vangiespen
Oct 22, 2015
Graduate / SoP- Masters in Development Research on-Agrarian crisis and impact on peasant women [18]
Hargun, in reference to your post prior to your revised essay, you need to know that your professor was not giving you the correct advice regarding how to write a statement of purpose. What you being advised to do, was to write a personal statement to accompany the statement of purpose. Needless to say, the statement of purpose and the personal statement are two highly different essays and should never be confused for one another.
Now, with regards to your revision, you are still following the instructions of your teacher instead of following the guidelines that I provided to you. So what I will try to do is pick out the topic sentences in each paragraph that relate directly with my instruction. Your job at that point, will be to use the keywords to properly develop your personal statement.
Paragraph 1: career objectives that motivated me to pursue my Masters in Development Studies at theXXX.
- That will be the actual reason that you have to pursuing the course. Use a personal reason, not something that can be found in history books. We need to know the relevant and current information that you wish to pursue masters studies. Your statement of purpose should not double as a history lesson that you cannot connect to your career objectives directly. I would say, for example:
I wish to pursue higher studies in this field because I believe that it is necessary to help the peasant women who have suffered from the agrarian crisis since 1991. I would like to learn about theories and programs that can help me undo or prevent further damage to the women in this sector of our society...
Paragraph 2: How you see the university you are applying to helping you to achieve your purpose for study. Either through research, internships, or other related activities or learning processes.
- Please do not give the reviewer information about his own university. You are wasting your time this way. He knows everything that you are talking about in this paragraph. Instead, you should focus your response only on these parts:
I want to understand this problem from a global perspective as it would not only broaden my horizon in understanding and identifying the problem, it would also give me the practical and workable solutions that would help me a lot in helping people of my country...
... to study under the supervision of professors who have so much experience in the field of development and Gender. I could relate to Prof.Harman Karlo, who would teach the course on gender sustainability, an article on "Does Work has boundaries? French Agricultural State," where she writes how gender mainstreaming has rekindled debates about feminist engagements with the State.and that it is in line with my academic interests and because of that I would benefit from being a part of the Institute. I have no doubt that development studies at the Institute will meet the criteria of intellectual rigor that I have set for myself, for my education, and for those I have promised to serve.
You will be pleased to know that your 3rd paragraph really responds to the prompt quite well. So I don't really see a need to revise it at this point. It might need some revision after you change the first 2 paragraphs though so be prepared for that possibility.
Hargun, in reference to your post prior to your revised essay, you need to know that your professor was not giving you the correct advice regarding how to write a statement of purpose. What you being advised to do, was to write a personal statement to accompany the statement of purpose. Needless to say, the statement of purpose and the personal statement are two highly different essays and should never be confused for one another.
Now, with regards to your revision, you are still following the instructions of your teacher instead of following the guidelines that I provided to you. So what I will try to do is pick out the topic sentences in each paragraph that relate directly with my instruction. Your job at that point, will be to use the keywords to properly develop your personal statement.
Paragraph 1: career objectives that motivated me to pursue my Masters in Development Studies at theXXX.
- That will be the actual reason that you have to pursuing the course. Use a personal reason, not something that can be found in history books. We need to know the relevant and current information that you wish to pursue masters studies. Your statement of purpose should not double as a history lesson that you cannot connect to your career objectives directly. I would say, for example:
I wish to pursue higher studies in this field because I believe that it is necessary to help the peasant women who have suffered from the agrarian crisis since 1991. I would like to learn about theories and programs that can help me undo or prevent further damage to the women in this sector of our society...
Paragraph 2: How you see the university you are applying to helping you to achieve your purpose for study. Either through research, internships, or other related activities or learning processes.
- Please do not give the reviewer information about his own university. You are wasting your time this way. He knows everything that you are talking about in this paragraph. Instead, you should focus your response only on these parts:
I want to understand this problem from a global perspective as it would not only broaden my horizon in understanding and identifying the problem, it would also give me the practical and workable solutions that would help me a lot in helping people of my country...
... to study under the supervision of professors who have so much experience in the field of development and Gender. I could relate to Prof.Harman Karlo, who would teach the course on gender sustainability, an article on "Does Work has boundaries? French Agricultural State," where she writes how gender mainstreaming has rekindled debates about feminist engagements with the State.and that it is in line with my academic interests and because of that I would benefit from being a part of the Institute. I have no doubt that development studies at the Institute will meet the criteria of intellectual rigor that I have set for myself, for my education, and for those I have promised to serve.
You will be pleased to know that your 3rd paragraph really responds to the prompt quite well. So I don't really see a need to revise it at this point. It might need some revision after you change the first 2 paragraphs though so be prepared for that possibility.