Holt Educational Consultant
Dec 2, 2016
Undergraduate / Teaching children math with Bingo Games-Boston College Supplemental [11]
Mualla, might I suggest a new opening for your essay? I would like to present a balanced image of you as a mentor, student and participant in the program with a personal interest in the outcome of the program. Please consider something along the following lines for your revised first few paragraphs. :
"Do you think you would be up to the challenge?" My team leader asked me while he was handing out our activities for the year.
"It's just seven kids that need help with their Math. I can do it". I responded with the confidence of a person who has spent most of her life enjoying the complexities that come from solving math problems. So off I went to the classroom. Confident that by the end of our first meeting, these students would be just as in love with Math as I was. I was horribly mistaken.
The classroom didn't depict a typical learning environment. As I tried to explain to the students how to properly divide fractions, I had to battle for their attention as some of them decided to chat with one another, others were walking on the tables, and some were dozing off in class. One thing was certain as I looked them over, holding my temper and struggling not to voice out my anger and frustration. These students were hopeless and would out of school youths in no time. I refused to accept that fate for these students, who are the future of my country. As a Big Sister mentor at the Students in Action organization, part of my duty was to make sure that I helped to inspire these "at risk" youths to dream of a better future for themselves. I knew I could inspire them somehow. I just had to figure out how to do it.
Being a student myself, I decided to turn to books written by professionals in order to develop a method of catching the attention of the kids. I was a mentor who cared about their future. I wanted to be sure to prepare them for the high school education and SAT's. However, the books did not seem to hold the answer to my query. Instead, I found the answer in the most unbelievable place, watching my younger siblings learn the alphabet while they played a game ...
This type of presentation should better engage the reviewer when reading your essay. Mine is merely a suggestion as to how you can better develop the first two paragraphs of your work. You can use it as an example of how to revise your work or, you can use what I wrote in your essay. Trust me, I won't mind if you that. I hope my suggestions continue to help you. I look forward to reading your next revision.
Mualla, might I suggest a new opening for your essay? I would like to present a balanced image of you as a mentor, student and participant in the program with a personal interest in the outcome of the program. Please consider something along the following lines for your revised first few paragraphs. :
"Do you think you would be up to the challenge?" My team leader asked me while he was handing out our activities for the year.
"It's just seven kids that need help with their Math. I can do it". I responded with the confidence of a person who has spent most of her life enjoying the complexities that come from solving math problems. So off I went to the classroom. Confident that by the end of our first meeting, these students would be just as in love with Math as I was. I was horribly mistaken.
The classroom didn't depict a typical learning environment. As I tried to explain to the students how to properly divide fractions, I had to battle for their attention as some of them decided to chat with one another, others were walking on the tables, and some were dozing off in class. One thing was certain as I looked them over, holding my temper and struggling not to voice out my anger and frustration. These students were hopeless and would out of school youths in no time. I refused to accept that fate for these students, who are the future of my country. As a Big Sister mentor at the Students in Action organization, part of my duty was to make sure that I helped to inspire these "at risk" youths to dream of a better future for themselves. I knew I could inspire them somehow. I just had to figure out how to do it.
Being a student myself, I decided to turn to books written by professionals in order to develop a method of catching the attention of the kids. I was a mentor who cared about their future. I wanted to be sure to prepare them for the high school education and SAT's. However, the books did not seem to hold the answer to my query. Instead, I found the answer in the most unbelievable place, watching my younger siblings learn the alphabet while they played a game ...
This type of presentation should better engage the reviewer when reading your essay. Mine is merely a suggestion as to how you can better develop the first two paragraphs of your work. You can use it as an example of how to revise your work or, you can use what I wrote in your essay. Trust me, I won't mind if you that. I hope my suggestions continue to help you. I look forward to reading your next revision.