salaries are paid only to the young ones who are smart in doing their work.( opinion, needs a statistic to support this)

According to health conditions young ones are good( what does good mean?) and healthier when compared to older people( what study is this?).Young people does not have restriction(s) in their intake of food and they enjoy,( space)but older people have to maintain their restrictions .For example,my grandfather is a dibetes patient and he is prohibited to eat sweets.Likewise,each and every older people will have some restrictions in their food,due to their health conditions.S

In social aspect of view,most older people make friends only of their own age,but this is not the case in younger people.They make friends with all and have lot of fun.Younger people usually go to gym and maintain their body ( <do you have a statistic on this?),but most older do not do this as they are old and their health condition may also not permit.

At certain point of time,old people also enjoy a lot by spending time in park,and chat with their friends.They also have exteme happiness when they are looking after their grandkids.Sometimes they enjoy in recreational activities.Some older people enjoy similar to younger people like going to gym and park.

To sum it up,young people enjoy more,but at the same time its not never old people enjoy more.

Hi! I see you got off to a great start, you have some good ideas, but you have many grammatical errors, which make it a little hard to understand your point of view. Always remember, writing is different than speaking. In writing you must clearly form your thoughts before typing them. You must make spaces after commas, and make a spaces after a periods. Also some of your statements are biased, some statements look like they are written as your opinion, for example if you are saying young people go to the gym and older people do not, you may want to find a fact that supports this. Or write"In my opinion" if you do not have a fact from a source. Also make sure some of your statements are from a respected position, for example, it may not be so wise to call older people"old people":) this wording can be taken as a insult. Maybe use words like "the elderly" or "senior citizens". Please replace your "they" words with an actual noun :).

I can help you by giving you a possible outline: Each section can have 3-5 sentences.
1-Introduction and your thoughts
2- The advantages of being young
3-The disadvantages of being young
4- The advantages of being elderly
5-the disadvantages of being elderly
6-Closing