Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by nickyzhi
Name: QIYU ZHI
Joined: Sep 11, 2014		 Last Post: Oct 26, 2014
Threads: 8
Posts: 21  
From: China
School: Beijing Univ of Post and Telecom

Displayed posts: 29
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nickyzhi   
Sep 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Students would receive a better education if attending classes for 11 month of a year [6]

Will attending classes for 11 months of a year lead a better education? I concede that in any field of society, such as study and work,

devoting long time will be helpful. However, in my views, and many of others, Studying 11 months of a year overstates the necessity and importance of this long time, so I foundamentally disagree with the statement.

Admittedly, there is no doubt that in a sufficient long period, students will contact more advanced knowledge. Consider, for example, a senior high school student may be able to learn some college courses, such as learning programming or finance lectures. Moreover, more homework will increase students' ability to solve math or science quesitons, and therefore increse the grade. The example of My English teacher in my primary school will underscore this point. She always assigned a lot of homework and teach extra classes in weekend, at the end of that semester, we all got significant prograss in English though we were exhausted.

Despite the merits of the statement, I am convinced attending classes for so long time is totally wrong on acocunt of reasons stated below.
[...]
nickyzhi   
Sep 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / which one have an important role in order to success of students in school?classmate or parents? [9]

hey hamed,

vangiespen has pointed out your question about idea, but I want to say some thing at different direction.

As far as I know, if you are not good at writing, then the way of high score is to extent your essay of TOEFL test. That is, write more words and enrich your every paragraph, that's just my advice.

Sorry I am not native, so I can not point out more questions than vangie, but I still want give you suggestions as before, good luck:)
nickyzhi   
Sep 12, 2014
Graduate / Some movies and TV programs are showing a negative trend in guiding young people' behavior [5]

Are there more negative effects of movies and televisions affect young people's behavior? I concede that there are many movies and televisions have exerted a profound and good influence on young people's behavior, but I convinced that negetive effects are more.

Admittedly, there is no doubt that some movies and televisions have propagated various positive thoughts. The Forest Gump tells us to be simple and insist on everything, Titanic teaches us love is the most valuable thing in our life. On the other hand, television is a most effective way to expose scandals of government and company, and public service advertisements in television serve to spreads some public good concepts, urge some public good behavior development of young people.

Despite the merits of the former point, it is necessary for me to points out the negetive effects stated as below.

First and foremost, as we know, some movies and televisions, such as violent movies have negetive effects on young people's behavior. Consider, for example, The expendables 3 is a popular movie with a incredible box office. My 12 years old brother is very like this movie, and usually imitates Stallone by shooting my head with a fake gun, once after jumping from a high stone and claiming,"I am jet Li!", he hurted his leg. I think all of these rude behaviors can be attributed to his love of this movie. From this example, and many of others, we can learn that these negetive effects are significant threats to out young people.
nickyzhi   
Sep 13, 2014
Graduate / Some movies and TV programs are showing a negative trend in guiding young people' behavior [5]

According to vangi's review, I revised my essay presented below:

Welcome everyone's suggestion and thank you all!

Do movies and television shows have more negative than positive influences on the behavior of young people? There are different ways to look at this issue, a large portion of people claim that tremendous movies and televisions involve some inspirable thoughts, which is benefit for young people's behavior. Some of them will say, "The word, 'a man can be destroyed, but cannot be defeated!' in the movie The Old Man and Sea really encouraged my son!" However, I disagree with this view.

Admittedly, there have been a number of positive movies that came out of Hollywood in the past years. Movies like Forrest Gump teach us that being different does not mean a person is worthless. While Titanic taught us the value of self-less love. On the other hand, television is a most effective way to expose scandals of government and company, say, Watergate of Nixon. Moreover, public service advertisements in television serve to spreads some public good concepts, urge some public good behavior development of young people, such as advertisement of taking care of animals really affects my sister, and since then, she even doesn't eat meat any more. While there are truly some positive lessons to be learned from television and movies, it does not erase the fact that the negative images overpower the positive aspect it provides.

First and foremost, as we know, some movies, such as violent movies have negative effects on young people's behavior. Consider, for example, Movies such as The Expendables series are highly violent films that are PG rated. That means that boys like my 12 year old brother were allowed to watch the movie. What was the first thing that he did after seeing it? He tried to imitate Sylvester Stallone's style of shooting using a toy gun. He once climbed the stairs and shouted "I am Jet Li!" then jumped. Needless to say, he broke his leg. Therefore, this makes me believe that no further evidence is needed to prove the negative effect of this kind of movies on young people.

In addition, some television programs are full of gossip news and inappropriate thoughts, which may serve to an unexpected result. Some days ago, Jimmy Kimmel Live Show is accused for the racism to Chinese. Even though Jimmy apologized publicly, it also had a great impact on millions of audience. Moreover, some bad behaviors of young people can also be attributed to the rise of disrespectful reality shows like Bad Grandpa and Keeping up with the Kardashians. So I hold the firm view that we can't afford to neglect this negative influences.

Based upon the aforementioned reasons, I concede that some movies and televisions are helpful for young people's behavior, but then I presented that some violent movies and televisions shows have exerted a negative influence to young people. I believed without proper guidance coming from family members and friends, and government regulation of violence and behaviors in movies and televisions, young people will tend to be negatively influenced.
nickyzhi   
Sep 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Students would receive a better education if attending classes for 11 month of a year [6]

hi xatu,

Thank you again, for your review. and according to your suggestion, I have modificated this essay, :)

The issue of education is always in the limelight. There are different ways to look at how to get a better education. A large portion of people claim that working hard, such as attending classes for 11 months of a year, will always be helpful. Some of them will say, "My lovely son has a good grade and I will attribute this result to study every day." However, I disagree with this view that attending classes for 11 months of a year lead a better education.

Admittedly, after studying in a sufficient long period, students will learn more advanced knowledge. Consider, for example, a senior high school student may be able to learn some college courses, such as learning programming or finance lectures. Moreover, more homework will increase students' ability to solve basic math or science questions, and therefore increase the grade. The example of my English teacher of my primary school will underscore this point. She always assigned a lot of homework and taught extra classes on weekend, at the end of that semester, we all got significant progress in English though we were exhausted. While there are truly some benefits to study in so long term, it does not erase the fact that there are other factors, may be more important, to judge the education.

First and foremost, it is efficiency not time that determine the result of education. Take my major, math, for example, there is a computer tool named matlab designed to solve almost all math problems efficiently. Once my advisor assigned a same task involving tremendous calculations to me and my friend, Lin. Lin chose to learn matlab, while I chose to work it by my own hand. After a sleep-insufficient week, finally, I calculated the result with totally relived, and then sent it to my advisor. However, my advisor told me my result is wrong, caused by my careless, meanwhile, Lin sent the correct result before three day. From this example, I realized that efficiency is not just completing tasks quickly, but accuracy is more significant. Efficiency is the determining factor to judge the result.

In addition, holiday for students is meaningful for students, holiday does not only mean to have a time for games, but rather to have time for rest, when they can involve in some interesting activities, not related to school and studies. This will help them to return to the school refreshed and be ready for another efficient study semester. During our holiday, we still can learn many other interesting things as we like. During last summer, I learned how to swim and got a swimming prize in our school swimming contest. And so I believe that these interesting things will be helpful in shaping one's personality.

Based upon the aforementioned reasons, I concede the merits of the statement, but I points out that efficiency is more important than devoting long time, and holiday not only gives us opportunity to relax but also allow us to learn some things interesting. So I hold the view that students would not receive a better education if they were required to attend classes for 11 months of a year.
nickyzhi   
Sep 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / Responsible tourists to preserve about culture and environment [5]

Culture and environment has been attracted many focus from mature travelers and a lot of citizens are assumed that

I suggest that you can split it to two sentence, to make it more clear.

I totally agree that there is unable to

Use "It is unable to" may be better

nature of tourists.

I don't really know what do you mean of "nature of tourists "
Is it culture?

The main reason why ... is because

No need of because

It is embrassed for I don't know how to reply with the format as others do...
and pay attention to vangie's suggestion, which is always helpful. :)
nickyzhi   
Sep 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Cars have had a greater impact on the society than airplanes. [2]

The simple prompt is:
Do you agree or disagree with the statement? Cars have had a greater impact on the society than airplanes.
essay is stated below, thank you all advance:)

It is always a controversial issue that whether car or airplane has exerted a more profound influence on the society. A large amount of people will say America, the most advanced nation, is a nation on the wheel, and the car is a part and parcel of our life! However, I fundamentally disagree with the statement on account of it underestimates the significance of airplanes.

Admittedly, automobiles have greatly facilitated our lives and hence definitely have a great impact on our society. The example of our daily life will understand this point. We drive car to malls and buy fashion clothes, ambulance takes patients to hospital in emergency circumstance, policeman drives car to deal with criminal. These examples exactly suggests automobiles have filtered into everywhere of our lives. While there are truly some merits for cars, it does not erase the fact that airplane is the more important factors in our society.

First and foremost, airplane has a great influence on the development of our society. For transportation, traveling by airplane amounts to far more than saving plenty of time, it also guarantee the safety of guests. Even though the closest MH370 arouses some suspicion, according to a latest Nation Transportation Survey in U.S, there are least accidents when flying in the sky. For economy, consider, for example, Apple and Nike, the most popular technology company and sport company, set tremendous industries in underdevelopment country, such China and Vietnam. Once products have produced by these industries, they will transported to America for sale within the shortest time, by airplane. So this pattern of producing has greatly promoted the development of these underdevelopment countries, which, in a sense, can be attributed to airplane. Therefore, airplane have a great impact on economy and transportation.

Moreover, airplane really enriches our life. With the development of online shopping, it becomes more and more convenient to buy anything quickly and cheaply. It is a ordinary scenario that you buy an iphone6 yesterday, you will be asked to sign for your packet at morning today. It's no exaggeration to say that airplane can take all the credits. So airplane really facilitates our life. In addition, airplane will always be a surprise for children. I remember on my fifteen years old birthday, my farther took me traveling by plane. It is really amazing when I felt flied across white cloud and blue sky, which will always in my memory. Therefore, airplane facilitates our life and makes us feel better.

To sum up, I concedes that cars really change our life, but I hold the firm view that airplane has a great impact on our society, because it not only affects the transportation and economy, but also has a impact on our daily life.
nickyzhi   
Sep 15, 2014
Undergraduate / My Community - The Classical Musicians; University of Michigan [2]

hey sooy,

here are some unprofessionally suggestions.

the ability to be to be apart of

Since classical music is played around the world
how about is playing ?

every corner of the globeworld

a lot of them being your close friendsbeing may be inappropriate

you did a good job in the last paragraph :)
nickyzhi   
Sep 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / My girlfriend says that money is everything, but we need yet have more care about public recognition [2]

The complete prompt is:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People care more about public recognition than about money. Even if no more money is given, public recognition can still make people work harder.

And essay is stated below, thank you all in advance :)

When I ask my girlfriend which do you prefer, money or public recognition, she shouts:" Definitely money, money is everything!" Though many, like my girlfriend, agree that money can buy anything you want, only one thing can help someone, such as politician or teacher, earn true reputation, only one thing meet the highest level pursuit of human beings, that is public recognition. That is way I believe that people care more about public recognition than money.

Admittedly, money has proven to be an integral part of our lives because it allows us live a better life. Eating and drinking use money, giving an fancy gift to my mother needs money, and the house and car are also bought by money. These example shows the overwhelming importance of money in our life. While money contributes so many to our life, people fail to consider there are so many people from various field are working not for money, which is not our truly pursuit.

First and foremost, people from various fields are working not for money. For politicians, public recognition is the determining factor of their future. They give speak everywhere, do some charitable things and propagate their position everywhere to earn good reputation. While money plays an important role in their electoral process, it never erase the decisive influence of public recognition. With regard to teacher, to give examples, a teacher of mine, named Lin, in senior high school, is my most respectful teacher. I remember she usually work hard to mid-night even the salary is low, she said:" I don't think the essence of my job, teacher, is earn money, but educating, and eliciting the potential of my students" She earned her reputation after years of hard-work. I don't think she care more about money, but as the saying of this statement, even if no more money is given, public recognition can still make her work harder.

Moreover, the highest level pursuit is public recognition. According to the Maslow's hierarchy of needs, as the highest level, self-actualization and esteem are higher than basic physiological needs. It is true that for homeless people, it is ridiculous to talk about public recognition and esteem, but for most of us, self-actualization and esteem, that is public recognition, are more important than physiological needs, that is money. In a sense, the goal of pursuing money is to chase our public status or public recognition. Consequently, since public recognition is a higher level pursuit, surely we care more about it than money.

To sum up, I concede my girlfriend is right in a sense, but I hold the firm view that we have more care about public recognition.
nickyzhi   
Sep 16, 2014
Essays / The topic i chose is DEATH! with the technique of narrative essay [6]

hey ylarial,

I am not native and expert of narrative writer, but as far as I know, Narrative can be organized in a number of thematic and/or formal/stylistic categories: non-fiction (e.g. New Journalism, creative non-fiction, biographies, and historiography); fictionalized accounts of historical events (e.g. anecdotes, myths, and legends); and fiction proper (i.e. literature in prose, such as short stories and novels.

So I think it's better for you design a outline first, and make it clear of everyone's relative. Then you can start to write! and actually, you can always get lots of help form here.
nickyzhi   
Sep 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: different types of tasks endow more colors to our life [2]

The detailed prompt:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Workers would be much happier if they are doing different types of tasks during their workday than doing the same task.

Thanks in advance. :)

In my family, the argument topic between my father and mother always involves my father's job. Five years ago, he quitted his 20 years job as an architectural engineer, and became a landscape painter. Every time I asked him why, he will say, seriously," I am done, doing this same work for 20 years and I really want to try some different, that is all." While there are innumerous people will deem it ridiculous and argue doing the same task is the meaning of job, but from my perspective, I am on the side of my father.

Most of workers have adapted to do same task. It allows us to achieve more. As a authoritative dentist in my province, my mother has worked for 25 years. Gandhi devoted his whole life to fight against British-ruled government and inspire movements for civil rights in India, finally he became the father of the nation. These examples make it obvious that great achievement needs someone keen on one task for long time. While when it comes to "happier", different type of jobs can be responsible factor.

Doing different tasks makes employees and employers much happier. Workers, who work for an ordinary company or industry, will be sick of same tasks day by day. Although they can be familiar with their job, changing of job is what serve to their happier. Changing the type of work will be fresh and elicit their potential to adapt a new environment, which, according to psychology theories, makes workers relaxed and happier. To set another example, consider every workers have ability to do several kinds of work, employers will be satisfied by the generating benefits. They both will be happy because the change of job, not the same task day by day.

Different types of tasks during workday brings more challenges, making life colorful. Just like a song, if I did not have challenge, life would be blue. As an engineering researcher, I will surely be disappointed for failure, and exited for new challenges. New challenges from different tasks amounts far more than more works, it also means through dealing with it, I will obtain more knowledge and experience. As the saying of a Chinese writer, the color of life is rooted not in Japanese cherry blossom or Canadian maple leaf, but rather there always exists new things and challenge. After all, doing same task day and night just server to increase our psychological burden, connecting with different types of job is capable give us more colors to our life.

To sum up, I admire my father's choice, while the same task give us opportunities to be an expert, like my mom, I still hold the firm view that different types of tasks endow more colors to our life.
nickyzhi   
Sep 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: "My shy girlfriend" - people should be honest [3]

DETAILED PROMPT:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should state their honest opinions even though they know others might disagree with them.

Sorry for some essay of mine possess same feel to read, I'm try to unify my essay so that I can write it quickly and better.

Thanks in advance :)

I have a beautiful, brilliant but a little shy girlfriend, every time during the class discussion, she is always capable of finding other's fault, then writes it to me and encourages me to speak out. Once I asked her why she can't say it by herself, she explained," I don't think it is polite so I'll let you do this" Though many, like my girlfriend, are not willing to state their honest and different opinion, I believe there is only one thing can make the class or lecture more polite and acceptable, only one thing can help us make progress from conversation, that is honest, which means directly points out the honest views, even though it contradicts other's. I'm not mean to blame my girlfriend, but that's why I agree with the statement.

Hiding honest opinion indeed has some merits in business office. Take my friend, nicky, for example. He works in a technology company, which is managed by an polymath of interactive design. Once the manager proposed an idea about a product, this idea has fantastic surface design but its technology is, at least now, unattainable. Every engineering employee knows this fact but no one has courage to say no publicly. Nicky pointed out the reason is they don't want to bother the manager and lose job. This example illustrates the plausible benefit from hiding honest opinion, but people have failed to realize the fact that honest opinion would be helpful in other scenarios.

Expressing honest opinions is a polite way in class or lecture. As we all know, teachers always encourage us to show our honest opinions, even which are different from others or teacher's. Consider, a teacher puts a question and a possible answer to urge students to express their own point of view, but there are no one dares to say anything, it would be impolite, and may cause embarrassment for the teacher. To set another example, when a famous professor is giving lecture to we students, if there are no interaction, it would be boring and not so impressed. So expressing different opinions is a polite and correct way, even if it may makes argument. However, in a sense, argument is helpful.

To sum up, I don't think my girlfriend's behavior is advocated, but I believe that expressing your own honest opinions has plenty of benefits.
nickyzhi   
Sep 19, 2014
Graduate / TOEFL: 'anticipation of more intelligent class discussions'; teaching is harder than it once was [3]

While you do present some interesting topics in defense of your thesis, I believe that the prompt is asking for something deeper than a comment about the technical aspect of teaching such as methodologies or spoiled kids and demanding parents. I would suggest that you try discussing this essay from another point of view, the view that because of technology and the advent of the internet, teachers need to stay one step ahead of their students. So they need to be able to anticipate more complex and confusing questions from students.

I happened to write an outline about this topic !!! how do you think of it? lol :)

Nowadays, as the technology is developing rapidly, the massive of information gives more challenge to both teacher and student. As my mom, a teacher with 20 years of experience, said:" I think I'm trapped in a big obstacle, my students are more and more tough, my teaching skill seems cannot meet present requirement." While some people hold that technology construct a immediate and access-easily bridge between teacher and student, I claim that it is harder for my mon and other teachers to teacher than it was in the past.

Admittedly, high-tech equipment is beneficial for teaching.

Receiving more and more information, students are capable of suspect all the conclusion from teacher.

Teachers are supposed to make tireless efforts to keep up with developing knowledge and science.

To sum up, the new challenge from students and changing world cannot be counterbalanced by several high-tech tools. My mother, alone with many other teachers, are facing unprecedented challenges, in the meantime, it can elicit teacher's potential ability to contribute a more comprehensive and advanced education to students.
nickyzhi   
Sep 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / "Treaty No.7" - The TV show that I like the most [2]

hey neoy,

There are some clear faults in your grammar, I'll pick it out :)

but the program has brought

how about but the a program has brought

who have special circumstances to become a reality.

which will come ture in special circumstances.

when that it talked about a guy, who had Wilson disease

there is a guy with Wilson disease.

he was not only overcame fate of himself also had a warm heart.

I can't figure it out this sentence's meaning.

to beg for money

begging money
nickyzhi   
Sep 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: excellent knowledge is better than ability to adopt oneself. [4]

detailed prompt:
Do you agree or disagree with the statement, in order to succed in doing a new job, the ability to adapt oneself in a new environment is more important than excellent knowledge of this job.

I write it in limited time, so there is no time for me to rewrite it by better sentence, but still need your suggestion of this essay. Thanks in advance :-)

With the rapid development of economy, the controversial of good worker's requirement is always in a limelight. A large number of people will say the ability to adapt oneself to a new environment is necessary, because it is the basic communication skill for a new worker. From my perspective, there is only one thing would be beneficial to company, and there is only one way to be an outstanding worker, that is possessing excellent knowledge of this job. That's why I believe that the excellent knowledge of this job will be more significant.

Admittedly, the ability to adapt oneself to the new environment has been proven to be part of job. This ability is helpful in communicating with other workmates, cooperating with other workers needs this ability, too. But working alone is a longer-term job than communicating, that is, the ability of adapting oneself to a new environment may be necessary for a fresh worker, but the excellent knowledge of this job will be benefit till one leave.

The company will benefit from every worker of excellent knowledge. The core and most profitable technology of an IT company is invented by a worker with excellent computer knowledge, not a worker with outstanding communicating skill. The high reputation and popularity of a company is earned by some brilliant workers in public relation department with excellent skill to propagate this company. So the company will earn more money and reputation from these workers with excellent knowledge.

Employees will obtain reward from hard-work pursuing excellent knowledge. Through our whole study life, undergraduate and graduate, we keep learning with the purpose of exerting these knowledge and experience on our job, just like an old Chinese scholar said, the essence of study is utilizing it. After we get a job, the destination of we keep accumulating and collecting knowledge is rooted not in fawn on our manager with the ability to adapt this kind of business culture, but in making us excellent and totally master this job. Finally, we will be rewarded with pride. That's why we can obtain reward from out excellent knowledge.

To sum up, I would have to say that although we can use the ability of adapting oneself in a new environment, the excellent knowledge will be of more importance. Because it can not only benefit our employers, but also ourselves will be rewarded.
nickyzhi   
Oct 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / medical treatment ielts test question [7]

in regards to

with regard to

Other

other sectors

It is important not to disregard the need of

kind of confused

has a means to

equip a method to
nickyzhi   
Oct 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / Zebra mussel - integrated writing: zebra mussel - TOEFL [2]

This is an essay for toefl integrated writing, I'm looking forward suggestions not about content, but about grammar and means of expression, Thank you in advance!

As can be seen in the reading passage, there are several reasons to believe the invasion of zebra mussel cannot be stopped, however, the lecturer rejects all of reasons.

First of all, the reading passage utilizes the history spread of zebra mussel to conclude that this species will soon colonize all of North America. Yet the lecturer says the unstoppable history invasion can be attribute to lack of knowledge of past people, he points out that zebra mussel spread out by ship in the ballast water, which is important for zebra mussel, and it must be fresh water. So nowadays, people can get rid of zebra mussels by substitute the fresh water with sea water in order to kill the zebra mussels, which cannot be survive in soil water.

In addition, the stand in the listening material casts doubt on the theory about dominating new habitat. The lecturer believes that zebra mussels will dominate the new habitat at beginning, but then there will be new predators, like birds, eat zebra mussels, in other words, this new predator will prevent zebra mussels from dominating.

Finally, with regard to the fish population, it is true that zebra mussels will have impact on some fish population, but not all kinds of fish. The lecturer says the process of zebra mussels eat plankton will provide enough nutrients for the bottom fish, and then lead to a increase of this kind of fish.
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