Writing Feedback / Volunteerism to be a main part in Higschool Programmes [2]

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of highschool programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children.

To what extent you agree and disagree ?

Pros and cons have occurred to make student volunteering as one of main part in high school programmes. Some people say it is recommended while some others argue this points of view. In this essay, I tend to agree with this idea since volunteerism could give a sense to care with others and train a softskill of highschool students.

Taking part in social activity make students take an attention to others who need help. This is because they will feel another people who have a sorrow life and try to making an improvement of their lives with a sustainable term of action. As an example when in the university, I directed a program which named Sambang Deso. Sambang Deso was a program where our team need lived in a village in 2 weeks and try to analyze a solutions for villagers uneducated problem with a highly poverty rate. We implemented an solution along 2013 and generated an impact to them with built a library and taught a good system of irrigation for their paddyfield. It was an evidence that develop a poor and uneducated person will accustom student to be a caring people.

Gain a sofkills is an addition to convict that volunteerism is a positive way to be a crucial part of highschool programmes. A most acceptable reason is being a volunteer make them either to teach children or to solve a social epidemic. For instance, one of my friend in sambaing deso project (Our Project Assistant) at the moment become a Corporate Social Responsibility staff in his company. Eventhough Sambang Deso was a minor social project, he told me it made an enormous improvement for him. He told me that one of the reason he was accepted by the company were had a highly skills to design a program and also make a solution to social problem. It is one of another argumentation if an unpaid community service have developed our capability in general.

To conclude, I acquiesce that to be a volunteers in social project have a many benefit, a convinced argument is to escalate their support to another people lives also developing their soft skills time by time.

Writing Feedback / Energy usage in Australia; proportion of House Equipment Category / greenhouse gas emissions [3]

Please give feedback and score.

A breakdown of proportion of House Equipment Category which have been used frequently by Australian household that was presented in first pie chart, while the second pie chart showed the percentage of greenhouse gas emissions which was produced by household equipment.

Overall, heating category hit the highest percentage of household equipment which frequently used by Australian Family. In the other hand, water heating category was containing a large quantity of greenhouse emissions among others.

Heating and water hwas used by 42 % and 30 % Family in Australia, while cooling and heating only obtain 2 % and 4 % respectively. The rest 22 % Australian Household was using refrigeration and other appliances for their activity.

For the result of their daily energy use, water heating generated 32 % Greenhouse emissions while Heating only produce 15 %. Refrigeration and other aplliances produced 20 % greenhouse emissions more than they was used ( Used by 22 % Australian Family ). For the last, Cooling and Lighting got the lowest side effect by 3 % and 8 % respectively.

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Writing Feedback / The proportion of the pass rate in the student competency test based on subjects and genders 2010-11 [2]

IELTS TASK 1 ; the percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams

The bar chart highlights the proportion of the pass rate in the student competency test based on subjects and genders between 2010 and 2011 academic year. Overall, female students had a significant pass rate which was higher than male students.

Both students obtained the highest percentage in Computer Science, Mathematics and Foreign languages which obtained over 40 % separately in this particular subjects. In addition, either boys or girls in Mathematics, Foreign Languages and Physics attained a roughly similar results. However, girls had a slightly better results in history which got 25, 6 %, while boys only reached 22, 9 %.

In the chemistry, Girls had a slightly better result than boys which constituted about 30, 2 % and 14, 1 % particularly. Simultaneously, girls got approximately 14, 2 % larger than boys in computer science. Geography was only subjects which showed a different report which the pass rate of boys constituted about 30,4 % while girls composed 20,1 % in their competency exam.

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Writing Feedback / TASK 1 ; Qualifications for English Language Teachers obtained 2007/8 and 2008/9, UK [3]

The table below shows the number of students living in the UK gaining English language teacher training qualifications in 2007/8 and 2008/9, and the proportion of male qualifiers.

A breakdown of data about the total number of students who acquire two types of English Teacher Qualification Training between 2007/8 and 2008/9 which is compared in table. Overall, it is noticeable that female students obtains higher quantity than male in both categories while TEFL is more popular than Cambridge UCLES CELTA & other degrees after being measured by the number of qualifiers.

TEFL had a predominant number of participator than Cambridge UCLES CELTAS & other degrees within two years. While TEFL attained around 25.000 participators, Cambridge UCLES CELTAS & other degrees only composed about 6000 qualifiers in two respective years. However, Cambridge UCLES CELTA & other degrees showed a slight increase by approximately 650 while TEFL roughly fell by 529 in the second year.

Move to more detail analysis, it was clearly seen that even though, the number of female qualifiers was higher than man in both exams, they also experienced a small decrease from 18.460 to 18.446 in TEFL in a year. Meanwhile, in both types of the test, the number of male tailed of about 200-300 students over two years period. Consequently, the male percentage have never reached 30 % neither in TEFL nor in Cambridge UCLES CELTAS & other degrees under review period.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1; Describe the diagram about nuclear reactor [3]

The diagram reveals the information about processing of steam which use a gas-cooled nuclear reactor. Overall, It is noticeable that the production of steam requires three chief steps.

To begin, the water is injected through gas blower, after being injected then the water turns into cool gas duct. Following this, the cool gas duct is flowed into a shield which is made by concrete

In the second stage of the processing, the cool gas duct is heated by an uranium fuel element which have a assign to provide energy and to heat the cool gas duct. At this point, pressure vessel, graphite moderators are also have a dominant effect to control the process of reaction. In order to turn cool gas duct into hot gas duct, fuel charge tubes and boron is required to maintain heating process.

In the final phase, subsequently, hot gas duct is changed a form into steam. After being processed, hot gas duct is eventually turned into steam and is shot by turbo-alternator to the free air.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 ; Unemployment is a big disaster. [3]

The rate of jobless person have been in high-level in the past years. The huge number of people who cannot achieve a higher education become the strongest reason. Besides, one of the problem which put into a consideration is the high rate of bankrupt companies in the recent years. The considerable solutions to deteriorate that issues are the tuition fee for higher education institution should be free. The other opinion to cope with the issues are to encourage all the citizen to be an entrepreneur.

The rate of less-educated person shows the enormous increase in recent years. This is because the amount of cost for higher education is expensive. While the cost is overpriced, most of the requirement for job vacancy requires a minimum of bachelor degree. For example, according to Cambridge Research, 80% of the company in most of the countries requires a bachelor degree as a minimum requirement. As the result, most of people cannot accomplish the higher education in the university eventually be an unemployment. Their latest education which is not a bachelor degree as the reason of repudiation.

The huge numbers of bankrupt company become one of "eye-catching" problem. The reason is an economic crisis in all over the world forces most of the companies reach an end. For instance, Nokia who leads a phone Industry in 90's era was bankrupt because of economic inflation and competitor challenges. As account of this, all the employee evolve into jobless.

As a candle in the dark, to cope with an unemployment disaster issues, there are two possible solutions offered. Firstly, the tuition fee of college should be discarded by the institution so that most of the people could obtain a higher education. Taking Germany as an example, it has implemented that policy, resulting a decline unemployment rate by 23 %. Secondly, government should give a support measure for local businessman and small enterprise, such as giving a subsidy for the local enterprise development and reducing tax for the small enterprise. The supportive policy have a beneficial effect to generate an entrepreneur generation who is not dependent on remain work field.

As a summary, the two main reasons of unemployment is a lack of higher education and the work fields cannot accommodate the high demand of jobs. Meanwhile, the abolishment of tuition fees and the production of a supportive policy to encourage the people to be an entrepreneur are the considerable solutions to cope with the issues.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 ; GLOBAL WARMING one of extremely serious problem [NEW]

Our world encounters global warming as one of extremely serious problem. Global warming is a consequence of several factors. However, government has viable policies to tackle the problems.

Uncontrolled industrial effluents contaminate the atmosphere with a large amount of pollutant. This is because many of industry still containing a lot of materials which are fiercely harmful for the nature. For instance, according to the research from University of Airlangga, the smoke from Lapindo Brantas factory in Sidoarjo spreads CO2 and CH4 gases which have catastrophic effect for the environment. In these research, smoke from the plant is number one the most influencial factors lead to global warming. Moreover, a high number of private transport also chip in degrading of environment quality. Secreting carbon monoxide and generating greenhouse gas emissions become a considerable reason why a high number of private car are considered resulting global warming.

There are few feasible policies that could be made for tackling this problem. First, government should oblige the industrial company to cultivate trees around the plant because it could neutralize the atmosphere which is contaminated by dire gases. Besides, the fare of public transport should be reduced. Reducing public transport fare could encourage people to choose public transport rather than private car. Taking china as an example, they abolish public transport fare for the inhabitants. As the result, the number of people using public transport is higher than private car.

To sum up, the effluents of factory and harmful gas emissions from the huge number of private car are the main factors while government could take wrought policy such as; government should oblige the industrial company for cultivating the trees around the factory. In addition, reducing public transport fare to encourage people to use public transport could be considered as rigorous policy.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 ; Children play computer games become pros and cons [2]

hey everyone :) this is my new essay therefore i hope for comment and score prediction for this IELTS part 2. Thank you.

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games.
What are the negative and positive impacts of playing games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects?
Many people in the various ages use computer for different purposes. For the children, they tend to use computer for playing games. Even though playing games have predominantly negative effects, it is evident that there are rigorous solutions to deal with. In addition, there is a positive effect which will be enclosed in this essay.

Children have a tendency to play games more than studying. This is because there are a paradigm in the most of the children that playing games is an interesting activity while they assume that studying is a bored one. Taking research from faculty of neurology at University of Oxford as a reference, the researcher found that children's brains show immense amount of serotonin while playing games 3 times more than studying. As an additional information, an imminent frequency is revealed by their brain while they learn about lesson book in a school. Resulting to this, it is clear that why children have a predilection to play games more than study whereas studying at school hold an important role as their primary education.

However, games train children to solve the problems quickly. The reason is, while playing games they are insisted to break the high level of difficulty in every section of the game, For instance, I personally experienced that sort of games such as Grand Theft Auto was demanding us to think hurriedly or killed by the enemies. As a result, children will learn about strategy and motoric skills which are useful when they encounter a real life. Additionally, I believe that games constitute many positive effects. Despite there are negative effects, it will be minimize by sort of actions Such as the parent's supervision. That is why parents hold the important role to cope with the negative effects. Parents could make a schedule to manage the amount of playing time for children so the negative effects will be solved preventively.

As a summary, although children have a tendency to play games more than studying, parents could tackle this problem with scheduling time for playing games. The positive effect such as train the children to solve the problem instantly could be extracted from playing games.