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|A brief statement outlining your interest in the field of architecture
5 - Merged: A brief statement outlining your interest in the field of architecture Rewrote Drawing and painting is my...
Undergraduatetenkei - Dec 17, 2017 / tenkei - Dec 20, 2017
|NTU scholarship essay - a good listener is needed
2 - yasmina, being a good listener does not reflect a value of belief that you should be holding strongly to....
Undergraduatealya14 - Dec 20, 2017 / Holt - Dec 20, 2017
|A healthcare-related experience or interaction that deepened your interest in studying Nursing
2 - Jess , let me stop you right now with the development of this essay. Under absolutely no circumstance can...
Undergraduatejlee18 - Dec 19, 2017 / Holt - Dec 20, 2017
|Endless possibilities awaiting me. Global UGRAD Program candidacy
3 - Lê , the information that you indicated in this essay truly explains why you would make an excellent academic...
Undergraduatelephunghien - Dec 19, 2017 / Holt - Dec 20, 2017
|The graduation ceremony in Japan - your extracurricular activities 250words
4 - Tianhui, this is not a very impressive essay presentation. It is not an activity that you regularly did which...
Undergraduatetenkei - Dec 19, 2017 / Holt - Dec 20, 2017
|Spread the positivity! - Global UGRAD program: Why would you be a great participant?
UndergraduateLutfianuri - Dec 7, 2017 / jlee18 - Dec 19, 2017
|Correlation between my interests and the possibilities at Purdue University
4 - @ahtram @Holt Thank you for giving me useful suggestions! I revised my essay, so I really appriciate it...
Undergraduatetenkei - Dec 18, 2017 / tenkei - Dec 19, 2017
|Study Plan for Global Korea Scholarship (GKS) Student Exchange Program.
3 - Your essay is overall good. However, I think your reasons for applying GKS is little inconsistent. In the first...
UndergraduateGaiman99 - Dec 18, 2017 / tenkei - Dec 19, 2017
|Common App: Personal essay - Idealistic me
2 - @vabhu12 the dialogue and interaction at the start of the essay is totally unnecessary. You are writing an academic...
Undergraduatevabhu12 - Dec 18, 2017 / Holt - Dec 18, 2017
|Pitzer supplement essay: Sustainability and Social Responsibility
3 - vabhavi, you may want to reconsider the presentation of your activities with the organizations. The purpose of this essay...
Undergraduatevabhu12 - Dec 18, 2017 / Holt - Dec 18, 2017
|The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph
UndergraduateIsabellaalmeida - Dec 16, 2017 / vabhu12 - Dec 18, 2017
|UIUC APP ESSAY - Combining my quantitate and qualitative skills for UIUC
3 - Since your experiment is interesting, I think you can put that part in your first paragraph. It would capture...
Undergraduatenomikaharris - Dec 18, 2017 / tenkei - Dec 18, 2017
|Something that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.
7 - Since my countrymen, (there should not be a comma and then 'and') and my neighbours... Also, this sentence...
Undergraduatemadiefarts123 - Oct 9, 2017 / jason321 - Dec 17, 2017
|USC supplementary essay About Robotics and psychology field
Undergraduatephe201 - Dec 16, 2017 / Holt - Dec 16, 2017
|Write an essay about someone different from yourself who has made an impact on your life?(My friend)
6 - @michelle1234 Hi Michelle, overall I think your essay just lacks of some depth. First of all, why is your...
Undergraduatemichelle1234 - Dec 7, 2017 / Michell20 - Dec 12, 2017
|HKU Personal Statement - Journalism
3 - Julie, your essay is indecisive and portrays a high school senior at a crossroads who has not really made...
Undergraduatejulieng - Dec 11, 2017 / Holt - Dec 12, 2017
|Lost in Canada - Harvard essay; unexpected situations that happened in my life
UndergraduateIsabellaalmeida - Dec 11, 2017 / Isabellaalmeida - Dec 11, 2017
|Does My Essay Fulfill the Requirements Given: Essay Topic B Apply Texas
4 - @Isabellaalmeida "By reading your essay, you seem to do whatever it takes to achieve your goals ("I'd spend...
UndergraduateLes_Baumann - Dec 11, 2017 / Les_Baumann - Dec 11, 2017
|SOCIALLY AMBIDEXTROUS - CommonApp Personal Statement
6 - I am a fellow student applying to college (you posted on one of my threads earlier today). I hope...
Undergraduateroomonfire - Nov 14, 2017 / TheMistyMolly - Dec 11, 2017
|Common App Topic A essay and Rice short answers
UndergraduateTheMistyMolly - Dec 7, 2017 / TheMistyMolly - Dec 11, 2017
|Spending two years of my life at a hilltop in rural Maharashtra changed my outlook on life
Undergraduatemadiefarts123 - Nov 26, 2017 / roomonfire - Dec 10, 2017
|Life-defining time. Describe the highlights of your most outstanding achievements or contributions
Undergraduateboonjin - Dec 10, 2017 / boonjin - Dec 10, 2017
|How my gender nonconformity molded my aspirations - FIT ADMISSIONS ESSAY
2 - Jackson , I would not change the content of your essay because your presentation of your non-conformist gender aligns...
Undergraduatej12fab1999 - Dec 10, 2017 / Holt - Dec 10, 2017
|Shapeshifter - College essay about self love and realization of ones self
4 - From a person who is non religious (like the other colleges you are applying to), I think this is...
UndergraduateNathanEtta - Nov 30, 2017 / TheMistyMolly - Dec 7, 2017
|Hoping to grow my knowledge and experience at UNCW, Admission Essay
4 - So I revised the essay quite a lot, hopefully, it describes my want and excitement to be at the...
UndergraduateChacobos - Dec 3, 2017 / Chacobos - Dec 4, 2017
|This prestigious university Texas A&M will put me in the best position possible to reach my goals
2 - Mario, the response that you gave is not really impressive nor complete. The first paragraph contains irrelevant information from...
Undergraduatealberto936 - Dec 3, 2017 / Holt - Dec 4, 2017
|The bland food reflects my bland, although exciting, life - CWM Essay
2 - Jingxuan, you should try to combine your point of view about life with your love for bland food. You...
UndergraduateJingxuan - Dec 3, 2017 / Holt - Dec 3, 2017
|Essay about learning how to ride a bike and what it taught me
Undergraduatemmeneses - Dec 2, 2017 / mmeneses - Dec 2, 2017
|Essay on a career. Out of hundreds of thousands of careers out there, it is hard to pick just one.
2 - Arjun , your essay does not provide the required explanation for your response. First up, you need to choose...
Undergraduatextrimix - Dec 2, 2017 / Holt - Dec 2, 2017
|Cultural disassociation through my name change
Undergraduateclin8167 - Nov 30, 2017 / clin8167 - Nov 30, 2017
|I want to be at a school that makes me happy - FIT Admissions Essay
3 - Pili, your essay will be better served if you remove the unrelated first paragraph. That is nothing more than...
Undergraduatepili - Nov 29, 2017 / Holt - Nov 30, 2017
|How are you a leader and how will this show on campus?
2 - Jay, there is no true leadership role included in this essay. You are only implying that you have played...
Undergraduatejrd519 - Nov 29, 2017 / Holt - Nov 30, 2017
|USC Undergad Supplemental Essay - Why USC? Major: Communications 2nd choice: International Studies
4 - Hello, You will need to dive a little deeper here. There are a few Annenberg school of communications...
Undergraduateryanjtran - Nov 28, 2017 / admission2012 - Nov 29, 2017
|I am applying to UBC and in the application form, it requires me to write an essay about myself
6 - This essay is not too coherent. In any event, all they are asking you is "What are you passionate...
Undergraduatebenamilada - Nov 27, 2017 / admission2012 - Nov 29, 2017
|UBC - Tell us more about one or two activities
4 - Hi Michell! I also agree with Holt and @Lyipheoryia, and I want to add maybe you should connect those...
UndergraduateMichell20 - Nov 28, 2017 / benamilada - Nov 29, 2017
|My deep desire to help others. UBC Personal Profile
UndergraduateLyipheoryia - Nov 29, 2017 / Lyipheoryia - Nov 29, 2017
|Alone at home. This is the Intro to a very personal UC admissions essay.
6 - @Holisuna You still have a lot to develop on your essay. I think your paragraph is just fine as...
UndergraduateHolisuna - Nov 25, 2017 / Michell20 - Nov 27, 2017
|Being an outcast in my community. What do I value about Columbia?
2 - Daryl, don't just focus on the social inclusiveness as the value that you hope to pursue and achieve when...
Undergraduatekainakoa808 - Nov 27, 2017 / Holt - Nov 27, 2017
|My academic record is a mirror of myself
2 - Jay, you should be saying that the grades reflected in your academic record are NOT an accurate representation of...
Undergraduatejrd519 - Nov 27, 2017 / Holt - Nov 27, 2017
|STUDY PLAN. I would like to ask if the Canada embassy will help me to achieve my goals
Undergraduatefahme - Nov 22, 2017 / jrd519 - Nov 27, 2017
|If You could have any career, what would it be? (technology)
2 - Jay, this is a pretty good response. It lays the foundation for your interest in code. However, it doesn't...
Undergraduatejrd519 - Nov 26, 2017 / Holt - Nov 27, 2017
|My Struggle Through Teen Bullying/Suicide -Common App Prompt
4 - @jiholee5217 Hello! I totally agree with Holt. I believe that you should you Hannah only as a catalyst to...
Undergraduatejiholee5217 - Nov 16, 2017 / madiefarts123 - Nov 25, 2017
|What's the probability of existing? Make something out of it!
4 - hello isabella, I didn't really get carried along in your essay, I got lost at some point, I don't...
UndergraduateIsabellaalmeida - Nov 25, 2017 / Codex1717 - Nov 25, 2017
|What are the things most crucial to you and why?
7 - hello warisha, i agree strongly with isabella, recounting an experience that reflects your desire for personal growth will help...
UndergraduateWarisha - Nov 24, 2017 / Codex1717 - Nov 25, 2017
|Being Indifferent - Tell us about who you are. UBC
UndergraduateMichell20 - Nov 24, 2017 / Michell20 - Nov 24, 2017
|'The Art of Paper-Folding' - writing CommonApp Prompt #1
Undergraduateasemdi00 - Nov 24, 2017 / asemdi00 - Nov 24, 2017
|"The limit does not exist!" - Personal essay - Canadian destination
3 - @Holt im applying to a highschool. I believe they only asked me to write a personal statement without any...
Undergraduatequanphm - Nov 24, 2017 / quanphm - Nov 24, 2017
|What factors have shaped me - influenced by surrounding people, especially by one boy; my first love
4 - Hello polina, I think you should focus more on the influence the boy had on you.. What you've stated...
UndergraduatePolinaProto - Nov 17, 2017 / Codex1717 - Nov 22, 2017
|Will it be beneficial to teach students of distinct abilities collectively?
5 - Chinky, your concluding paragraph is what destroyed the ability of this paper to get a high score. Your concluding...
Undergraduatechinkybehl22 - Nov 21, 2017 / Holt - Nov 22, 2017
|UT Dallas College Essay for Admission and AES Scholarship
3 - Thank you Holt for the amazing feedback! Do you think that this essay could also be used for this...
Undergraduatephnguyen0912 - Nov 18, 2017 / phnguyen0912 - Nov 22, 2017
|How I'm the next Macgyver (UC prompt 3) opener
2 - Madison, since this essay is supposed to be a type of interview, you may want to consider opening the...
UndergraduateMadisonDozier - Nov 21, 2017 / Holt - Nov 22, 2017
|Perfect Candidate for FIT? Admissions Essay - Advertising and Marketing Communications
3 - @Holt Thank you so much for the valuable input. I have submitted my essay after making the suggested edits....
Undergraduatekjaxk17 - Nov 21, 2017 / kjaxk17 - Nov 21, 2017
|Colgate Supplement - 3 word description - "bold, humble and happy" (250 W or less)
3 - Holt, I've rewritten the essay entirely and asked again for new descriptions and this is what I got so...
Undergraduaterowliejohnflores - Nov 17, 2017 / rowliejohnflores - Nov 20, 2017
|What is important to you? My freedom.
4 - Hi Michell, This is my contribution towards your essay.I think your third and fourth paragraph is too small.As far...
UndergraduateMichell20 - Nov 19, 2017 / Ashkan123 - Nov 19, 2017
|From Napoleon to Genes - diversity in thought
UndergraduateIsabellaalmeida - Nov 17, 2017 / Isabellaalmeida - Nov 18, 2017
|Syracuse University - Person dreaming of becoming - 250 W or less
2 - Hello rowlie, Nice essay. I think this sentence should have been "The college democrats organization will fuel my interest...
Undergraduaterowliejohnflores - Nov 17, 2017 / Codex1717 - Nov 18, 2017
|Fashion Institute Of Technology/FIT Fashion Business Management essay "evolution of fashion"
5 - Lisa, you are right about not saying "I am a good candidate because". In fact, all applicants to any...
Undergraduatesugarcanexox - Nov 16, 2017 / Holt - Nov 18, 2017
|Ethics and Integrity - when it affects your family
UndergraduateIsabellaalmeida - Nov 16, 2017 / Isabellaalmeida - Nov 17, 2017
|Syracuse University (SU) - Why Syracuse? Who-What? STUDENTS OF SUSTAINABILTY ORG. (250 W or less)
2 - Rowlie, the reference point for this essay should use the future tense of "will" since you have yet to...
Undergraduaterowliejohnflores - Nov 17, 2017 / Holt - Nov 17, 2017
|The study plan to convince Canadian visa officer my application of study permit
2 - Tilly, a study plan needs to show more than just the interest that you have in studying in Canada....
Undergraduateq910044 - Nov 16, 2017 / Holt - Nov 17, 2017
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