Undergraduate / "I can have a sense of security" - JHU Supplement Help [6]

Hey, i wrote my supplement for J-Hop, but im a little worried about three things: 1. Is it too long, where can i shorten it. 2. Is it too vague and abstract at the beginning, if you read my essay or would like to, is it too much like my essay and not add anything new. 3. Does it show a real passion with real unique reasons for wanting to go to Johns Hopkins.

Thanks alot any comments greatly appreciated.

There was something that wasn't right about the blue gashes on the kidney. It was the shape, the form, the vibrant color, the patch that formed and seemingly awkwardly. The red line in the middle was almost made to gnaw at my mind. It wasn't an artery, it wasn't a cut, according to my lab assistants, it was nothing of significance, and we would be cutting around it when investigating the organ which had been near the source of a cancer in a deceased patient, but nobody could convince me it wasn't how fate had designed it to be. It was bulging awkwardly, but it looked right at me, the center of my pupils was the target. I'll never forget that initial encounter. I didn't know what to think, I just stared.

There are numerous examples of these experiences, that have come across me in the lab, I offer you this one because of how vibrant it was and how seamlessly it struck a nerve. This is the beauty of lab work, be it through biology, chemistry or whatever field I choose to pursue. It's that stare, that haplessness that comes from why and how something is like it is that makes biology and chemistry so unique. Only in this field of work is it possible to just stare at something and cherish it for the unknown. It's that unknown, which I've worked so hard to realize, that I've begun to appreciate, that is so appealing. Even though I have stopped looking for relationships and sharply limited what I look for, what I see is just so profound. With lab work there is always an opportunity to sense and feel you through not being in control of the determining factors that make up the success of an experiment. It's this freedom to appreciate you and to uncover things without any pressure or direction that has allowed biology and chemistry to have such a profound impact on me. How can their be a career more appealing than one where you can just stare at something and appreciate it for its form? How can there be a career more appealing than one where you can allow answers to come to you, where having to seek for something particular often leads to far greater ideas?

Johns Hopkins University is in many ways the paragon of scientific excellence in the United States. What distinguishes Johns Hopkins from so many other elite scientific universities in the country? The dedication to research; it's simply unmatched. The incredible opportunities at even the undergraduate level allow for such a great understanding of science that plays a huge role in success after undergraduate school. This dedication towards life after graduate school is of paramount importance. So many elite schools in the country never give students the opportunity to understand or experience chemistry in bio engineering or pre-medicine. As a result, they are bewildered and at a loss of words to the emphasis that is placed on chemistry. Many look at this chemistry as the "dirty work" en route to more glamorous work. But at Johns Hopkins, the resources are there, from the ease with which it is to gain a research position (an absolutely huge positive), to the fact that there is a advisor assigned to every biology major, to prevent this from happening. There is no superficial view of bio engineering and medicine, the opportunity to understand its essence, both through lab work and through chemistry, are evident in Johns Hopkins.

For the first time in my life I can have a sense of security: I know that my future well beyond undergraduate school is in the hands of the school with the oldest biology department in the United States and a scientific culture developed unlike any other.