Writing Feedback /
ielts: private citizens, businesses and governments play equally roles in protecting the environment [2]
First and foremost, you must lengthen your introductory statement. It is too short and does not totally inform the reader about the prompt and what you plan to discuss in the succeeding paragraphs. Remember to give an overview of your opinion and what evidence you will be presenting to justify your statement.
Here are some of my suggestions to further improve the content of your essay:
There is a widespread belief that the role of governments in protecting the environment is decisive. The notion is based on the premise that not everyone is so aware of the urgency of environmental problems that they spontaneously protect the environment.
- This sentence can be improved by saying:
It is widely believed that the government is tasked with the duty of protecting the environment. This is because the public is not as aware as the government of the environmental problems that affect our society.At the same time, a government is the largest system that can control, influence, or regulate the actions of citizens and organizations in a country.
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the government... system of ... influence,
and regulate the actions of the business and individuals in a country
in relation to their carbon footprint and environmental impact.-
at this point, you can insert a statement saying that while that is true, public corporations, due to the nature of their business, are also aware of their environmental responsibilities. Give some samples to illustrate.comprehensively and effectively by the governments to
- by
the government
s , corporations, and private citizens...
Moreover, just governments can represent their whole countries to cooperate with other countries in order to make a global positive effect on the current state of the environment because the separate efforts of countries cannot preserve our planet.
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Don't deviate from the original prompt. Stick to local and national government participation only.One must not neglect to mention is that individuals and businesses have to participate in environmental protection through obeying their governments' managements. It is difficult to deny that there is a clear link between humans and environmental problems.
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This statement does not help the paragraph progress. Every sentence must contain either additional information or evidence to support your claim.That is to say, whenever and wherever humans live,
To be more specific, humans have been exploiting natural resources to meet their needs such as food, clothes, accommodation and medicine.
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Humans ...
Moreover, these needs nowadays are met by businesses that are applying advanced technology to environmental exploitation.
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These days...
Under these conditions, it is possible that the nature to be threatened by
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Nature is threatened by ...
this exploitation is more and more far-reaching and harmful.
... there is no point for private citizens and businesses in refusing to protect the environment.
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the government, private citizens. and businesses cannot refuse to protect and rebuild an environment that they destroyed.In conclusion, protecting the environment is the duty of everyone and every organization. However, when all is said and done, there is little we can do to save the natural world without the full support of government.
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the full support and cooperation of the government, private citizens, and businesses.I hope that my comments and suggestions will be able to help you further enhance the content of your paper :-)