Writing Feedback / Essay on Recording Industry's decline [3]

Greetings!

You've written an excellent essay! I have just a few editing suggestions for you:

Avoid using contractions like "isn't" in formal writing. Numbers less than 10 should be written out: seven. The possessive form of "its" does not have an apostrophe (its own).

accrueing should be "accruing"

It was only in the spring of 2003 that the first viable online music store Itunes surfaced.

Various other campaigns such as ringtones, brand licensing to television and video games proved ineffective with a dismal decrease of %9.5 in sales in 2007.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Need to write a sociology research paper about Bullying! [6]

Greetings!

I can think of a few that might work for you. "What effect does divorce have on whether childrend are more likely to engage in bullying?" Or, "Which types of bullying education programs in schools result in a reduction of the incidence of bullying?" Or, "What warning signs should educators and parents be aware of in order to reduce the likelihood of bullying behaviors in children?"

I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Business Law Assignment help... [10]

Greetings!

You have some good information in your essay. There are a few places that could be a little clearer. For example:

This might cast doubt on the validity of both the abstention from smoking and to graduate on time. [Cast doubt in what way or to whom? What do you mean?] Marine should respect her father's without offence his father. [This looks like a typo...?] Parent cares for their children as they will think of thousand ways to rectify their children for the children's' good. [This is a bit of editorializing that really does not belong in a legal analysis.]

The condition of monetary value can also be outshined by the law of consideration may not provide a benefit to the promisor if it is a detriment to the promisee. [Besides not being grammatical, this does not sound right from a legal standpoint; you might check your sources on this.] Marine could say that her detriment is brought toward her because of promising her father. Here again, nevertheless, she can argued that she could give up smoking, and graduate on time in fact both to her benefit. [I'm not sure I really follow your logic here]

Thus, Marine and her father will both be beneficial to each party that Marine will not suffer for sickness in future if she gives up smoking and her father will be release to have a healthy daughter. [You were talking about Nestle; why did you suddenly jump back to Marine? Also, you should give the fact situation for the Nestle case; it did not really make sense to me because you did not give enough background.]

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / A tale - part 1 (group of young people) [4]

You're very welcome, and I appreciate that very much!

Thanks,

Sarah

Book Reports / The problematic and the title in the The Grapes of Wrath [19]

Greetings!

It's good that you've managed to narrow it down! There are innumerable directions in which your dissertation could go; I'll just suggest one. In his treatment of the theme of the saving power of the family and friendship, Steinbeck creates a central female character, Ma Joad, whose position of power within the family transcends typical family dynamics of the time and demonstrates that families create their own power structures which are more beneficial than societal hierarchies.

This may be more specific than what you had in mind, but it shows you one direction you could take. I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / "Six sigma" research paper - the thesis statement question [16]

Greetings!

In order to help you with that, I would need a little more information. Will it be a history of the development of Six Sigma? A description of the methodologies? A paper advocating the application of Six Sigma principles to new problems? There are many directions your paper could go. It might be best if you try drafting it yourself and then I can help you with revising it.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Business Law Assignment help... [10]

Greetings!

There are many places on the web you can find case law. I am not as familiar with British case law, but I am sure your school's library has databases which would contain this information. Try searching there, and ask the librarian if you need help finding it.

Usually, in analyzing cases, one follows a specific formula: Issue, Rule, Application, Conclusion (the names for these may vary slightly). The issue is "whether performance of an existing duty can amount to good consideration." The rule, I gave you above: "if one already has an existing legal duty to do something, performance of that pre-existing duty, or a promise to perform it, cannot amount to good consideration." You should also mention the exceptions to the rule. Application means applying the rule to the facts at hand. Did your instructor give you a fact situation? Or were you just supposed to find out the rule? If you have facts to use, do it like I did with the contractor who discovers he must build on granite; apply the rule to the facts. Your conclusion will answer the issue by stating what should happen in this particular case/fact situation.

I hope this will help!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay On - Without a Man. [5]

Greetings!

Unless you feel it is too far outside the parameters your instructor gave for the paper, you could expand on some of the things John Gray says in his book. He talks about the real differences between the sexes, but also, if I recall correctly, about how we need each other, too. If you don't have the book handy, you could instead expand on what you said about your father, and worrying about him. That sentence actually seemed rather thrown in out of the blue and would benefit from not just sitting there on its own. You could talk a little more about how family members need each other, using yours as an example.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / The problematic and the title in the The Grapes of Wrath [19]

Greetings!

I'm afraid we can't answer questions privately, but I'll try to help here. I'm not sure exactly what you mean by the "problematic"; you might need to be a little more specific for me to help you with that. Do you have a particular theme in mind? There are, of course, several themes in the book, such as identity, search for justice, choices/regret, man's inhumanity to man, the redemptive power of family and friendship. It sounds like you really need to do some serious thinking about what direction you want your dissertation to go. Why are you writing this dissertation? (You don't have to answer, just think about it.) Think about what you hope to accomplish by the time you are finished.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Graduate / 1000 word essay demonstrating academic background only! [11]

You're welcome! By the way, I see a missing word here: stand me in best stead. This phrase is just a little old-fashioned, though; you might want to try the alternate I suggested.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Business Law Assignment help... [10]

Greetings!

It is true that the general rule is that if one already has an existing legal duty to do something, performance of that pre-existing duty, or a promise to perform it, cannot amount to good consideration.

As with practically all rules of law, however, there are exceptions to the existing duty rule. One is unforeseen difficulties. This often arises with construction contracts. Let's say a contractor enters into a contract to build a house, but after he begins work, he discovers that instead of ordinary soil on the site, the ground underneath is solid granite. This will greatly increase the contractor's costs, so he tells the property owner he needs to be paid twice as much and the owner agrees. This oral contract would not be enforceable if the contractor was just building the house as he had already agreed to in the original contract. However, because of the unforeseen difficulties involved with building on granite, the owner's promise to pay more is enforceable in court; that is, if the owner tries to avoid paying the extra amount, and the contractor sues him, the court will enforce that promise to pay more, even though there was no additional consideration by the contractor. A second exception is rescission. If the contractor has not yet performed his part of the bargain (i.e., the contract is "executory" rather than "executed"), the two parties can agree to rescind their original contract and make a new contract. The pre-existing duty is then discharged by the rescission of the old contract, and a new duty is created in the new contract.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay On - Without a Man. [5]

Greetings!

You are absolutely right! I had not heard the word "relict" before; just proof that we can learn new things at any age! ;-) Well, knowing that, the sentence makes a lot more sense! You could always change "became relict" to "became widowed," too.

You still haven't got the title of the book by John Gray quite right. It's very important to quote others' works precisely, or your teacher may take points off.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay about sex trafficking - what to argue and what points to make? [6]

Greetings!

I'm happy to help you with some ideas! First, you'll want to start by defining exactly what the term "sex trafficking" means. A simple internet search should help you there if you don't already have a definition. Next, you might want to couch your argument in terms of the impact it has on individuals and society, or even focus on a particular aspect of it. For example, you could argue that child brides are a form of sex trafficking based on ancient standards that have no place in the modern world. (Or, you could take the opposite viewpoint, that arranged marriages are part of the rich cultural heritage of many countries.) If you want to just write about sex trafficking in general, you might throw in some numbers ("It is a $xx-billion industry") and take a position that, for example, only through widespread education programs can people be made aware of the dangers in order to protect themselves. Describe how its victims are obtained (coercion, lies, threats, violence, financial bribes) and what circumstances this might lead to (prostitution, forced labor/slavery, removing organs for sale, children used as soldiers or sports players, religious cults, etc.)

I hope this is enough to get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Need help about the strengths of the book: Jack Welsh on Leadership [4]

Greetings!

I'm not sure that there's much more I can add to what I've already told you. I can't get more specific, not having read the book.

Best of luck,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Graduate / 1000 word essay demonstrating academic background only! [11]

Greetings!

You certainly have an impressive background! Here are some editing suggestions for you:

Surprisingly, my excitement waned as I suddenly realized that there would be no more access to Mathematics, my favorite subject, in my academic study. The dilemma between attractive research opportunities in a prestigious subject and my wishful longing to keep in touch with Mathematics and Computing forced me to reconsider my career path.

At that moment, Biology has been a vague, unexplainable system to me.- You can't say "At that moment [something] has been, as the tenses don't agree. Perhaps you meant "Up until that moment, biology had been..."

Since childhood, I've been intrigued by the discovery of logic behind any activity, whether it is a common household work or any natural phenomenon. (Probably that quality later helped me make an outstanding performance in algorithm designing). The beauty of biology first revealed itself to me during sophomore year. I was introduced to the domains and motifs of enzymes in the 'Enzyme Kinetics' course. Combinations of such simple motifs function in such a diverse way - for the first time I was fascinated with the profundity of biological systems

I believe my academic background along with experiences gained through 3 bioinformatics projects stand me best stead [or, "projects are the best fit for me] for the research work in that field.

I am working on a 'Dengue' database project under the supervision of Dr. Jesmin. This project aims to develop a complete database of Dengue Virus (DENV) covering the disease mechanism of Dengue. My project emphasizes understanding the overall process of developing a biological database along with minor technical descriptions.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / A tale - part 1 (group of young people) [4]

Greetings, Rajiv!

It's good to see you again! Your story is an interesting one. :-) I particularly like the tone of the writing; it sets the mood well. As you know, I am better at editing than I am in philosophy, so if I may, I will offer some editing suggestions.

The possessive form of "its" does not have an apostrophe; "it's" always means "it is."

Our story gets its character from a particular fact that, amongst these otherwise unexceptional happenings, [delete "that"] there is nothing here which isn't also taking place in countless other places on that land, there was something different. - This sentence is a little hard to follow; it might work better if you simplified the structure a bit.

[delete "That"] Do not stretch yourself too much to do something which is someone else's to do.

If no one saw you save him,

his faults which led to his getting into the predicament in which you found him and risked yourself.

Let's gloss over the next ten to fifteen years

I look forward to reading Part 2!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / My First Essay- The Chrysalids (Re-Birth in US Version) [2]

Greetings!

We strive to answer all posts within 24 hours, but unfortunately you needed it sooner than that. If you'll post your next essay with a little more "wiggle room" in the deadline, we'll be happy to help!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Need help about the strengths of the book: Jack Welsh on Leadership [4]

Greetings!

Unfortunately, I haven't read the book nor even heard of it. However, I'll try to help give some guidance. The points you have enumerated look like a very good start. For the first one, exactly what do you mean by "precisely written"? You can expand on that by explaining, with examples, just how the author makes his points precise. For the second point, show how the highlights help to bring out the major points of the chapter. You might briefly summarize a chapter and then quote from the highlight by way of example. For the third point, that sounds like something that could easily be elaborated on. Presumably the "strategies and secrets" comprise the major strengths of the book, the raison d'etre, if you will. I'm not sure how long your essay is supposed to be, but this section could really fill it out.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / "For women, there is no need for men" - my argumentative essay topic! [2]

Greetings!

You've picked an interesting approach! This is a rather bold assertion, but you can certainly find points to make. It will probably lend itself to a hint of irony, but that's a good thing! Here's an idea for your thesis:

Today, more than any time in the history of the world, women are capable of managing their lives perfectly well without the support--or interference--of a man.

You could then go on to talk about how modern medicine even makes it possible (through artificial insemination) for the human species to continue to procreate without the need for actual relationships between men and women.

I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Graduate / 1000 word essay demonstrating academic background only! [11]

Greetings!

I think it is always a good idea to start with a "story" whenever possible. It tends to make your writing more interesting and draw the reader in; it is more personal and immediate, less remote. A 1,000-word essay is a little over three pages (with 1-inch margins and 12-point font), so you should have plenty of room to tell the story and then go into your background and experience. You are welcome to post your rough draft, if you like, for editing suggestions.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Graduate / Additional Factors Essay (PhD application - how to answer?) [2]

Greetings!

Yes, I think it would be a mistake to leave it blank. I can understand how, by following the directive "be as complete as possible" you may have felt you said all there was to say! However, I think you're going to have to think beyond your scholastic and career objectives and add in other "factors" that might assist the Committee. Is there anything in your background that sets you apart? Challenges you've had to overcome? Accomplishments of a non-academic nature that nonetheless show you to be a person who would excel in their program? You may have to get more personal with this to find something worthy of inclusion.

I hope this helps give you some ideas!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Graduate / 1000 word essay demonstrating academic background only! [11]

Greetings!

I think it depends in part on how the instruction is actually worded. If it says "demonstrating academic background only" as you put in the title, then you'd best stick with that. If, however, it said "how your background and experience align with computational biology research" that's a bit broader. I'm not sure I see a way to fit extra-curricular activities within those parameters, but I would think that your motivations for research and future goals would be relevant.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / An evolutionary perspective on domestic violence - essay [2]

Greetings!

I'm happy to give some editing suggestions for your excellent essay!

more likely to retain their intimate partner along with them in their household thanks to the use of physical assaults. - This could be made a little clearer.

Dominant genes promoting the satisfaction of homeostatic drives, such as sexual reproduction, are liable to motivate individuals into accepting being physically abused because they enhance these individuals to preserve their position of principal intimate partner and, thus, their possibility to copulate with an utmost dominant partner. - Although technically grammatically correct, this sentence is a bit cumbersome to follow.

Their endeavours for surviving end in the completely opposite goal, i.e., the vulnerability - Whenever you use "i.e." be sure to put commas both before and after it, i.e., like this. :-)

Great job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / New Media History Essay - Great Need Of Help [2]

Greetings!

I think your essay starts very well and has some good information! However, I did find the next-to-last paragraph to be lacking focus. It was really all over the map. If you are going to discuss both the good and bad aspects of the internet (which I don't believe should be capitalized), it might be better to put them in separate paragraphs. At the very least, don't switch sentence by sentence between "it's good/it's bad/it's good" because it makes your writing jumpy and hard to follow.

You've got some good research here, just a little polishing and you're good to go! :-)

Writing Feedback / My handgun control introduction - essay [4]

Greetings!

I think you've got a great start to your essay! I have just a couple of suggestions:

In 1993, the Brady Gun Violence Prevention Act was signed [delete "in"] by President Clinton, requiring gun sellers [or merchants] to do a background check on all gun buyers within five days and deny any with a past criminal record or mental instability.

Society screams out ban, - Better might be "Society is screaming for a gun ban ..."

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / 'Environment pollution' - Name a global issue that concerns you and explain why [2]

Greetings!

I think you've written a good essay! One thing you might want to be aware of that would improve your writing is using too much repetition. For example, you use the word "global" seven times in the first paragraph. There are ways around that, such as varying word choice or restructuring the sentence a little. For example:

A global issue that most concerns me is global warming. The reason why I consider this a global issue is because it has harmful effects on our environment. Global warming is a huge issue for every country around the world and will become a major issue for later generations in the future.

This, from the third paragraph, was repetitive of what you stated in the first paragraph: "Global warming, in my opinion, is the number one global issue. It affects everyone in every country around the world." While I understand that you were probably trying to present, in your opening paragraph, the points you would make in the following paragraphs, you should do it without using the same wording later in the essay, to provide more interest to your reader.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / 'Inspiration to my brother and sister' your short and long-term goals and priorities [4]

Greetings!

You've written a great essay! I have just a few editing suggestions:

like the bridges we cross, the malls where we shop, and the houses we live in.

My parents lived in poor conditions when they were young so I want to help people who are living like that today.

My twin brother and I hope to help them pay for their college education when that time comes.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / How to write an essay with at least 30 idioms? [2]

Greetings!

I think the easiest way to begin an assignment like this is with a list--in this case, a list of idioms. If you can't come up with enough yourself, just do an internet search with the terms "list idioms" and you'll get some helpful sites. I found these, for example:

as easy as pie
beat around the bush
catch some Zs
can't make heads or tails of
an eager beaver
if I had my druthers
ditch class
pull an all-nighter
keep one's nose to the grindstone
sleep on it

Then, look at what you've got and see what kind of story you can construct from it. For instance:

I thought it would be easy as pie to write an essay using idioms. I certainly did not want to beat around the bush because I needed to catch some Zs, but I soon realized that I could not make heads or tails of the assignment. Normally, I am quite the eager beaver when it comes to studying, but in this instance, if I had my druthers, I would ditch class rather than have to keep my nose to the grindstone and pull an all-nighter. On second thought, maybe I should sleep on it.

That was fun! See what you can come up with!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Cycle theory of violence & legal responsibility [2]

Greetings!

I'm happy to help with some editing suggestions for your excellent essay!

A second phase of battering is epitomized by the utilization of violence for exerting dominance.

It may help individuals involved in the legal system - you put an apostrophe after the word individuals throughout your essay; it only needs an apostrophe when it is used possessively, as in "individuals' amygdalae."

should be carefully investigated by individuals involved in the legal system

Accordingly, individuals involved in the legal system

The impact of neuroanatomical impairments on the prevalence of aggressiveness has been shown by researchers.

However, individuals undergoing borderline personality disorders (characterized by psychological instability, impulsiveness, and aggressiveness) do not have significantly under or overdeveloped amygadalae, or problems in its structure

Consequently, individuals involved in the legal system should consider a close examination

she is, from a biological point of view, incapable of stopping her aggressiveness.

Bond argues that impulsive aggression is tightly connected with low levels of serotonin (2005).

Rosenberg et al. state

Accordingly, individuals involved in the legal system must keep in mind that domestic violence may result

However, since domestically violent individuals belong to both sexes in addition to being involved in homosexual and heterosexual relationships,

Those individuals' intrinsic structure directly influences their ontogenic development that, in return, acts on their proximate mechanisms and behaviours.

That consideration sheds light on the fact that lawyers, judges, and policymakers should dwell on sound forensic expertise involving both nativistic and deterministic approaches.

Great job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 'A track meet' - involvement in and contributions to a community near your home [2]

Greetings!

I think you've written a great essay! You do a good job of answering the question!
Here are some editing suggestions for you:

I was grateful that she demonstrated how everyone, no matter what obstacle or disability, can work hard for their dreams. Though she did not win first place in her race, she was ecstatic, and I know all her hard work and training paid off.

It's generally a good idea to avoid mixing first and second person in this kind of essay. Instead of saying "you could see athletes everywhere" you should consider using "I" instead of "you." Same thing for "Community service became a way to learn from others and experience what the world has to offer while offering the world what I have." That makes the essay more personal.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Essay about an unfair situation [2]

Greetings!

I think you've done a very good job of answering what the question is asking! The one suggestion I'd make about that is that you discuss single-member districts earlier in the essay. At first, it appeared that your only contention regarding unfairness was "With so many people not voting and not participating in Conroe's political process, everyone's voice is not being equally heard and therefore the process is unfair." This did not strike me as particularly unfair, as people were choosing not to vote, not being prevented from voting. However, once you explained about single-member-districts, the unfairness became clear.

Here are some editing tips for you:

We endeavored into a number of events that would change the lack of political activism in our community. - "endeavored into" isn't really appropriate; better would be "became involved in..."

Our sponsor helped us by telling us where the fewest number of people were registered to vote.

moving to regional primaries in order to have a better representation of the American populace.

We decided to take this to the local level and ask the government officials to consider single-member-districts.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Free Will Does Not Exist - Help With My Essay Draft [4]

I'll look forward to reading it!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 'History teacher' - discussing the subjects with which you had difficulty. [3]

Greetings!

I think you've written a good essay. I do have some editing suggestions for you:

As I learned more and more about the history of Texas, the United States, and the world, I came to realize the importance of our past.

As I became more interested in history, I actually learned the names of people as if they were new friends whose names I couldn't help but remember.

Dates became as important as a family member's birthday. Columbus Day and President's Day became something to truly celebrate. These days were days to celebrate my country's past.

I can't find time to get to know all the influential people in Italy's Renaissance period and the important philosophers who shaped our government's principles such as Locke!

I think your conclusion needs a bit more. Perhaps a sentence like "Although I may never have time to learn everything I'd like, I look forward to expanding my quest for knowledge as I continue my education."

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Essay about the subjects in which you excel or have excelled. [3]

Greetings!

I think you've written a good essay; I have just a few editing suggestions for you:

He never failed to give an encouraging word or draw a "good job!" whenever we aced our calculus tests. - Usually, it is the recipient of the encouragement who "draws" it, not the one giving it. A different word besides "draw" might be better.

Last year he even had a party after school where he gave us snacks and showed us a fascinating video about the Pythagorean Theorem.

You might want to make your conclusion just a bit stronger. Rather than saying you "enjoy math" could you truthfully say you have a passion for it? And perhaps, in the last sentence, something like "who encouraged me with their dedication and inspiration" ?

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Letters / MONITOR in his class; letter of recommendation for my student [3]

Greetings!

Your letter of recommendation is an excellent one! I have just a few editing tips:

As a monitor in his class, xxx is always the leader in every aspect and has held the highest position in his class's rating for four consecutive years.

as well as voluntary activities held by school. - I'm not sure exactly what you meant here. Are you referring to extracurricular activities? Be sure to use an article before the noun: "the school."

xxx is also very responsible in his work

On many occasions, he has helped his classmates in various subjects,

I'm sure this letter will be very beneficial to your student!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Free Will Does Not Exist - Help With My Essay Draft [4]

Greetings!

I'd be happy to give you some guidance!

To introduce the idea of free will it must be contrasted with its nemesis: determinism. - I don't believe "free will" needs a hyphen. The possessive form of "its" does not take an apostrophe; "it's" means "it is." You misspell "determinism" as "determism" several times throughout the essay, so you might want to go through it carefully with a spell-checker.

If free will existed, then energy would be created, due to a decision just coming into existence out of the blue. - I'm afraid I don't really follow your logic here, or elsewhere in this paragraph, for that matter.

Everything has a cause for its change of direction.

The normal way you exert a force upon the world was changed because the reasonable guiding forces were not in mind.

Some of your assertions could use a bit more backing up; for me, your conclusions don't all follow logically one after another.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / The methods of argumentative essays [9]

Greetings!

I'm happy to help!

1) Pick a topic which is controversial so that it is "arguable."

2) Decide which side you will argue as your own, and state it in your thesis.For example: "A constitutional amendment to make English the official language of the United States is a flagrant attempt to discriminate against illegal immigrants which infringes on the rights of legal immigrants as well."

3) Back up your position with evidence, including, if possible, articles from scholarly journals, statistics, testimony, etc. Include a history of the issue; how did it arise? What has been done about it in the past?

4) Do not ignore the arguments against your position; present them, but then point out why they are not supported by the evidence.

5) Conclude by summarizing with a restatement of your thesis in slightly different wording, and the main points which support your thesis.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / A mature student who hasn't written an essay in 20 years needs help [2]

Greetings!

Because there are a number of accepted forms, the answers to your questions depend, in large part, on what type of paper it is and which citation system you are using. For example, if you were writing a psychology paper, you would probably be using APA citation, in which case your paper should have a title page and a running head at the top of each page. If you are using MLA, on the other hand, your name should appear at the top right of each page, just in front of the page number.

If you have not been told to use a specific citation format, and your instructor has not specified a preference, then you might want to just pick one, MLA, for example, and just stick with it unless told otherwise. It's easy to find "how-to" information on citation styles online; just search "MLA citation."

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Graduate / "Speculating on my death" - essay [2]

Greetings!

You've written a very thought-provoking and even provocative essay! I have just a few editing suggestions:

However this fact, - "However" isn't really used this way; better would be "Despite"

what were the results of the football matches,

these are a few examples of the routine process

Every day, man witnesses the deaths of people

move my hands, speak, laugh; all these are the blessings that I possess but, with a motionless corpse in front of me, I was assured that this status quo is temporary.

And my legacy, if I have one, will be subsidized and inherited.

Great job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 'The summer on My Space' - Uni of Texas personal essay [2]

Greetings!

You've written an excellent essay on a topic I haven't really seen addressed before. It's a very illuminating discourse!

Here are a couple of editing suggestions for you:

closed if you're happy and open if you're sad. - Remember that "you're" is really saying "you are."

As for meeting new people, I still find a way in real life and a solid hand shake has proved to be much more appealing than a picture comment. - This last sentence is a little confusing. I'm not sure what you mean by "a way in real life"; are you referring to the handshake? And by "picture comment" do you mean the smiley? It's a little unclear. Since you want your last sentence to be memorable, you might want to rewrite this.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com