Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Apple has a new way to get a cheaper iPhone [4]

Orestes, the minute that you presented the negative side of the discussion, you should have followed up or added the positive explanation to the summary. That way your summary covers all of the important information within the paper. While there were a number of valid positive reasons to get a refurbished Iphone included in the article, you could have taken the time to choose at least one that you believed to be the most valid reason to get a 2nd hand phone. All you would have had to do was signify that you thought this was the best reason to support the decision to own a previously owned phone. By the way, the proper term to use is "digital marketplace" and not "online market". When summarizing articles, make sure to use the term used in the original article in order to keep the original statement as intact as possible while summarizing.

Writing Feedback / Reading books help to extend knowledge without wasting much money. TED summary [3]

Rahasia, it is really important that you provide us with the link to the article, video, or audio file that you are summarizing. We can only help you with regards to your summary if we are able to read, view, or hear the original source . That way, we can learn about what your shortcomings in the summary are and point it out to you for your reference.

Please remember to offer the original title of the article/video/audio file along with the full name of the speaker at the start of the summary. That information is necessary because it will help you avoid accusations of plagiarism and also, allow you to inform the reader that you will be serving up second hand information since it is a summary essay. It would seem though, that your summary is more informative than the other versions that have been uploaded for review on this forum. The quality of the information shared though, is questionable because of the lack of access to the original material.

Writing Feedback / Study of Sociology Aspects of Art Theft [7]

Ethan, I would focus the opening paragraph of your essay on the discussion regarding art theft right from the start. From the way that you opened the essay, it seemed like your focus should have been on something else. I suggest that you look up the biggest and most well known art thefts and create your thesis paragraph around that. Speaking of thesis statements, your introduction is not very clear when it comes to that. Most likely because you called the attention of the reader to something different at the start. A simple revision through the refocusing of content in the thesis statement should solve that problem. Make sure that you clearly state why you want to focus on art theft in this essay and what you wish to prove through the research that you will be presenting. Those two clear aspects should serve to interest the reader in what else you have to say in the paper.

Writing Feedback / TED SUMMARY about the necessity of reading [3]

Orestes, the next time you post your summary, please include a link to the original article or video so that we can watch it before we review our summary. Otherwise, it is really difficult to follow the flow of thought that the original speaker or writer presented. That means we cannot accurately gauge the information that you are presenting to us as well.

From what I can tell though, you should have developed the explanation about what the Law of 33 % means to Tai Lopez. What was the formula for him to say that 33 % is the secret to a successful life? What kind of books does Tai suggest one read? How are these books supposed to be helpful to the person?

It seems to me that you rushed the writing of this essay and you did not consider all of the information provided when you prepared your summary. Please take better care of your information presentation with your next essay. That spells a difference in judging your English analytical and comprehension skills.

Writing Feedback / Summary Article: Animals Eat Ocean Plastic because it Smells Like Food [3]

Abul, first up, you need to remember that when you write a summary essay, you must always include the name of the original author, mode of first publication, and the publishing source. Those are the first steps towards delivering the all too important information that will tell the reader that you are publishing an authoritative paper and not just a run of the mill essay.

Second, your summary information lacks a number of important information. For starters, you did not identify Krill as the main food source for the animals at the start of the essay. You should have explained the significance of Krill at the start of the essay because that is the basis of the full information in the article. Third, your list of animals that eat Krill should have indicated the complete listing as presented in the essay because the essay clearly indicates that these are the species that are in danger of dying because of consuming the toxins being produced by plastic in their feeding ground.

Finally, the length of the original article tells me that you omitted a number of pertinent information. A summary essay cannot take shortcuts in presenting the important information, make sure that you cover all of the important data in your summary because that is how an authoritative summary is developed and presented.

Undergraduate / An essay pertaining to why I would like to be a hokie (Virginia tech) [2]

Andrea, are your father and aunt legacy students from Virginia Tech? The only reason that you should be mentioning their names in this essay is if they are alumna in the university and you are coming in as a continuation of that legacy pattern. If they are not part of a legacy, then there is no sense in mentioning them. In fact, while you did mention that they influenced your desire to attend the university, you failed to qualify how they did that. I suggest that you just remove their names if their names have nothing to do with the legacy standard.

Your reasons for wishing to be a Hokie are not really related to the academic opportunities the university offers. Usually, these statements try to relate to the learning opportunities. You have to make sure that you balance the good offerings of the town, campus community, and learning avenues in your reasons. By the way, using the food as a major point for choosing the university isn't really a very good reason to offer. Try to find some light but compelling reasons for your decision. Look at the sample essays here, all of which have very good insights into how to write this statement. Those will be useful guidelines for you to base your responses on.

Writing Feedback / Modern communications mean that it's no longer necessary to write letters [2]

Fadhil, due to the gravity of the confusion caused by the way you developed your essay, I do not believe it would score anything higher than a 4 in an actual test setting. The flow of thought in your essay is hard to follow and does not seem to properly represent the prompt in some instances. This is an error that could have been forced by your responding in English in a manner similar to the way you would form the sentence in your vernacular language. Often, these simple translations can cause difficulties for the reader who has to try and figure out what you are trying to say.

You concentrated on the telephone as the mode of communication replacing letter writing. This is an error on your part because the prompt was asking you to discuss modes of modern communication. So it isn't just about the telephone. It is also about emails, texting, tweeting, messaging, and other related communication methods. By concentrating on one mode of communication, you limited your discussion and ability to properly discuss the essay. The essay was expecting you to discuss the prompt in general, not in specific terms.

Essays / As a manager why is it important for you to understand how to recognize and manage emotions at work [4]

I already gave you some tips on how to develop the essay in my previous thread. Those guidelines should be able to help you create a draft of the essay. You have to write the essay yourself because your voice and writing style must be evident in the essay. Unfortunately, I cannot write it for you. However, I will be available here at the forum to assist you in developing the essay. I'll make sure that your essay will follow the essay prompt as it was provided to you.

So here is what you have to do. Take note of the instructions I gave you in the previous thread. Make sure that you draft the essay using that guideline then post the essay here, along with the full prompt that you were provided by your teacher. Then I will come in and give you advice regarding how to improve the paper. You will then revise the paper using my tips. That should help you develop your final paper for submission.

Essays / As a manager why is it important for you to understand how to recognize and manage emotions at work [4]

I am not sure what kind of help you require here. Normally, you have to develop the essay yourself, post it here, and then we come in and help you clean it up by helping you with advice on how to edit the content and format. Since you have not posted an essay here, I am guessing that you need help with how to write the essay? As in, you don't have any idea as to what to place as information in the essay right? Let me see if I can help you with regards to the content.

Do you currently work as a manager? If the answer is yes, then you have worked with difficult team members or weak team members during certain times at your office. As the manager, you have to know how to motivate these workers in order to get the best performance out of them. Now sometimes, the team members are afraid of the team leader or manager. So they tend to get emotional either by becoming combative or too subservient on the job. Your job as the manager, is to recognize the weaknesses of the employee and help him overcome that.

You can accomplish this either through giving a pep talk to your subordinate or giving him additional training or exposure on the job so that they will be more comfortable on the job. These are some ideas related to how you can understand and recognize the emotions of your employees at work. It's up to you to expand these ideas into a full length essay. Good luck!

Writing Feedback / Today with the help from technologies, people can solve more problems than they used to. [3]

HI Fanceen, listen, I love the essay that you wrote. However, I don't think you provided the complete prompt instructions for us to read so I am not sure if you are properly representing your response in line with the prompt expectations. I will just assume that you are meeting the prompt requirements and judge the essay from there.

As an examiner, I would rate this essay a 4 based on the writing rubic. The reason for that is that there is a clear understanding of the prompt represented in the essay introduction. You have managed to present acceptable reasons for your position. Most of which are displayed in a logical and understandable manner. Now, watch out for your redundancies or words that that you use which do not have a connection to the rest of the paragraph (e.g. sever severe). Although there is a generally clear representation of your discussion which makes the essay pleasant to read.

There is a slight problem with your conclusion as it was too short. You need a minimum of 3 sentences in every paragraph, be it an introduction, body, or concluding paragraph. Regardless of the essay prompt. So far, these are the problems that I can see which would bring down your score in the actual test.

Writing Feedback / The university should not discriminate people based on gender, religion, culture, etc. [3]

Utsav, your opinion and defense within the essay is sound. It is logical and acceptable. However, your opening statement is not really aligned with the original prompt requirement. There as nothing in the prompt that indicated the reason for equal enrollee acceptance in college had anything to do with gender, religion, culture, etc. Therefore, you should not have indicated that in your overview summary. The introduction should only present a restatement of the prompt facts. You should not be making up any information to add to the summary. That addition of non-existent information could have an impact on the scoring for your essay in an actual test. Remember to just always stick to the facts as indicated in the essay. You may present additional information, not in the prompt, only within the presentation of your personal opinion.

Writing Feedback / Sources of person's understanding; the comparison of knowledge based on the gaining process [6]

I think that you can score around a 5 with this essay in the band score for the actual test. While I can pick out what it is that you are trying to say, you do not really come across as clearly as one would expect. The reader has to be diligent in picking up keywords from your essay that will help them to properly understand the sentiment of the paragraph. This is a grammar and sentence structure issue that you will be able to address as you become more fluent in your use of the English language.

Your opening statement could have been improved if you had properly represented the two opinions that you were required to discuss in the essay prior to your presenting your personal opinion. The same situation existed for your conclusion. Where you should have presented a clear summary of the two opinions prior to restating your opinion. It would have brought the conclusion closer to the required 3 sentence minimum as well.

Letters / My house in a crowded neighbourhood. UNIPDU FT D-Letters to Wiwit Krisdiyanti [2]

There are so many grammar, spelling, and structural problems in terms of your letter writing skills that it would be better if I just revise the letter for you to refer to as a sample for when you write another letter.

Hello Wiwit Krisdyanti,

My warmest greetings to you as well. I hope that you are also doing well. I am fine and also very glad that I received your letter. I was happy to learn about your house from you. Now, I'll tell you about my house. I hope that you can come visit me soon.

I live in Talun Kidul, Kedung Wesi, Sumiboto, Jombang. MY house faces the north and there is regular traffic passing in front of it because it faces the highway. People and motorists are constantly passing by and the weather is hot because there are no trees to offer shade. It is comfortable inside my house though. I am sure we will have plenty of fun when you come to visit here.

Thanks for your letter again Wiwit. I hope that you will have time to come play at my house. I hope to see you soon. Stay safe and healthy Wiwit.

Letters / Application for the position of PhD student subsidized by CSC [3]

Li, you may need to reformat the letter in order to create a better chance of having the professor pay attention and hopefully, gain interest in what you are requesting for. Let me show you how I think your letter should be presented. This is an incomplete version. I just want you to have an idea as to how to better format your letter in order to make it more informative.

I am _____, a Horticulture Masters Degree student at Zhejiang University located in Hangzhou, China. An an Ornamental Horticulture major, the main thrust of my current research is focused on tissue culture and the fenetic breeding of Lilium. For the past 2 yeas, I have engaged in propagation activities using genetic transformation. The results of which are seen in the quality of the plant...

I am currently looking for a group that will have room for a new Phd candidate with my interests. I am hoping that you will be that group for me. I am scheduled to graduate in March 2017 but I am hoping to stay on to complete my research using the China Scholarship Council grant....

Writing Feedback / The importance of having both the certificate of TOEFL and IELTS [3]

Achmad, I guess one of the things that you have to learn about essay writing is that you must pose a question as a hypothesis before you decide to write an explanatory essay. What is the reason behind your desire to write this paper? Who is your target audience? What do you hope to have the reader understand when they finish reading the paper. These are considerations you have to present in your thesis statement, which comprises the first paragraph.

The thesis statement will actually help you organize your paragraph discussions by offering your a chance to divide the paragraphs into topic statements. At the moment, your essay is very good in delivering information but you need to better organize your thoughts in a coherent manner. That should also be presented in a chronological manner in the essay.

At the moment, you have room to do that in your essay. However, you should know how to divide your paragraphs because right now, the essay is quite difficult to read since your thoughts are all strung together in one continuous read. That makes it difficult for the reader to track your thoughts and the important matters you are presenting. Try to improve this essay using the suggestions I have made for you. I am sure it will help you with your essay development somehow.

Undergraduate / My personal long term goal is to become a civil engineer and be an inspiration to others [3]

Lucas, there is no real meaning behind your response. This is what is typically called a "run of the mill" response. Meaning that the answer you gave can apply to any course and can be given by any student applying for admission. Basically, it is similar to a non-response which gives an answer without really answering the question. That said, what you have to do is revise your essay to be more personal in nature and specific to your interests. That means that you have to deliver a real reason for wanting to become a civil engineer. Is this something you want to be because you want to help solve a particular problem facing your country? If so, then give the specific reason in relation to that question. Your academic goal also has to be more than just about completing the degree through the completion of the studies. It has to be a reason that shows a career path based upon the completion of your studies. Talk about some specific subjects that you hope to excel in so that you can have a more solid foundation for your career. Make sure that the academic reason you opt to show will make the reviewer take note of your previous academic achievements in specific, related subjects as well. That will show an academic progression on your part as a reason for your academic interest in the course.

Undergraduate / I had always been infatuated with animated cartoon shows - USC Cinematic Arts Personal Statement [10]

Mia, upon further review of your essay, I believe that you should find a way to highlight your career goals in the essay. I feel that you have not really properly touched on that topic within your current written work. You should try to deliver at least a full paragraph for your short term goals and then another paragraph at least, for the long term goals. Right now, cutting out the third paragraph, what is clear in your essay is that you are determined to achieve your goals. I would want to read more abut your artistic ambitions towards the end of the paper though. Say something about how you (might) be dreaming of developing cutting edge technology or designs that could bring a new avenue to the presentation of animation and digital arts while you are a student at USC. Those additions should help to make your paper more responsive and offer a unique prospect of you as a potential student at USC.

Undergraduate / A good fit for University Scholars program [2]

Peter, what is the maximum word or character count for your response statement? I am asking because I would like to see you expand upon your response. The way that I read it, there is a lack of evidence or supporting facts within your essay for your admissions plea. You have only provided some basic reasons for your being "fit" for the program. Aside from telling them why you think you will do well, you must also be able to provide some sort of supporting evidence. For example, when you say you are high achieving student, you should follow that up with information about your academic accomplishments / honors / recognitions which will be proof of your claim. If you provided that information in the application form, this is your opportunity to remind the reviewer to take note of your transcript of records. The rest of the information that you presented is pretty standard and honestly, won't allow you to stand out among the pool of applicants. You need to prove that you are fit for the program using some sort of unique skill or accomplishment that the other applicants may not be able to provide.

Scholarship / All influential people may be a leader, but not all leaders are influential - leadership statement [3]

Marvi, how can I put this softly? Your leadership essay is quite lightweight and very limited in leadership scope for it to be competitive in the application system for a Chevening scholarship. The prompt for this essay requires leadership in a professional, not academic sense. That is because the professional leadership presentation shows your ability to lead under pressure, with limited resources, and / or , a obstacle to overcome.

There is very little description in this essay that would truly prove your ability to be a strong and influential leader because the job requirement of an academic leader lies mostly in the way that a student can delegate jobs to his group members. It does not really require an in-depth influential skill because, let's say, the team members refused to acknowledge your leadership or they had some issues that prevented the group from accomplishing a common goal.

If you have not submitted your application yet, I suggest that you try to find a more professional experience to speak of. One that will truly exemplify your leadership and influencing activities. In place of professional experience, if you don't have any to speak of, try to format one of your civic activities in response to the prompt. The reviewer will gladly accept a civic activity in place of a professional experience presentation.

Graduate / Personal statement to describe academic, career, and, if applicable, research objectives [2]

Clabee, there is room for improvement in your essay. Since you are allowed to combine both the personal and purpose of your study in this essay, you should aim for clarity and chronology in your writing. That means you will have to reformat the essay to properly project your interest development, training, and finally, your purpose. I would use the discussion format for a statement of purpose here because it would totally cover the personal side as well.

For starters. I would open the statement with my reason for higher study. Opt to present your career projection or seemingly lack of skills to help you advance your career. This way, you can automatically present your personal desire for higher studies. The supporting statement will be stronger because it will not rely on your exposure to Italy and its architecture but rather, your own ideas and plans regarding urban planning and how your country suffers because of a lack of proper planning.

For the second paragraph, offer the information regarding your academic background. Skip the part about the award you won when you were 10 years old. That is not as impressive as you think. If you won anything during your college years, make sure to mention that. Mention any internships that you participated in as well. The statement of purpose side of this discussion should be the priority for you because that essentially allows you to mention everything important to your application. Don't delve too much on your college years, just mention the important bits then move on to your professional life.

The part about your being a published writer is of high importance to your application as this shows how far advanced your mindset or learning is in the field currently is. If you have any other articles pending publication, mention the title and an overview of the topic you discussed in it. That is, if it is related to your masters course.

It is towards the final paragraph of the essay where you should talk about the personal you. This is where you place the civic activities and other related information. A word of caution, try to not seem too serious in this portion. Talk about how you unwind and relax as well. The idea will be to show the reviewer that you have the ability to balance an demanding career, academics, and your personal life simultaneously.

Writing Feedback / Does tourism has greater advantages? No doubt it has direct impact on the socio-economic condition [4]

Utsav, the first problem of your essay lies in the formatting. You have not managed to properly divide your essay into paragraphs that would have made it easier for the reader to follow. This error is specially evident in your third paragraph which is extremely long and contains 2 topics for discussion. Keep in mind that each paragraph should only house one topic at a time. That way it becomes easier for the reader to keep track of the discussion and you gain an opportunity to better discuss your topics. In this case, remember that the enter key is your friend. It can help you better format the paragraphs by creating line breaks in between paragraphs. Believe me, your essay format will become better because of it. Aside from the formatting problem, the essay seems to be highly informative. Regardless of the grammar problems, you manage to convey your opinion using effective examples to illustrate your point. Just one slight point of discussion though. It would seem that you are only discussing one side of the matter instead of discussing the 2 opinions stated in the prompt requirements.You need to balance the discussion by properly representing the prompt instructions. Otherwise, you will lose points in an actual test for non-compliance of the prompt requirements.

Writing Feedback / Reports show that diets and leisure, study were most popular in Sweden [3]

Reski, when you write the overview, you have to read the chart right? As you read the chart, you come across the names of the countries that are required along with the information right? Don't you think that the names of the countries are an important factor to present in the overview along with the summary of the chart content? The prompt asks you to include all the important information in the essay. So, I would assume that the countries names are an important part of this portion of the report? It would make sense to include the names just to let the reader know about the concentration of the essay content. You can just do a run down in the opening statement if you wish. Say something like "The chart concentrates on presenting the data taken from the following countries, X, XX, XXX, XXXX, and XXXXX in relation to..." That simple, additional line makes the first paragraph of the essay strong and highly informative. The rest of the essay works out just fine. I really noticed that your main problem in this writing task centers upon how to effectively write an overview. I hope that you can improve that aspect with practice. Take note of my suggestions as I believe it can be of help to you in the next series of practice tests.

Writing Feedback / Epistemology--Worldview--Ideology. We should learn philosophy to be open minded. [3]

Hasan, your grammar is quite inconsistent in this essay. By inconsistent, I mean that your sentences are not easy to read because of the problem with word usage and sentence structure. There is a tendency for you to say things in reverse. So when you say; "Afterwards, how worldview could be different in each human being?", the proper sentence structure for that statement would have been: "How could the worldview be different for each human being?" Do you see how the statement gains more clarity when the proper sentence structure is used? Next, I am wondering about the actual prompt or thesis statement that is supposed to be guiding this essay of yours. I wish I knew what the actual topic you were trying to discuss was. That way, I would be able to offer you more solid comments regarding the content and grammar usage of your research paper.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2: young people have no leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to study hard [2]

Arlen, this essay reads like a solid 5 to me in the scoring band. While the introductory paragraph is quite wanting in terms of a proper restatement of the prompt and a summary of the proceeding discussion, the overall opinion that you stated within the essay is not bad at all. You obviously have a strong opinion on the topic, which makes me think that you are perhaps speaking from experience. While your sentence development needs work and more familiarity with the English grammar rules and vocabulary is necessary, somehow, I found myself clearly understanding what it is that you are trying to say. That is the most important part of this test. The fact that the examiner can understand your message could very well gain you a passing score in this test. That is the most important consideration of all. I do believe that you will continue to improve over time. After all, you can already think in English. You just need to become fluent in thinking in English and writing using the language.

Undergraduate / 'to learn, and to be a better one' Personal Essay of an Art Student Applying to RISD, SAIC and MICA [4]

Shanran, in my opinion, you need not refer to the fact that your name is connected to your motto in life. You can just keep the motto as a background foundation instead. You see, when you talk about your name, you do not actually mention what it i is. Neither do you refer to the name in an important way within the essay. It is kind of like, the name is not as important as what it means and how you embody the meaning of the phrase / saying / belief. Since you never mention the actual name in the essay, making it the basis of the essay seems to be out of place. You can remove the reference to the name and just say that your parents often told you about that motto when you were growing up. Relate it instead to times in your life when you felt like giving up and your parents would tell you to remember that motto. Which then gave you the courage to keep going and eventually, succeed in life. Make it more of a true background essay rather than something that anchors on a discussion that is not totally dealt with in the essay.

Writing Feedback / The amount of merchandise in million tones that has been carried in UK by four modes of transport [5]

Reski, you have a better report writing than essay writing skill. That may serve you well when you take the actual test because you will have a tendency to score higher in one of the written exams over the other. Which will probably raise the bracket of your final test score. Just remember to improve upon your summary writing skills. The modes of transport should have been indicated as part of the overview. Without it, the information delivered was incomplete and therefore, did not offer a solid summary of the information presented for follow up discussion. Aside from that problem though, I found that the full report could be deemed acceptable and just might score at passing or slightly higher. I hope that you can find a way to further improve your reporting skills. Just make sure to always double check in terms of the summary information. It has to be complete in reference to the overview of information presented. The slightest missing data could affect the final outcome of your score for this test.

Writing Feedback / After having experience for a year, students are finally understand and know their skills [4]

Reski, I don't think that you can score higher than a 4 with this essay. It is just too stressful for the reader to try and comprehend what you are trying to say. The lack of grammar and proper vocabulary usage has made the overall essay highly difficult for a person reading it to make sense of. Your line of reasoning lacks proper development and does not always deliver a clear idea as to the message that you are trying to convey. I know that in your mind, you are thinking in your native tongue and then using a very basic mode of translation to write those thoughts in English. It doesn't work that way. You have to learn how to properly develop your thoughts in English by starting out with simple sentence development and grammar structures within your thoughts. That basic skill is what you can use to write a somewhat coherent paper. This, over time, will turn into a smoother version of your thought and writing process in English.

Writing Feedback / The types of things purchased in five regions of the world in 2002 is provided by the table [4]

Nur, the prompt specifically asked you to summarize the important facts of the report. Therefore, the summary overview should have contained more information than what you have presented. You must always remember that a report can only be perceived as accurate when the opening statement accurately provides all avenues of discussion and the parties involved in the report development. That said, I am wondering as to why you neglected to give a rundown of the names of the countries whose consumer spending was going to be discussed in the essay? The rest of the essay would have benefited from your accurate summary because that opening statement carries a bit of weight in the final scoring system. The fact that you can properly summarize and present all pertinent data in the short form paragraph means that you are capable of understanding and presenting even more complicated discussions. Please aim to do that in the future.

Writing Feedback / People have trouble to explain the meaning of happiness [2]

Nur, you know that I only want you to improve in your writing skills right? That is why I am going to be honest with you and tell you that your essay will not score well if this had been a real IELTS test. I predict that an examiner would provide this essay with a low 5 in the band score. It would fail the test because of the problems that I hope to have you address by pointing them out here. There is a lack of proper thought development and sentence structure in the paper. Your vocabulary usage causes stress for the reader because the words you opt to use do not always apply to the obvious message of the essay. For example, what you do you mean by an "IELTS catcher"? The term does not make sense and has the reader wondering about what you are trying to explain. Did you mean "exam taker" instead? Or perhaps something similar?

Writing Feedback / Food, drink and tobacco were the highest demanded products in some countries during the year 2002 [2]

Meireza, the first and foremost problem that I can see in the way that this essay was written lies in the method by which you composed each paragraph. Each paragraph should have a minimum of 3 sentences each. The introduction should run longer at a maximum of 5 sentences because that paragraph dictates the discussion that will be presented in the succeeding paragraphs. A short overview indicates that you are unable to understand the illustration that you were provided and therefore, you tried to avoid explaining or sharing the information that you were given in summary form. The same goes for the succeeding paragraphs. You are supposed to be able to accurately explain the figures presented in an essay / research form that will inform the reader regarding the content of the essay. However, by keeping the report down to a minimum, there is now a perception that you are unable to form coherent sentences in English and most likely, you do not have a good grasp of English grammar. You need to present fully developed sentences and paragraphs in order to prove your ability to understand and share the information that the illustrations you must refer to provides.

Writing Feedback / Customers spent their money for different things. What was the common shopping preference in 2002? [2]

Bada, when you summarize your report, you should make sure to mention a complete overview of the information in the first paragraph. So you should have delivered the name of all 5 countries and an overview of their expenses within the first 5 sentences of the essay. That is how a complete and accurate summary is presented in this essay. The scoring range for this would be either 4 or 5 depending upon the way that the examiner would perceive the number of errors in presentation within the essay. Personally, I believe it should get a 5. However, the inaccuracy in the summary statement in the first paragraph could have a great effect on the final outcome of an actual test. So I am scoring it a 5 with reservations regarding the problems I noted above. Please note that the problem with the essay can easily be resolved by simply making sure that all summary information is noted in the first paragraph.

Writing Feedback / There are some reasons why the happiness is hard to be explained [4]

Ivan, as an examiner, I would give this a passing score of 5. Based on some specific factors. There are some inconsistencies in the way that you present your evidence which lead to either incomplete thought development or an inability to produce a coherent sentence. While your line of reasoning is sound, there is a problem with the words that you have chosen to use which tend to lessen the understanding of a sentence. For example, when you said "un-mood feeling" I am sure that what you meant to say was either "Not in the mood" or "unhappy". Either term would have better expressed the meaning of your sentence. Instead, the reader will find himself trying to figure out what you mean by the term you used because it doesn't exactly exist in the English language.

Writing Feedback / The happiness is hard to characterize - there are different answers and conclusions about this. [2]

Faiz, on a scoring band, this will most likely be a 6. That is a very good score considering the impediments to expression that are evident in your essay. It is good that although your use of the English language is somewhat limited and confused, you still managed to make yourself understood in every paragraph. That is what is important you know. Regardless of the problem in grammar usage and sentence development, you still manage to get your message across. While it might take a little guesswork on the part of the reader, you get the job done. Using simple grammar doesn't mean you are bad at English, it just means you want to make sure that you express yourself well. However, you will need to work on that familiarity in order to bring a sense of fluency to your written discussions. If you can think fluidly in English, you will most likely, be able to write (almost) flawlessly in English as well.

Scholarship / My first choice and second choice programmes are both in IOE at UCL - Study in the UK [2]

Shang, I am advising you to create a secondary introduction for the 3rd university on your list that doesn't follow in the same vein as the first two schools that you introduced as your top choices for your masters degree studies. You successfully created a background regarding your profession for the first two schools which strengthened your desire to enroll in either university. It would be better if you can also present a professional relationship between your interests and this third school. With that addition, you will be able to better describe and support your desire for higher studies in both courses. You can either present the 3rd university as a separate one or include it in the previous introduction. All you have to do is make an adjustment in order to better reflect the 3rd school's validity as an option for you based upon your professional or academic experience.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 - consumer spending on different items in five different countries in 2002 [2]

Wily, I am afraid to say that the possible score for this written work would be no more than 4. You have a lack of information in the opening statement. Which left the summary incomplete and ill informed. The sentences are not well developed and the thought process is not always coherent. This made the essay quite difficult to read as I had to take time to try and understand how the information that you presented connected with one another. Additionally, because you did not include the chart as an upload, I did not have a point of comparison for your statements and the actual information you were supplied with. Please remember to upload the illustration next time. Overall, this is a good attempt at writing a report summary. You should get better over time, provided you remember to take note of your current writing issues and then making sure to address those over your next few practice tests. I am sure you are going to show improvement. I look forward to reading it.

Undergraduate / A personal statement (within 300 words) explaining why you are interested in attending a UWC school [4]

Yeasir, you mentioned that you first heard about the UWC from your father. It would be beneficial to your essay if you tell the reviewer what you heard about the UWC from your father and how that impacted your mind. Was this part of the reason why you desire to attend UWC? Sometimes, knowing that a parent had a desire for you to have a better future, and hoping that UWC can help you achieve that works to your benefit. It does not work all the time. In this case though, I feel that the mention of your father and his interest in UWC deserves more than a mere one sentence mention. It may have some strong bearing on your application. You can never tell.

The rest of the essay is interesting enough to read. You have developed a pretty simple discussion regarding your interest in enrolling in UWC. If you can link the changes that you hope to bring for the women of Bangladesh with the objectives and mission of UWC, I believe the essay would become even stronger and more appealing to the reviewer.

Scholarship / By the year 2019 I intend to immediately secure a teaching position as assistant lecturer (at Kufa) [3]

Sura, these are all excellent plans. How long do you think it will take for your to achieve all of them? It would be nice to let the reviewer know that you have your professional career planned out at least for the next five years. You have more than enough plans presented here to cover that span of time. Would you mind spelling it out its success based on the number of years that it will take to complete each act?

Overall, it sounds like you have a clear plan presented here. It would have been better if you were able to make mention of some UK educational programs that you know will be able to help you speed up the achievements you indicate in your essay. I believe you should try to do that because the format of the prompt tells us that the reviewer is expecting to read something to that effect. Do you still have time do get that inserted in the final version?

Undergraduate / Asking organizations for funds - UC Essay Intended major, Need help on editing [3]

Rohan, we need to work on the presentation of your essay. Since you are discussing your intended major, you need to follow a certain format or information presentation in paragraph form. Let me see if I can help you do that with the list I created below:

Par. 1: Introduction - introduce the power shortage problem in your country as you remember it affecting you. There is no need to discuss the fact that you went around asking for donations for generators. We just need to know how the power shortage affected you and how it drove you to want to major in electrical engineering.

Par. 2: Body - present your early life or academic experience in the field of electrical repair. Make sure that you relate solid evidence of your talent in this field that could be taken to mean that you will be a successful student in this major.

Par. 3: Body - inform the reader about the purpose for your major. Do you plan on working in the electrical industry in the future? In what capacity and why?

Par. 4: Conclusion - End the essay by informing the reader about the reasons for your choice of UC. Don't tell them you did not qualify before and things like that. Don't belittle yourself in your own essay. Even if you say that you worked hard to qualify, it really isn't relevant in this essay. Save that for another prompt where you will be allowed to offer some idea of your educational background or something similar. After all, if you don't believe you belong at UC, then why should they believe you belong there?

Writing Feedback / It is immediately apparent that food/drink/tobacco quantities were the largest among all countries. [3]

Septia, the overview for our opening statement is incomplete. Make sure to present the complete information in that part with regards to the countries involved in the discussion. You must include that as part of the summary. In this instance, I was left wondering as to what the other 3 countries in the table were because, while you mentioned 5 countries in total, you only mentioned simplified information for 2 countries from the list. Your second paragraph should have at least 3 sentences in it. Since it only as 2 sentences in it, it would appear that the information is lacking. Make sure to always fully develop your reports by not cutting information out when it is necessary to keep the information in or when it can help to expand the paragraph to the correct number of sentences. Remember that the paragraph format counts towards your final score as well.

Writing Feedback / Leisure and education became the least expenditure that people spent on in 2002. [2]

Nuraini, tobacco is considered a leisure item so you should not have listed it among the food supplies. Remember to properly state the classification of your items because this has a direct relation on your comprehension skills and also allows the reviewer to better judge your knowledge of English terms and classifications. I believe that your score for this test would range somewhere between the 6 and 7 options due to certain strengths that can be found in your presentation. You also tried and somewhat effectively used heightened grammar skills in terms of vocabulary and sentence. Which is what pushed your score, in my opinion, towards the higher scoring bracket. You were able to present a proper summary and understandable data discussions within the essay. It would seem that your writing and comprehension skills are somewhat entering the intermediate level of English use. Good work.