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Posts by fatmajanna [Suspended]
Name: Fatma Janna
Joined: Apr 18, 2016
Last Post: Oct 18, 2020
Threads: 6
Posts: 10  
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From: Indonesia
School: Universiti Teknologi PETRONAS

Displayed posts: 16
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fatmajanna   
Oct 18, 2020
Scholarship / Chevening leadership essay - leading web transformation end encourage others [2]

leadership and influencing skills essay



Chevening is looking for individuals that will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer.

(minimum word count: 50 words, maximum word count: 500 words)


Leaders are those who inspire and lead others with their heart, empathy and provide innovative solutions. Leaders also have influencing skills where they can communicate their innovative solutions to the team and also other people.

At the beginning of my current project, I was the only person working to develop the website interface. Then, another colleague joined our team. I welcomed him and explained in details about the project to him. However, he often faced difficulties in completing his task, due to unfamiliarity with the project. I could understand his situation, and I was always there and ready to help him. I approached him and communicated with him about the problems that he faced. I gave some hints to enable him to think and have a better perspective on how a solution could be achieved. As a result, he gradually understood better and could finish his task efficiently.

A few months later, our stakeholders wanted the web application to be bilingual: Indonesian and English. The request was quite all of a sudden but we only had less than a week to upgrade our website before it was being presented to the potential investors from Thailand. At that time, the website was only in Indonesian and was already big and complex enough, yet we had to translate everything from login to the settings page. As the lead of web development, I tried to accommodate the request by first researching the technique to have a bilingual version on the website. Then, I informed the team about the solution and delegated some translation tasks to my teammates so that the job could be finished faster. It was tough to understand and implement the translation technique and ensure all the features on the website work properly, however, we managed to complete the task within the stipulated time. Finally, our website now has a bilingual feature. This has helped our product to be potentially marketed in other countries, such as Thailand and receive funding from Bangkok Bank for further development.

I noticed that people at work cannot speak English fluently. However, English communication skills are essential. I wanted to help them improve their English skills and speak English with more confidence. Thus, I initiated to have our daily 15-minutes meeting to be in English. At first, people were reluctant and not willing to agree with the idea. Nevertheless, I tried to convince them that they could speak English, they just needed to try. Finally, they accepted my suggestion and we implemented the English daily meeting. Consequently, until now we still have a daily meeting in English. It also has been implemented by other employees in different teams and divisions. It had helped the employees to be more confident in speaking English.

In summary, I have demonstrated leadership and influencing skills by helping my co-worker on facing his challenges at work, leading the website transformation into bilingual version and also encouraging people to speak English daily.
fatmajanna   
Oct 17, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay. Job satisfaction versus job security, which one is more important? [3]

You mentioned on your 1st paragraph that you would discuss in three aspects. However, I could only see two aspects here, which are age and the attitude of life.

It is nice that you show your opinion by also relating it from your own experience.

I would like to emphasise that IELTS writing are formal writing style, so you should not use contractions, such as can't and don't

Write it as it is, such as: cannot, do not, etc.
fatmajanna   
Oct 10, 2020
Speeches / What I think the world will be like in 100 years [4]

I think the content and the story of your essay is nice. However, there are several grammatical errors that you need to improve.

For example:
Imagine still living in 100 years >> Imagine if we still could live 100 years from now,

if i still breathing and having enough energy like i am now >> If I were still breathing ...

Be careful when writing I, it should be capital letter, for example: then I think I would

lets talk about >> let's talk about

cars will no longer being >> cars would no longer be

try to use future conditional sentence because of the context here is you are talking about something that would probably happen in the future.

Imangine how amazing it could be, >> Imagine how amazing it could be

I think you also need to improve on the structure of the essay, try to make it as introduction, body and conclusion.
fatmajanna   
Oct 3, 2020
Writing Feedback / Writing task 2: Is it good for school and university students to take part in a part-time job? [6]

come out of their sell
did you mean come out of their shells?

confidential person
did you mean confident?

confidential letters mean they are secret, can only be opened by someone the letter is addressed to.

with the money they earn from their sweat.
I think this is improper translation of Indonesian terms into English.

you can say: with the money they earned by themselves.

to become more cautions about

to glamorize your CV ?
did you mean to improve your CV?
be careful with the usage and selection of English words, it can be out of context if you choose the wrong words.

with the understand knowledge about teamwork

I think you need to improve on the first and last paragraph. One or two sentences only for a paragraph is too short I think.

Overall, well done. Continue learning.
fatmajanna   
Oct 3, 2020
Undergraduate / Tell us about who you are; I have the will and patience it takes to make a strong individual. [4]

I would suggest that you should use formal style of writing.

For example:

don't give up should be do not give up

. often encouraging should have capital O >> . Often

Grammatically can be improved:

more mature than

our player basketball and ...

you tend to use sentences without subject. For examples: Always there for them. Often encouraging.
I suggest that you use complete sentence structure with Subject and Verb / to be as the least component.

Content-wise, it is quite nice and you describe yourself from many perspectives which tell us who you really are.
You also show your value from the things that you have done towards others. This is really interesting and makes us want to know more about you.

May I know how long you should write based on the given instructions?

I think you can elaborate more especially on your community perspectives about you. You can tell, for example you join an extracurricular activity or a tech community. How are you involved in this community and how they describe you.

Overall, it is really nice and I hope you can keep improving your writing. Well done.
fatmajanna   
Nov 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some people claim, that the improvement of technology has decimated the value of traditional culture [2]

Question:

It is inevitable that as technology develops, traditional cultures will be lost. Technology and tradition are incompatible - you cannot have both together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer

Technology has been used and developed by several professors around the world to make human life easier. Nevertheless, some claim the improvement of technology has decimated the value of traditional culture so you have to choose either evolution of technology or our tradition. In my opinion, although technology has a negative impact towards our culture, it has several benefits via blog, youtube and website those are vital to our traditional culture. Traditional culture has been introduced globally via blog and website. Many website like nationalgeografic provide a lot of information regarding the history of our culture that is able to be seen interestingly by other people from different country. Likewise, today, a number of blog have contained our traditional culture such as dance, ritual and other tradition. Although, sometimes they conduct it for attracting other to visit their blogs, it also can let the world know about the improvement of our culture.

In addition, some of us watch youtube every day when we are in the free time or some of them uploading regarding our culture. For instance, the youtube channel from 'my trip my adventure' which a lot of video regarding our culture had been producted by them and it has been viral. Therefore, technology will increase such information about our culture world wide.

On the other side, technology as social media can decrease the value of our culture when we become lazier to have conversation to our friend instead of using chat application in social media. In a result it will reduce the way we use region language as our tradition culture.

In conclusion, albeit it has a negative side of using technology towards our culture, it will be addressed by using it effectively such as creating blog, youtube or website about our traditional culture.

~ kindly read my essay, give some comments, critics and recommendations so that I can improve my writing and please estimate how much is the IELTS writing score for this essay, thank you very much ~
fatmajanna   
Jul 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 essay practice - Population Distribution in two different countries, two different year [4]

Answer

The pie charts provide information on the proportion of populations based on citizens' age in two different countries, in the year of 2000 with predictions for 2050. Each pie chart divides the people in their country into three groups of people according to their ages: young children, adults and elderly.

In 2000, Yemen had about half of their people as young children, while in Italy only less than a quarter of the population were kids. Moreover, about two thirds of Italians were adults in 2000, whereas Yemen had less than half of the population adults. Only small portions of elderly were found in Yemen in the year of 2000, while in Italy about one fifth of the inhabitants were aged people.

In prediction, there will be more than half of locals in Yemen who will be adults by 2050; in Italy the number of adults will decrease to less than half of the citizens. On the other hand, young children in Yemen is also forecast to be decreased by more than one tenth of the population. While the number of young children in Italy will decrease slightly.

Note:
apart from your comments, kindly give me a predicted score for this writing.
Thank you in advance.



  • Question
fatmajanna   
Jul 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic Writing task 2 - The Person Who Should Teach Children [6]

I think you should learn more on paraphrasing, so that you can avoid using the same words for several times.
Try to simplify your long sentences so that it will be more convenient for examiners to read.

You should also improve your grammar.

I hope my comments could help you to improve your essay.
fatmajanna   
Jul 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / To better myself and progress in life... Essay about the story of my life. [3]

Hi Juan,
thank you for sharing the story of your life in this essay. It is indeed an inspiration towards success, especially for those who have to struggle in order to obtain better education.

Your writing is quite impressive, I can see that you have a relatively wide range of vocabulary. I think you should add another paragraph to conclude or summarize your essay at the end or improve your last paragraph into a conclusion one.

I hope my suggestions could help you.

Best Regards,
Fatma
fatmajanna   
Jul 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - Modern Technology influence on access to important data [5]

Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being benefical, this is a danger to our societies. What are your views?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.


Answer

It is true that advanced development of technology eases people in the fast access and global sharing of information. On the other hand, some argue that easy access of information is rather a threat to our communities. While I accept that technology might harm our society, I believe that certain measures can be performed to overcome the harmfulness of global technology.

Internet is one of the technology that has made people compliant. It has a tremendous impact to the people globally. They can share or get information in convenient using computers or smartphones. Social media is one of the examples of where people exchange information including photos and videos. Family, relatives or friends can easily share their experiences daily through social media.

On the other hand, others argue that easy access of information can be dangerous for them. The internet is not always a secure place to keep specific information, such as business data that requires major security. They feel unsecured of any possible certain things that might occur if this highly important and confidential data fall into offenders, such as criminals or hackers. People also concern about internet because their underage children might access adult contents and harm their mental health.

Nevertheless, although I agree that latest technology could be harmful, there are preventive ways to avoid the negative outcomes of internet. For instance, use internet protection for securing confidential information and internet filter to avoid children from accessing harmful contents. Thus, we still can gain benefit of utilizing the advantage of latest technology without getting worried of any negative impacts that it might cause.
fatmajanna   
Apr 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1:The diagrams below show the various kinds of water found on the earth... [3]

Hi,
I think you still can improve your essay. My suggestion is to use less numbers in the essay. For example instead of saying 50 or 60%, you can use slightly above half of the ....,

a quarter of the ....,
one third of the .....,

I also see some grammatical errors in your writing. But, overall it is good enough. I can give you 6.0 - 6.5 for this essay.
fatmajanna   
Apr 23, 2016
Scholarship / AAS Application Essay: How will the proposed study contribute to your career*? [3]

I observed that Indonesia has a great potential of oil and gas production. Somehow, the production has not yet optimized enough to suffice the national oil demand. In taking Masters of Petroleum Engineering Science in Australia, I will have the required skills and knowledge to tackle the oil and gas industry's most challenging problems, especially to develop the oil and gas production in Indonesia.

As I am concerned with the insufficient oil and gas production in Indonesia, my Masters study in Petroleum Engineering will support my personal development, specifically on the knowledge of oil and gas upstream industry. The study will equip me with advance skills and techniques, including problem-solving skills and analytical skills, on how oil and gas are produced from beneath the earth to the surface and how to process them before being distributed to the consumers.

Moreover, my proposed program of study provides individual and group projects. The projects are very essentials for me to apply all the knowledge learnt and prepare myself before facing the real oil and gas projects in the industry. Upon graduating from my Masters study, I will be able to understand, frame and solve the most complex of upstream problems in today's petroleum industry.

In summary, my proposed study will train me to understand and effectively utilize the workflow concepts now prevailing in the oil and gas industry, and prepare me fully for work as a fully qualified petroleum engineer in the challenging and dynamic oil and gas industry.
fatmajanna   
Apr 18, 2016
Scholarship / 'idea to simplify the system in more efficient and effective way' - Implementing change or reform [3]

You should avoid the use of "we" because the question is asking about you, which means you as an individual. You could change the "we" on this part "so when we click one subject or lesson" as the users, and then change the next "we" word, into they.

each features (each means singular)

You should use capital i for I (yourself)

This application can be use used to test a student using time based test,

in my place, the students is enforced to memories memorize the formula, and i realized that its it is not effective and the student(s) don't have their own life skills but good scores.
fatmajanna   
Apr 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS_What do you think youth unemployment will cause to the individual and the society? [4]

Hi, I would like to comment on your IELTS task 2 writing.

It is a good writing, if I were the examiner, I would give you a band score of 6.0 - 6.5

Your first paragraph should paraphrase the question. I knew that you were trying to have an interesting essay by opening in such a way. Somehow, it's not always necessary.

You should elaborate more on how youth unemployment impact the society. Based on the question, you should mention in your answer three things: impact of youth unemployment on the individual, on the society and make some suggestions.

You should work better on the last paragraph
fatmajanna   
Apr 18, 2016
Scholarship / Gained Information - AAS - How did you choose your proposed course and institution? [2]

Apart from having a Bachelor Degree in Petroleum Engineering, the reason I would like to study Master's in Petroleum Engineering is because I am concerned about the condition of oil and gas production in Indonesia. While having 3 billion barrel of oil reserves in 2013, Indonesia is still struggling to produce sufficient amount of oil to cover the national oil demand which is more than 1 million barrel per year. Indonesia can only produce approximately 0.8 million barrel annually. Thus, Indonesia is always forced to import the oil and the need of importing oil has increased in the past recent years as a result of economic growth.

I can observe that Indonesia is having a great potential of oil production. Somehow, the country is still lack of advanced technology that can allow better production, which are both optimized amount of oil produced and less total cost required. By taking Master's of Engineering Science in Petroleum, I would like to study how Indonesia can have the advanced technology required in order to produce oil and gas more effectively and efficiently. Once the country can produce oil and gas with improved amount and less cost spent, due to the advanced technology that will have been used, there will be significant increase in the economic growth in Indonesia.

In terms of choosing the institution, I had gained information of higher institutions in Australia by visiting an Australia education fair in Jakarta. Through that event, I was informed that institutions that offer Petroleum Engineering for Masters Degree were University of New South Wales (UNSW), University of Queensland (UQ) and University of Adelaide. Somehow, University of Adelaide is offered for people who do not have Petroleum Engineering background.

I also performed research in the internet about the course of Petroleum Engineering offered by these two universities, the requirements to apply and other important information. Based on QS World University Rankings, both UNSW and UQ are among the top 50 universities in the world. At which engineering is one of the best faculties in both universities. Moreover, after studying the course guidelines that I obtained from the internet, I felt quite confident about my choice of institutions. Because the subjects offered are specifically relevant for my background of study as well as my future goals as a petroleum engineer. That is why I prefer to study Masters of Petroleum Engineering either at the University of New South Wales or the University of Queensland.
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