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Posts by Anonymoussenior
Joined: Dec 29, 2010
Last Post: Feb 1, 2011
Threads: 17
Posts: 124  
From: United States of America

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Anonymoussenior   
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / College Essay Homeschooled/diabetes [5]

Having to take painful blood glucose samples every two hours and giving myself four insulin shots a day, not to mention, changing my diet - this is not a sentence it is a fragment.

I had to learn to count carbohydrates and I had to give up the two foods I loved most, pasta and sugar ice cream. (no one actually eats plain sugar so replace sugar with something sweet like ice cream or cake.)

Finally I was on a normal schedule again.I no longer has to wake up every two hours at night, which was a relief.

Concentrating on schoolwork was a priority, I did not want to get behind my classmates

For this reason, I have chosen study in the health field.

Studying nursing at Virginia Commonwealth University would allow me to explore many opportunities that await me - no comma after university

I will be exposed to a stimulating environment that will cultivate a superior education in the medical field, as well as take advantage of the many resources Virginia Commonwealth University and Richmond have to offer.

I would recommend you vary your sentence structure and use less simple sentences. Also you should change how you start your sentences because as of right now the majority of them begin with I.

Please read my UChicago essay.
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / Achieving academic success, revolutionary research, studying in Paris - Why UChicago? [10]

upon spotting the famous museums and attractions, I was jolted from my haze of worn cement and white lines

exploring my passion for Political Science and Psychology in the Social Sciences division of The College - why is the college capitalized

I found so much more.

I resolved to spend my next four years wearing maroon, while exploring my passion for Political Science

A medium for autonomy, the quarter system, not only solidified my interest in pursuing- no comma after system

but also set the University of Chicago apart during my college search

I loved everything about the University of Chicago-from the - i think a comma would work better than a dash

from the core curriculum, small class sizes, the theological seminary, and Regenstein Library to the house system with resident masters. - I would cut some of these to help with the flow

Moreover , with the flexibility offered at UChicago, I knew I could flourish, be innovative, and fuel my creativity. - I feel like the moreover does not fit here

with the flexibility offered at UChicago, I knew I could flourish, be innovative, and fuel my creativity. - be specific what kind of flexibility are you talking about. What will allow you to flourish and be creative? the classes maybe

the campus traditions such as scav hunt, summer breeze, estro and testo fest, Super- these are all names of events so they should be capitalized

and dance marathon, compelled me to want to participate, or even initiate my own tradition.- no comma after marathon

As I browsed the shelves of the co-op bookstore,

studying abroad in Paris with the social sciences program

I imagined saw myself as a Maroon- saw is more definate
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / Honesty is the best policy (or not) - U Chicago essay # 4 [3]

MODERATORS is there a way I can delete this and repost it under undergraduate admissions, I didn't realize it was on graduate admissions. Thanks.

"Honesty is the best policy, but honesty won't get your friend free birthday cake at the diner." - Overheard in the city of Chicago

Does society require constant honesty? Why is it (or why is it not) problematic to shift the truth in one's favor, even if the lie is seemingly harmless to others? If we can be "conveniently honest," what other virtues might we take more lightly?

Inspired by Eleanor Easton, a second-year in the College


Growing up, I never disputed the importance of being honest, after all I liked my nose and didn't want to end up like poor Pinocchio, but in recent years, I realized that lying is just as important as telling the truth.

Over Thanksgiving break, I became a little too exuberant while playing Wii boxing and punched myself in the face. I can be a bit wild with my swings, but don't worry, I won. For days after I returned to school, I got questions like "Dude what happened to your jaw," "Are you okay," "Should we talk about your life at home," and "Did you get into some kind of outsiders brawl over the break." While all of these questions were valid proposals and a swollen jaw typically means something more than a Wii match gone wrong, who would ever admit to such an unfortunate outcome from a game and not a real sport? Naturally, I saved myself from extreme embarrassment by making up stories of ninjas abducting me in the middle of the night and an overzealous Black Friday shopper who fought me over a pair of $19.99 boots.

My convenient lie proved to have no adverse affects and helped save me from having to repeatedly explain what really happened to me. Imagine my having to grudgingly retell my boxing match, complete with hand motions and the anticipated final blow not to the other player but into my own jaw- no thanks. If I had to do it over again would I still lie about how I got my injury? If I'm being honest, yes I would lie in a heartbeat, but maybe this time I would come up with a more colorful story.

Does society require constant honesty? Absolutely not. If people only told the truth there would never be another person elected for any position in government, lawyers would be out of a job, and teachers wouldn't know what to say about some children's' behavior. Like Dave Van Ronk once said, "honesty is the cruelest game of all, because not only can you hurt someone - and hurt them to the bone - you can feel self-righteous about it at the same time." If people only told the truth more men would really tell their girlfriend about that new dress and moms would hear the truth about how that new recipe really taste.

My boxing match, while a travesty itself, taught me it is truly okay to shift the truth in ones favor if its impact is harmless for others or me. While a society completely devoid of honesty could make all morals disappear and become something from a dream, sometimes lying can make life a bit more interesting. After all who needs honesty when I can get free cake from lying?

Tear it apart I only have a few hours to make this perfect. Thanks.
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / Why Chicago (recognizable and different)+ Find x (gratitude, forgiveness, motivation) [3]

I love your why Chicago essay I mean who couldn't laugh at Scav hunt. The last paragraph of the first essay is awesome you found a way to talk about the academics at Chicago without making it boring or too much so I commend you on that.

As for your find x essay I don't think it is overdone or cliché (well maybe the prompt is but not your specific topic)

Instead of saying maybe I just solved my New Years eve mystery say.. I just solved. It makes it more definite and firm an answer than maybe does.

Please take a look at my why Chicago essay.
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 2, 2011
Undergraduate / "the start of something new, exhilarating, and not experienced" - Why U Chicago essay [14]

How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago.

'In preparation for the upcoming cold and flu season, Jesus asks you to use hand sanitizer to help prevent the spread of germs. Thank you.' This sign, posted outside of the 57th Street Seminary bookstore was one of many memories surrounding my visit to the University of Chicago.

After two days of driving and three attempts at finding a hotel, I arrived on campus. I was immediately struck by the beauty of the buildings and the hospitality of the student body. On the way to the information session alone, I was approached by multiple students willing to risk being late for class to help direct me towards the admissions building. I was engaged by the tour guide's enthusiasm as he led us through the black box and spoke highly of his newly changed majors. From the Hogwarts like buildings to the core curriculum, I knew that this was the school for me. UChicago appealed to me both academically and creatively. I wanted to be the new quirky addition to the student body, but I had nearly two years until college. I wanted to jump in head first and use my autonomy to take advantage of the unique classes offered in the Division of the Social Science and explore my love for knowledge with over forty nine areas of study to choose from. I also wanted to benefit from Chicago's small class sizes and the community that the house system creates. I wanted the personal learning experience the university is known for, with the flexibility the quarter system provides. I wanted to get involved in one of dozens of renowned research projects, club activities, and internships. I wanted UChicago.

I have already had memorable moments at the University of Chicago. University police gave me my first and hopefully only ride in a cop car back to my car across campus. I toured the Regenstein Library and spoke to many students about their classes and the houses they lived in. I got to experience eating in the South Campus dining hall and I discovered how it feels to have the city of Chicago right at my fingertips. No matter where my U Chicago journey takes me, I will be constantly learning both inside and outside of the classroom. Whether I spend the day studying for a huge psychology test, or rummaging the campus for Scav hunt, four years at the University of Chicago will help shape me into a successful adult. I look forward to rushing to finish my homework, so I can make it to Thursday night soccer and standing in line every Wednesday for a dollar milkshake. I look forward to a late night snack from TANSTAAFL, house Olympics and elections, writing an interesting story for the University of Chicago Press, and freshman orientation.

For me, the University Chicago is the start of something new, something exhilarating, something that cannot be experienced elsewhere. That cold February day of junior year, with snow up to my knees, I fell in love with everything UChicago had to offer. Now when someone asks me why I want to go to the University of Chicago I say, "why not"? Crescat scientia; vita excolatu: let knowledge grow from more to more; and so be human life enriched.
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 2, 2011
Undergraduate / (pre- med and study abroad + An Explorer) - Boston [12]

Any ideas on what I should add to the second essay to make it stand out more? should I talk more about what BU has to offer such as programs, research, study abroad? Or should I talk more about my potential majors at BU? Any help will be greatly appreciated.
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 2, 2011
Undergraduate / "I thought I was a North Korean" - Northwestern, Why NU [4]

ugadm.northwestern.edu/apply/application-deadlines-and-options.html

Here the school website says it is due the first and on common app says that it is due the first. However; on another part of the website you are correct they do say the second they are kinda giving off mixed signals here for which date they want the actual application in by.
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / "returning to my life of academia" - Rochester curriculum 150 words [26]

Science and math have always been my favorite subjects to study. A Rochester education would allow me to explore my passion for these subjects, as well as grant me access to renowned educators, the latest technological advances, and a plethora of research opportunities. With an optional free fifth year, I could fully experience all that U of R has to offer academically and devise a schedule of classes within my interested field. At Rochester, I will witness the world's most powerful fusion laser in action and also be able to provide care at the university hospital. The world is my playing field at the University of Rochester, where I look forward to learning, envisioning and exploring all subjects of academia.
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / My Disney Childhood in 180 words - Wake Forest [9]

Completely reorganized. Which version should I go with? I have less than an hour left.

TV shows taught me to just be a kid. Throughout my upbringing, the movie and TV industry were the people behind some of my first words. At age two, I learned the word mine right before Barney taught me how to share. Harry Potter taught me to enjoy long novels, to fake a British accent, and to never say bloody hell around my parents. Cartoons taught me how to properly spell laboratory, and realize that if I wanted to be like Princess Ariel, I would first have to learn how to swim. I grew up in a culture of Disney princesses, Barney and Dexter's Laboratory, but in exchange, I lost out on valuable time with my family. While this culture may not be as immediately visible as my African American heritage, it played just as large a part in my upbringing.
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / There are many things I wish I knew, but most of all I wish I knew the future. [8]

Completely New Essay Please Edit it is due in two hours

I wish I knew why people are more willing to fight than actually talk about their differences. I wish I knew why republicans and democrats cannot agree to disagree and realize the validity of each other's arguments. I wish I knew why we are still in a war that should have never begun. I wish I knew why some people are unwilling to help a stranger when their down. I wish I knew why our loved ones have to die. I wish I knew why people hurt each other. I wish I knew what happened to the United States of America where everyone was acceped and loved one another despite their views and outer appearance. I wish I knew when I stopped envisioning the world through a nieve childs eyes. I wish I knew why I suddenly see so much anger and hatred in the world. I guess I just grew up.
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / "returning to my life of academia" - Rochester curriculum 150 words [26]

New Edited Version

Science and math have always been my favorite subjects due to their complexity. A Rochester education [...] or volunteer my time at the university hospital. I look forward to learning, envisioning and exploring all subjects of academia. The world is my playing field at the University of Rochester.
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / JHU- Supplement essay:" Life Through Calculated Bonds" [5]

It is December31st, and
my take home quiz in AP Physics quiz before going out to celebrate the New year.

I would recommend changing the date you mentioned so it does not sound like you waited until the day before to do your essay.

Determined to finish all supplements today I am about to start- you did not finish your thought

I have only one essay question left for John Hopkins University so I am starting with this one. Simplified, the question is: "What would you like to major in and why?" - they know what the prompt is no need to restate it.

I don't really recommend writing your essay about writing the essay. You also don't spend enought time answering the prompt your are mainly just telling a story.
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / am shorter than the average female; Wake Forest - What challenges you? [2]

What idea most challenges you?

Sitting in the operating room listening to the patient's heart beat, I ponder what it is like to be a doctor. How taxing it must be to know that even after years of college, medical school, and residency they will not be able to save every patient. I was simply immersed in life in the OR for two days and I all ready witnessed that while medicine is constantly changing, so are the diseases affecting the population. It is a alarming thought that as the doctor, the patient's livelihood lies in my hands, and they trust me to keep them safe. It is hard to grasp that even if I work my hardest to remove the entire tumor I may still have to leave some behind because it is too intertwined with an organ. Why is it that I can treat a condition to the best of my ability, but in the end, have to tell a patient there is nothing more I can do, but there is ongoing research on a treatment? Why is it that medical treatments will always be one step behind a new disease?

What should we know about you that we haven't yet learned?

I am shorter than the average female. Some of my best work has been produced while under an immense amount of stress. I hate procrastination, but I admit that I at times I fall victim to her charms. My backpack will probably always be an organized mess. I will probably spend my first day on campus in the library, scoping out the perfect nook. By the end of my four years, everyone will know exactly where to find me when I'm studying. I can be a complete kid at heart, but I know when it is time to be serious. I am more of a night person, but mornings are fine just the same. However, most of all, you should know that I want to be a Demon Deacon.
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / My Disney Childhood in 180 words - Wake Forest [9]

I need to cut out almost 200 characters, Please help and I will edit you essay right away.

Also ....
What final Jeopardy category would ensure your victory? (200 characters)

As a drummer, I had to pay close attention to detail. I had to know what instrument was playing and change pace for various sounds. Because of this, I would win the category; noise behind the music.
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / U Rochester Supplements(Open Curriculum+Meliora) [4]

Since the beginning of my public education I have dreaded it. I despised taking classes that were forced onto me.- you can combine these sentences

That December morning, I stepped into my audition room, ignoring the endless waves of butterflies. - remove the commas.

I agree with the first person, in the first essay you jump randomly to talking about music so you may want to transition it better.

Please read my rochester essay.
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / There are many things I wish I knew, but most of all I wish I knew the future. [8]

I Need Help deciding which short essay is better- Wake Forest

Which essay is better? They both need more added to them but I don't know which one I should continue and I am kinda stuck on what more I should say.

7. I wish I knew...

I wish I knew you. Right now you are reading my file with everything from my birthday to my social security number. You know my name, my address, my phone number and every class I have ever taken in high school. You know what extracurricular activities I took part in, and what I aspire to be. You know my GPA and my SAT score. You know everything about the last four years of my life, and I don't even know your name. You know so much about me, but I wish I knew you.

I don't know what else to add to this so if you have any ideas please let me know.

There are many things I wish I knew, but most of all I wish I knew the future. If I knew the future, I could warn a country before a famine strikes and kills millions of people. I could forsee an upcoming war and stop it years before the proposal makes it to congress. I could have prevented our current economic crisis and saved many famlies from foreclosure. I could warn people about the damages todays pollution will cause. I could know the cure for cancer before more people have to suffer. I could stop future pandemics and catastrophies from occurring. If I could tell the future, I would take everyones pain and suddering away.
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / Hunger occurs all over, volunteering -Wake Forest short essay [2]

I like this essay and you make a valid point about helping those in our country as well as those in other countries. The only thing I would change would be to delete this :Nonetheless, what am I going to do about the issues? and come up with a better way to transition to what you are doing to help. Also you may want to say while I will continue to help people overseas with my donations, I am shifting my focus to issues in my own country ... by doing this -- (I'm going to volunteer at the local shelter and try to stop hunger one peanut butter and jelly sandwich at a time.)
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / Shared Paradise - Wake Forest essay [2]

3. As a part of 2010 Wake Forest orientation, the freshman class examined The Andes of Ecuador, a painting by Frederic Church. Next year what work of visual or performing art should the incoming class analyze? Why?

New beginnings, life, and new possibilities are the first thoughts that come to mind when visualizing Wolfgang -Adam Topffer's Swiss landscape painting. The wisdom of the old trees reflects the wisdom of the student body and the new life they bring to the university. Rippling water flowing through a beautiful river creates a paradise in the mist of the trees, but one can only guess what is around the corner of the river. Similarly, each incoming freshman can only ponder their four year journey as they begin their Wake Forest education. The Swiss mountains off in the distance symbolize that one particularly challenging class each student will inevitably take, but shows promises of serenity once you make it through the storm. Each student will envision something different when glancing at this painting, but together they can discover their shared paradise: Wake Forest University.
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / Harvest time and teaching season, my summers, Princeton supplement [6]

dust and soiÙ…
- is that supposed to say soil or maybe sand?
I understood how ones beliefs

are these two different essays or one big essay?

when I saw their willingness to have more classes with

students could find the solution to their questions through teamwork or individually

I wanted to show them the reality of science by seeking into the nature , so we took some field trips - weird phrasing you may want to change some of the words.

and have a good relationship with my students!
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / Groggily walking towards the kitchen, I begin my daily routine - Wake Forest [5]

Those are exactly the topics I was trying to avoid because they are so cliché and say nothing about me personally except that I watch the news and can discuss it in an essay. Everyone else will probably take the route that you suggested, so I chose something trivial that would stand out. Plus they have 8 other essays, so I doubt my answer on this one would hinder my chances for being accepted.

Although I understand your advice and will try to make changes accordingly so I sound a little less selfish and whiney as you say. The purpose of Wake's essays are to be creative as you can, or at least that is what they told me when I visited. They want you to have fun with their essays.
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / Groggily walking towards the kitchen, I begin my daily routine - Wake Forest [5]

2. What outrages you? What are you doing about it? (less than 200 words)

Groggily walking towards the kitchen, I begin my daily routine: get a bowl, get a spoon, grab the milk and grab my box of cereal. Everything situated, I settle down at the breakfast bar to enjoy my Cinnamon Toast Crunch. The first thing I do is pour some cereals into the bowl then go to add in the milk. Oh no, I whisper only to hear my sister chuckling beside me. Almost all of the milk is gone, and I can either choose to use the rest and eat half dry cereal, or give it up and just enjoy my cereal completely dry. Only problem is, I hate dry cereal. Pondering the situation, I try not to get mad over the prospect of a lost breakfast, but I can't help but notice my sister enjoying her bowl of Golden Grams absolutely floating in excess milk. From that day forward, I promised to keep a hidden milk carton in the back of the fridge. No longer will I be subjected to mornings of dry cereal, as my secret milk carton is there to say the day.
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / My Disney Childhood in 180 words - Wake Forest [9]

1. Describe the culture in which you grew up. What are its strengths and weaknesses?

I grew up in a culture of Disney princesses, Sesame Street, Barney and Blues Clues. During a time when the only television before ten A.M. was cartoons, and before cartoon network cut out shows like Dexter's Laboratory and Code Name Kids Next Door. Where the first Harry Potter book became known, just in time to receive my letter to Hogwarts and the most important thing on my mind was being sorted into Gryffindor and staying as far away from Slytherin as possible. Throughout my upbringing, the movie and tv industry were the people behind some of my first words. At age two, I learned the word mine right before Barney taught me how to share. Harry Potter taught me to read long novels, to fake a British accent, and to never say bloody hell around my parents. T.V. taught me how to properly spell laboratory, and that if I wanted to be like Princess Ariel, I would have to learn how to swim first. T.V. shows taught me to just be a kid. While this culture may not be as immediately visible as my African American heritage, it played just as large a part in my upbringing.

I am 79 characters over the limit please help me cut this down. Do I answer the entire prompt?

6. What final Jeopardy category would ensure your victory? (200 characters)
- I can't think of an interesting Jeopardy category that has not all ready been done.
Anonymoussenior   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / Night Flying - Common Application Personal Essay. [3]

I would advise against any form of cursing in a college essay because cursing is seen as informal language that you would use with your friends.

truancy is not generally the best route to take when writing an essay- it makes you look undedicated or a bad student

With a start, I realize that the fetal position is conducive neither to flight nor mother's delight.- did you rhyme this on purpose?

her careless confidence is contagious- I wouldn't use careless considering her previous statement (I practiced this with you for 10 hours). Pick a difference adjective

fully certain that I can't fail- do not use contractions in a college essay they are less formal

Great essay overall. I love how you begin and end with flying and reference your flight throughout the day. Good job and nice story.

Please read my Northwestern essay
Anonymoussenior   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "Learning with Purpose" - Commonapp essay [4]

This is a great common app essay and it shows how all of your hard work in learning finally paid off. You have a strong ending and a strong beginning with great supporting evidence in the body of the essay. Everything looks good to me.

Please edit my Northwestern essay

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