Scholarship / Chevening - to lead the organization and contribute to social development. [7]

Taekeun, while you have shown an excellent networking skill in this essay, there is one point of the prompt that you did not include in your response because, I don't think you knew that this is something that can make your essay more impressive to the reviewer. For the Chevening Scholarship applicants, as part of the networking essay, it would help if you could show how you plan to use the Chevening network in your workplace upon graduation and in exchange for that influence, how you plan to help Chevening increase their network of graduates and also, how you can help the incoming Chevening scholars form networks of their own. For example, you could be a mentor, help to get some of them hired in your country, or anything that can prove that you would be more than happy to increase the web of Chevening graduates who help one another in their professional lives.

Writing Feedback / Task 1 IELTS the bar graph shows the global sales (in bilion of dollars) of different games [6]

To, the score you will most likely get for this essay is a 5. That is because you missed out on some key bullet points from the image within your report summary. The first piece of information that you lacked in the overview was the reference to the earnings in billions of dollars. You should have also clearly listed down the years presented in actual number format in order to create a truly informed overview.

Now, in the short paragraph 2, instead of saying "3 things", you should make specific mention of the three gaming formats instead. That would have removed the mechanical feature of your presentation and also offer you an opportunity to further expand the explanation in the paragraph. Never say "the next year", always indicate the full year in numbers. You have a hanging sentence in "However, sales of three other stuff." Three other stuff what? There is a lacking subject in that sentence.

This essay would have been better developed if you had chosen to present the information in groups of 4 instead. The first group, would have shown the global sales of games covering mobile, online, console, and handheld games. The stagnating figure, could have been presented as a paragraph unto itself. However, these are writing styles that more seasoned writers are capable of doing. I would love it if you could aspire to achieve that status by first, trying to practice that style in your practice essays. If you can present your essays in a manner that shows a higher level of writing, you are sure to gain higher points in task accuracy and grammar range.

Writing Feedback / Task 1 IELTS the bar graph shows the global sales (in bilion of dollars) of different games [6]

The students normally attach the image of a scan of the prompt with the essay. There is actually a button in the black portion of the box above the text box that says "Attach Image". Click on that link to upload the image. You can post / upload the image in the next thread by using that instruction. You can't attach it to the original link anymore. So just upload it as a new response. Just out some text in the text box that says "Here is the image" so that I will know that you uploaded the image for this exercise. It is not difficult to do. You just have to look for the link to upload the image. I already told you where it is located. So you should be able to do it without any difficulties. I will be waiting for the upload. After you upload the image, I will review the essay once again. This time, I will be reviewing and scoring your work based on the instructions you were given.

Writing Feedback / Task 1 IELTS the bar graph shows the global sales (in bilion of dollars) of different games [6]

To, there is no way to accurately grade your essay because of the lack of the copy of the bar graph. The image that accompanies the prompt is actually a mandatory upload because it carries the proper analysis of your essay along with it. I will compare the work that you did with the information in the graph as well as the instructions that were provided with it. While I think that you shared the relevant information in a direct manner, this actually made the essay fall short of the 3 sentence minimum per paragraph. You only have one paragraph that accurately depicts the correct format and that is the 3rd paragraph. The rest of the paragraphs are underdeveloped. So, without the illustration to refer to, I will assume that your essay does not share the complete information in the chart or, your sentences ran too long and combined 2 thoughts in one sentence, hence the length, which is the cause of the shortened essay presentation.

It is not enough to just have the proper word count in the essay. It is important to make sure that you present all of the required elements of the format, as well as the prompt. The first paragraph could have used additional information, which was most likely overlooked on your part, but should have been part of the opening statement / report summary. The same goes for the concluding statement.

I hope you keep these pointers in mind when you write your next essay. In the meantime, I will await the copy of the illustration so that I can properly advice you regarding which parts to further improve.

Writing Feedback / How to make our society better?
 [2]

Kalmia, are you writing this as a response to a specific English qualifying test that you will be taking in the future? If so, then please tell me which test that is and also, provide the complete prompt requirement that you are responding to. That is the best way for me to be able to properly review and comment on your essay. That is also the best way to present your essays for review in your future practice tests.

While the discussion is engaging and knowledgeable, I am unsure as to whether or not this is the proper response to the prompt. So it would be best if I knew what topic you are trying to discuss and what the expected response presentation is. I would like to commend you on the good work (so far) that you have done in terms of lexical resource and grammar range. This essay is truly understandable and does not cause undue stress upon the reader. Whether it properly responds to the prompt though, is something that I have yet to discover.

Scholarship / Chevening Career Plan - to make our nation one step forward through science and technology policy [6]

Taekun, the first half of your essay is irrelevant as that is part of your study goals. It is the second half of your essay, the one that deals with your assignment from your office, that directly relates to the prompt requirement. It is the actual post study / career plan that you are lucky to have been assigned by your office. While others needed to develop their career plan from scratch, you had yours handed to you. Consider yourself lucky indeed. Now, the only aspect of this essay that needs to be represented, as per the prompt requirement is the part about how the UK projects in your country can help you better fulfill the needs of your post study / career goal. This will require you to get in touch with your office and ask someone there about the possibility of either continuing an existing cooperation project between your country and the UK or, if there is a way that your assigned project can use the help of the UK government. Then you can write the corresponding paragraph that relates to that prompt requirement. So, the first thing you need to do is remove the first part of the essay and the second, is research the way the UK government can help you complete your post study project.

Writing Feedback / Minimizing the traffic issue - proposed ways [7]

Nuradia, your final score for this essay will be a 3. That is because you ended up discussing a totally different essay from the prompt provided. The prompt clearly states that you are to discuss either an agreement or disagreement with the given proposition. The discussion that you should have presented should have been a statement either of support or opposition to the topic provided. After that statement, you should have continued the discussion using supporting statements to justify your agreement or disagreement. Instead, for some reason related to a misunderstanding of the prompt, you ended up discussing ways to solve the traffic problem. If you compare the prompt discussion with what you wrote, you will notice that you are not being asked to discuss ways to solve the traffic problem, only whether you agree or disagree that the only way to reduce traffic is by reducing the need for people to travel for work, education or shopping. Nowhere in the essay were you asked to make suggestions about how to solve the traffic problem. The way that you responded to the essay will show the reviewer that you do not understand simple English instructions, which is the first and most important point of scoring in this essay. English comprehension skills are of the utmost importance in passing this test.

Writing Feedback / CBEST: Pros and Cons of "Letter grading" v/s "Pass- Fail" [4]

Kaur, the best that you can score on this essay is a 3. The basis of the score is the fact that you were unable to properly represent the pros and cons of each side. It would have been better if your response had collected all of the pro and con statements for each side in a connected discussion per paragraph. That way the essay does not feel so disconnected because you kept a running comparison of the two grading systems instead of simply discussing the pro and con of each grading type covering a total of 2 paragraphs. That made it confusing for the reader to keep track of the point of your essay. You need to show an ability to show a progressive discussion and an ability to create connected flows of thought within a paragraph. thus increasing your score further.

Scholarship / My plans for some years ahead after study in Korea [6]

Good work Carolina. Go ahead and use this version of the essay. It is concise and delivers a clear career path for yourself after you complete your masters degree. There is no information in the essay that be considered irrelevant as you covered everything up to the start of your quest for a PhD, also in Korea. That is sure to impress the reviewer because you clearly wish to imbibe their culture and traditions to the point where you could eventually be considered to be one of them. This has the convincing power required to show the reviewer that you will be taking your career seriously and that you plan on paying back, in kind to the country and government that chose to sponsor your studies and your stay in Korea.

Writing Feedback / Reasons of land degradation globally and the impact it causes on three different continents [3]

Fadhil, please post the chart for comparison purposes. I cannot properly analyze your work without the images and data to compare it with. In the meantime, here are general observations of your work. The opening statement is too short in relation to the 3 sentence minimum requirement. You have written two long sentences that would have been more efficient in improving your task accuracy score if you had created separate sentences and fulfilled the minimum 3 sentence requirement instead. He very careful of your grammar. You said "in cosequence" when the correct term is "as a consequence". Mistakes like that prove a carelessness in writing that directly affects the related band criteria score. Always proof read and edit your work before submitting for scoring or review.

Undergraduate / Queen's University Commerce Application Essay [2]

Jessica, try to expand a bit more on the athletic sponsorship aspect as something that you hope to enter into either as an athlete looking for sponsorship or as a business person looking to sponsor deserving athletes. Since that discussion is something related to your major and is something you are deeply interested in, the discussion presentation should be longer, more insightful, and interesting for the reviewer to know about. Aside from that presentation suggestion, I am off the opinion that you have done excellent work in the rest of the essay. One point of grammar correction though, say ," will allow me to better prepare for an actual business setting". Aside from that there aren't any other visible grammar errors.

Scholarship / My plans for some years ahead after study in Korea [6]

You are expected to spend a number of years after you graduate working in Korea. So you cannot say that if you cannot get a license to practice in Korea, you will complete your residency elsewhere. If you are uncertain about your chances of getting a validated license in Korea, then talk about something else instead, along the lines of still working within your profession in the country. For example, you can work in a licensed doctor's office or clinic where you can be exposed to further observational opportunities related to your degree. Spend a few years doing observations and then, upon the validation of your license. Start your own practice. After a few more years, then you can say that you will go to other countries to seek further training under a PhD program.

Undergraduate / Brainstorming session with you to help me direct essay of 250 words for college LAC [6]

Okay. Since there is no specific prompt for this essay, you should focus on introducing yourself to the reviewer in relation to your interest in your college course, as well as your interest in their university. Let me see if I can create a suggested list for the topics to include in your expanded essay. Here we go:

1. Cultural Background
2. The reason why you spent this year working to pay bills. (It would be great if this led to your interest in your chosen profession or major.)

3. When you were first exposed to the field of interest you will be enrolling in.
4. How that interest changed you as a person.
5. The basis of your interest in LAC in relation to your major.

I'm sorry if I changed some of your brain storming ideas. The personal statement is a very important essay because it has to show the development of your interest in your chosen major, as well as sell the reviewer on the idea that you are an excellent candidate for the course. The reason for your choice of university is also a mandatory part of a personal statement which is why I called your attention to that as well.

Scholarship / My plans for some years ahead after study in Korea [6]

Carolina, this is to be written as a post study plan. As the title of the essay implies, post, means "after" so to say that you will work on becoming a resident in Korea during your masters studies, take up language proficiency, are wrong. The language proficiency needs to be acquired within one year and your TOPIK level must be at 3 or above in order to go through to the actual masters degree studies, fail the TOPIK twice and you don't proceed. Your scholarship will immediately be cancelled. So do not start the essay from the point where you still have to gain language proficiency. Start at the point AFTER you have finished the 2 year masters degree.

Assume that you have passed all the language requirements and are now completely educated. You have already graduate. What comes next? Stay in Korea? How? That is the only time you should consider your residency at a Korean hospital. How many years will you work there? At what point will you decide if you should enroll again or move to another country for more experience?

Revise the essay to present a clearer idea of what your post study plans are. Do not start with language proficiency because that is the end of the line for most of the KGSP scholarship applicants. Assume you made it through to the very end then discuss what your resident career will be like. Do not discuss the documents required. That is unnecessary at this point. Just focus on your career plans after your graduation. Don't get too technical because that is how you made this grave error in your essay discussion development.

Graduate / An Email to Preferred Supervisor - Requirement to apply Master Degree in Japan [7]

Uta, you are trying to convince this professor that he would make the best or that he is the best suited supervisor for your thesis in Japan. While you must show that you are familiar with the work of this professor and that you are impressed by his achievements and that you hope to learn more under his mentoring, you must first, need to convince him that your research thesis is important and has a direct relationship with either his previous accomplishments or, has a direct relation to a current project that he working on. The reason that you choose a certain professor to mentor you is because you believe that you can learn from him as an unofficial teacher. Therefore, before you ask him about possible research assistant positions in his office, you first have to convince him that your path is on the same road as his.

The current presentation of your essay shows your excitement and uncertainty. What you need to show is passion and conviction in your beliefs, your research, and your words. Sell yourself as a professional who is on equal footing as the professor instead of this excited but not really coherent manner of presentation. You will need to write a totally new essay after you have calmed down. That way your tone can be professional instead of childlike, hopeful rather than uncertain. I look forward to reading your revision.

Undergraduate / Brainstorming session with you to help me direct essay of 250 words for college LAC [6]

David, it is always an excellent idea to brainstorm before you start writing your essay. However, you should brainstorm only for the ideas that will directly apply to the prompt that you are responding to. So, in order for me to choose which pieces of information from this list can be used in your essay, I first need too know what the essay you will be writing is. That requires you to first get the prompt from the application packet, then posting it here so that I can use it to look for the relevant information from the list. It will also help me to suggest which information should be expanded and to what extent within the essay.

You have a lot of ideas to use for your upcoming essays David. It is just a question of choosing the applicable ones for the prompt you will be responding to. The information you have at the moment looks like it will best be used for the development of a personal statement. Once you know the actual required information for the personal statement, I should be able to help you choose and develop the most relevant parts of your brainstorming list results.

Scholarship / How can I improve my Gilman Scholarship Follow-on Service Project Essay? [3]

Liz, the first thing that you have to do in order to gain the attention of the scholarship reviewer is lower your word count. You have written 1202 words which, while impressive, just means that your essay is not as concise as it can be. Try to present the full essay within a 500 word count instead. That will show the reviewer that you have clearly thought out your plan, that the plan is actually doable, and that you more than understand the importance of the project. For starters, you need to present the organizations and people that you will be working with in a single paragraph that clearly explains their connection to the program and the way that these organizations will interact under your leadership.

Try to shorten your presentation to show your passion and interest for the activity by avoiding redundancies in your essay such as the repetition of representing the under serviced communities in your area. Your vested interest in the project is clear, but you need to better organize your thoughts in the essay. For example, you goals for the study should be in the upper paragraphs, possibly the first or second paragraph, not at the end of the essay. Summarizing your intentions will be important to the proper presentation and consideration of this essay.

As of now, the essay needs to have better connected paragraphs. You have 9 very long paragraphs at the moment. Try to make the essay more informative by combining the paragraphs of related discussions and removing the discussions that do not seem to be so important at the moment. Topics such as how you will continue to volunteer at Ruskin during Christmas break does not work with the requirement that the project be completed over a full semester. While there are no rules that say you need take a full semester to complete the action, it is important that there not be a gap between implementations. Do the work completely upon your return. When you have the time to completely dedicate your time to a continuous promotion of your project.

Scholarship / What are your plans when you finish your studies - essay for Master Degree in TESOL [10]

Yes, I am referring to the prompt that says "1. What are your plans when you finish your studies*? (500 characters)" All that I did was write your unprofessionally written response sound more professional. Perhaps you were confused because I simply said "Upon my return"? In which case, you just have to say "Upon my return to my home country..." which is one of the plans that you must have after graduation. The version I wrote only paraphrases your response in a manner that better suits the presentation of the prompt information. If you feel that I have not properly paraphrased it, then remember that I am not asking you to use that version of the response if you do not want to. However, it MUST be the basis of your revised prompt response because the presentation I gave you is one that summarizes the content in a professional manner. The version I wrote summarizes your plans for the point when you have returned home and and how plan to use the knowledge that you received at the Australian university.

Undergraduate / My dream school. The spirits of MIT's community is unlike anywhere else [5]

Then say that "the community of MIT directly aligns with my desire for..." There is no need for a flowery or wordy essay, which you have a tendency to write. Be direct to the point and clearly use the words that the reviewer will be looking for while scanning your essay. He will not be reading the full essay. Instead, he will be looking for the keywords such as "aligns, MIT, goals, academic, extra curricular, personal, professional". If he scans and sees one of those words in the paragraph, he will totally read only that part. Don't make his life difficult by having him analyze your paper for the response. If he doesn't see any proper keyword reference, then he may not have the time to analyze everything you have written to discover your response. He has to read hundreds of essays in one day. Make your essay count by giving him the answers he expects immediately, in a manner that he can easily comprehend. He is not stupid, but he doesn't have the time to waste looking for the meaning in your response. That is why it is a word limited response essay. Look, you only have 206 words written so far, you have the opportunity to revise your response to be clearer, concise, direct, and more relevant to the prompt requirements. Do exactly that and your chances will improve. Submit this version and will sound too much like your previous essay, which the reviewer will have also read, and result in the disregarding of the response you wrote for this essay prompt.

Undergraduate / My dream school. The spirits of MIT's community is unlike anywhere else [5]

Abdelmoniem, there is no true representation of how MIT aligns with your future goals, be it academic, professional, extra curricular, or personal, in your response. Your response sounds too similar to the reasons that you have for transferring to MIT and therefore, does not properly represent the required information for this question. One of the ways that you can discuss this prompt is to focus on your future career goals. What kind of Engineer do you see yourself becoming in the future? What is the basis for that dream of yours? How does MIT fit in with that goal? Discuss the kind of training program and classes that you look forward to participating in as the foundation of this goal. That sort of response will show how MIT will manage to align itself with your special educational expectations or self required training programs or internships.

Scholarship / What are your plans when you finish your studies - essay for Master Degree in TESOL [10]

Dany, please refer to the 424 character revision that I developed for you. This should either be your template for your next revision, so that you can finally get it right, or use this version instead with your application. Either way will be another improvement over your current work.

Upon my return, I plan to apply for an English lecturer position in one of the Kediri universities. It has long been my dream to help others learn the English language as an English teacher and this will be my chance to help them. I intend to ensure that they sharpen their English skills and techniques through a collaboration between the university an Australian institutions that assist in English training and research.

Writing Feedback / Today's kids ailments same like among adults. The example - obesity. [12]

Sara, the main point that you have to work on improving is your ability to understand English. The reason that you do not do well in the tests, no matter how many times you take it is because you are not a native English speaker, you are not surrounded by native English speakers, and therefore, do not have the ability to think, understand, and speak in English on a 24.7 basis. If you cannot truly understand the topic for discussion in the prompt, you will not be able to properly address the topic given for discussion. I am sorry to be harsh but that is the reality of your writing shortcoming. There is still a way you can improve though. It is something that has really worked for my students in the past.

I want you to stop writing IELTS practice tests. Instead, look for English articles online and read them. Understand what the article is all about. Then write an essay that tells me what you understand from the article. That is all I want you to focus on for now. Once you have answered those 4 questions, post your essay here, accompanied by the guide questions then I will analyze whether you are showing improvement or not in your comprehension skills. Do this as a part of your daily English routine. If you are self studying for the IELTS, then do not do the practice tests yet. If you are enrolled in IELTS classes though, you should just add this exercise to your daily routine to help improve your comprehension abilities.

Writing Feedback / Essay - healthy lifestyle of individuals. Discuss both sides and give opinion [4]

Sinchana, when you write an opinion essay, you score better once you take a position, or a side of the discussion and defend it accurately throughout your essay. By doing so, you allow the reviewer to see that you fully understood the prompt. In addition to that, you also gain a better chance of improving your task accuracy, As well as the Grammar Range and Accuracy portion of your scoring because you will be focused on thinking about only one side of the discussion instead of thinking about how to develop two sides of a single discussion.

About the body of your essay itself. You did not properly understand the required points for discussion. Perhaps you made a mistake in noting the topic sentences which are " government should take measures on healthy lifestyle of individuals" , and "managed by each individual responsibility." , ending with ". Discuss both sides and give your opinion."

What you did was offer advice instead on how individuals and the government can promote healthy lifestyles. The proper discussion action would have been to justify the reasons why individuals need to take personal responsibility for better health. Then discuss why the government needs to mandate that people take care of their health (government supported health programs are a prime example). Finally, based upon either discussion, you should have developed a supporting opinion for the side you believe is correct. As per essay instructions, when you write an opinion paper, you need to take only one side because both sides cannot be right.

Do not rewrite this essay. You already failed the task. Move on to the next practice test. Remember the corrections you were given here and apply it to the next test. Do this like an actual test. You can't repeat the same essay in an actual test if you did not write it properly the first time. Failed is failed. That is the only way you can improve.

Essays / Write a short paragraph about some of advantages of writing with pen and paper [3]

Jack, where is the essay or response that you wrote for this topic? We cannot advise you regarding content and improvements if we have no draft copy to review coming from your end. It is important that you write the response first so that we can help you. Unfortunately, we do not write the responses for you here. The only assistance we can offer will be in terms of helping you become a better writer. So you have to do the work first. Then, we can work with you on improving your response so that you can get a better grade for it. Right now, the only advice that I can give you will be based on the instructions. You can use the information to create your discussion essay.

Advantages:
1. You learn an art form through cursive writing.
2. No distractions from advertisements while you are writing.
3. A hand written note is more personal and offers a better sense of the writer's emotions than the words typed on a keyboard.

Scholarship / I was born and grown up in the northern country. 2017 Scholarship, Self-Introduction letter [11]

Anastasiia, your letter will better stand out in the point of view of the reviewer if you focus your self introduction on the disability that you had to overcome in your life. You can actually remove the reference to your parents occupation because that is not important in discussing who you are. However, if you discuss how they supported you in the diagnosis of your special physical needs, then their role in your self - introduction will be more important. By the way, you need to inform the reviewer about the name of your disability and what adjustments you had to make in your life in order to accommodate the special requirements that you were forced to have. It will create a better foundation for your interest in Universal Design.

You must remove the sentence that indicates how you don't believe that it is a necessity to be a doctor to rescue people. While it might sound good to you, it is not something that you should say in public because, if the reviewer happens to have a connection to a medical background, you will already have insulted that person and in the process, lessened your chances of getting the scholarship.

While the essay focuses well on the academic and professional aspect of your self introduction, it fails to represent your motivation for applying to the KGSP program in particular. You need to explain what your understanding is of the program and how it can help you acquire higher studies in the field of your choice. The reasons you have given do not make your motivation for applying stand out. Try to find some more remarkable reason for wishing to have the Korean government sponsor your studies. It could be because they are better equipped to handle students with disabilities, or their program focuses on special disabilities. It has to be a reason that is unique to you and your requirements as a student.

Is there a way that you can explain how your current profession relates to the programs of study promoted / supported by the KGSP program? That is a requirement of the essay prompt. If you can provide information about the connection between the programs and your profession, including your future goals for your profession, then you will have better responded to the prompt.

You can remove the references to your hobbies and playing on the school basketball team if you cannot find a way to develop that in a more interesting manner. The way you present it, and due to the lack of background regarding your special needs, the reviewer does not really see any reason to find these activities such huge accomplishments on your part.

Kindly indicate a clear explanation as to why you have chosen to study in Korea. Go far beyond the common responses of the culture, the traditions, K-pop, Korean soap operas, and those pop culture references. You need to present a reason that is personal. Something that tells the reviewer that you can make it in Korea because the country and its educational program will support your endeavors and see you towards success upon graduation.

While there are truly major grammar problems with your essay, the fact that it comes up short regarding information makes it clear that this is not the final version of this essay yet. So there is no rush in correcting the grammar at this point because the content of your essay is going to change in a major way. The corrections will be applied once the content is final in form.

Writing Feedback / Today's kids ailments same like among adults. The example - obesity. [12]

Improving your IELTS score is not something that can happen overnight. It takes practice, practice, practice. If you want to improve your score, focus on your English comprehension skills. Understand the language, learn to look for the keywords like I mentioned earlier. Most of all, make sure that you understand the question being asked and the kind of response you are expected to discuss. Those are some of the things that you can do to help improve your TA score.

Next, to improve your lexical score, you need to use the keywords from the original prompt in your paragraph development. Used in the correct manner, meaning that you can prove that you understand the meaning or use of the word and are capable of presenting the word in an originally developed sentence, you can increase your lexical score as well.

As for the cohesiveness and cohesion, you just need to try and present your evidence in a logical manner. Usually in the order that it is expected to be discussed based upon the prompt requirement. If you can present an understandable discussion of the prompt requirements, your GRA score will also increase.

The only way you can truly improve your score is by doing as many practice tests as you can, under proper guidance. So do the practice essays, religiously post the essays here for comments and suggestion, then use those to improve your future essay presentations. It also will not hurt you to review the work of others here so you can learn from their mistakes. That is another way of improving your writing skills as well.

Writing Feedback / E books versus paper books. Cause and effects. [7]

If you have only 15 days left before the test, we do not have enough time to fix your problems. That is not to say that it cannot be done though. That just means that we have to work twice as hard to help you pass the test. The first thing that we have to address is your problem in understanding the prompt requirements. You have to learn to find the keywords in the prompt that will allow you better develop your answer. For example, in this prompt, the keywords are prefer to read, e-books, paper books, reasons, problems caused for libraries. Once you know what the keywords are, you will be able to assess the proper method of responding to the essay. The question posed becomes clearer. I strongly suggest that you develop this skill by writing at least 2 essays per day and reading more sample IELTS tests either at this forum or through other sources. It is important that you read the advice given to previous test takers and understand the suggested improvements for their work. That will also help you to discover your problems and how to fix it. Don't worry, I for one will be here for you every step of the way while you practice for your test. I won't quit on helping you if you don't give up on yourself.

Scholarship / My advantage of smooth communication and collaboration. Chevening Leadership & Influence Question [6]

Hi Taekun, I am glad that I was able to help you with your essay. I hope and look forward to assisting you with the remaining 2 essays as well. I hope you can post your second essay soon. In answer to your question, I am not an A.I. system. I am a real life, flesh and blood person who just enjoys helping students here at the forum. You know how gadgets are these days right? We are constantly connected to the internet. That is why I can help you as soon as I can. While I may not always be at the computer, I am always notified when someone needs my help. I help as soon as I get a pocket of time to do so. After all, these applications are time sensitive. So it is best if you can get the best possible advice for its improvement as soon as you can. I hope to continue doing that for you with your succeeding essays too.

Scholarship / My advantage of smooth communication and collaboration. Chevening Leadership & Influence Question [6]

Good evening (your time) as well Taekun. You have outdone yourself with this essay. You actually managed to zero in on the best possible way to present your leadership and influencing ability to the reviewer. Excellent work! That said, you still have a problem with the first paragraph that needs to be fixed. I will be suggesting a change in the presentation of the paragraph so that your intentions are clearer and more professional sounding to the reviewer. I think, it will be best if I simply revise that opening statement for you. Here is how I feel you should present that statement:

As a government leader in my country, I strive to communicate and collaborate with my colleagues, community based leaders, and government officers. In the 8 years that I have worked in the government, I have managed to use my leadership and influencing skills for the betterment of the college student residence community in my area. In the process, I have also learned how to become an effective leader through the establishment and implementation of government policies throughout the state.

In my capacity as a (mention the position you worked in) at the Ministry of Education, my duty was to ...

Please note the slight changes I made to the second paragraph as well. These changes are necessary to create a more impressive opening statement and enticing second paragraph. I hope you consider my recommendation. You can use the version I made or, you can make your own based on my suggestion. Either way, I am sure that these parts of your essay will definitely improve.

We do not need to touch the other parts of the essay grammar because this is a preliminary interview so the reviewer needs to get an idea of how you think and possibly, speak in English. So your original work should remain intact as much as possible.

Writing Feedback / E books versus paper books. Cause and effects. [7]

Sinchana, I am afraid that in terms of task accuracy, you will not score higher than a 2. I know, it is a failing score. I am sad that you got this score because I was hoping to see improvement in your this practice test. However, I had no choice but to give you this score because of the fact that your response is not in accordance with the prompt requirement. In fact, it is barely related to the task give to you for discussion. While you were able to properly discuss the reasons behind the popularity of ebooks when compared to hard copy books, you did not give a proper response to the part about "What problems this can cause for libraries?"

So, what problems can it cause? The problems are numerous. Some of the problems can be:
1. Lack of interest among people to go to the library because ebooks can be accessed from any gadget.
2. Lowering of the number of people who use the library because people no longer need to check out books using a library card.
3. Insignificance of library material because the ebooks can provided updated information faster than regular books.

Those are but a few of the correct responses that you could have presented for the second half of the discussion. While you could have scored better in the other parts of the test, the fact that you failed to properly discuss the topics of the essay automatically lowers your possible score for the remaining parts. Since they do not totally relate to the question provided, even your LR, CC, GRA scores will be adversely affected. You cannot be scored highly in those parts because of the prompt deviation on your part.

Writing Feedback / Today's kids ailments same like among adults. The example - obesity. [12]

Sara, your opening statement could use some improvement. While it accurately represents the minimum 3 sentence requirement per paragraph, there is a bit of confusion, a lack of clarity in the way that you presented the prompt. The addition of two more explanatory sentences in the paragraph, bring it to the maximum 5 sentence count, would have solved that problem. For instance, you should have used the keyword, obesity in describing the topic of the essay and the succeeding discussions you were referring to. That would have shown that you understood what the topic is and how to discuss it. This would have resulted in a higher task accuracy score for yourself.

The rest of the body is well thought our and descriptive in terms of handling the discussion. Your discussion uses only simple sentences at this point. However, the simple sentences were enough to help you express yourself and allow you to accurately discuss your plan of action in relation to solving the obesity problem. Again, it would have been nice to see you use the focal point of discussion as a term within the paragraph to further show grammar accuracy and range. This is the very same problem that exists in your otherwise acceptable concluding paragraph.

Needless to say though, your work on this essay is good enough to get a passing score of 5 overall in the IELTS scoring band. At least, that is my opinion.

Essays / The main aspects of your mobility proposal. Lotus+ Erasmus Mundus Scholarship Application Form [7]

Fariza, think of this as your research proposal. What is it specifically about the English language that you wish to do research on? As a future English teacher, perhaps you will want to do research into English phonetics, the history and future of the English language in your home country, best elements to use in teaching English to ESL students using technology as the basis of learning, or something else along these lines. Writing about developing your English language skills is not the right approach. However, looking for more appealing methods to teach English to ESL millenials may just be an interesting topic for your mobility proposal. It will not focus on your skills alone, it will not concentrate on teaching in your country either. Instead, it will offer a look into the changing ways that English is taught in the 21st century to non-English speakers. I suggest that you change the slant of your proposal because, if you are planning to apply for a grant to help defray your research expenses, it should be more than just about how you will improve your English skills.

Graduate / Goals to implement; being professional means being successful [5]

Ku, your post study plans are not presented in a very clear, accurate, or applicable manner. For a KGSP post study plan, your essay must cover the way that you plan to spend your time as a professional during the time that you will be in Korea after you graduate. Immediately after graduation, you must specify that you intend to find employment in Korea where you can practice what you have learned for a few years. This is a standard response that shows how you plan to pay back for the very supportive scholarship program that you were afforded by the Korean government. Add information about how you hope to use the practical learning experience to further develop the academic skills that you gained at the university. It is only after you have stayed in Korea for a relatively notable period, say 5 years, that you should mention your desire to return to your home country with the intention of completing the knowledge transfer that started for you when you first learned to speak Hangul and then completed your masters studies. Your current essay is confusing to read and does not present any of the applicable / required information to the reviewer.

This early, you should present information about how you plan to spend your professional time in Korea. Look up possible offices or companies where your masters degree might come in handy. Explain the kind of work you hope to do there and why you feel that working there will be good for your career once you return home.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: The gap between rich and poor is growing. What problem does this create? [3]

Sinchana, you have a number of problems in this essay. The first, and biggest of which, is the mistaken prompt discussion. You decided to over reach with your topic discussion by discussing the gap between the rich and the poor on a global scale. I am wondering as to why you did that because the scope of the prompt is actually only on a local, national scale. That is one of the main reasons why your discussion is confusing and your prompt paraphrasing does not really reflect the correct message from the given topic. The confusing paragraphs in this essay are numerous. Let me point out one confusing sentence in paragraph 2 for you.

... highly beneficial for people in developing and developed countries, which doesn't have the major benefit of underdeveloped countries.

As a fully developed country, the people from that country do not face the same "disadvantages" as those from under developed countries. You mistakenly claimed that a developed country does not have the major benefit of underdeveloped countries. An under developed country cannot have major benefits because their overall national development is slow, compromised, and not really at par with the developed nations. So there is no way that a developed country would appreciate the "benefits" of being an under developed country.

Perhaps this mistake is caused by your unfamiliarity with the English language, or a misunderstanding of the phrase meanings. Either way, The serious mistakes such as the ones above have a severe effect on your final score, you could probably get no higher than a 3 or 4 in the overall band score.

Essays / Civil service in Korea. KGSP Self Introduction Content [20]

It is not necessary to include the Civil Service exam results in your essay because it has not been of any benefit to your professional experience. Since you do not work for the government, it is useless to present those results. Unless, those results show that you are top ranked among the exam takers? If so, then mention it as a form of your desire to show respect for your home country. Something that you hope to do in Korea as well by passing their own civil service exam in the future. Make that part of your dreams and aspirations paragraph.

As for the language training, you definitely should include that in the essay because that is part of your motivation to study in Korea. It is one of the reasons that you should be able to handle the intricate year long language lessons, as well as help you better acclimatize to the Korean surroundings. Make sure to highlight the personal language lessons and the reasons why you decided to study Hangul on your own.

Essays / Civil service in Korea. KGSP Self Introduction Content [20]

Have you actually read the essay requirements for this scholarship program? It does not seem like you are familiar with the requirements for each of the mandatory essays. In case you do not know it, the KGSP scholarship requires all of its masters degree graduates to reside in Korea for a number of years upon graduation. This is a requirement that is to be discussed in your post study plans. That is why there is a mandatory Hangul language lesson covering the first year of your 3 year masters degree course. You are also required to prove your language proficiency via the TOPIK exam. So mentioning that you want to work in Korea is not a bad thing for your self introduction essay to say. However, there is a specific essay that asks you about your post study plans where that topic should be more thoroughly discussed. If you do not work for the government and have nor passed the civil service test then there is no reason for you to mention it at all in your essay. It only works to your benefit if you actually passed the test and put the exam results to good use.

Essays / Civil service in Korea. KGSP Self Introduction Content [20]

Since the scholarship wishes to know about your academic and work experience, any and all accomplishments that you have in relation to that should be presented. In the case of the civil service test, from what I know of Koreans, they covet gaining a job in the government. They prepare intensively to take the civil service test so yes, that exam is of high importance to them. Mentioning it might be beneficial to your application, specially since you are expected to work in Korea after you graduate. Knowing that you already have government work experience might make your application memorable to the reviewer. It won't hurt to include it in your self introduction letter. Make sure to indicate that the exam is of high importance in your country for some reason in order to appeal to their sense of importance regarding passing the civil service test.

Essays / Long essay structure for Eisaku Sato Essay Competition [7]

I have only one part for correction in my advice to you. Change the term thesis statement to Abstract as per the instructions of the actual scholarship instructions. They are similar in concept but have a difference in its purpose in your paper. The best way to explain the difference would be as follows:

The abstract summarizes the entire paper, including the conclusion. It comes first in the paper but should generally be written last.
The thesis describes what research you are doing and what you think you will find. It generally goes after the abstract.

The abstract should be at least a single page, as per the requirements of the contest. The rest of the outline format is the same. You should be able to use the format to properly research your paper. You are not required to present the outline in the paper so do not include that in your final presentation. That is only for your guidance and ease in writing.

Essays / Long essay structure for Eisaku Sato Essay Competition [7]

Messal, the first thing that you have to do is throw away your 5 paragraph essay. That is useless right now. There are a number of steps that you have to take before you can even begin to draft your essay. I'll try to walk you through those parts below. If you follow the instructions I will be providing you with, you should be able to come up with a 20 page essay without too much of a problem.

1. Make sure you understand the discussion that the research essay is asking you to provide. This is not the same as a school research paper that can be accomplished in 5-8 pages. This sort of essay requires a clear understanding of the main topic and sub-topics required in to create an authoritative research.

2. Outline the discussion that you want to use for this essay. The outline should follow an MLA format for your ease in presenting the information in your research as well as the quotes from sources that are required in your essay. You can find samples of this format online.

3. In the outline, start with a thesis statement. This is the overview of the problem you need to respond to and the possible solution or outcome of the research that you hope to achieve.

4. After you make your thesis statement clear in the outline, work on the body of the essay. The succeeding outline form should clearly have headings and sub-headings. Those are the main topics for discussion and the minor, but related topics for discussion. Each major topic must be fully addressed and explained within your essay using your source materials.

5. The completed outline will then help you to get started on writing the essay. Start with the discussion of the thesis statement and an explanation of what a "demographic tsunami" is all about.

The outline will be your lifeline and the method by which you will not be overwhelmed by the topic you are trying to discuss. If you come up with at least 20 topics to discuss (heading plus sub heading), that could come out to one page per topic discussion, along with your thoroughly researched material, writing the 20 page research essay will be a piece of cake for you.

Writing Feedback / Reading has become less significant to Americans. [7]

Kaur, while you have written a prompt responsive essay this time, you made a glaring error in the grammar range and accuracy portion of the test. You failed to capitalize the words Kindle and Ipad in your essay. Since these are proper nouns. as they are the titular name of objects, you must capitalize them. These are titular names because the item carries the same brand name as the description of the item. Therefore, the capitalization rules apply. Always be conscious of the commonly known rules regarding grammar. These are the capitalization rules, punctuation guidelines, and pronoun usage. Once you use those 3 properly throughout your essay, you will increase your chances of improving your overall test score as well.