Writing Feedback / Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has .. [2]

I will appreciate any kind of recommondation in order to improve my writing.

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

The rising livels of violence is one of the major problems in today's society. many believe that the violence we observe on TV and in computer games is an essential part of the problem, while others argue that there are not enough evidences supporting this theory. In my opinion, nowadays the bound between the real and virtual world is too small and we tend to transfer the aggression we observe in front of our screens into the real world.

First, for most of us is difficult to remember the last movie, which does not consisted at least one violent scene. It is not an easy task to remain cold-blooded and restrained, when you are surrounded by so many aggression and violence. Moreover, it is scientifially proven that people tend to transfer what they see in the virtual world into their own lives. So, it is not a suprise why so many kids and adults become more aggressive after watching their favourite movies or serials.

It is well-known fact, that the play of computer games is the most popular leisure activity across the teenagers. In addition to this, the combat and shooting games are the most played one's and with the amount of violence, which they contain, it is not a secret why many children nowadays more aggressive than the children in the previous generations. Unfortunately, a huge percetage of these gamers transfer this aggressive approach in their schools and homes and as we all know the violence begets more violence.

At the end of the day, i think that if we want to tackle the problem with the rising levels of violence and create new, safer environment for the future generations, we should to educate our kids what is good and what is dangerous for their future. We need to explain that the aggressive attitude threatens not only their future, but the future and the goodwill of the people the value and love.

Writing Feedback / Graphs provide information about the results of a survey on prefered culture and leisure activities [2]

I will appreciate every kind of recommendation in order to improve my writing skills.

From moderator: NEXT time you'll get suspended for posting useless comments in other students' threads.

prntscr.com/d605qa - a link to the topic and the charts.

The pie graphs provide information about the results of a survey about boy's and girl's prefered culture and leisure activities. Even though, some noticable similarities between the two genders have been observed, overall the differences were much more significant.

It is clear to see that, he boy's favourite activity was the playing of computer games, with approximately 34% of them sharing that opinion. The computer games were closely followed by the basketball and soccer, which recieved respectively 26 adn 17% of all boys votes. Both listening to music and skateboarding experienced similar results, they were both practised by about 10 % of the asked boys. The lowest result was observed in the reading proportion, where only 2% of the asked boys said they were interested in that activity.

The most popular activity across the girls was the dancing with proportion of about 27%. The reading was found to be interesting by 1/5 of the girlds, whereas the computer games and the netball were very close to each other, scoring results of respectevely 16 adn 15%. As in the boys sector, the listenign to music attracted 10% of the girls and it was surpassed by the gymnastics with only 1 % difference .

Writing Feedback / According to many experts, the financial education should play a huge role in every school program [NEW]

Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

I will appreciate every kind of recommendation in order to improve my writing skills

Nowadays, it is essential for everybody to hava a good financial knowledge. Accroding to many experts the financial educaion should play a hore role in every school program. The implementing of financial education will definately improve the children's knowledge about the finances and will prepare the for the real world, but on the other hand, adding an additional class will diminish their freetime and can make the children money oriented.

We all know that, it is imposible to succeed in today's world without understanding the curent financial system. Nowadays, so many kids fail in the "real world", because of poor bank manangement and unrealistic financial expectations. Moreover, without any financial education, many of them are tempted to take huge loans from the banks and then within few months they go broke, because they are unable to pay the interest rates. But even though the financial education can be extremely useful, it can create several problems.

For many children these days, the money are their only target in life. With the include of the business education, as a part of the school programs, we risk to make our children money oriented and even forget the real human values. In addition to this, the education nowadays is complicated enough even without the financial classes and by adding a new one, it is possible to create additional problems for both teachers adn students. if we want to imput a new type of lessons in the schools, we need to change the whole educationa system, which can be long and expensive process.

At the end of the day, i think that although the adding of financial education have some negative sides, they are easily overshadowed by the positive effects. the upcoming future demands from us to design a proper educational system build around financial classes, which will be able to prepare our children for the world after school/

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1 - The bar chart provides information about the changes in average house prices [NEW]

I will apreciate every kind of recommendation in order to improve my writing skills.

The bar chart provides information about the changes in average house prices in five major cities during the period between 1990 and 2007 compared with the average price of the houses in 1989.

It is clear to see that, the most signifficant went downs in the period betweeen 1990 and 1995 were experienced in Tokyo and London. The both saw a diminish in prices by approximately 8 %., which was considerably higher than the decrease in New York, which was of about 5%. On the other hand, both Madrid and Frankfurt house prices were an object of slight increases, as went ups of respectevely 2% and 3 % have been observed during the given period.

During the followin period, the prices in London have exceeded by more than 10 %. New York's and Madrid's prices were also an objects of increases, but even though they were not as big as in London, the prices there went up by about 5% compared to the rates from 1989. A small increase took place in Frankfurt, but the only actual decrease was observed in Tokyo, where the prices diminished by 5%.

At the end of the day, in the period between 1990 and 1995 a few decreases were observed, in combine with a couple of minor went ups, whereas during the second period the prevalent trend was of increasings, with only one went down obrseved throught out the period.

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Writing Feedback / People should require from their kids to have at least a basic experience in particular working area [3]

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it a valuable work experience, which is important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion?

I will appreciate every kind of recommendation in order to improve my writing skills.

Nowadays, we live in a world, with very competetive working environment. According to many people, kids shold be encouraged to work during their time in school in order gain experience and be able to cope with today's world requirments.On the other hand, others believe this approach is completely wrong, but in my opinion the children should be stimulated to work, because they will recieve valuable experience and at the same time, earn enough money, to become more independent from their parents.(I want to say that, this was one the worst introductions, that i have ever written.)

First of all, If one kid really wants to succeedin today's world, it needs to learn how the world outside its school actually works. There is no better way to do that, than to dive in and spend some time "on the field". Moreover, the kid will learn how to be more responsible and independent for its own actions. Not at last, the experience gained at the workplace will make the child more attractive in front of its future employers.

We all know that, if you want to be independent, you need to have a good amount of money in your bank account.Even though, it will be hard for a child to earn a lot of money, even the smallest amount will be a good foundation. With these savings, every kid will be able to live on their own and decide its own future, withour depending on its parents funding. In addition, the only way for the kids to understand the real value of the money is by actually having them.

In conclusion, i think people should require from their kids to have at least basic experience in particular working area, before their graduation. This will make them not only more responsible and confident, but even more independent and prepared for the life after school.

Writing Feedback / Advertising is all around us, it is an unavoidable part of everyone's life. Ielts writing TASK 2 [4]

Advertising is all around us, it is an unavoidable part of everyone's life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is a negative one. Discuss both views and include your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words. - That is the topic

Any kind of help and advice in order to improve my writing, will be highly appreciate.

Nowadays, we live in a technological era, which provides numerous opportunities for the companies to promote their products. The advetising is all arounds us and while many people believe it is a good thing, many other argue that the advertising has rather negative effect on out society.In one way, the advertising educates us and ease our decision making process, but on the other hand it can be annoying and confusing.

We all know the feeling, when we are at the supermarket, unable to choose from the deviersity of available products. In these situations, the advertising helps us by providing additional information about the products in order to make our decisions easier. Moreover, they educate us to understand the consequesnces which will follow the purchase of particular good. Even though the advertisments are helpful, they can often create confusion into the customers.

Everybody has experienced the situation, when you are watching your favourite movie and it is interupted by an annoying add. In addition to this, the advertisments can often not corresopond to the reality and sometimes even abuse some of the viewers. Also, very often the advertisments invide our privacy, because they are simply everywhere - on the internet, on the streets and sometimes even in our workpalces.

In my opinion, the advertising is an important part of our lives. They are vital, because without them we will be unable to choose, which is the most suitable products or service for our needs.But, at the same time - the goverments need to set strict rules in order to cease the practise of interupting our privacies by the marketing companies .

Writing Feedback / The ubiquitous fast-paced development in many technological areas [NEW]

Ielts writing TASK 2 - Problems in grammar and words usage

Every kind of help in order to improve the essay and my overall writhing will be hugely appreciated

Nowadays, the results of the fast-paced development in many technological areas is ubiquitous. The recent upgrades in the computers and modems technology provide opportunities for nearly every worker to complete a huge percentage of their tasks and duties from their homes. In my opinion, this approach should be encourage, because of two main reason. First, it is less stressful for both employees and employers and second it just saves a lot of time.

Every worker knows how stressful and annoying can be to share an office with 50 or more people. The office environment provides so many distractions and it is much harder to concentrate on your work than In the home environment. When you work in home conditions, you are able to give yourself the mist suitable surrounding area for you needs. Moreover, there are not any people to distract you or burden your working experience. When you are in home, you can easily boost your productivity and in the same time diminish the stress, because of the absence of other people.

It is something completely ordinary to travel more than hour in order to reach your work place. To travel during the rush-hours is a serious problem for most of the employees in today's business environment. The amount of time wasted in the traffic jams is bigger than you actually think. It is scientifically proven that the average worker spends annually about 1000 hours in driving to their offices. Just imagine, if this time was used by the workers on their assignments. If the employees work in their own homes, they can easily save and reassign a lot of their time in more productive activities.

At the end of the day, I think working in home environment is less stressful and more efficient. It not only saves a lot of time, but furthermore helps the workers to be more concentrated and motivated on their assignments.

Writing Feedback / How many books have been read at Burnley by men and women? [3]

Ielts task 1 -difficulties in words usage and grammar

I think my essay sounds a bit repeatable at times - and also have several mistakes.

I will highly appreciate any kind of help in order to improve the essay and my overall writhing.

The graph provides information about the amount of books, which have been read by
men and women at Burnley library in the period between 2011 and 2014.

In 2011, fifty thousand books have been read by women, which was nearly twice as much compared to the men, who have read only around 24 000 in this period. In the next year, the gap between woman and men have gone up by 20 000. Even though, an increase in the read books by males was experienced , it was far smaller, than the grow observed in the females sector.

During 2013, after an enormous went up in the men interest in book, they were able to level the number scored by the women. In that year, males have read close to 50 000 books more than in the last year, which was a lot higher increase than the female one where the amount of read books exceeded by only 10 000. In the final year of the given period, the increasing trend in the males sector from the past year continued and by the end of the year, about 140 000 were read by them. The only decrease in the women number of read books was observed In 2014, where the amount of books diminished by 29 thousand, in order to became 70 00 or two times less than the men result.

At the end of the day, both genres experienced an increase in the amount of books read throughout the given period. Overall, the went up in the male sector was significantly higher than the respective increase in the female one.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, we live in a highly competitive world, crammed with many challenges and obstacles. [2]

Ielts writing TASK 2 - Problems in grammar and words usage

IN some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard In their studies.

What do you think are the causes of this/ What solutions can you suggest.

I will be happy, to point out - where are my mistakes and if possible to give me sample IELTS BOND!

Nowadays, we live in a highly competitive world, crammed with many challenges and obstacles. Our kids live in the same world, and with the increase of the pressure to have better grades and to study more, their free time have shrinked a lot in the recent years. In my opinion, they are two main reasons, behind this situation. First, they spend a lot of time in studying for subjects, that they are not interest in, and second the exceeding fear of receiving lower grades.

We all have attended school and after graduating, we can easily conclude, we have studied, so many unpractical lessons, which will never come in hand. Even though, it is useful to know the basics in many different areas, I think our studies need to be concentrated in areas, which we really enjoy, and are truly interesting for us. This approach will have a couple of positives in compared to the old one. First, with fewer subjects to study for, students will have more free time on their hands. Second, it will reduce the pressure on them, by making the study process more enjoyable.

During our student years, we had been teaching to be afraid from making mistakes. We were made to believe, that if we failed at the test or received a lower grade, we will never going to find ourselves a proper job or just be unemployed for the rest of our lives. Later we understand that this was not responding to the truth, but in order to resolve this problem, weed to make few adjustments in the education system. First we need to explain, that the good grades do not guarantee a successful life, as for the lower grades do not always determine you will fail in life. Moreover, if we give them the freedom, to determine their own future path, we will make their life a lot happier and easier.

At the end of the day, I think our children deserve more freedom to assemble what they really want to learn and how much time they will spend in studying. If we give them, this kind of environment to live in - we will see how they will experience lower stress rates and will have more free time

Writing Feedback / Many newspapers and magazines feature stories about the private lives of famous people [NEW]

Ielts writing TASK 2 - Word usage and sentence length problems!

Many newspapers and magaziens feature stories about the private lives of famous people. We know what they eat, where the buy clothes and who they love. We also often see pictures of them in private situations.

Is it appropritate for a magaziens or newspapers to give this kind of private information about people?

I've always thought my writing is very bad, so i will be happy to read some suggestions and insights of my work. I am preparing for Ielts, so if you give me a sample bond, will be highly apreciate.I really need someone to indicate where are my mistakes and where i need to put more effort. Thank you in advance!!

I think my main problems are in the sentences lenght and word usage.

Nowadays, our world is driven by the thirst for profit and popularity, and our newspapers and magazines do not make an exception. Everyone of us, has seen a picture of celebrity in private situation and has read an internal(I think it's better to write personal) information about their lives. In my opinion, this attitude by the numerous newspapers is lacking of any kind of respect to the famous people and their families. Moreover this kind of approach restricts the free will of celebrities.

Watching private photos of celebrities have become something completely ordinary in our lives. We all, want to know, what is in the backyard of our favorite TV stars, but if we really care about them, it is a must to give them at least a little more freedom in their personal lives. We can not even imagine the stress and anxiety when they are on the stage and now many magazines transfer those feelings into their homes. Famous people and their families now live in incessant fear of finding their own pictures in different magazines. In combine, they are plagued by photographs , even in their own houses - which shows extreme disrespect to their personal lives.

Because of the continual threat of people following them, many celebrities have their changed their habits, altered their behaviors and sometimes locked themselves in to their own houses. They need to act like they are on the stage everywhere - because they know, only one unsuitable photo or video contrasting to their stage characters is able to disrupt their whole careers.

At the end of the day, even though magazines and newspapers are always seeking for more attractive and profitable news about celebrities, they do not need to have an access to the personal life of famous people. This interruptive approach is capable of destroying the life of famous people and their families, in combine with restricting their own free will.