Writing Feedback / Most people believe that adult should provide all child demands, because they not are independent [3]


Well, the first feeling I got is that your essay is too short for the task. You need to meet the minimum word requirement and do not fall short of it.

Then, you begin your essay by expressing your opinion. It is recommended that you first introduce the issue and then express your opinion on that.

Follow this approach for your introduction.
Write an interesting sentence which we call a hook that can grab your reader's attention. It should be interesting, meaningful and relevant to your topic. Make sure that it is not a very lengthy sentence. Then introduce the issue to the reader - you can do this by paraphrasing your prompt. Finally, tell your opinion to the reader very clearly.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing 1: meat and poultry consumption [2]

The line graph comparespresents the per capita consumption of different meat items, namely beef, pork, brollersbroilers and turkey in each year in the US. in the United States from 1955 to 2012.

You should mention the time frames in the introduction if your graphs deal with them.

It is clear thatbeefBeef has beenwas by far the most popular meat of 4all four types of meat for the majority ofexcept for the last few years in the 57-year period, whereas turkey washas been the least popular. Another noticeable feature is thatFurther, the average consumption of beef and brollersbroilershad varied considerably throughout the period , while the figures for turkey and pork remained relatively stable over the period as a whole.

Writing Feedback / I believe that society has been helped by the invention of the Internet [6]

One way that the Internet benefits society is that people can much communicate much more easily with its help.

Well, you say that the Internet has made communication easier, but the example you are citing is not really supporting that idea. Rather it is not so clear as to how it is connected with the reason you are highlighting.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: In which areas people made important progress? [3]

Today,the role of English as a global language is indispensable.Some people are of the pointview that we can implementintroduce a new language for the people to use for international activities. Although this trendinitiative may beis a useful way to create a new channel andplatform that facilitates universal cooperation,I believe it raises a number of warrying issues.

Well... what is the link between your first and the second sentence? Not very clear?

Writing Feedback / Vehicle has enhanced people being. However, cars harm nature. [3]

Nowadays, most of the people live in big cities and every working day they have to get to their job.commute to their work place.


Out of several available modes of transportation , the automobile can be considered as one such most favored transportation mode.


However, some people view that automobiles have seriously harm our environment.


Your prompt directly asks you what is your opinion on that. So, you better conclude your introduction with a statement that clearly describes your opinion.

Writing Feedback / SAT - "happiness is not something that happens to us after we get what we want" [4]


Impressive start :)
It seems to be something close at hand yetor sometimes far away from our grasp.


I like this introduction ... It's well presented with excellent grammar, vocabulary and a beautiful flow :)


I agree with foxyh. I think you've done a good job :)

Writing Feedback / We are always told that money is the most fundamental if one wants to make his own living [5]

Well, if that is a case, then stick to one particular approach. This is what I suggest for this task;
INTRODUCTION- Begin your essay with a strong hook and then introduce the background of the issue. State your opinion clearly before concluding your intro.
Body para 1; Write the first reason to justify your opinion. Support that reason with a specific example.
Body para 2 ; Write the second reason and support it with the example
Conclusion ; Sum up what you said above and reinstate your opinion.
I suggest you to stick to 4 para structure. If you get more free time, then add another body para in between :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Effect of movies and computer games containing violence [7]

On the one hand, it is often cited that popularity of violent movies and online games isare one of the primary causes of increase in number of mass violence and restricting society from such films or games is a probable solution.

Well, I like you begin another line for the second idea as this sentence is pretty long. Longer the sentence, harder it is for the reader to remember details. You should always keep the reader satisfied by giving him less work ...LOL

You write very well and I am sure you can aim for a very good score :)

Undergraduate / 'The three major artists and designers' - Two short essays for Art center Pasadena [3]

Art and design are constantly changingsubject to constant change , and there are alwaysnew trends keep emerging in the design field. Personally I believe that a designer cannot really make a direct impact on the world (no comma) by himself, however, the impact that a designer putsongets his audience to experiencecan thenwould influence that crowdthem to makehave a difference in life.

Writing Feedback / 'Europe had degraded most of its land' - three regions of the world during 1990's [2]

First, you need to upload the charts in to the thread for us to provide you with more meaningful feedbacks. Without seeing the charts, we cannot form any opinion on your writing. Use the "Attach file(s)" feature in the Message Block to upload your image file.

As for the approach for this task, I wish you follow this;
1. Introduction - Introduce the charts very briefly and include if there is any time frames involved with them
2. Overview - This should give an overall idea about what the charts present. So tell the reader about the main trends or observations very very briefly. Do not have any details like percentages, data etc. in this overview.

3. Detailed paras - Now describe the trends with all details :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS; Schools greatest failure is that it focuses too intensely on academic subjects [9]

It is always better to include your full prompt in the post so that we can have a better understanding about what it really requires from you and align our feedbacks more with it. Though it is difficult to say whether you have aligned your writing with the prompt requirements without seeing it, I feel you need to improve the approach of the introduction. This is how I suggest you to construct your intro; Begin your essay with a hook statement, which is catchy, meaningful and relevant to the topic (do not write very lengthy sentences for a hook), Then introduce the background of the issue to the reader (this you can do by paraphrasing the prompt itself) Finally state your opinion very very clearly.

Writing Feedback / 'We should acknowledge and use most suitable methods of learning' - Books vs Experience? [3]


You need to improve the presentation of this line. This is the opening sentence of your essay and we generally call this line a "hook" as it needs to hook the reader to your writing. So you need to write a very interesting sentence which is meaningful and relevant to your topic if you are going to give a great start to your essay. This idea is not clear to the reader and I think you should rephrase this line.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'food, drink and tobacco' - statistic of expenditure graph [3]


Yes, your approach seems to be fine with me too - Introduction, Overview ( overall idea of the image presentation without any details) and the Detailed paras. That is exactly what we keep suggesting others also to follow for this task. However, I like if you adopt a bit more formal approach that suits report writing as this task is meant to assess your report writing capabilities. For example;


.... "It is clear that" sounds a bit informal. Keep reporting your observations and facts in a more reporting tone :)

Writing Feedback / In order to avoid social crisis we should treat the elders with a courteous attitude [3]


This sentence has a few issues :(
Here you assume that the reader knows the topic. However, the purpose of introduction is to introduce the topic. So, first introduce the issue and then tell the reasons and your view. Second, the sentence is too for a hook (the opening sentence of an essay which has the ability to grab the reader's attention)

Older people today are not treated with respect because they are regarded to beseen as barriers to social progress forby many young people

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2: studying overseas can be difficult at first, but gaining experience make it worth it [7]


Your prompt is directly asking you about the opinion you hold on this issue. So, it is better to be more straight forward and express your own view on it in the introduction before concluding the intro. What you have written above is not adding much value to your essay and tend to keep the reader in that vague status.

To begin with, it is true that there arewill be numerous problems resulting fromthat students would have to face when they go abroad for studiesgoing abroad.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay, living in big cities or living in small towns; the Article [4]


Well, I find this sentence is not very relevant to your topic. In the intro, you need to start with a great hook that comes with a punch to the reader. The hook should be shorter, catchy, relevant and meaningful :) This is what I suggest for this essay;

The life in a big city and in a small town are entirely different
For me, I prefer to live in bigger cities thatthan in small ones, this personal attitude is the result of many factors

Pay attention to grammar and clarity of your sentences.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Effects of technology to communication - dangers for a society [7]

In the past, the method of communication was pretty straightforward. .... good start :)

If you want to speak to a person, you go out and physically meet the person somewhere and you talk in front of each other.

Avoid redundancy - Do not repeat ideas too much.


Well, today it does not happen to the level what it has been. So, you've got to highlight that point here. That's the core of this issue.

Writing Feedback / Toefl writing is my weakness, hope you can help me, the question is written in the message. [3]

My grandparents always tell me that life today is better than their life when they wereas children. But, in my own view, I disagree with this statementview(no comma) because I think life today is more difficult than the life beforecomplicated and difficult than what it has been in previous eras.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Easy for poor people to get access to university education [4]

Well, it is always good to post the full essay .... I mean all parts of the essay including the intro and the conclusion. Your introduction helps us understand the issue and what position you take on that. The body paras should be written accordingly by giving reasons to justify your position and support those reasons with specific examples. So, it is good for us to have a look at the intro too :)


This sentence is way too long and the reader has got to memorize so many details to connect all your ideas together. Avoid writing such lengthy sentences as they get the reader bored.

Writing Feedback / Fast food is cheap and convenient therefore has positive impact on human eating habits [3]

Good introduction ... You have good writing skills :)


I wish you shortened this sentence. Your point here is that fast foods offer convenient and efficient solutions for our food needs. So, give more focus to that as it is the reason you need to put forward to defend your opinion. So talk about the importance of such solution to our busy lifestyles. You can give very specific examples to support your point :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS: bar chart - average retirement age among seven countries in 2004 and 2008 [5]


This is what I suggest for your introduction;
The two bar charts present the details of average retirement age of men and women respectively in seven different countries from 2004 to 2008.


Before this detailed para, you need to write an Overview of what this graphical presentation is about. Write about the main trends you observe and you should do that very briefly without including any details such as data or other statistics.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: extraordinarily cautious is important since rough work is intolerable [3]


Well, this is not so attractive way to begin your essay. You need to open your essay with a sentence which we call a hook that can grab the reader's attention to your writing. So, this hook should be an interesting and meaningful idea which is presented very clearly with a punch. Do not write very complicated sentences to open your essay. They make your reader bored :(

Writing Feedback / IELTS : Everyone possess a talent - we should recognize it and improve [4]


... well, prodigy is a word used to describe more about qualities or nature. It is not the best word to use for conveying this idea. Do not have the habit of replacing words with synonyms if you do not have a good knowledge about their appropriate usage. That may distort the entire idea of your sentence.

Writing Feedback / Long period of studying will make students feel bored and limit their self-study [5]

Well, it is good for us to know the purpose of writing this essay, e.g. IELTS or TOEFL (include the purpose in your title) and also the full prompt (you can include it in the same post). They help us understand your prompt better and provide you with more task related feedbacks.


In my view, this sentence is too long be an interesting hook that can grab the reader's attention as you open your essay. Write a shorter, clearer and more interesting sentence to start your essay.

Writing Feedback / The line graph: Migration Statistics in UK [3]


Well, this is a task that aims at assessing your report writing skills and therefore you need to adopt a more reporting style for your writing. So, be more formal and concise. Avoid phrases like "Some interesting facts" that sound too formal and not really suitable for reporting. This is what I suggest for your intro;

The line graphs and the bar chart illustrate the details of international migration in the United Kingdom from 1999 to 2008.

Writing Feedback / What are the reasons behind lack of facilities &services for disabled population? [3]

We see many people with physical and mental disabilities and live in pathetic conditions. In fact, the recent statistical datastatistics suggestsuggests that approximately aroundabout ten percent of the global population is handicapped. This means, there should be proper provision of facilities and services for them to take care of disabled population in each and every corner of the world, which, sadly does not exist.is not the reality.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: we should not ignore the traditional food; fast foods need be supervised [5]


.... that too has some grammar issues. These are few sentences I suggest ;
There is a growing trend in the world today that people favoring the international fast foods to their traditional home cooked foods.
In many countries, the international fast foods have shown a major increase in consumption against the traditional foods.
Today, the international fast foods are becoming more and more popular and traditional foods have begun to lose their place in society.

Writing Feedback / We are always told that money is the most fundamental if one wants to make his own living [5]

Well, as I set my eyes on your essay, the first feeling I had was that whether you've been able to finish this essay on time. It looks a bit lengthy and since this is a time bound task, you need to be careful with the time factor. Had you managed time well, then no issue :D

For me, it is the experience and happiness of a job that accountmatter the most and not the salary.
Admittedly, on no account can we can deny that earning as many dollars as we can is the primary motivation for each employeefor every employee.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Too much freedom for children affected their studies [2]


I like yoru approach towards the intorduction. However, I wish you removed the last line as it is not going to add much value to your essay. It in fact disturbs your flow.

Firstly, nowadays more children are participating in co-curricular activities today, along with their studies and excel well both in extra activities and studies. This shows that parents have given independencefreedom tofor their children to select and participate in their interested activitiesfollow the interest of their children, which made them more focused and well organized.

Writing Feedback / Number of languages in the world and its impact on global safety [4]

You should have mentioned the purpose of writing this essay, for example - IELTS, TOEFL etc., in the title itself. That helps you earn more task relevant feedbacks from others. The next point is that you should have included the full prompt in the same post for us to get a better understanding about it. That helps us align our comments better with your topic :)

There are a lot of different countries onin the world, soand that leads to have many different cultures and diverse languages.

Writing Feedback / Payment is very vital factor to consider while choose employer [3]

Wisely selected job makes one happy in life for long run.in the long run.


Why do not you try to express your ideas more direct? You have expressed the above idea in a more complex way that the reader has to strain himself to understand what you finally come out with. Try and avoid complicated ways of expressing ideas. Write simple and interesting sentences that help you arouse the reader's interest.

Writing Feedback / "Bangla" - workers from Bangladesh in Malaysia [3]

'Bangla' is one of the common descriptions we use to describe foreign construction workers in Malaysia, irrespective if they are actually Bangladesh of the fact that they are with Bangladeshi nationality. The implied meaning attached to the wordthis term has beenwas that it meant that they wereworkers who were dirty, smelly, rude, etc.

Writing Feedback / An increasing amount of students have negative attitude of learning. Why is this happening? [5]


This is the opening sentence of your essay, which should be the hook that can grab the reader's attention at once towards your writing. So, it needs to be an interesting and meaningful idea. What you have written above sounds a bit abrupt and not very interesting to be a good hook :(

One of thesuch serious issues is that an increasing number of students havehaving a negative feeling towards study.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, there is an ever increasing amount of noise in our everyday lives. Reasons and solutions [3]

I guess you have written this essay for IELTS or TOEFL preparation. It is good if you mention that purpose in the title itself so that we could provide you with more task relevant feedbacks :)


... this is a very very confusing sentence :( Your prompt is asking for the reasons for noise and I do not understand how you are going to tackle that question :(

You need to pay more attention with regard to the alignment of your writing and the prompt.

Writing Feedback / Extinction of some languages will make life easier through improving the efficiency and employment [6]


.... actually , it is not the rapid development, but rapid advancement of globalization :)
Some people believe that it will benefitfor the lifelives of people and society would be more benefited with less language around the world.


Well, this does not answer your prompt effectively. You do not talk about the benefit of letting your language die. You can learn and be conversant in the major language of your country, yet still keep your minority language alive. What is the benefit you see by extinction of the minority language? That is the question your prompt is asking you.

Writing Feedback / Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. [3]

Well, what is the purpose of writing this essay? Is it for practicing IELTS or TOEFL? It is good if you mention your purpose in the title itself so that we can provide you with task related feedbacks. Also, you should have included the full prompt in the post for us to understand your topic better in order to provide you with more meaningful comments.

Excellent writing :)


It is good that you used this reason to defend your position on the issue and body para is the place for such reasoning.
You display excellent writing skills :)

Writing Feedback / Toefl essay: advertisements whose target is young children should be banned [3]

Ok, I think it is good had you included the full essay prompt in your post. It helps us understand your topic better and align our comments accordingly. Also, at a glance, I feel you need to pay more attention to your essay structure. Your body paras , especially the first one, seems pretty big. This task is very sensitive on time management and if you do not complete the task on time, then you would be in trouble for marks. So, follow a structure that helps you include all the features, which are essential for scoring marks and also helps you manage time effectively.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - automobiles have changed our lives [3]

In my personal view automobiles are the ones that have brought have a new era of transportation.
Yes... I can see eddies has provide you some great advice. You certainly need to work on your approach for this task. You need to have paragraphs separated and they should include an introduction, body paragraphs (at least two) and a conclusion. Visit our TOEFL and IELTS essays and you would get a good understanding as to how you should construct your essay.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] The role of parents and school in teaching children [2]

Firstly, parents have major influence on children's behaviour, especially when they are 3-to 5-years-olds.very young.


Children, by nature, imprint every behavior of their parents just like the ducklings follow the mother duck. Therefore the parents need to be careful with their behavioral patterns as children may follow both good and bad of their parents.

Writing Feedback / SAT ; We place far too much emphasis on experience and achievement in our society [5]

However, aside from character, there are many more external factors that also affect a person's development .(I like if you stop here and start a new sentence). such as luck, Luck, family background and evenhealth can be considered as some of those other important factors .

Today, Hitler is widely condemned as a warlikeruthless criminal who had taken the lifelives of millions of innocent people.