Llamapoop123
Aug 21, 2009
Undergraduate / "You must be the change you wish to see in the world"; Community Problem Solving [7]
True but arrogant.
Stunning introduction but weaker conclusion. The surgeon thing comes so suddenly. I would say something that leads up to it or just take it out. A lot of the things that you say CMPS has taught you is not exemplified in your narrative. Perhaps you should focus on one thing like how CMPS taught you that your work can provide life changing results for deprived families instead of listing off everything that you've learned.
Community problem solving? You only solve problems in your narrative by gathering money.
Like I said, this is too sudden.
My team and I helped 32 people remain solvent, something that many high school students cannot say they did.
True but arrogant.
Stunning introduction but weaker conclusion. The surgeon thing comes so suddenly. I would say something that leads up to it or just take it out. A lot of the things that you say CMPS has taught you is not exemplified in your narrative. Perhaps you should focus on one thing like how CMPS taught you that your work can provide life changing results for deprived families instead of listing off everything that you've learned.
My familiarity with volunteering and the skills that community problem solving has taught me will benefit myself and the UF campus.
Community problem solving? You only solve problems in your narrative by gathering money.
And like problem solving, I feel that I will succeed in college and reach my goal of becoming a surgeon.
Like I said, this is too sudden.