Writing Feedback / Snippet Essay, Mita point, Okinawa, Japan. [NEW]

Please review this essay for grammar and content. Its my rough draft. The main guideline for this essay is that it is for one snippet of time and no more. Thanks

It is a typical hot summer day in August 1998. I am at Mita point, Okinawa, Japan. Bus loads of mainland Japanese tourists to the right of us, trading cameras, taking pictures of each other, looking at the stupid Americans on the cliff. I am not appropriately dressed for the occasion, a pair of cut off desert camouflage pants and a t-shirt. At least I am wearing some dive boots to protect my feet. The water is a deep blue with a slight sheen from the sun. The air is calm and thick with humidity. I broke a sweat just getting here. What am I doing up here? Whose idea was this again? There is no changing my mind now. I am next on deck, standing on a huge rock at the top of a sheer cliff face.

Hansen says from behind me "It is easy just step off the edge." Looking down "Is the water cold?" Morrison looks up at me and yells back "No it's great." He went first and screamed the whole way down. He looks like he is about a mile away from up here. It is actually about 75 feet with 50 feet of water below that. However, I would not believe that right now. I am not afraid of heights but jumping from this far up is a little ridiculous. I look down again, my heart beats a little faster, and I shake my head. The old cliché' "If you friends jump of a bridge? Would you?" comes to mind. It makes me smile a little. Now I am ready. I take a few steps backward, take a deep breathe, two quick strides, and I am off. What did I just do?

All sound is gone now, just the wind in my ears. How much farther down is it? So far that I have time to think about it. Should I hold my nose? I have my legs together that is for sure. What about my arms? No time left now impact is imminent. Slap, may arms hit the surface, thrusting them upward. Should have put them at my side. The water is freezing. Morrison is such a liar. Water shoots up my nose, the salt-water burns. I open my eyes. Everything is dark around me. My ears are popping; I must have gone deep. I want to breathe; I guess I should have taken some air on the way down. My pulse is racing I can feel it in my neck. I start pushing up, pain in my chest from low oxygen. Almost there now, surface getting brighter as I go. Finally, sunlight, air, I take a deep breathe. I look around left to right. Wiping the water from my eyes, there is Morrison looking at me with anticipation. I yell, "You lied, the water is freezing." He laughs, "Ready to go again?" I look up at the cliff, Hansen's pale face looking down at us. I look back to Morrison smiling "How far to the top?"

Writing Feedback / Rubik's cube - having trouble with a conclusion [NEW]

Could you please give me any grammar mistakes in this essay. Also I am having trouble writing the conclusion, not sure how to kick off that last paragraph.

TIA

The popularity of the Rubik's cube has increased exponentially in recent years. The time it is taking "speedcubers" to solve the cube has decreased with every competition held. Some of these speed improvements are due to the quality of the cubes. There are several types of cubes available in the standard 3x3 style. Availability, price, and durability are considerations when choosing a cube.

The most widely available cubes are the store bought Rubik's brand cube. This type of cube is what most people own. They are the easiest to find since they are available at most large retail chains like Wal-Mart or Target. Rubik's also offers a Do It Yourself (DIY) cube through its website. The DIY's are easy to order and are received in about two weeks. Eastsheen a Chinese based company offers "intellectual cubes" due to Rubik's having the patent on their name. Eastsheen cubes are selling through several Chinese language websites and Ebay. The intellectual cubes take from four to eight weeks for delivery. The store bought cube is easily the most available of any type of cube.

The price of the standard cube ranges from $7.00 - $15.00. Most retail stores offer the Rubik's cube for $9.95. Amazon lists the same Rubik's cubes for $7.95 but then you pay the shipping price and the cost is about the same. The Rubik's website has the DIY's priced at $14.95 with a shipping cost of $5.00. Purchasing an Eastsheen cube on EBay or another website does not change the price by much with listings as low as $7.00, but the shipping costs are from overseas and are about $5.00 per item. Eastsheen cubes purchase price is cheaper than any other is, but once you add shipping costs the best choice in price are the store brand cubes.

Cubes durability varies among the brands and types of cubes available. The store brand Rubik's have stickers with a plastic coating that peels up over extended use and then the color rubs off completely. Store brand cubes have an inability to adjust. Cube adjustments make it easier to turn the cube faster and smoother. Store brand cubes also have a style of sticker that peels up after repetitive use and the color rubs off, causing the purchase of replacements. Rubik's DIY allow for adjustment by coming unassembled. The Rubik's DIY has a flaw that allows the center cube to pop of randomly during use, anyone should see why this would be a problem. The Rubik's DIY does come with a thin solid vinyl sticker that does not rub off. The Eastsheen cubes are of high quality and come out of the box ready for the fast turns and still have the ability to be adjusted like the Rubik's DIY's. Eastsheen also provides the solid vinyl style sticker set that does not peel away after extended use. The durability of Eastsheen cubes makes it the smart choice for long-term use.

Comparisons in availability, price, and durability help make a choice in a cube purchasing. Store brand Rubik's are great for anyone that wants to play with a cube on a recreational basis. They are relatively cheap and easy to get. Rubik's DIY's having the issue of the piece popping out could be problematic during timed solving events. The ability to adjust is commendable but the price is relatively expensive. Eastsheen cubes are ready for use out of the box; they do not have any design flaws, and even with shipping included are slightly cheaper than the Rubik's DIY's. When searching the internet for opinions on cubes, the Eastsheen cubes get recommendations by "speedcubers" throughout the world. Eastsheen's intellectual cubes are the best option for someone with the desire to get faster times. Rubik's DIY, store brand Rubik's, and Eastsheen cubes all have a place in the world of cubing.

Writing Feedback / Character of a Man - Essay [NEW]

Please check for grammar and also for the use third person only. This essay was to evaluate the character of the man in Jack London's "To Build A Fire." Just his character. Any tips on my intro and conclusion would helpful as well.

Character of a Man

In "To Build a Fire" Jack London tells us the story of a man on a trek through the bitter cold of the Yukon. London traveled to Alaska in 1897 and based the details in the story on his own experiences there. He picks up the story already in progress and follows the man until the bitter end. The following will provide evidence that the man, a chechaquo, or a new-comer to the land is observant, ignorant, and arrogant.

The first of the man's traits is his observation skills. His senses are keen and he notices the slightest changes in the air as pointed out here "And again, in the air, before it could fall to the snow, the spittle crackled. He knew that at fifty below spittle crackled on the snow, but this spittle had crackled in the air" (London para 4). Although the man is a chechaquo he has learned signs to look for as sighted here "He noticed the changes in the creek, the curves and bends and timber- jams, and always he sharply noted where he placed his feet. Once, coming around a bend, he shied abruptly, like a startled horse, curved away from the place where he had been walking, and retreated several paces back along the trail" (London para 11). His observations of the areas around him help on his trek back to camp.

The man's thoughts throughout the story show his ignorance. Early on it shows while noting that the temperature is fifty degrees below zero "Such fact impressed him as being cold and uncomfortable, and that was all. It did not lead him to meditate upon his frailty as a creature of temperature, and upon man's frailty in general" (London para 3). These types of thoughts cannot come from someone who knows what type of situation they are really in. The man then shows that his ignorance does not end with just the cold but within his own bodies abilities, "He would kill the dog and bury his hands in the warm body until the numbness went out of them" (London para 31). To think that even though his hands are so frozen that he cannot start a fire, but still believe he has the strength or skill to catch and kill a dog are proof of an ignorant man.

The most fateful of the man's attributes is his arrogance. Right at the start we see signs of his ego, "pausing for breath at the top, excusing the act to himself by looking at his watch" (London para 1). Even without thinking his mind makes excuses so that the man can rationalize moving on alone. The man's body starts to show signs of how cold it is, "But it didn't matter much, after all. What were frosted cheeks? A bit painful, that was all; they were never serious" (London para 10). The man ignores this early warning that he may want to rethink his idea of being alone in this cold. He was given advice by an older local man earlier in his travels but chooses not to listen. The man believes, "Those old-timers were rather womanish, some of them, he thought. All a man had to do was to keep his head, and he was all right. Any man who was a man could travel alone" (London para 21). For the man to think that he is better than the indigenous population shows his arrogance to all men.

In the end, the man's observations cannot overcome his ignorance and arrogance. The man was able to notice all the things around him, but either chooses to ignore the signs or does not know what to do about them. His arrogance led him to his death in the end, believing that he was better than any others that came before him. "When he got back to the States he could tell the folks what real cold was" (London para 38). Even in his final thoughts his arrogance holds true believing that somehow he would make it home again.

Writing Feedback / Realism Essay - the readers choice [NEW]

Had to write an essay on realism/romatacism. Please give any grammer corrections and content suggestions you may have.

Reaslism the readers choice.

American literature has encompassed various forms of writing techniques
throughout history. Many talented authors received high acknowledgements while
becoming successful writers by utilizing such forms as romanticism, regionalism, and
realism. While they vary in their effects on literature and representation of each author's views, all of these forms of expression play a significant role in the readers' understanding and admiration, or lack there of, for the piece of literary work they are associated with. Romanticism, regionalism, and realism all with their own importance, realism is perhaps the most versatile and admired form of writing.

Romanticism emerged during the later part of the 18th and 19th centuries with the premise of going against mandated rules of classicism. Relying on senses and emotion over intellect and reason was the natural instinct of a romantic writer. Rationalism was commonly gone against and nature was often a focal point of concentration. Along with these traits was the sought after goodness of humanity among people. Romanticists also focused strongly on art, believing that it could best demonstrate universal genuineness.While these factors related to romanticism were important during that era, realists continued to overcome the literary world with stories about moral or ethical situations that people found themselves in. The fantasy world of romanticism, often incorporating heroes expressing unexpected inner strengths, was temporary while the lessons in realistic works lingered with the readers.

Regionalism, also prevalent during this era, was more commonly known for
specifying geographical areas in which a story took place. Often, these works included short stories and typically incorporated sentimental values. Although regions were the primary focus, nature often represented the intended region and became the main focus of a story. Because the story lines and plots were of little importance compared to the theme, narrators commonly told the story. This alone made realism stand out as the top literary form as the audience could relate to characters as opposed to a middle-man narrator.

Realism, closely related to naturalism from the 19th century, was a very common form of literary work. Many prestigious writers, such as Mark Twain, made their mark by utilizing this technique. Often relating to middle-class society, many readers could associate themselves with the story lines expressed by these authors. In the Adventures of Huckleberry Fin (1876), Twain used such techniques as humor, various forms of speech, and folkways common to all people in that time period. The wit and criticism of society's sins he demonstrated opened the door for his readers to relate to and acknowledge his perception of daily life. Twain used Huck as a character who condemned stereotypes, such as slavery, that were all too prevalent to the nation then. Because of the use of realism, writers like Twain could ensure a sense of authenticity from his readers in knowing they could possibly be enduring some situations similar to those in his novels.

Realism presents the most relatable material to readers in the literary World of writing as it allows readers to connect on several levels associating it with their own personal lives. Romanticism and regionalism both play important roles in the many quality story lines each is used in. However, by comparing the many ways their characteristics are associated with real life fundamentals, they cannot hold up to realism. Many lessons can be learned by reading materials from the literary collections of authors that were realists in nature.

Writing Feedback / Naturalism v Modernism - comparison essay [2]

Had to write an essay on comparing Naturalism with Modernism . Please give any grammar corrections and content suggestions you may have.

Throughout the turn of the century in the literary world, there were several forms of writing that were successful for various reasons. Whether the impression was on the reader personally or within the authors writing the material, poems and novels of the time period were an inspiration. Each form of literature had distinct characteristics that were representative of it. While Naturalism was new to the scene and drawing significant attention, Modernism had a greater impact on American society.

Naturalism, a developed form of Realism, is a form of literature that focused on how scientific principles of detachment and objectivity can be applied to the study of human beings. While Realism focused on literary technique, Naturalism implied a sense of philosophical justification. These writers believed that people were driven and governed by their passions, instincts, and heredity. Environment was also a primary factor in the characters that were written about. Another predominant characteristic was that they were uneducated and from low-class society. Most works displayed pessimism and focused on the harsh aspects of life.

In contrast, Modernism was known for its experimentation and the revelation that knowledge is not absolute. Humans were to depend on laws and structures beyond their control as opposed to heredity and passions. Tradition was a lost concept within Modernism. Contradictions and a sense of lost community were commonplace. Philosophy was not used as a basis for stories or characters. Instead, actual objects existed, making the works more easily related to.

To reflect on the changes in society during the turn of the century, Modernism took a deep look into disruption of norms and challenges traditions. Some people initially felt that Modernism was immoral and unwholesome. Public establishments proved to Americans that the world was changing. New technologies had been introduced along with interests in cars and air travel. Modernism reflected on emotional and primitive sexual behaviors. Toward the later part of this era, Modernism had grown to be able to express all aspects of life.

While the two forms of literature have their important and justifiable points, Modernism related more closely to the ever changing society during this time in the nation's history. New experiences were being had by people all over the country. Women could vote, prohibition was being protested, and ethnic and racial groups were beginning to have a clearer understanding of each other. Major social changes were occurring and Modernism was at the forefront with its ability to challenge norms just as society was. American people used influence they received from this form of literature to transcend into new ways of life.

Writing Feedback / What is the right stuff essay [5]

Please provide grammer and content feedback on my essay below:

In 1973, Tom Wolfe wrote the story of the American military pilots that pioneered the space program. These men put their lives, careers, and families on the line in pursuit of this goal. Their journey from test pilots to breaking the earth's gravity into space gave Wolfe the inspiration to chronicle this path. Wolfe shows how these seven men were not just pilots but men with "the right stuff."

The dictionary explains the right stuff as essential qualities such as self-confidence, dependability, and knowledge, necessary for success in a given field or situation. Wolfe describes "the right stuff" as an unspoken almost indefinable set of virtues and abilities that only a few will ever achieve. Arrogance, conditioning and bravery are the steps of the ziggurat to the pinnacle of the pyramid that all pilots aspire to conquer.

Why does it take arrogance to move up the steps to success? In order stay above the rest of ones peers, a pilot must have arrogance. Wolfe displays this trait throughout his depictions of "The Right Stuff." The pilots given the choice to accept the orders to the space program have one thought on their mind, "I must not get . . . left behind."(Wolfe 66) Wolfe points out that it is never mentioned but this factor is required, "Manliness, manhood, manly courage . . . there was something ancient, primordial. . . no matter what a sophisticated and rational age one might think he lived in."(Wolfe 21) The test pilots arrogant nature is pointed out in the way their anger is portrayed, when an outsider attempts to speak their language, "coming from the lips of this ant that was left behind the moment Jenkins made his first step up the pyramid long, long ago."(Wolfe 47)

"The Right Stuff" means not being satisfied with mediocrity and having arrogance will motivate you to move to the top.
The trait that these pilots could not be born with was the years of training and skills that gave them the conditioning they needed to show they had "The Right Stuff."

How else could a pilot get in the cockpit of a test aircraft and run into most know airfoil problems and still be convinced that can be overcome.(Wolfe 40) Why else would a man get in these aircraft knowing he would encounter things, no other pilot has yet to experience? Wolfe explains that the pilots knew when they lost one of their own, one of the brotherhood. They would sit and listen to the last moments of a man tumbling to his inherent death, this man would not scream for God but would continue to go through his checklists until the bitter end and they would look at each other with that unspoken message "Too bad!. There was a man with the right stuff." (49) The conditioning of these test pilots continues every minute of every flight they take and adds to their ability to posses the title of "The Right Stuff."

Bravery brings to mind a great deal of individuals who put themselves in harms way. Wolfe speaks of a fighter pilot from the Second World War and Korea and his eagerness to confront the enemy, "Lances and plumes! I am a knight! Come on up and fight! Why hold back! Knights of the Right Stuff!"(31) Wolfe expands on his definition of bravery by stating, "Not all the wealth in the world or all the sophisticated nuclear weapons and radar and missile systems it could buy would take the place of those who had the uncritical willingness to face danger, those who, in short, had the right stuff."(30) The bravery that makes up "The Right Stuff" is not just the willingness to die but the ability to do so consistently.

The individual qualities are not enough to make a man have "The Right Stuff." The combination of these traits gives these pilots the unspoken title. The conditioning gives the pilots the ability to fly these aircraft. The arrogance pushes them to want to lead the pack. Bravery allows them to put themselves in dangers path. Wolfe explains that all pilots understood, "that a man should have the ability to go up in a hurtling piece of machinery and put his hide on the line and have the moxie, the reflexes, the experience, the coolness, to pull it back at the last yawning moment."(148)

Writing Feedback / Growing housing bubble ignored by ecomomists [3]

Please provide any grammar or content suggestions to the below essay.

Why are we seeing millions of homes in foreclosure? Economists including the Federal Reserve board ignored a growing housing bubble that existed since the mid 90's. How could this happen? Factors contributing to the housing recession included low interest rates, high investor activity, and policy change that allowed for affordable loan products.

According to some, the cause of the recession resulted from a policy change to the nation's economy aimed at dealing with the collateral damage from two principle changes to market economies in the 1980's.

...

Writing Feedback / Under the Age of Eighteen and in the Military: Evaluation Essay [4]

Please provide any input on the below evaluation essay. Grammar and punctuation are always appreciated.

Under the Age of Eighteen and in the Military

As this great nation is currently in a time of war, many young
Americans are stepping up to the plate and enlisting into one of the services to guard our nation and its future. How young is too young? Who is the deciding factor in this and what age is it socially acceptable to allow these young Americans to take this ultimate challenge?

According to the United States Code, Title 10, Section 505, "The Secretary concerned may accept original enlistments in the Regular Army, Regular Navy, Regular Air Force, Regular Marine Corps, or Regular Coast Guard, as the case may be, of qualified, effective, and able-bodied persons who are not less than seventeen years of age or more than forty-two years of age. However, no person under eighteen years of age may be originally enlisted without the written consent of his parent or guardian, if he has a parent or guardian entitled to his custody and control."

As this law was written many years ago and the U.S. turned over many centuries since, some may tend to wonder if this law is current and coincides with today's society. Some consider a person at the age of seventeen a child while others state otherwise whether the parent consents or not. Does this mean that just because the parent consents to allow their son or daughter to enter into the military will make them just as good as or better than someone a year older will? In some states, being an active duty military member has its privileges. Age is not a requirement to have a concealed weapons permit as long as you are on active while others that are not have to wait until the age of twenty-one. Additionally, in most states you have to be at least eighteen to serve alcohol. Gladly, there is no law stating a clause to have a lower age to buy and consume alcohol for active duty military. Personally, this pursues down the avenue of bringing maturity with age. This nation draws the line in most cases that at the age of eighteen a person is now an adult and can make decisions on their own behalf. Although this has its different views and sore moments, it is especially hard to swallow when looking at it from the parent's point of view.

As most parents raise their children to be strong and successful as they prosper through life, the last thing on their mind is the thought of their children entering into the military service. Rightfully so and viewing the issue from the outside. Most parents will put military, war and death in the same arena. As many think through this, they will support their children if they join the military, but they do not want to sign their consent at the age of seventeen. For example, if a child commits to service in the military and endures the ultimate sacrifice for their country, the parent may feel a sense of responsibility if they signed and consented for their child to enter the service before eighteen.

Is it right and correct for the law to state as it currently does? On the other hand, is a revision the next step? There are several reasons the law is valid. It not only helps the parents from their children evading the home, but also protects the child from making a decision that they did not think through and regret for the rest of their life. No matter what the subject is, at the age of seventeen most kids think they are always right and their parents are always wrong. When someone joins the active duty military, it is a binding contract for eight years of an obligation to serve. If the contract is broken, unless permitted by law, it is a federal offense. Most seventeen year olds are not ready to make that type of commitment.

Fortunately, we live in a great nation that has checks and balances when passing and enforcing laws. While there are some we may not agree on, it takes a vote to put them into action. As this country has a strong and powerful military that stands at the forefront of everyone,'s future of freedom and while entering into the military is a huge decision that everyone has endures in one way or another, finalizing that decision at the age of seventeen makes it more complicated. Gladly a nation looks to see the young men and women that are guarding the gates to heaven and sanity; they are the young individuals that those proud parents raised.

Research Papers / Driving alternatives in Hampton Roads: Proposal Essay review [3]

Please comment/correct the below Proposal Essay

Driving alternatives in Hampton Roads

As with any larger city or area grows, the Hampton Roads Area is right up there with them. As this area hosts the largest naval base and supports many other services, the population is influenced by many to include the government. With the large amounts of people in this area, traffic is always an issue. As a result, altering a few things here and there can be a life-changing experience for all.

Whether you are driving on Interstate - 64, 264 or 564, traffic is always bumper to bumper in the non-car pool lanes and with the traffic at a standstill, accidents are always occurring. Due to this, incentives are in place to help unclog the roadways. Driving two or more to a vehicle, riding a motorcycle, driving an alternative fuel vehicle or taking public transportation are ways that the surrounding cities have decided that these individuals may ride in high occupancy vehicle lanes. Since these programs did not give it the slam-dunk, the Hampton Roads Transit started offering other incentives to unclog the roadways. Government employees can ride the public transportation to and from work free of charge, a car lease program and a rewards system for car-pooling. Even though all of these programs are in place, they are not being used to their full potential. Understandably, some may not be able to participate in these programs, but the vast majority only needs their car a small percentage of the time. The real question is what is the problem? Is it that people think they are too good to take alternatives or is it that most are just not informed? No matter the question, unclogging the roadways is the true end goal.

There are many incentives out there to alleviate the problems. Giving the entire picture to everyone may change the publics view. One way to do this would be to publicize the programs allowing them to grow in strength and in mass and eventually help unclog the roadways. The following are some of the details about each of the public transportation programs offered since they differ for everyone's situation. The rewards program, or NURIDE, is a program that you can earn points whether you ride or drive. "NuRide makes earning points so easy you can qualify for a reward-like gift cards for Old Navy, T.G.I. Friday's and XM Satellite Radio."(HRT, "NuRide") To enroll, all a person has to do is sign up on-line at nuride.com. Here individuals can arrange, organize, setup or cancel all of their carpools. The use of the Hampton Roads Transit is available to all. Although it is cheaper than driving a car, it still does cost money. Additionally, students and disabled senior citizens receive discounts. Using this alternative, you will have set times every day in the morning and in the evening in addition to riding in the car pool lanes. If you are a government employee, you may apply for the Transportation Incentive Program, which will pay one hundred percent of your travel to and from work via the Hampton Roads Transit System. "Worried that you might get stranded in an emergency if you join a carpool or vanpool? The Guaranteed Ride Program offers emergency transportation assistance to commuters who rideshare to work. Once you're registered, if you ever have to unexpectedly leave work early or stay at work late, you can get a ride back to your point of origin for just $3.00, guaranteed."(HRT, "Guaranteed Ride") There is a limit of four of these rides per month. The amount of programs available gives most commuters a way to use the system and not fight the traffic.

None of the alternatives to transportation may convince all commuters, but there are still some more options that may get their attention. Flexible hours and the possibility of working from home for at least one to two days a week are valuable options that are available to some. Additionally, giving upfront parking for carpool riders and possibly giving away one hundred free transit passes for new riders will open their horizons. Furthermore, car maintenance bills and gas fill ups will come to an immediate decline in costs. With the lower mileage driven, personal auto insurance rates will see a rate reduction. These proposals may not be usable for each individual, but will help most by unclogging the roadways and assisting the Hampton Roads Area in coming out of a traffic nightmare.

The Hampton Roads Area constantly grows and changes are a definite necessity in regards to traffic. Taking some plans that are already available and using them with a little twist will dramatically change many lives. Whether by a small or large amount, the vast majority of the population will see the benefits in the end.