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Posts by Asma Raj [Suspended]
Name: Asmawati R
Joined: Sep 15, 2016
Last Post: Oct 11, 2016
Threads: 6
Posts: 10  
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From: Indonesia
School: UIN Syahid Jakarta

Displayed posts: 16
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Asma Raj   
Oct 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / How Wild Animals Are Hacking Life in the City [4]

Hello Oktoberlin,

I would like to give some corrections on your essay.

"Firstly, Wily coyote, which has spread into nearly ..."
"Unfortunately, urbanization is not suitable as well as animals behave"

Keep writing Oktoberlin :)
Asma Raj   
Oct 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Taklimakan Desert, covered with eighty-five sand dunes, has remarkable plant life [2]

The Taklimakan Desert covered with eighty-five sand dunes, which has size around 337,600 square kilometers. Although it consists of almost 100% sand dunes, it does not mean that there is no plant there. There are three plants that life in this desert, Populus euphratica, Tamarix ramosissima, and Alhagi sparsifolia.

Firstly, Populus euphratica, the tallest tree in the Taklimakan ecosystem, has long root functioned to absorb water far away from the tree existed. Also, this species plays a role in controlling evaporation throughout either its stomata which generally open during the day while photosynthesis at that tree processing or tiny pores on the leaf surface.

Secondly, there is Tamarix ramosissima that commonly known as a tamarisk or salt cedar. It uses water in an enormous amount by root system that can absorb far away and has root size many times rather than that plant. In addition, it has as the same evaporation regulation like that happens on Populus euphratica leaf.

Lastly, the species that grow prolifically in the Taklimakan desert, Alhagi sparsifolia, utilize a huge amount of water during the summer. Some its root absorbs water about sixteen meters depth. Contrarily, this species open and close its stomata relying on the leaf surface conditions rather than two species above.

As explained above, the plants that life in this desert, Populus euphratica, Tamarix ramosissima, and Alhagi sparsifolia, have quite similar in large absorption of water. They have adapted in surviving living in the desert that can be noticed from their roots form.
Asma Raj   
Oct 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Tax dodgers in India and Indonesia have been given a chance to come clean [2]

Hello PHA2016,
I would like to give some corrections on your essay.

... dollar from the 64,275 taxpayers, which targeted people ...
Explanation: You have to put comma after 'which' because this clause is related to the India's government and not to the 'taxpayers'.
The taxpayers are politicians and businessmen.
Please make sure about subject-verb agreement.

Keep writing PHA2016 :)
Asma Raj   
Oct 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some scientists from University of Oxford released result of study about the future of work [3]

Hello Fauzankrn,
I would like to give some correction on your essay.

machine has power to learn everything from data.

..., machine learning grows rapidly to be able ...

... that machines cannot do, it is tackles novel situations."

Please make sure how to use singular and plural noun, and also about subject-verb agreement. I hope my corrections help your next essay better.

Keep writing Fauzankrn :)
Asma Raj   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Birds fly hundreds and thousands of kilometers to find the best conditions and habitats [3]

Migration is usual mobility of animals especially birds, and they will fly hundreds and thousands of kilometers to find the best conditions and habitats for feeding, breeding and raising their young. They will fly to other regions where conditions are better, and when the conditions at breeding sites become unfavorable. Furthermore, there are many different migration patterns of birds in the world. The majority of birds migrate from Northern Hemisphere which is the breeding areas existing, to Southern Hemisphere that wintering grounds being. However, some birds breed in southern parts of Africa continent and migrate to Northern wintering grounds, or horizontally, to enjoy the milder coastal climates in winter. Other birds reside on low-level lands during the winter months and move up a mountain for the summer. Also, there are nocturnal and diurnal migrants of birds. In nocturnal migrants, those birds rely on the illumination of stars for navigation in the night. Contrarily, in diurnal migrants, they migrate during the day and rely on the sun to find the place that their migration aim is located.
Asma Raj   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / BIRD MIGRATION TO BREED DURING THE WARM SEASON [5]

Hello Gldvn,
I would like to give some corrections on your essay.

1. "The most widely recognized types of relocation birds includes ..."
Explanation: You have to know that migration mean the movement of many animals and also you mention more than one type of relocation on your essay.

2. This sentence "No land flying creatures ..." is better if you make like this " No land flying creatures are known by them to move into the higher scopes of the Southern and just seabirds species relocate toward the southern side of the equator to breed".

3. This sentence "At the begin of the journey, ..." should be "At the beginning of their journey, around 55 percent of its weight is comprised of the fat important to fuel this stunning adventure".

Keep writing Gldvn :)
Asma Raj   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Devastating Consequences of Logging [3]

Hello Washisa,
I would like to give some correction on your essay.

1. This sentence should be " The eroding earth which is containing organic ...".
2. This sentence "If the carbon dioxide airborne..." should be "If the carbon dioxide mix with acid rain and water vapour, it will be generate quality of water round streams and along of river".

3. This sentence "Logging is an enormous ..." should be "It is an enormous actor behind global warming".
Explanation: You have mentioned logging in the first paragraph on your essay, so you have to substitute 'logging' in the last of your essay being 'it'.

Keep writing Washisa :)
Asma Raj   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The logging industry provides a huge number of raw materials for producing many useful products [3]

Summary: Environmental Impacts of Logging

The logging industry provides a huge number of raw materials for producing many products which is really useful for people. On the contrary, undeniably, this activity has several negative impacts to the environment such as losing the habitats, polluting the air and water, and causing climate change. Firstly, both terrestrial and aquatic ecosystem will disappear, in which their habitats are poisoned by erosion. Furthermore, cutting down the trees in an enormous number will pollute the air and water. Trees protect the pollution to air naturally and get rid of carbon dioxide from atmosphere when they produce oxygen. The water quality in the river also deteriorates due to the enhancing of sedimentation. Lastly, the felling of trees in large numbers causes abnormal rain cycles, flooding and dryness. The increasing of carbon dioxide emissions from some forest fires in the world also creates climate change, especially global warming.
Asma Raj   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / The importance of balancing our income and expense. Money Management. [5]

Hello Killua,
I would like to give some corrections to your essay.

1. This sentence "Many people,however,find it difficult to ..." should be "Many people, however, find it difficult to developing the skills of how to control their own finance".

2. Please make sure about some spellings on your essay because this is crucially in having good essay, for example, thoughfully, enducations, and althogh. They should be thoughtfully, educations, and although.

3. This sentence "there are also some specialists ..." should be "there are also some specialists analyzing money management."

Keep writing Killua :)
Asma Raj   
Oct 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Rural life and modern life. What is better ? [3]

Hello Qtraam,
I would like to give some corrections to you essay.

1. These sentences: "So, which is better : living...=> should be "So, which one is better: living in the large city or a small community. Below are the advantages and disadvantages when we lived in small villages". Also, you have to make sure about the spelling because there are two words misspelling in these sentences, 'community' and 'disadvantages'.

2. This sentence should be "there were four main benefits "
3. This sentence should be "The schools were too far, and there were no public transports"
4. These sentences: "The children lived in a small comunity ... => should be "The children lived in a small community grown up healthier, and they have better health and less illness. The inhabitants formed a relationship being stronger, and they helped each other when they had problems".

Keep writing Qtraam :)
Asma Raj   
Sep 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED VIDEO SUMMARY: THE POWER OF INTROVERTS BY SUSAN CAIN [3]

Susan Cain as a lawyer and consultant presents both about extraverted and introverted people in society which has several differences in character whether in the school or in the workplace. At least one-third of the human are introverts and they have given huge contribution in social life even though some of those are underestimated by community. Eleanor Roosevelt, for instance, is commonly held as an example of a highly successful introvert person who gave a huge number of press conferences and she was also a United Nations delegate, a human rights activist, a teacher, and a lecture. On the other hand, extraverted people prefer to focus on the world outside the self in which they enjoy social interactions and are likely to be enthusiastic, verbal, and assertive. In short, it is fairly difficult to find a person with a strictly singular characteristic. Many individuals may be either introverts or extroverts, but generally a mix of both types of characteristics is found in a person.
Asma Raj   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / OUR ACHIEVEMENT DEPENDS ON THE PERSONALITY [2]

Hello @deanarin

I would like to give you some corrections.

1. This sentence should be "... memories, social relationships , habits, and skills."
Explanation: Please make sure to make balance singular or plural nouns!
2. This sentence is better if you write like this "... how the various parts aof one person come together ..."
3. This sentence should be "The type of personality can gives affects for your future life."
Explanation: After modal 'can' and the other modals, you must use 'verb' without adding 's'.

Keep writing :)
Asma Raj   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Positive and Negative Consequences of Consumerism in Social Life [3]

Nowadays, the demands of goods increase higher and higher because those have lower charge than some years ago and the availability of new products is easy to find in modern or traditional market. This essay will explicate more information about positives and negatives of consumerism.

Low cost of living is one of positive impacts of consumerism due to the higher purchase rates of people the more increasing of their consumption in goods and services, so the manufactures would give cost to their products at lower price to encourage consumers to act. Consumerism also gives a positive impact to open many jobs for job seekers in which the companies that have both good products and popular brand, and want to increase their production, would need more workers to provide the greater demand of consumer.

On the other hand, there are plenty of negative effects of the high consumption action, for instance, the high demand of goods will force manufacturers to use low quality materials to produce more goods in order to gain more profits. In addition, disadvantages because of consumerism will encourage and drive to make purchases in larger amounts, so that is going to create a throw-away culture and more waste.

In conclusion, although consumerism provides several advantages in human life but we also should realise that this activity is a bad habit in our society when we cannot control our desire to have many stuffs.
Asma Raj   
Sep 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summarize TED video : Bill Gates talk about mosquito, malaria, and education [4]

Hello mem77

I would like to give you some corrections from your essay.

1. This sentence is better if you write like this "... video by Bill Gates with the topic about mosquito, malaria and education,"
2. This sentence is better if you write like this "... tried to reduce amount of malaria case in many countries , especially in the develop countries "

Explanation: many country ==> many countries (after word "many" should meet "plural noun")

Keep writing :)
Asma Raj   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / It Cannot Be Denied, There are the Pros and Cons of Using Internet for People Appearing in This Life [3]

The Internet is has completely fulfilled individuals ways to communicate, gain information, shop, do business and other activities, and a number of people assume that it is the most necessary thing in their live. On the contrary, some individuals think that the Internet makes users addicted. In this essay, I am going to deliver the pros and cons of Internet use.

One of the advantages of using Internet is that we can be easier to gain much information what we want to. For instance, students who want to do their assignments and needs more resources except from books, they can use Internet obviously. Another advantage is that we can keep the relationships to our relatives, friends, and other people using some social media like Facebook, Instagram, Path, and Twitter. Also, there have been several cases in the world that many people meet their friends or families long time no see in social media.

On the other hand, the disadvantages of Internet use inflict serious problem for today's era and those are unavoidable. Using Internet without good time managing for working, studying and taking a rest, is causing one of the worst diseases namely the Internet addiction. For one example, children will lose their control in using Internet for gaming and opening social media or opening useless website such pornography, if they do not under control of their parents.

In conclusion, the Internet use is likely needed for a large number of mankind but we should avoid possibly all the dangers of usage and use it in accordance with good portion.
Asma Raj   
Sep 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / There is no reason to show some special attitude toward people based on their age [3]

Hello @DmitryB,
I would like to give some corrections in your Essay.

1. the older personspeople
Explanation: "person" is singular and to change it being plural is no need to add 's' but the plural form of person is "people.

2. the highest priority ...

3. ... the mental distance betweenamong generations even longer.
Explanation: If we use "between", it should be followed "and". For example, ... between ... and ...
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