Letters / Can someone help with me with this letter i wrote to the College President [3]

This essay is upbeat and energized. You seem to have a cool personality. I think I understand you about the informal things -- ha ha, Stepha gave you a harsh critique :) But I think it is because you are trying to do a good job of fulfilling this task -- this interesting essay idea. It is cool that you took an informal approach. Cool, but you SHOULD make it a little more formal! :)

I think you will want to cut out some unnecessary sentences... think about it from the perspective of someone who is reading it for the first time. One thing to get rid of is that first sentence; it seems cheesy!

The thing to do is make it so that, by reading this essay, someone will know that you are smart, serious, and inspired.

Sorry I had to delete the original version! It's just to avoid too much of the same content on the thread.

Writing Feedback / If you can interview any living person, who would it be and why? [6]

Wow, this is a very thoughtful essay! I was surprised that you said you do not write well; the first half is great.

I can fix this part, though -- below, this should start a new paragraph:

To split into Three sections of interview would include: First asking about the nuclear situation, which is very immediate agenda between the North Korea and other countries in the world; Then, I want to sharing opinions pertaining to human dignity, which is common value of whole throughout mankind; And finally, I'd like to conclude with discussing peaceful unification of the Korean peninsula and communication with the world.

"Mr. Kim, human being is communicative existence. we cannot live without that."

Awesome. I want to make documentaries as soon as I have the skill, but I have no agenda. I'm an artist. Plus, there is money to be made in doing brilliant and reliable documentaries.

Scholarship / Contributions to the Field of Sonography [10]

How to master it! That is something I think about a lot. You have to ponder the subject of the essay, and then put your attention on your breathing and watch for what sentence comes to mind.

If you can get into a rhythmic state of mind, like as if you were going to play drums or dance, if you can feel a cool rhythm, it makes the words come to mind with rhythmic syllables. Writing is rapping, like being a rapper, only without the... rapping.

And anyway, you change the rhythm in your head so that it goes with the mood of what you are writing. Or just to whatever mood you happen to be in.

Okay, I am going to chop your essay up into all the different ideas you gave. Right now it seems like you jump from one idea to the next. You have to start over, but every time you try it usually gets better. It's necessary to take more than one try.

Every human being is deserving of kindness and help of any kind. Quite often, I have been lucky enough to find myself at the receiving end of kindness I grew up in a large family. When I arrived to the United States, help and kindness did not stop; people gave me tips about adapting to the new society, and many lasting friendships developed . just a good friends to talk to.

It has been a long and cumbersome voyage over the years.

Today I feel like I am approaching the moment when I will be able to give back not only to my family and those who helped me over time, but to everyone else that comes in my path.

In terms of going to school, finances are hard for every student and I am no different. This scholarship will allow me to worry less about finances and focus more on my studies.

I am particularly excited about the extras that come with this scholarship. The one year student membership that I had with ASE had tremendous benefits. I have found that several articles from JASE coincidently overlapped some of the lectures in my Echocardiography class. Being an ASE member gave me the opportunity and access to to that extra study material. Nothing gets me more excited, though, than the perspective and the opportunity prospect of attending the Annual Scientific Session which will be an unprecedented learning experience.

The way to write a strong paragraph is:

Write a short topic sentence that says the main thoughtof the paragraph.
Write a sentence that explains tha topic sentence and adds to it.
Write a sentence that tells something else about that topic.
Write a conclusion sentence that sort of tells the reader what it all means. (or you can use the last sentence to say something about the original idea in a way that connects it to the main idea of the next paragraph. Transitions are hard.)

The point is, a paragraph is all one idea. In your admissions essays, all of you should write paragraphs of 4 or 5 sentences, usually. Make it crisp and formal. And if you are going to write a five paragraph essay, that means you have only 5 "topics." And what it all comes down to is one topic, which is expressed as the thesis statement (often the last sentence of the first paragraph). Then, the body paragraphs give three sub-ideas. And the lat paragraph is sort of like the thesis statement in the form of a paragraph REFLECTING on the whole thing.

That is a lot of info, but if you memorize it now, it will help a lot.

Essays / Does the election of Barack Obama mean the Civil Rights Movement is over? [4]

This is a great outline for the paper! The prof/teacher did a good job of giving you guidance. Well, does his election mean it is over? I would argue no, because there are still plenty of brainless people in this country who are dimwitted enough to judge people by skin color.

I don't know... I like to tell people that I see the election of Obama as a tremendous victory for white people, in the sense that the majority of our white majority has gotte over its silly prejudices.

Google this subject and read 5 articles about it! Take otes, and you will come up with ideas! Make sure you have a clear thesis, and that every paragraph is relevant to it! Essay writing is like arguing! You ca do it!

Essays / Colors in Graphic Design -CHOOSING AN INTERESTING THESIS STATEMENT,PROPOSAL [6]

Wow, interesting! For someone who speaks English as a second language, you write very well!!

How about the emotions that are associated with various colors? How about incorporating them into the marketing process, or even more meaningful, incorporating them into art?

Or how about speculating about how graphic design will, in the future, embrace older, classical art, like various styles of painting?

If I come up with other ideas, I'll let you know!

:)

Scholarship / Expanding my knowledge; Scholarship (the United World Colleges) [6]

Ever since I can remember... This part is not really necessary. What IS the meaning you are trying to convey? That you cannot remember a time when you were not keenly interested in expanding knowledge? I guess you could write this:

Ever since I started elementary school, I have taken great pleasure and comfort in expanding my knowledge.

Commas: I personally love sports, especially martial arts, tricking, and bodybuilding. Because of my experience in these pursuits, I am confident in my ability to make a meaningful contribution with regard to the already vast wealth of resources and student organizations at UWC.

or something like that...

It is looking okay... and these last parts you questioned seem alright, but you can use cut/paste to experiment with putting the sentences in various sequences to see what works best!

:)

Writing Feedback / My pet essay [7]

That's a first, Mustafa!

:)

Scholarship / Expanding my knowledge; Scholarship (the United World Colleges) [6]

Tricking? Sounds cool. I think I have seen that... it involve leaping over things, climbing, etc., while running through various parts of the city? Like skateboarding without the skatebords?

As you decide how to present these interests, think in terms of the resources that the school offers and your plans for the future. How can you answer their question in a way that shows that this school is perfect for you and that you are very serious about succeding in their program? It is necessary to research the school a little. I see that you mentioned studying their website, but what, SPECIFICALLY, attracts you? Any particular faculty members? Any important statistics about people going into your chosen field?

I don't know if you should say you have no natural talant! You must have some talants! Why not discuss your intended major and field of interest as your areas of talant, and then change this sentence so that is explains that you invest so much attention in this field of interest that you have had to work hard at these other endeavors?

Being focused and driven... that is what wins scholarships.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task--Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood [18]

In all ages, it is a common conception has been that women should take on the major responsibilities of children rearing, not only because of the mother's role in child-birth but also because of maternal instinct. Yet, this view seems to be at odds with progressive feminism, and it also undermines the significance of men in parenting. individual coming to realize. In this essay, I would like to talk about the argument and put forward my own attitude. (Right here, make an assertion instead of just saying that you are going to put forward your attitude. Say your main point here.)

Undeniably, women do dedicate much more in bringing the children up. However, this is not the only talent God gives them. ...

...

On the basis of the above discussion, I would like to conclude that men and women together provide better love for the children. Only by integrated parenting can children be promoted physical, mental and emotional development be promoted . Therefore, in light of the fact that fathers make unique contributions of time and energy, fatherhood definitely should be equally emphasized.

Writing Feedback / Proudest achievement of my life-linear generator buoy [3]

This is free of errors as far as I can see, but the first paragraph would be better if it would make a transition, through the addition of one more sentence at the end, into the way that this truth is represented by the accomplishment you are talking about in the essay. I think you should introduce the idea of the LGB at the end of that first para, and then explain what it is in the second para. In fact, to this end, you could take that first sentence of the second para and make it the last sentence of the first para.

I don't like this part below. I think you should explain it better or take it out.
What's more interesting is the inspiration that resulted in this invention. It was close to what inspired Archimedes.

Is this thing you created really something that has not yet been invented? If so, did you get a patent? I can imagine what you mean... it generates electricity like a wind mill only through the movement of water rather than air? Impressive!

Writing Feedback / My pet essay [7]

Ha ha, yeah, "gigity" is anyone's term, I guess. What I was thinking was that the humor in the essay is so original that I would not want readers to think it was largely borrowed from Family Guy. But it really is no big deal. Gigity.

Writing Feedback / "Never too Buff"; two examples of thesis statments [18]

Hi! Yes, in answer to one question you asked me above, I do think it seemed a little vague. It's just that this was a tough essay; subliminal messages are specific things, so you need to be able to find examples of their actual use if you are going to write about them -- examples of their deliberate use, I think.

Okay, I am reading this draft now...

Okay... I see that your thesis sentence does not even include the word "subliminal" now. Is that going to get you in trouble? You gave me the impression that this essay needed to be about subliminal messages. If this shift of topic is alright, I think the essay is great!

For your citations, put the period after the parenthetical reference:

"...behaviors their own" (2001, p.1224). It seems weird, but that is how to do it! :)

Essays / Education in Columbia vs USA [3]

Yes, the order in which you write the essay might go like this:

Write a paragraph about education in Columbia.

Follow it with a para about Ed. In the U.S.

Write a paragraph that compares the two based on certain points.

Write a very thoughtful conclusion paragraph in which you reflect on the IMPLICATIONS of the differences between them.

When you are all done, go back and write an intro paragraph that grabs the reader's attention, introduces both things being described, and tells the reader your main idea -- your main opinion about the two in relation to one another.

Writing Feedback / "PGD method" - feetback on introduction of short academic essay [12]

That's an interesting idea from Sean... I guess, strictly speaking, "designer babies" are not bad. I never thought of it that way. But the term "designer baby" is, I assume, used in order to show that the sacredness is being taken out of life -- relating back to that concern of devaluation.

I suppose that, in the future, people will laugh about the primitive notions that made us argue in the 21st century about whether or not PGD was ethical. In the future, it will probably be standard practice.

Writing Feedback / One of Edison's invention - Does this article sound good in English? [4]

Sean took all the good corrections and left me with no corrections to make!

This is a cool story that I have never heard; thanks for sharing it here.

One little improvement I guess you could make is this:

...however, he could not let Edison continue working at the station, so Edison was dismissed.

Essays / political science question -- pick a topic, develop an argument [12]

Great stuff here! I hope you have success with that. Mustafa, thanks for the great input. Moe, please don't use profanity here in this forum, only because we are trying to keep it "scholarly," haha.

Remember to make a strong, clear intro so that the prof can decide whether or not s/he thinks you achieved your purpose, etc. What is your thesis statement? Remembber that you can change the thesis statement as you go along.

Student Talk / Word count limits and restrictions in essays [44]

Good luck! If your prof assigned 1250 words for 5 pages with that font and formatting, it is his/her mistake. Anyway, a good way to add length is to reinforce each paragraph with a new topic sentence. That way the existing topic sentences become elaborations for the new topic sentences. For each para, ask yourself what the main idea is and tack a sentence on to the beginning! :)

Writing Feedback / Intro for my essay about army lowing its standards. Sound good so far? [3]

Another way to fix the error near that semi-colon is to just keep it the same and use a lower case "a" in this:

...as they need; according to USA Today the Army hasn't...

Now, it is looking good, but what is your thesis statement? Is this going to be about the fact that you think the Army should NOT lower its standards? If so, give a strong statement to that effect at the end of this paragraph, and make sure it includes a main reason or concept that makes you feel that way.

However, if this is just an expository essay about the fact that standards are being lowered, you should add a sentence at the end of that first paragraph that lists the ways that standards are being lowered, so that the reader knows what to expect when reading the rest of the essay.

Good luck!!

Graduate / Social worker in offices at a local hospital - Personal Statement for Grad School [5]

My place of employment inspired me to become a social worker. I have provided support services in the social work offices at a local hospital. The service populations consist of diverse individuals and families, including minorities and underprivileged groups. I have been exposed to many types of situations. For this part I crossed out, say something more specific! :)

Nice, you seem serious and articulate! Can you tell a little more about what you hope to do with your degree? I see that you want to work in a hospital or school, but can you be more specific about the contribution you want to make? Just a little more specificity would help! It is a big field with many aspects, and the reader of this essay will want to see a clearly envisioned goal.

Book Reports / Scout's understanding of Atticus' life - To Kill A Mockingbird -- grade 10 essay [5]

Your thesis statement in that first paragraph is solid, pretty good! When you type the name of the novel, use italics rather than all capital letters. Here is a way to improve it a little. Add a new topic sentence to that last paragraph to change its dynamic a little, and to introduce that assertion that "Scout realized and understood..." Then, tack one more sentence on to the end of that last paragraph to leave the reader with "something extra," a parting thought about the truths expounded in the story.

Student Talk / Word count limits and restrictions in essays [44]

If they said 1250 words, use that. Do they tell you how they want the margins" If you use 12 pt font Times New Roman and 1 inch margins all the way around, I think 125 words is only going to be 4 pages!! Ha ha, but if you can use 1.25 inch margins on the left and right, it will be longer.

Try going through and finding paragraphs that could stand to have better topic sentences added to them.. Post it here if you want help.

Good luck!!!

Scholarship / Scholarship application essay for review (UK university) [4]

Working at this forum, I have something in common with admissions officers. I see enough of these essays to recognize a very intelligent person crossing over a language barrier -- don't make the mistake of believing that your skill with English conceals your intelligence. It shines through! This material is not fluid like a composition written by a native speaker of English, but it has a rugged, sincere quality that I notice in some essays by brilliant people who have learned English as a second language.

I only know how to speak one language...

Scholarship / Scholarship application essay for review (UK university) [4]

Since graduated a secondary ... lead personnel to guide us through the study.

For the above paragraph, it will be good to include an assertion that directly answers the question about insights you have gained. Make the last sentence refer to insights that came from those experiences, and then go on to explain them in para #2. In paragraph 2, put together those loose, single sentences that you included. Make them into a solid paragraph.

The leader character in me always helped me in obtaining a 100% result from the group (right here, name a specific group, so that you will be "showing, not telling." Know what I mean? Turn this into a description of real leadership experiences, not just general assertions about your leadership skill.)

prospective perspective

Being a citizen of multinational country, is made from me a person , I have come to respect a diversity of religions , races and ethnicities . groups . Despite that I'm not religious, I have strong beliefs, and I have always been treated others as I wanted to be treated personally.

I've got a winning attitude and ...

The cost of living in my country is lower than that of the UK, and hence the wages are lower , too!

Writing Feedback / "PGD method" - feetback on introduction of short academic essay [12]

Imagine a world without incurable diseases -- a world without serious suffering, a world where parents are not burdened with chronically ill or disabled children. T his is...

Well, in Wikipedia I read that some scientists think that PGD should be mandatory in certain cases. Do you think that it should be banned everywhere? Why not solve the problem of designer babies by only allowing PGD for serious, life threatening issues?

The best advice I can give is to find an article that argues against it, cite it as a main source, and use it as a guide to help you avoid slipping on that slope you mentioned. Model your essay after an article, but not in a way that is "stealing ideas" or anything. It has already been written about, so, there is a beaten path along that slope.

Writing Feedback / Soldiers experiences in Iraq, World War II, Vietnam. [4]

No, actually, you don't even need that! This is going to be great. All you need to do is Google your topic's key words for articles and the articles, themselves, will provide the ideas you need. That is how it is supposed to be; mash 3 articles together with your own intellect, and see what you create!

For the opening paragraph, get more specific. For example, for the wars you choose, compare the soldiers' perceptions of the war, their percieved roles and their perceptions of whether the war was just and good.

That way, you can have an interesting intro paragraph, and you can get specific sources.

Google: vietnam soldiers perceptions

or...

iraq soldiers perspectives

Choose high quality articles by good, reliable sources.

Undergraduate / Short Response - to change one thing about my community [5]

Nice job! In my town, too, the library is open only 4 hours on Sunday. There is also a loud buzzing light bulb on the first floor that drives me crazy. I really like your idea of attending to the library as a resource that benefits many people. You can find other things to improve about the library, too. Also, since this is an admissions essay, you can impress them by adding a few sentences that give details about your intellectual experiences at the library that have made it so important to you. The library is a place full of memories for many people.

Finally, most importantly, continue with your theme of the library being a social equalizer that brings people together and evens the odds.

And what else can be improved about it... the resources? The computers? Also, does this tie in with your intended major or career in any way? (I don't necessarily mean the library, but rather, the idea of social equity or public works?)

Essays / Should the policy of supplying textbook for free adhere to colleges? [16]

Yes, even though I agree that college is getting to be a big business that is mixing up its priorities, sort of like health care and medicine, it is also true that this argument is not yet practical -- not realistic.

If colleges must buy the books, they must raise tuition to cover the cost anyway -- or make budget cuts elsewhere. The money has to come from somewhere! That is why, in this competitive world, I think the only way to get through this is to write that it would be a good BUSINESS STRATEGY for some schools, whose enrollment consists of ordinary, struggling people, to offer books as part of the tuition package -- sort of like including utilities in the rent paid for an apartment! :)

Scholarship / I hopefully graduate suma cum laude in Cinematography [5]

For the sake of making that first paragraph well-structured, I think you should find a way to add one more sentence at the end -- a sentnece that refers to your mother once more. See how much that will improve the first paragraph!

I think you should add a sentence to the beginning of the para that starts with I want to make films that inspire people. I think you should add a sentence that says something about combining your interest in helping people (i.e. tutoring, etc.) with your previously described interest in film. That will be a way of tying those previous paragraphs together.

This is looking really good!!

Writing Feedback / review my quote essay ("The desire to know..") [7]

In all scope of All human achievement begins with a desire to know, and this desire is what drives human beings to progress and innovate . Such is the case for famous innovators like Wilbur and Orville Wright, whose curiosity about the phenomenon of flight inspired them to break nature's hold on humanity and to soar through the sky. This curiosity to discover the unknown in the end is far more important than what is to be achieved. I believe that this is what the quote Caine and Caine meant when they wrote, "The desire to know is far more important than achievement and/or performance measures." They were trying to convey that, as long as humanity retains its thirst for knowledge, than the spring of innovation and achievement will continue to flow.

Grammar, Usage / Compose Topic Sentences [4]

"After witnessing a traffic accident, I became thankful for all the good things I have in my life."

On #4, Is that really how you would describe what you witnessed if you were talking to a friend?
It might actually be more like, "Wow! You won't believe what just happened!!!"

:)

Scholarship / Contributions to the Field of Sonography [10]

Wow, good questions! No, it does not have to be a research contribution, although you will have to make a unique and substantial research contribution if you seek a graduate degree. Your contribution can be as a practitioner with unique skills and dispositions. You can answer this question in a way that shows STRONG understanding of the field and shows your unique interests. The point is for you to prove that you are so serious that you already can clearly envision your place in the field.

Question two: Well... now, I am not sure. Will you call the admisisons office and ask that very intelligent question? In my understanding, it seems that you do not have to avoid discussing financial need just because that is not how they base their decisions... but you made me think of it in a new way. Call and ask! It'll make a good impression. Be sure to give your name! I think, though, that you can actually do something very similar to what you do for the other question -- tell how you will contribute, and make it money well-spent!!

Essays / success and their rules essay [4]

Yes, we're trying to get students to give it a try, first, or at least ask specific questions when stuck. That way, this won't be construed as a site where kids can get people to "do their work for them."

It'll help if you choose a public figure that is really inspirational to you.

Note that the person does not need to have ALL the qualities you name as important. For qualities the person does not have, you can point out how it would have helped them if they did.

Good luck!!

Writing Feedback / My pet essay [7]

How crazy! The humor really is funny, not that all-too-common failed attempt made by many essays. (Except for the irrelevant thing about being literate, the delivery does not work there, at the beginning...). Anyway, I love it! I hope the prof does.

I think "gigity" actually weakens it, only because it is a Family Guy reference that does not give credit where credit is due. Actually, though, maybe I am wrong; do people other than that Family guy character say "gigity"?? It really is wicked funny, though. Nevermind, forget I said anything; you should keep it. But if you can somehow mention Family Guy at the start of that paragraph, it will be sort of like an obscure reference WITH credit given where due.

Does that even make sense?

Anyway, I see no errors and look forward to more.

One important point. The coolness of your writing deserves a topic that is not so boring. Can you make the main assertion more unique than just "why you should have a pet?" How about... "why you should have a (some adjective) pet."

Scholarship / The final input came from my brother-in-law, cardiologist - why did you choose this career? [8]

I came to the United States as a n new immigrant in 2005. In my home country, Romania, I was studying Information Systems according to my father's desire. Once arrived on the "land of opportunities", I felt like the choice of my own career belonged to me.

Briliant! That is great...

My first job in the United States was as an Anesthesia Technician. It introduced me to the world of health-care and gave me ample opportunity to research a wide range of health-care careers. One day I came across the field of Echocardiography. I was astounded as well a s and entranced by the technology and the sight of a human heart.

...initial instinct about how images can inspire patients, were true. (Oh... it ends kind of abruptly. Can you muster up one more, very powerful sentence at the end? )

Essays / Choice of buying a brand new car or a used car [5]

It sounds like it would be good as a compare and contrast essay. In a compare and contrast essay, the introduction paragraph will grab the readers attention with an interesting first line, interesting first sentence, and it should introduce the two things being compared. Let the last sentence of your intro paragraph be an assertion about those two things. In paragraph two, explain the pros and cons of buying new. In paragraph three, do the same for buying used. In paragraph four, say something thoughtful about the relationship between the two. In the conclusion paragraph, reflect on the thesis statement and review your main points.

I hope you do well!! :)

Essays / Should the policy of supplying textbook for free adhere to colleges? [16]

Hey, I am relieved that someone is writing about this! You know, now they even use "course packs," which are essentially a bunch of photocopies of readings, and they cost a lot of money, and you cannot sell them back to the school!!

The price of books is ridiculous...

Well, in college, I gues the school is not responsible for providing the books, really. In public high schools, it is the taxpayer's job. Revenue comes mostly from state and local taxation. In college, though... well, it's a business!

So, in order to make a strong argument, perhaps it would be good to make a pragmatic argument. Try arguing that a school would attract a lot of students if it had a policy of making many copies of text books available through the school library, etc, because the school could market itself as having high moral standards and wanting the students to be able to concentrate on education without the usual stress over books. Wouldn't it be cool to argue that it would be a good, lucrative marketing strategy? It's all a big business, as you know!

But, then again, some schools do already do that. You can research which schools keep text books available for reference at the library...

Also, a problem with the idea is that new editions are always being written!!

Most importantly, find what other people have written about this! Spend plenty of time researching and see what has been written. See who you agree with and who you disagree with.

If you are keeping this opening line, use a comma:

Today many students face obstacles, especially with regard to financing their education.

Writing Feedback / "Never too Buff"; two examples of thesis statments [18]

I think the term "subliminal" is going to make it tough, because that will require a lot of explanation. Instead, consider changing that to:

"Teenage boys are subjected to subliminal implicit social pressure and unhealthy notions in..."

Cool topic! Usually girls are the ones being written about in terms of unhealthy social expectations and body image, etc.

Poetry / Save Me A Spot In College [7]

Is this your own innovation, or did they ask for a poem? I think it is a great idea, but, if you took it upon yourself to write a poem instead of an essay I think it is important to comprimise by writing a short essay to go with the poem (that way, you can't be construed as someone who shirked a responsibility to write an essay). However, if a poem was asked for, disregard this remark.

It is extremly cool.

I wonder if you could find a more rhythmic way to say the lines about one doller in America becoming two.

I like that sight rhyme with "says" and "strays!"

I guess, if it was my poem... I would put a period at the end of each stanza. Know what I mean? After the last line of each stanza.

I like it! The best part is the appeal, "Save me a spot in college." However, it would be better if it named this specific school instead of "college"... actually, maybe not... that might make it sound like a cheer. Yeah, keep it the way it is. It seems really inspired!

Research Papers / HUMAN RESOURCE MANAGEMENT: ethics, hiring process; Research paper [57]

I know that findarticles.com is also a good one. I just googled the term: human resources articles

... and I got a lot of results. For example: humanresources.about.com/cs/a.htm

It should be easy to come up with a good outline after reading a few articles and forming an opinion. Jam five articles together with your own intellect in crazy alchemy... and see what brilliant thesis statement emerges. It's easy!!

Writing Feedback / Karl Marx vs. The Economic Hitman [7]

Cool, the rest of us are lucky to be able to learn so much from this discussion.

On an unrelated note, I think you should start with an introductory paragraph that is shorter. That is my personal opinion and strategy, and not any stylistic rule. You write very well, obviously, so I have to nitpick. Try dedicating an intro paragraph to giving a sucinct, interesting, introduction. It's not that your current intro paragraph is like, ill-structured or anything like that -- just that it's complex enough to need an intro of its own!

The rest of the essay is excellent! Very thoughtful and cool.

For the opening line... it's a little unweildy. How about:

John Perkins' Confessions of an Economic Hit Man paints a dark...

Or:

John Perkins paints a dark and disturbing picture of US foreign relations in his novel, Confessions of an Economic Hit Man.